I hold a few blades a grass up, then toss them to test the wind. They just sorta fall to the ground and I’m not sure what that tells me. People in the stands are confused why I’m testing the wind to hit a baseball. I don’t know myself, to be honest. I step into the batter’s box, hit my cleats with the barrel of a torpedo and I set off a timer. The torpedo is going to explode in three minutes. The catcher freaks out, “Why are you batting with an actual torpedo?” I say, “Cause,” cooly, but I’m sweating, I misunderstood the assignment and I don’t know how to hit. The pitcher sees Aaron Judge hitting behind me though, so he throws me a meatball and I hit it with the torpedo, which explodes on impact and the baseball unravels into yarn like in The Natural. I’ve homered, I guess, and I don’t even know how to hit. The preceding was to illustrate what it’s like to hit in front of Aaron Judge, which is where we find Ben Rice. Unlike a lot of hot hitters in the early going, Rice actually looks like he’s hitting well. His Hard Contact% is way up and he’s lowered his strikeouts. We’ve seen this before from him in a small sample, but never quite this good. Maybe he does cool off at some point, but get in while the getting’s good. At worst, he’s producing WAR with a torpedo in front of Judge. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:
BUY
Sean Murphy – Welcome back, Sean Murphy! Nothing bad could ever happen to him. Not like there’s a Law named after him that means the worst things will always happen to him. Murphy’s Law may as well be only good things will happen to him from now on.
Carson Kelly – “That’s weird, wild stuff.” That’s Carson hearing how I drafted Miguel Amaya thinking he would actually start over Kelly.
Matt Mervis – Have Mervis in two NL-Only leagues and I benched him for his two-homer game last week, because: Smart.
Wilmer Flores – I’m absolutely not saying Wilmer is this guy this year, but every year we do get a “Jurickson Profar in 2024” season. Not meaning “a guy who takes PEDs and is good and not caught.” I mean a player who has a solid season for counting stats and ends up worthwhile for the whole year, if slightly unexciting. Wilmer could be that. Wilmer’s 2023 season was 23 HRs and .284. If he did that with 150 RuBIs, that would be Prothwhile (Profarable to some?).
Pavin Smith – More like Hittin’ Smith! Okay, I need a nap. [shuts eyes, five seconds later, eyes shoot open, claps hands] I’m back, baby!
Nick Kurtz – Could be called up. Dot dot dot. Or not. I have no idea. He’s ready, it’s just a matter of when the A’s are ready to call him up.
Jorge Polanco – Jo-Po sounds like a nickname for a prison, which makes sense since usually you don’t put in a FAAB for him, you do a three-month bid with him in an AL-Only.
Edmundo Sosa – Has been hitting well, according to the 7-Day Player Rater, which is actually just about all the guys in this post, but I will say I don’t know where Sosa’s playing.
Isiah Kiner-Falefa – Pirates are able to extract so much value from the Israeli Diner Falafel, it should make you mo’ happy, not Mossad.
Geraldo Perdomo – With Ketel out for God knows how long (I’m sure someone knows), Perdomo moved up in the order and he’s a .275 hitter neutrally, so there’s that.
Jacob Wilson – We love Bing Bong Stadium because it’s where they hit big-time bings and bongs. Thank you, SacTown, for making us believers in the allure of a half-empty 6,500 person capacity stadium.
Kyren Paris – The thing about guys who are breaking out for the whole season, a lot of times they start in April, I don’t think this is one of those situations. His numbers are goofy lucky. With that said, he might steal 30 bags this year because Ron Washington loves to run, and not just down some lines. Also: Kyren Paris fantasy.
Dylan Moore – With Victor Robles trying to imitate the Kool Aid Man, only saying “Oh, crap,” instead, Moore should have more playing time and has a ton of steals potential.
Trent Grisham – To the people who are saying, “Could Grisham be breaking out?” I love ya, but you sound legit nuts.
Andy Pages – Last week I benched Mervis for his two-homer game, and this week I benched Pages for his two-homer week. If you’re wondering how things are going for me in my NL-Only.
Sal Frelick – When I wrote this on Tuesday for Patreons, I saw he was hitting .378 with a .452 BABIP and a 16% Hard Contact rate and I did a literal laugh out loud. I got on the floor and rolled around laughing.
Harrison Bader – Sending him fan mail for his early-season hot hitting and addressing his mail to Master Bader.
Zac Veen – Just gave you my Zac Veen fantasy. It was written while screaming, “Snap!” at my fingers.
Hayden Wesneski – I’m intrigued in the big picture, but this is a Streamonator call, like the call it makes to the helicopter tour company.
Will Warren – There weren’t a ton of Streamonator calls for this weekend, so here’s Warren with iffy chances for success. “Will you fly a robot over the city and can I become the pilot’s best friend?” Streamonator so lonely!
Jose Alvarado – I don’t know if this is even a committee in Philly. It might just be his job. An itty bitty committee in Philly. Well, itty bitty committee in Philly, until May when Alvarado explodes and Kerkering becomes the closer for three weeks until he explodes. Phils haven’t had a stable bullpen for 17 years.
Anthony Bender – This is low-key one of the most surprising emerging closers of the early going. Not only thought for sure it was Faucher’s job in Miami, I also thought Faucher was good. Hopefully we still get a showdown between Vac Zeen and Faucher.
Tommy Kahnle – I will say this for bullpens right now, they feel more stable than recent years. There is only five committees, and one of those (Dodgers) feels less like a committee and more like they just win so many games that they need to mix and match more than some other teams. Tigers, how’sever, is a committee, and we know the only thing made better by committee is jerk seasoning.
Jason Adam – He had a 1.95 ERA last year with 81 Ks in 73 2/3 IP. This year? He’s pitching even better. To paraphrase Common, it doesn’t take a whole day as a beaver to recognize Adam.
SELL
Matt Olson – Getting old sucks. I know this because I asked someone who was old. I don’t have firsthand knowledge. I keep my shizz fresh by transfusing young men’s blood into my veins. If anyone sees my Craigslist ad, “Need young blood,” that’s me. I don’t need Joel Youngblood. Please stop sending me him. So, Olson needs some of that young blood too, because he looks like he got old. I thought in the preseason he was just coming off a slightly bad season because the entire Braves team was bad. Turns out, oops, Olson’s old. His numbers scream concerning. When an older player doesn’t strike out and makes contact, but does nothing with it, well, that’s the way of the aging vet who loses all value. See Joey Votto, see Arenado, see Goldschmidt, see sad face emojis. It may not be the end end, but I’d expect more like a 27-homer, .240 season from Olson, which is very yawnstipating. I wouldn’t trade him for a trip on a UFO where they confuse my earth skin with potato skins and stuff me with sour cream and chives, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.
