It didn’t take long for Josh Beckett to cause people to question the heart of the Dodgers staff. ¬†And they didn’t even have to send them a Valentine. ¬†Look, we wouldn’t wish a heart issue on anyone¬†but of all the Dodger closers over the years, why Kenley Jansen? ¬†Why not Steve Howe?¬†¬†He was a coke fiend. ¬†Or Eric Gagne?¬†¬†He was a steroid/HGH fiend. ¬†Or Jonathon Broxton.¬†¬†He looks like he was on the Josh Beckett diet every day of the week. ¬†This is the same condition that sent Kenley to the DL last year and I wouldn’t be surprised to see the same this year. ¬†It’s not really something to mess with (or joke about, except in certain instances, apparently. ¬†Don’t worry, I won’t joke about anything else ever again that should be taken seriously. ¬†Instead, I will be a model citizen and make suggestions to help make the world a better place — Hey, for Kenley, maybe Magic could reach out to the doctor who helped him beat AIDS.) ¬†Yesterday, Ronald Belisario¬†got the save and he’s been terrific this year, but I can’t help to think Mattingly will go to¬†Brandon League for saves because of that unquantifiable, ever-elusive-until-someone-trusts-you-to-get-saves closer experience. ¬†Then again, this is also the guy who willingly shaved his mustache. ¬†Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! ¬†Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to quickly mention that yesterday’s¬†fantasy football podcast had Sean Salisbury and our very own, Rudy Gamble. ¬†Glory be the hole that wonders spew from! ¬†I just made up that saying. ¬†Pretty good, huh? ¬†Anyway II, the roundup:
Matt Kemp – Missed yesterday’s game, but his CAT scan and MRI came back clean, and that was after a full day at the clinic carousing with an X-ray machine. ¬†Kemp should be back in the lineup in the next day or two. ¬†I’m putting my hands together in the “Here’s the church, here’s the steeple, here’s the people” formation and writing Kemp’s name on my palms.
Joe Blanton – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks in Coors. ¬†If you started Blanton in this game, you have balls of steel, which brings me to my question: ¬†How is it going through airport security?
A.J. Ellis – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer. ¬†He’s hitting near .400 over the last week and hit his first homer since August 3rd. ¬†He’s also hitting .283 for the year. ¬†According to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, Ellis has been the 17th best catcher or about as valuable as John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt. ¬†In other words, Ellis seems like he’s having a better year than he is. ¬†In other other words, if you’re Doc’ing Ellis for no steals or counting stats, you’re not on LSD.
Hanley Ramirez – 1-for-5 with his 2nd homer in as many games. ¬†He’s now hitting .256 on the year. ¬†His ground balls are down (not literally), his line drive rate is up and so is his K-rate. ¬†He looks like he’s been unlucky, but not enough to shoot his average up to a .300+ that he was doing prior to his career coming off the rails last year. ¬†His position eligibility and speed/power combo will keep his value afloat, but he’s looking a lot more like a .270-.280 hitter than a .300-.340 one.
Chris Nelson – 3-for-5 with a run and RBI for his 2nd three hit day in his last three games. ¬†Also, hitting around .350 over the last week. ¬†A source says Chris Nelson could get you a 10/5 season with good counting stats. ¬†The source is me. ¬†For now, he’s just a hot bat in a nice ballpark through Sunday. ¬†Act like you know, MC Lyte!
Logan Morrison – Ozzie said regarding Logan in Spring Training, “I don‚Äôt plan to play LoMo in B games, in minor league games to see how it works. …He‚Äôs got to work hard (to play in A games) because if he‚Äôs not he‚Äôs not going to have a job here.” ¬†About time someone got annoyed that Logan waited until this September to have knee surgery on a knee he hurt last September. ¬†I have a strong suspicion that Logan’s going to be playing somewhere else next year, maybe the Astros. ¬†He can protect Altuve in the lineup and from bullies.
Emilio Bonifacio – Sounds like he’ll be shut down for the year. ¬†Ozzie said, “”If you need to go in, clean it up, do it right now, and I‚Äôll see you in spring training.” ¬†Yesterday, Ozzie was cleaning house, giving Harriet a break.
Asdrubal Cabrera – Was ejected from the 1st inning yesterday for arguing balls and strikes. ¬†Mics close to the action overheard the argument. ¬†Asdrubal, “That ball was a strike?” ¬†Ump, “Is that rhetorical?” ¬†Asdrubal, “¬ŅQue?” ¬†Ump, “Yeah, you K’d!” ¬†Asdrubal, “¬ŅPorque?” ¬†Ump, “Who are you calling Porky?! ¬†You’re outta here!”
Josh Donaldson – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and a homer. ¬†Also in this game, Jason Donald homered for Cleveland. ¬†Elias Sports Bureau said this was the first time a Donald and son homered in the same game since the Trump Invitational¬†softball game, but before each Donald hit in that game all the fielders were fired.
Ryan Cook – Got the save yesterday because the the game was close when he entered in the 8th inning and then the A’s blew it open. ¬†Balfour is still the closer. ¬†On a related note, the save stat is totally screwy. ¬†If a pitcher comes into a close game in the 8th, protects the lead and then his team blows it open, that should be a Hold, not a Save. ¬†Not that the Hold stat makes more sense.
Mat Latos – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.79. ¬†Told you in the preseason he’d have no problem pitching outside of Petco. ¬†Too bad he did everything in his power to dissuade me of those feelings for the first three effin’ months of the season. ¬†I hate you, Mat Latos. ¬†My apologies to his wife who defends him on Twitter; she’s got her hands filled with cellphone self pics.
Billy Hamilton – Reds are reporting that Hamilton won’t be called up this September. ¬†On the bright side, SAGNOF TV would like to invite one lucky lady (out of our four lady readers) to Win a Date With Billy Hamilton.
Chris Heisey – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. ¬†I get it, whoever Dusty puts in left field hits. ¬†It’s the Ghost of George Foster. ¬†The Ghost of George Foster also haunts anyone who ever saw him showering in the locker room in the 1970’s. ¬†Dave Concepcion, “He’s so ugly, I haven’t been able to get an erection in 27 years.”
Huston Street¬†– Will be activated from the DL on Sunday and he’ll return to getting saves from¬†
Thayer¬† Gregerson¬† Layne¬†whoever is getting saves for the Padres. ¬†Yeah, I did the douchey cross-out writing thing that bloggers find hilarious. ¬†You’re welcome.
Tommy Hanson – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER in Petco. ¬†I said to Mmmdrop him after his last start. ¬†Things aren’t getting better here.
Hunter Pence – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer. ¬†Playing in Houston must’ve reminded Pence he can hit (2 HRs / .216 AVG from July 1st to yesterday). ¬†He’s playing like he’s worth his last name – am I right, British readers?
Matt Harvey – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. ¬†Will be shut down after about 25 more innings. ¬†He’s going to live with Johan Santana in the offseason and have him be his right-hand man while he is Johan’s left-hand man.
Frank Francisco – Has now closed out the third straight Mets save. ¬†Terry Collins (who?) would probably be the first to tell you he doesn’t really have any other options. ¬†That’s if you called him up and asked nicely.
Michael Fiers – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. ¬†You couldn’t get Michael Fiers if you were f*cking Michael Fiers! ¬†He’s now exactly 29 innings over his innings from last year. ¬†Don’t make Verducci take out the ruler!
Bryce Harper – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and two homers. ¬†You know who I really feel sorry for? ¬†All the clowns in the Washington, D.C. area, I’m including politicians.
Trayvon Robinson – 1-for-4 with a steal and his third steal in two days. ¬†I grabbed him in a 12 team mixed league before I even saw this game because I need steals. ¬†Here’s hoping he’s got some more SAGNOF in his gams going forward.
Yunel Escobar – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 8th homer. ¬†That’s for every childhood acquaintance who ever called him You-Smell.
Trevor Plouffe – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer. ¬†Plouffe goes the dynamite!
Josh Willingham – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 32nd homer. ¬†He’s now tied with Miggy for 6th in the majors in homers to go along with 94 RBIs, which is third in the majors. ¬†Oh. ¬†Wait, what? ¬†The Other White Meat is a top ten outfielder?! ¬†Holy Cheez-Its.
Pedro Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 26th homer. ¬†Finally, he’s making good on his positively-charged chemical symbol, PAl, which stands for Prosperous Aluminum bat-like numbers or just “Hey, PAl, where were these numbers last year?”
Wandy Rodriguez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. ¬†Wandy’s always been about average, but he’s actually been less than even that this year. ¬†All too often this year my birthday mate has been finding his earth sign to be SOS. ¬†With a K-rate under 6 and his highest xFIP in five years, this could be the last year where he’s rosterable in shallower mixed leagues.
Dylan Axelrod – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. ¬†Solid enough start, but I wouldn’t go anywhere near him, though I can understand how you could get seduced by his conglomeration of cool names.
Evan Longoria – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and two homers. ¬†If you give us 10 homers in September, I swear to never make another Eva Longoria crack.
B.J. Upton – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and a slam (16) and legs (25). ¬†Welcome Googlers of “Eva Longoria crack” + “B.J.” ¬†We won’t judge you here.
Javier Lopez – Got the save as no San Francisco pitcher in yesterday’s game threw more than two and two-thirds innings. ¬†Wow, Bochy’s taking the whole closer by committee thing to a new level.
Bud Norris – Exited his last start with a finger blister, but he’ll make his next start, so it’s not dire straits.
Jeff Samardzija – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (0 BBs), 10 Ks. ¬†Someone is going to be a fantasy baseballer’s (<–my mom’s term!) “I’m a smart drafter” pick du jour next year that will either make them look smart or leave them cursing the schmohawk in their league who drafts next year’s Lohse.
Anibal Sanchez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K. ¬†There’s a small bit of satisfaction seeing a guy you dropped have a good game, but still not get the Win or any Ks. ¬†A mild form of schadenfreude… Just a schmeer-of-freude, if you will.
Vance Worley¬†– Shutdown for the year. ¬†Having elbow surgery. ¬†His Mom, Jo Anne Worley, will be playing Madame Morrible in Wicked at Secaucus, New Jersey’s Theater in the Park, rain or shine. ¬†And that’s this week in the Worleys.
Cole Hamels¬†– Due to a¬†gastrointestinal illness, Hamels boweled out of yesterday’s start.