Trevor Bauer has a long history of not being great like he has long toss, which is to say he has it. Was that clear? Good. I’d hate to start us behind the eight ball for understanding one another. Unless it’s a Magic Eight Ball, then we’d be finishing each other’s sentences. But since you didn’t finish that sentence maybe our Magic Eight Ball says ‘Outlook: Cloudy.’ I feel like I just went into Home Depot, bought the color paint, Persimmon, then painted myself into a logic corner. Can we start again? Trevor Bauer’s history is as long as his long toss, which is to say he could throw from here to China, have the ball begin a trade agreement for fortune cookies, with us sending them to China, have fortune cookies become our number export over Kardashians and balance the budget, making Trump announce his running mate is Bauer’s ball from his long toss, the Ball Broker, as it’s colloquially known. That’s how long Bauer’s toss/history is. Long story short, Bauer’s been around a while. Long people short, Altuve. Bauer came up in 2013 with ‘He can be an ace’ pedigree, and failed. Then failed for three more years. Old dude I’m moving on, is what you’re thinking. Well, you’re thinking wrong. He’s only 25 years old. His velocity upticked to 93.3 MPH this year vs. 92.8 last year. His walks have always been issue. So far this year, not much of an issue. His Ks are always around 8.5, still there. His ground balls have been whatevs in the past. This year, they’re way up, which is to say down. Everyone has been burned by Bauer. Been there, need aloe for that. But he looks like he’s finally turned a corner, and he wouldn’t be the first pitcher in his third full year at the age of 25 to accomplish that. If you need a starter, I’d grab him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get to the Buy/Sell, I just wanted to say that we’re interviewing Jose Canseco on the podcast this week (assuming he doesn’t flake), so if you have questions, drop them in the comments and I’ll try to ask a few. Anyway II, the Buy/Sell:
Cody Reed – As the scouts say, Reed’s got plus-plus stuff. Scouts also scratch themselves in public, have a cheesy-onion odor and call everyone “kid.”
Daniel Mengden – I see Mengden’s K-rate and xFIP and I’m like, “Sign me up for some of that!” Then I see his velocity and I’m like, “How did I end up on this mailing list? Is there an unsubscribe button?” If nothing else, Mengden should be deep mixed league relevant at home.
Anthony DeSclafani – He’s looked solid, but this is more about his next matchup, according to the Stream-o-Nator. You know, the fantasy baseball streaming tool that just wants to be loved and cries itself to sleep at night. And by night I mean around 8:30 PM. “I’m gonna watch a Yes, Dear rerun then hit the hay.” Sniffle, sniffle.
Shawn Kelley – With Papelbon sidelined, Kelley’s the closer, but, for some reason, Dusty forgets how to use a closer once his regular closer is out. Dusty either brings Kelley into the middle of the ninth, the end of the eighth or not at all. I have a solution. When a player is out, let the replacement player wear the DL’d player’s jersey. Now, there’s no way for Dusty to get confused!
Kevin Siegrist – By tomorrow, Rosenthal will appear as locked in at closer as anyone who has ever lived. (Minus Rollie Fingers, I mean, his full name was Rolaids, which sponsors the closer of the year award.) Or Rosenthal will give up his 21st walk in his 25th inning, and look donezo. (Seriously. His WHIP is nearly 2!)
Willson Contreras – As I write this, he’s available in slightly more than 50% of leagues, which is the arbitrary cutoff for the Buys. Oddly enough, there is no arbitrary cutoff for Bi’s.
Mitch Moreland – I bet even if Moreland had an everyday job he’d still be available in 60% of leagues. He feels like a guy that will just always be available in most leagues. Adam Lind can sympathize. They could combine — Adamitch Morelind — and be available in over 50% of leagues.
Justin Bour – On our Player Rater, Bour has been more valuable than A-Gon this year. By the by, I told people to sell A-Gon about a month ago. The day after I said that, he hit a homer, and someone came into the comments saying I was a moron. That person has predictably disappeared.
A.J. Reed – I thought Reed would be up by now, and I’m starting to lose hope on whether he will be up at all. Or at least soon without an injury. The Astros seem content with Marwin/Valbuena. The Malbuena portmanteau of bleh.
Whit Merrifield – This guy’s last name sounds like my mom trying to recall a boxer’s name. “What was it again, Grey? Merri…field?”
Devon Travis – Has moved to the top of the lineup in Toronto, and as long as their protypical leadoff hitter, Bautista, is out, Travis should stay up there somewhere — specificity!
Javier Baez – Hitting .353 over the last week, and a mere three months ago you wanted to own him when he didn’t even have an everyday job. Or maybe that’s confirmation Baez.
Danny Espinosa – We want to hate him for prospblocking, but only one team in your league could’ve had Trea Turner. Everyone can have Danny Espinosa! Okay, technically, only one team can have Espinosa too, but usually that one owner, who picks him up, also drops him and then someone else can pick him up. Unless someone bogarts him, which is the only time Espinosa and anything remotely sounding like Xander Bogaerts will come into contact.
Scooter Gennett – In the last seven days, Gennett is hitting .360 with two homers and three phone calls to mom, Vespa, and dad, Harley.
Juan Uribe – By the time you read this it may already be too late to pick up Uribe. His hot streaks are ethereal like Tilda Swinton’s hair.
Didi Gregorius – Let me see what you can do Gregorius D.I.D. because I see some waiver wire grabs tonight who should be havin’ my baby. Bay-bee.
Max Kepler – Member those novelty baseball cards in the 80s that would feature Bud Black and Vida Blue and be called, “Black and Blue?” There should be one with Altuve and Kepler called, “Kepler’s Elf.”
Albert Almora – Weird how some prospects come up with all the glory wrapped in a loin cloth that reads, “Sexy Beast,” while other prospects come up and there’s a dull whimper like Roseanne Barr’s current husband lets out in the shower every morning. I’m guessing. Almora could be as good as any Cubs’ prospect. I get that he has PT issues, but Fowler’s out, so Almora’s worth a gamble.
Ian Desmond – I keep debating on whether or not to say sell Desmond because I’m not entirely sure you can get what he’s worth. In which case, then I’d hold. But right now, on our Player Rater, the top five for overall value this year is Jose Altuve, Mookie Betts, Clayton Kershaw, Xander Bogaerts and Ian Desmond. It doesn’t take a rocket surgeon to get hit in the face with a salmon to know there’s something fishy in Pike Place Market having Desmond in the top 5. He’s currently more valuable than Arenado. Excuse me while I roll my eyes so hard I check out my brain. Yeah, did it and over it! Desmond’s not this good. Y’all remember in the beginning of the season — a whooping three months ago — Desmond wasn’t even guaranteed a starting job. He’s suddenly a top 5 guy?! C’mon. So, I wouldn’t sell him for a ride on the back of two men in a horse’s costume, but I would explore options.