I remember my final week of Summer Camp. I was in the Weeniechoke Mountains when I had my first experience with a girl. Her name was Michelle Branch. Not the singer, but a branch I named Michelle. This final week of Summer Camp is equally less-than-ideal for some bullpens. “Certain teams with uncertain ninths.” That’s me being poetic. Michelle Branch would’ve appreciated it. So, Keone Kela hit the IL. As I said in Friday’s Buy, “Kyle Crick stands to act as the Pirates’ closer for at least the re-opening. Crick is also one of the few players who will have a cheering section in the fan-less stadiums.” And that’s me quoting me! Since then, Crick gave up four earned in a third of an inning vs. the Indians and I’m checking my watch for Kela’s return. Nick Burdi is lurking there too, but you’re speculating two deep on a pen that might get ten total saves? Next up, Roberto Osuna hasn’t thrown off the mound yet and, when asked when Osuna would, Dusty said, “We don’t have any answers.” Dusty is reassuring as always! I think Osuna will be fine, since he’s with the team, but Ryan Pressly is there, and ain’t no hound dog. (Sorry. Moving on…) Giovanny Gallegos‘s undisclosed reasons for being away have turned into he’s ‘dis close’ to rejoining the Cards’ bullpen. Likely can tear up your Ryan Helsley shares, they’re doing a backwards STONKS. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Gregory Polanco – Tested positive for Covid. The Pirates’ lineup depth is kiddie pool shallow, and I saw Adam Frazier now as their three-hole hitter, and I cackled for a good five minutes. Yeah, the Pirates are buying free agents and trying to get better. Riiiiiiiiiiight. Yes, eleven I’s.
Ke’Bryan Hayes – Tested positive for Covid. *opens window, casually sticks head out* NOOOOOOOOOO! *casually pulls head back in, shuts window* So, that sucks.
Jordan Zimmermann – Out for likely the season with a forearm strain. Zimmermannia is not running rampant this year. Too bad the Tigers don’t have any prospect pitchers they could use in his place, which is what I say to throw people off the scent of Matt Manning and Casey Mize.
Kyle Tucker – Dusty said Tucker will get quite a bit of action this year. Like running to get his toothpicks. I kid, this is actually good news with some opening in the Astros’ lineup for Tucker to see at-bats. I’m intrigued, y’all!
Lourdes Gurriel – Dealing with something oblique, but not oblique like “undisclosed” but oblique like oblique. Hopefully he’s fine, because he’s one of my major breakouts I’m relying on (for like three days until I start picking up and dropping everyone off waivers). Also, not sure if you heard but the Blue Jays maybe playing in Buffalo this year. Rudy dug into park factors, and it’s all in his fantasy baseball projections. I did some scientific research of my own:
— Razzball (@Razzball) July 18, 2020
Carter Kieboom – Will share time at 3rd base this year with Asdrubal Cabrera, and Kieboom’s fantasy value went kie-blowie. This is not good news, hoping for a “psych” from Dave Martinez. Or a psych eval.
Yasiel Puig – Tested positive for Covid, and we can’t have anything nice, and now Puig is no longer signed by the Braves because this fiery hellball we call earth is overrun with microscopic germs that don’t like us to have wonderful. Damn, you microbes! Seriously, anything that small ever that good? And don’t answer Jose Altuve, he was cheating. So, Rudy and I have removed Puig from our rankings, because if he’s not healthy for two weeks, and then needs to sign again, teams may wait until end of July to sign him, and bleh. It’s not good.
Freddie Freeman – Could be ready to start the year. Welp, I’m not moving him up in my rankings, but that’s the problem with discounting guys based on Covid. Their timetable is more oblique than obliques. If I had a draft in the final few days before the season, I’d prolly risk a Freeman pick again in the top 20 overall.
Josh Tomlin – Signed by the Braves. Nothing for fantasy, but in real life teams are crazy to not be signing guys like this. Their rotations are going to be in such disarray by mid-July, if not sooner.
Domingo German – Wrote an Instagram post that said he’s leaving baseball, then deleted it. He blamed the Instagram filter, Dramatic Exits.
Eduardo Rodriguez – Arrived in Boston and said, “Can’t I get some red clam chowder?” What a sellout! Actually, he said he hopes to be in the rotation soon.
Collin McHugh – Opted out. Red Sox pitching looks as bad as Orioles’ pitching; that’s not a joke. I mean, they’re a joke, but I’m not joking about it. So pathetic. When did the Red Sox become Small Market Bozos? Absolutely ridiculous. Any hoo! McHugh wasn’t even in my top 500, so I opted in…on smarts!
Yonny Chirinos – Was away from the team for undisclosed reasons, which are disclosed by saying “undisclosed reasons.” Rays expect Chirinos to be ready by opener. It’s always about openers with the Rays.
Willie Calhoun – Could be ready for Re-Opening Day. Willie be healthy — it’s a statement and a question.
John Means – Day-to-day with a dead arm. Great for reenacting Weekend at Bernie’s, not great for pitching.
Logan Morrison – Made the Brewers. Not sure if that’s in place of or in addition to Ryon Healy, Brock Holt, Jedd Gyorko or Ben Gamel. So many great names, will be hard for them to pick who has to spray each batter with hand sanitizer after a home run.
Carlos Martinez – Sounds like he’s going to be in the rotation, which is what I’ve been saying since January, when I ranked him in my top 60 starters. Mah gawd, this preseason has been longer than The Irishman.