You know it’s September when I’m highlighting a guy that could possibly give you maybe one week of just slightly better-than-average stats.  Enter stage left, Mark Ellis. Yesterday, he went 3-for-3 with his 4th homer on the season.  Is there a meh emoticon?  That’s Mark Ellis.  He’s a big bottle of “Um, what the hey, I’ll grab Mark Ellis.”  He is the guy on waivers that, even when hot, you don’t feel like the three clicks of the mouse to pick him up are worth it.  I hear ya.  I’m not exactly dropping superlatives on him like I’m Donald Trump describing anything.  He’s now batting near .400 in September.  Don’t make me tell you to grab him every day this week.  Just get him now.  He’s hot.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Jason LaRue – Due to multiple kicks to the face by Johnny Lawrence Cueto, LaRue’s retiring.  Cueto obviously misunderstood when so many pitchers said they’d love to face LaRue.

Travis Wood – 6 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 5 Ks.  Had some unfounded concerns for this start.  He goes to Petco next.  I’d get Wood.  I mean… No, that’s what I mean.

Chris Johnson – 2-for-3 with his third homer in the last ten games.  Compared to, say, Kung Fu Panda, Johnson looks like Mike Schmidt.

Michael Bourn – Out with an oblique strain.  Sounds like he might be sidelined until late in the week, at least.  It’s The Bourn Calamity.

Joe Blanton – 6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks.  Really deserved the win in this one.  Not Blanton.  Me!  I deserved it.  I can’t believe I’m going to lose leagues because I can’t buy a win.

Jayson Werth – 3-for-5 with the South Philly special slam & legs.  BTW, Jayson Werth seems way more likely to know and/or talk to Turtle instead of Ryan Howard.  You know, Turtle from that show you watch that you have no idea why you watch.

Mark Teixeira – Who has one sore thumb?  This guy!

Andy Pettitte – 6 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Nice start for a guy who hasn’t toed the major league rubber in two months.  The problem, he gets the Red Sox next.  I wouldn’t go near that start in most leagues.

Luke Scott – 2-for-3 with his 27th homer.  If he hits one homer, he always hits another homer within the week.  The preceding was off of memory and no actual facts.

Joe Mauer – Has a jammed knee and is day-to-day, which is day-o to day-o in Jamaica.

Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 5 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks vs. the A’s.  This should’ve been an easy start for Liriano.  An easy start!  Grrr…

Shin-Soo Choo – 2-for-4 with his 4th homer in three games.  He reminds me of a slightly younger, much more Korean Bobby Abreu.

Bobby Abreu – Speaking of the 20/20 machine, Abreu hit two homers yesterday to bring his line to 83/20/75/.255/21 for one of those joyless 20/20 campaigns.

Fernando Rodney – Blew the save on Saturday and the Sciosciapath said, “”I have a lot of confidence in Fernando. One got away tonight, unfortunately. But we’re comfortable with the guys out there to hold leads. It’s not going to happen all the time.”  So, of course, Jordan Walden got the save on Sunday.  In fairness to Scioscia, Rodney had pitched two days in a row.

Mike Napoli – Out with a forearm strain that occurred from his constant pulling for playing time.

Chris Narveson – 4 2/3 IP, 6 ER, 8 baserunners, 1 K.  If it’s any consolation, it’s obviously not the best of luck when you give up six earned and only 8 baserunners.

Barry Enright – Uncle Barry is shutdown for the season.  Should free him up to tell bawdy jokes and complain about his wife’s cooking.

Daniel Hudson – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks.  On the Diamondbacks, his WHIP is under 1 and his ERA is 1.65 in 71 innings with 65 Ks.  Yeah, that’s better than that other pitcher you’re thinking of.  And that one.

Adrian Beltre – Out with a sore wrist, but I’m guessing he’ll be playing Monday.  Wild horses on speed (like in the underrated Ted Danson/Howie Mandel-starrer, A Fine Mess) couldn’t keep Beltre out for an extended period of time during a contract year.

J.D. Drew – Hit his 19th homer yesterday.  He’s actually pulled off the rare feat of hitting 19 homers and not once getting hot enough for an extended period of time to be usable in fantasy.

Jon Lester – 7 IP, 0 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks.  Now has a 3.06 ERA on the year and more Ks than IP.  I’ll admit it, I kinda love Lester.

Phil Coke – 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Before getting rocked, Leyland said, until Valverde is ready to go, he’ll be going with Coke.  Ron Washington said that’s a good move.  After getting rocked, I don’t think it’ll be that clear cut.  Perry could see some saves.

Tommy Hunter – 6 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K.  I’m not a huge Hunter fan, but he gets the A’s and M’s as his final two starts.  That ain’t bad.

Jose Guillen – 2-for-4, 6 RBIs.  He was almost the lead for this post and I think you should grab him as the hot outfielder off of waivers.  He’s hitting near .400 over the last week with two homers.  Trust me, pick him up.

Derek Lowe – 6 IP, 2 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks.  Lowe’s been pitching well of late and he gets the Nats next.  I’d grab him.

Jeff Samardzija – 6 IP, 3 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks vs. the Marlins and pitched well against the Cards his last time out, the same Cards he gets again in his next start.  It’s still not an advisable start with his 7 BBs to 5 Ks in his last two starts.

Welington Castillo – 2-for-4 with his first career homer.  Showed some power in Iowa, but he’s a hacker that could be a .220 hitter.  He’ll probably split time with Koyie Hill and isn’t worth picking up unless he gets crazy hot or you’re just crazy crazy.

Tyler Colvin – Will miss the rest of the season after being impaled by a broken bat.  He should be fine, confirming he is not a vampire.

Geovany Soto – Out for the season with shoulder surgery.  The Koyie Hill Fan Club, that affectionately refers to itself as The Koy Pond, celebrated his potential increase in playing time at Coyote Ugly but in the Evite they cheekily called it Koyie Ugly.

  1. Andy says:

    First year playing fantasy baseball on Yahoo Sports. I Have a question for you guys. Do you get 6 roster moves in total, or 12 moves for the 14 day Championship week (Sep 20 – Oct 3) in a standard 12 man H2H league?

  2. sean says:

    @Grey: should I bench Teixeira in a weekly league thinking that the Yanks will do the same?

  3. Carl Spackler says:

    Too bad Howard isnt down with the Avion.

  4. Tony says:

    Why i didnt go to the finals in my h2h league and lost a chance at $300 or $400:

    1) blanton lost his QS and Win after cruising most of the gm.
    2)my entire team couldn’t steal 1 base
    3)juan pierre had multiple chances to steal, doesn’t run, thanks juan
    4) the stupid rockies blow the game, go to extras, and cargo K’s tying me in that cat, that woulda won me the week if they just ended it in 9.
    5) i throw 3 sp’s on sunday, i get one QS and ZERO wins, that woulda won me the week if i had 1 more QS or 1 win.
    6) i benched Jonathon sanchez earlier in the week, DUMB
    7) my opp’s SP bonderman is going to take a loss, which would win me the week, excpet CASPER F’ing WELLS has to hit a 2R jack off danks who cruised for 7 innings then imploded outta no where

    Unreal. Oh well there’s always next year, it was a good run, thanks grey and rudy for the help this year, and all razzheads. Its a great forum like this that gives you that extra edge and an enjoyable morning read.

    (grey i’m working on the trophy)

  5. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:

    What do you do when you’ve just lost your first round matchup in H2H playoffs? Is it bad form to not give a flying squirt of zit pus about third place and just stop looking at your team? Is there anything in The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette on this subject (I seem to have misplaced my copy)?

  6. Lob Ball says:

    Crisp seems burnt. I need steals. Should I go with Brantley or Fowler?

  7. TJ says:

    I’d just like to thank Hanley Ramirez and Geovany Soto for taking the weekend off, but not really providing any notice. I lost my H2H semis by 6 TBs and 2 extra base hits. If two of my guys hadn’t taken 6 days off, I may have pulled it out.

  8. Commish Cauda says:

    Pick me a starter for my championship week:

    Need ONE

    Pavano @DET (Verlander)
    Lilly vsSD (Stauffer)
    Cecil vsBAL (Millwood)


  9. slam says:

    Okay, I’m in the finals in spite of a slew of injured players, but now Soto is also hurt. Available catchers on waivers…pena, pierzynski, marson, aj ellis, shoppach, ramon hernandez, torrealba, I rod, Thole, Iannetta, doumit, Brad Davis, Jake Fox…..Anyone stand out? I was thinking torrealba, fox, or maybe shoppach, but could easily change my mind…Also, with Upton basically shut down for the year I picked up David Murphy, do you like Guillen more? and finally how about mark ellis- better than E Young? Thanks for all the help man, I’ve got a real battle ahead of me this week, winner take all.

  10. slam says:

    Oh shit, I also have Coco…I guess I can just grab guillen for him and ellis for murphy in my utilty spot…do you like Ludwick more than Murphy? thanks again, just saw he’s a free agent

  11. AdamPS says:

    H2H semi’s start today and I am stressing over some tough pitching choices. Grey, would you mind picking your top SIX of:

    Gallardo (FLA)
    Ubaldo (@ARI)
    Tim Hudson (@WAS)
    Danks (@LAA)
    Cahill (CWS, TEX)
    Duensing (CLE, @DET)
    Lannan (HOU, ATL)
    Bud Norris (@WAS, @PIT)

    It sucks that all of my studs have only one game, and my scrubs all have two. I am leaning towards benching Norris and Lannan, but Cahill’s matchup vs. TEX worries me as he seems to get hit by good teams.

  12. Wilsonian says:

    Whattya think…Stubbs or Guillen for the time being?

  13. Wilsonian says:

    @Wilsonian: oh, or Ibanez?

  14. Wilsonian says:

    @Wilsonian: ok, sorry for the multiple posts…one last time. Stubbs, Guillen, Ibanez, Bruce for the time being…pick dos. Muchos gracias.

  15. Back to Minors says:

    H2H final 2 week mathup for the championship…too early to bench Garza tonight?

  16. Grey — for my 20-team roto league where I’m desperate for saves, is it worth grabbing Perry and dropping either Walden, Fuentes, or Hannnnrahan?

  17. Black Beard says:

    Has anyone heard, one way or the other, if D. Hudson will make his scheduled start this weekend v. the Dodgers?

  18. ProBeez4 says:

    Ok, I need help from ANYONE and EVERYONE. I have my H2H World Series starting today. It is a fairly standard points league. 4 pts for a HR, -1 for a K, 2pts for a SB, 2 pts for a 2B…yada yada.

    Rollins has left a black hole at my SS position and the waiver wire is full of garbage. Went with Bonifacio last week and he almost singlehandedly wrecked my season totaling a whopping -2 points on the week.

    So, here are the random SS-eligible hot-hitting schmohawks available on my WW:
    Jed Lowrie
    Robert Andino
    Darwin Barney – who?
    JJ Hardy
    Danny Espinosa
    Cliff Pennington
    Wilson Valdez
    Brendan Ryan (I refuse, I reserve guys name Brendan for my Razzball team).

    Any insight would be much appreciated.

  19. Grey

    Grey says:

    @DJSatane: Oops… Good catch.

    @Andy: Depends on your league.

    @sean: Last I heard he’s supposed to play.

    @Carl Spackler: Hehe

    @Tony: Sorry you didn’t get any breaks. Thanks for the kind words!

    @Awesomus Maximus: I play it out but don’t think I would if I were in a league with strangers.

    @Lob Ball: Brantley

    @TJ: Damn

    @Commish Cauda: Pavano

    @slam: Go with Pierzynski, Young, Guillen and Murphy.

    @AdamPS: Bench the last two.

    @Wilsonian: Do you need steals?

    @Wilsonian: Bruce, Stubbs….

    @Back to Minors: Weekly? I’d start him. Daily, bench him tonight.

    @Enrique: Perry over Walden.

    @Black Beard: Nope

    @ProBeez4: Espinosa

  20. Fresh says:

    How do you like my lineup in my sig?

    Should I start anyone over Bailey and/or Porcello since they are injury risks or just go with the two start pitchers?

    10 Team H2H Points weekly roster set
    1B: Miggy
    2B: Utley
    3B: ZimmR
    SS: Tulo
    C: Yadi
    OF1: CarGo
    OF2: Pence
    OF3: Dread Pirate
    Util1: AGonz
    Util2: Bruce
    SP1: Ubaldo
    SP2: Price
    SP3: DLR
    RP1: Wagner
    P4: Marmol
    P5: Floyd
    P7: Homer B
    P8: Porcello
    Bench: Stauffer, Scherzer, Volquez, Kennedy, Latos

  21. peter says:

    Yup, in separate h2h playoffs, I grabbed Blanton for a W and Narveson for Ks.

  22. Back to Minors says:

    @Grey: daily. leaning towards benching him, but just saw his career stats @ Yankee Stadium (only 2 games) .75era, 1.00 whip. hmmm touch decision, he has sucked recently…

  23. Wilsonian says:

    @Grey: well I just had to lose Bourn because of the oblique thing, and picked up Ibanez for the short day today. So my base stealers are Victorino and well, Victorino. I also have CarGo, Utley, Longo, Wright, Kemp, Holiday, who occasionaly get steals. I would think Stubbs might be the better option than Ibanez, based on that need.

  24. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Fresh: You just asked me this.

    @peter: Yup

    @Back to Minors: Yeah, he’ll probably pitch well vs. the Yanks and get hit vs. the M’s.

    @Wilsonian: You have enough steals.

  25. Griff says:

    @sean: The Yanks are playing the Rays and the Sox for the pennant this week. I think they rested him this weekend specifically because of that. He’d been playing hurt for a few weeks, so it’s not like they’ll suddenly bench him for the biggest series of the year.

  26. Fresh says:

    lol, thanks

  27. Griff says:

    Picked up Coke. Could suffer some “blow”-back to my ERA. <—- If Yahoo weren't family friendly, Brad Evans would have made that pun.

  28. Wilsonian says:

    @Grey: opponent in the finals has Pierre, Gardner, McCutchen, Reyes, so it looks like I might need a spare steal or two…

  29. slam says:

    Wow, AJ, I feel like I’m selling my soul a bit as a twins fan, but let’s do this shit.

    Thanks man.

  30. Black Beard says:

    I realize it’s saves and therefor a crapshoot…but saves this week, Bell or Feliz?

  31. Jeff says:

    I’m in a battle for 2nd place.

    The guy 2 pts behind me is only 4 RBI’s behind me, and is now 1 save ahead of me. My pitching has been killing me lately (dropped in ERA and WHIP)

    I have Rivera, Cordero, and Rodney as my closers.

    I also just lost Soto for the year and have no other catchers on my roster.

    I have 1 FA pickup left for the year. Do I use it on a catcher or RP?

    Best available RP’s Gutierrez, Hensley, Takahashi.

    Best available C’s – Pudge, Pena (KC)

  32. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:

    @Grey: Actually, the guy I’m matched up with is my oldest and closest friend. We just talked and decided to put in our best players today and then make no moves or roster changes… see what happens. Could be a fun way to end the season.

  33. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Awesomus Maximus: Sounds like the fantasy baseball equivalent ending to Thelma & Louise.

  34. timSTi says:

    In the finals in my h2h league this week. Have my bench filled with injuries: Hamilton, RobotJones, HanRam.

    Any of them droppable for a hot bat?

    Hamilton probably wont be back this week but I just hate to let him go. My opponent has a higher waiver priority than me.

  35. nutsadamus says:

    Made it to the finals of my H2H league! Having a tough time deciding who to slot in my final week between these guys…

    Guillen, Stubbs, Raburn, Wells, Gardner, or Murphy, I need to sit one of em,

    Who’s the odd man out?

    Thanks for the help!

  36. Grey

    Grey says:

    @timSTi: Lose Hamilton in a non-keeper.

    @nutsadamus: Sit Gardner, if you don’t need steals. Sit Guillen otherwise.

  37. timSTi says:

    @Grey: Durrrrrr haha. Yeah non-keeper.

  38. Jah says:

    meh emoticon:


  39. AdamPS says:

    For the rest of the year…Zobrist or Mark Ellis?

  40. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Jah: Hehe

    @AdamPS: Eh… Zobrist, though I know he hasn’t been great.

  41. Andre says:

    Who to start, points league

    Floyd @Oak-Gonzalez + @Anaheim-Weaver
    Dempster – SF – Bumgarner
    Zambrano – SF – Cain

  42. Bern says:

    Better play this week: Ellis, Zobrist, Keppinger, EY Jr, Espinosa

  43. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Andre: Dempster, Zambrano…

    @Bern: Young

  44. Fletch says:

    @Grey: Playoffs starting this week. Which 2 of these 3 do I start: Ibanez, Adam Jones and Logan Morrison?

    Also, Felix on the road at Tor or Verlander at home vs. Minn?

  45. Grey

    Grey says:

    @Fletch: Ibanez, Adam Jones… F-Her…

  46. Grey

    Grey says:


  47. Awesomus Maximus

    Awesomus Maximus says:

    @Grey: Ha! So true, except there are no winners at the end of Thelma & Louise… aside from the audience full of NOW members, of course.

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