Kevin Gregg was handed his 6th blown save yesterday.  He’s tizzerrible.  I won’t defend him.  Your honor, no questions at this time.  I just don’t see the Orioles bothering to switch things up.  They’re defeated.  Look into their eyes and you see the shadow of Cal Ripken Jr. weeping with his back to you.  His shoulders go up and down and his sniffling, that’s how you can tell he’s crying.  Boog Powell asked that his BBQ stand at Camden Yards replace the pork and beans with pork and tiny violins.  Maybe Jim Johnson will see saves, but I wouldn’t drink that Kool-Aid.  Maybe Mike Gonzalez finally reverts to the donkeycorn he once was.  Maybe Kevin Gregg gets new athletic eyewear that doesn’t make him look like a dork.  The O’s average about 4 save opportunities per month.  I’d hold one of them and that’s it, preferably Gregg, though that might be the wrong choice of words.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Jordan Walden – Reports are saying he’s tired.  Well, then go take a nap.  Maybe he’s exhausted from carrying around two last names all year.  If the Angels need to work around his fatigue, they’ll probably go with Takahashi or Downs.  Order is a coin flip.  Or as Al Pacino would say, “No, your order is a coin flip!”

Justin Morneau – He’s officially pulling a Kotchman as he suffers from mild concussion symptoms.  It’s as if his brain is a chicken wing joint and it just goes up and down the Scoville scale.  If I were him, I’d dip my head in bleu cheese after batting practice.

Michael Pineda – The Mariners have decided to shut down the rookie after 3 more starts.  I can’t believe they’re giving up their chance at a winning season.  How are they going to win 24 of their next 28 while keeping their 2nd best pitcher on the bench?  Fun aside:  his anagram is Pinhead Malice, which would be an awesome rock group name.

Brett Cecil – 6 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Seems like every year he just sets himself up to be a sleeper the following year.  It’s his special purpose.

Brett Lawrie – 1-for-4 with his 6th homer, a day after stealing two bags.  That sound you hear is fantasy baseballers (<–my mom’s term!) rubbing their hands together in anticipation of drafting Lawrie next year.

Jair Jurrjens – 6 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 3 Ks.  Wearing a ship captain’s hat, the Fangraphs Database yelled, “Regression, right ahead!”

Wade Miley – 6 IP, 2 ER, 10 baserunners, 3 Ks.  When he was first called up, I said I’d watch him for mixed leagues.  Well, I watched, and, well, whatevs.  I’m not risking my teams precious ratios on him unless I absolutely must gamble.

Stephen Strasburg – Will return next Tuesday, i.e., the day the Nationals become relevant again.  Livan Hernandez, “You know, I resent that.  Also, are you going to finish that lamb chop?”

Danny Espinosa – 1-for-3 with his 19th homer.  Has now hit in 6 straight games, which is a very optimistic way of saying he has one hit in each of his last 6 games.

Mike Morse – 3-for-5, 3 RBIs, 2 runs and his 23rd homer while he bats .318.  His BABIP is pretty high which makes me think next year when you have to draft him before the last rounds, he’s gonna disappoint.  As Shakira sang, BABIPs don’t lie.

Javier Vazquez – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Was it too much to ask for him to do this in April before I dropped him from all my teams? I will now go step on the business end of a rake.

Mike Stanton – 3-for-4 with a slam & legs.  His dad reminds me of Jim Leyland.

Hanley Ramirez – Left his rehab start after his shoulder acted up.  It didn’t have the range for Hamlet.

Mike Trout – 2-for-4, 5 RBIs and two homers as he beat up on the M’s and Mike Carp in what I’ll dub as The Fish Bowl.  Trout has homers now in his last two games.  The only problem is the Angels have played other games in that time while Trout’s sat on the bench.  With only two starts in the last week, it’s hard to fully get behind him.

Henry Sosa – 6 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners, 7 Ks.  Did he splash water in his face after each inning a’la Sammy?  Or stick a needle in his ass?  This start comes after a 6 IP, 1 ER last time out.  Next time out could be 4 IP, 5 ER.  I would stay away.  Ixnay on the Enryhay.

Jose Altuve – 2-for-5 with a slam & legs.  He’s also hitting .313 in his 150 ABs so far. With his position eligibility, I’d definitely take the flyer if he’s out there.

Doug Fister – 7 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks.  Had a perfect game going into the 7th inning.  Jim Joyce, “Don’t look at me!”

Alfonso Soriano – 2-for-5, and now has homers in back-to-back games and 4 homers in the last week.  He’s not remotely exciting but he is currently hitting so there’s that.

Andre Ethier – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs with his 11th homer.  I’d say Colletti lit a fire under him but then he’d complain of a burned bum and wanna sit out on a block of ice.

Raul Ibanez – 3-for-5 with his 17th homer while being a total Gomer to Mayberry.

Ryan Howard – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 28th and 29th homers.  Would love to see a ten homer month of September from Howard.  Cust kayin’.

Tim Stauffer – 1 2/3 IP, 7 ER.  Wait, what?  Oh, God, no!  Wait, no, c’mon.  Really?  *sobs, shakes fist at the sky* Why?!  He’s lucky if all I do is drop him from all my teams.

Trevor Cahill – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Cahill always seemed to elicit the most feedback in the comments whenever I ragged on him.  “No, Grey, he deserves a parade and you’re gonna make the float out of your criticism!”  That’s except when he’s not pitching well.  Where did all the smarter than thou’s go?  Probably onto fantasy football.

Alejandro De Aza – 1-for-3, 4 RBIs with his 3rd homer.  His bag is, uh, stealing bags.  He’s also hitting over .350 in the last week.  Thankfully he’s yet to show up at a game dressed up like Adam Goldberg.  What was Lady Gaga doing at the VMAs?  Did I suddenly lose touch or was that a bad SNL sketch, like the ones at the end of the show, that just went on too long?  Or was she auditioning for a role in a Cassavetes movie?

Jason Motte – The newly-appointed-maybe closer worked the 8th inning while Salas got the save.  Yup.

Jack Hannahan – 3-for-4 and is now batting over .400 in the last week.  Where does he find the time between this and saving games for the Pirates?

Jeanmar Gomez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Could be a Cleveland streamer at any moment, i.e., stay away.  BTW, this was overhead in the clubhouse yesterday, “Jeanmar, may I ask if you’re Flemish?”  “Why do you ask?”  “Because saying your name makes me hock up phlegm.”

Matt LaPorta – Was demoted to Triple-A.  That’s right, LaPorta was shown the door.

 
  1. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:
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    So true… the d-bags with the ridiculous draft picks and the brilliant “u w8 and c” supporting arguments for said picks in April are always conveniently totally out of the race, not looking at the league page, and busy with fantasy football when it’s time for them to suffer my “told you so”s. It’s selfish and rude, really.

  2. Steve says:
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    Just saw a quick highlight of the Stanton home run. Wow. He just *clubs* it the opposite way into the seats.

    If he was a cartoon dog, his name would be Clifford and he’d be red.

    A high strike to him would sail over David Eckstein’s head.

  3. lopes says:
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    ogondo vs shields, who has the advantage?

  4. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    Grey:yeah,a 10 HR Howard month would be great for a few reasons,not the least of which is my love for the Phillies in the real baseball world.I also own him on two teams.

    seriously though,why do so many people s**t on Howard-fantasy,reality whatever….?He is a lock for 35-40HR and110-130 RBI every yr and will hit around .260.Not to mention he has always been pretty clutch(but dont remind me of him freezing on the 3rd strike from that bearded douchebag last yr)In what scenario is that not good enough for you?Oh well….

    10 team 8×8….K’s aside,who would you take right now Vasquez or Fister?

    also,same league,could you rank this pile of garbage SS’s for me?….thnks.

    Lowrie,Scutaro,A. Gonzalez,Pennington,Furcal

  5. Eddy says:
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    Today’s round up was hilarious! Love it!

  6. SpecialFNK says:
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    the Pineda situation is interesting. they say 3 more starts, but it seems like they are scheduling them different.
    yahoo has him starting on the 2nd. 3 more starts would be 2/7/12.
    but rotoworld and ESPN have him starting on the 3rd, then rotoworld is saying he starts on the 10th and then not again until the 21st. not a stretch to shut him down after that, that’s almost the season.
    he has better match ups on 3/10/21 with Oakland/Kansas City/Minnesota compared to Oakland/Los Angeles/Ne York. so maybe they did that on purpose.

    I want to own Miley. just so I can say I own Miley(Cyrus).

    is there any type of unwritten rule in fantasy where if you have a really big lead that you should no longer make many moves? one deep player 12 team league(28 roster spots) non keeper where we play with basically the same people every season, I have a big lead. I’m in 1st now by 15 points. it has been as high as 20 but as close as 10 just last week. I have multiple different players that are borderline ownable including now -16 in projected IP limit. I don’t want to do nothing, but I also don’t want to seem like I’m making all these moves when I’m already so far ahead and possibly giving them a reason to dislike me going into next season making it more difficult to trade.

  7. mets fan says:
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    Grey start Shields @ Texas h2h league?

  8. stynyr says:
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    Danks or Stauffer?

  9. Graveyard Duck says:
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    Grey, any theories on why Eric Young doesn’t get to play baseball very much?

  10. Brian Peppers says:
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    I need saves.. who do you like more over the next few weeks?

    Mark Melancon, Javy Guerra, or Bobby Parnell?

  11. OaktownSteve says:
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    Grey, I’m here to take my told ya so’s on Cahill. I was the head cheerleader, the ring leader if you will, head of the Trevor Cahill Marching and Chowder Society (as Vin Scully might say). It’s just that the A’s kool aid…it’s so delicious…it’s basically Purple Drank. He was so good early, but he cannot throw the fastball for a strike and the league basically has the book on him now. Do not chase the fastball down. He’s got to come in with change ups and curveballs in the zone and he’s getting pounded. He’s complained about mechanics all year like he’s some kind of 70’s vintage Fiat owner. Anyhooo…you was right.

  12. Randy BoBandy says:
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    Couldn’t agree more on Vazquez, he totally bamboozled me in April and last night as my opponent had him.

    I have the three-headed pitching monster of Verlander, Kennedy, and Lester and not even going to make the playoffs :(

  13. DonSlaughtOnslaught says:
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    I am going to assume that the using the wrong “who’s/whose” is only to keep the play on Drew Carey’s show.

  14. thegeniusking says:
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    Who’s gonna be the number one overall pick in 2012? Not Hanley, maybe Pujols if he does some big business in September, Bautista? Braun? No clear cut choice it seems.

  15. MattW says:
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    @Grey:

    12 team H2H redraft, would you go with McCarthy or Fister ROS?

  16. royce! says:
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    I think that Jurrjens’ woes are less a correction and more totally deserved. In August, he has a k/9 around 2 and a BB/9 around 4, leading to FIP and xFIPs around 6, which is coincidentally just about his ERA for the month. If it were a correction, his BABIP and LOB% would show that he was getting unlucky (relative to his earlier successes), but they are around league average for the month. He really has just been terrible.

    Someone in our RCL dropped him and I grabbed him a week before he returned, thinking I was a freaking genius. Just dropped him after he gave me 18.1 IP with 11 ER, 33 baserunners, and 5 K.

  17. OaktownSteve says:
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    @thegeniusking: Matt Kemp

  18. Deadwoods says:
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    Hey Grey,

    Should I pick up Pierzynski later this week to replace Hundley as I head into the playoffs.? Or how about Jesus Montero when he’s called up? Thanks

  19. Tom the Niner says:
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    Grey, I think you mean Lady Guy Guy

  20. Boomer19 says:
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    Coming down to the wire in my 5×5 roto league. Who do like going forward for well rounded categories? Cuddyer, Ryan Roberts, Markakis or Lomo? Do two stand out or do I play matchups?

  21. dsg says:
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    Who will be better for the rest of the year? N.Walker or Viciedo?
    thanks in advance.

  22. OaktownSteve says:
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    @Grey: “I’m out” Jim Rome style. Have you ever noticed that Rome never laughs? He replaces laughter with the phrase: “That is hilarious.” He also never uses contractions.

  23. OaktownSteve says:
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    @Grey: Romie is not so bad

    (Al)Fonzie’s home run last night was a megabomb. One of the two or three longest ever hit by a right hander in that park. Guy is on the all-time doing less with more team.

  24. aj says:
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    Who do you line the rest of the way?
    LoMo, Trout, or Viciedo

  25. Montero will be risen to the majors tomorrow. In consideration of undetermined playing time, might you drop either Bourjos or Morrison for him? Thanks! & phenominal round up; many a hearty laugh this AM!

  26. Dumars says:
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    Grey, are you a closet filmmaker? Loved seeing Cassavetes in your rundown.

  27. Lines says:
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    If I knew where Tim Stauffer’s car were parked, I would totally leave a mean note under the windshield wiper. Yes, I’m THAT mad.

    Nice round-up. Most guys don’t have their best stuff this late in the year…

  28. Jeff says:
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    Carp or Blanks for the rest of the season? Also, who has the higher ceiling for next year and beyond?

  29. Jeff says:
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    Add Goldschmidt to that list as well.

  30. mets fan says:
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    Grey is montero worth an add as my util 12 team h2h?

  31. Evil Weevil says:
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    What two players should I keep next year of these four? Ryan Howard, A-Rod, Hanley, Mike Stanton? Thanks in advance, you’re the man!

  32. royce! says:
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    Stupid Peavy and your stupid August 3.5 xFIP and FIP making me drop Jurrjens and start you so that you could push the crap Jurrjens left on my team aside and deposit an even bigger crap and then be like “oh, boo hoo, the Padres never ponied up $ to compete in the post season whine whine” when it was all you and your rotten 12.10 post-season ERA that prevented the Padres from competing. I hate you, Jake Peavy. Neil Young was right about Alabama. It should be ashamed for producing your sorry ass.

  33. papasmurf says:
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    The only thing I am concerned about with Lawrie and Jennings is that they might be setting expectations too high for year. But wow, both have been amazing.

    Imagine if Lawrie was eligible at 2b next year. Maybe we should start a fund and bribe the Jays into letting him start 5 gms there…

    Now my team next yr is all set except for C, 2B, and SS, the thinnest positions… shit. Maybe I’ll still keep Stephen Drew even though he’s about as exciting as Condy Rice in a bathing suit. (Don’t tell that to Ghadaffi though!)

    PS, the Smurfs movie was pretty good. I like my portrayal in the film ha ha ha.

  34. Killer Joe says:
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    Would you grab any of these guys for their upcoming starts? I am behind the pace for our games started limit, and I’m trying to gain some ground in K’s without doing too much damage to my ERA and WHIP.

    Dickey @ Was
    Harang vs Col
    Billingsley @ Pit
    Millwood @ SD
    Danks @ Det

  35. Matt says:
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    I really don’t have the room for both, who do you believe will get the most saves the rest of the way? Street or Bentancourt? Thanks

  36. strugz says:
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    Who gets more PT down the stretch. Jesus or Mesoraco?

  37. Steve says:
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    Crapuano.

  38. Oilcan Giuseppe says:
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    Grey:Francisco or Nathan?

  39. Steve says:
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    Great day to bench Adam Lind. But I can’t be the only one, surely?

  40. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    And the hitters I do have in the lineup are 1 for 13 right now.

  41. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    I’m still happy, though. Bumgarner moved me (temporarily, I’m sure) into 2nd place.

  42. Feeding the Abscess

    Feeding the Abscess says:
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    Today aside, I’m really glad my analysis of Lind’s pathetic plate discipline has vindicated me. I was complete apostate when I was trashing him during his supernova stretch earlier in the season.

  43. AL KOHOLIC says:
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    is a-rod getting on anyone elses nerves yet,

  44. VinWins

    VinWins says:
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    And, I’m back in third. Randy Wolf cancelled out Bumgarner for me.

    Nice outing from Henderson Alvarez tonight.

  45. LT says:
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    Salvador Perez or Nick Hundley H2H rest of playoffs

    Thanks!

  46. LT says:
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    Add J Montero in the mix with Nick Hundley and Salvador Perez

  47. chata says:
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    this comment is for the post that will appear later today .

    selma diamond had class .

    joan rivers should have shut up and learned … a long time ago .

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