I was going to lede with Lester the Molester is going to flip the script on the Padres, but I didn’t want the Vatican Policia to flag me.  The last thing I need is some little Italian guy going through my trash in the middle of the night.  I just had a vision of Grey outside of Giancarlo’s house rummaging through his Salvation Army donation bags looking for his old jock straps.  This coming from a guy who tried to get Manny Machado’s birthday bubble gum he tossed at us when Grey proposed a Netflix and chill night.  Oh what hijinks we get ourselves into.  For the record I wasn’t going to extract the DNA for a Mini Manny Heater, but that’s a hell of an idea, Grey!  Now let’s get into the real reason you’re here; Monday Night DK.  There’s only 8 games on the docket tonight.  I really liked the Dodgers matchups, but unfortunately they had a 9:35 am start time and DK doesn’t even have that game available.  A-Gon will probably hit 2 HRs and Kazmir will probably have 15 baserunners and 1 K because I need him to deal in our Scout league.  I’m not to thrilled about the offensive matchups tonight as there’s some solid arms taking the bump tonight.  The few matchups I do like are through the roof expensive, so I’m going to pay for two top arms and try to jimmy rig the rest, hopefully it comes together.   I know we like to pick on the Padres, but after seeing Robby Ray strikeout 13 over 7 innings on Saturday I just can’t pass up on this matchup.  Granted, Jon Lester at $12,500 is the most expensive and he’ll probably be highly owned, so it goes without saying he’s not the ideal tourney play.  Lester had a couple clunkers going in the All Star break, but he’s been great over his last six starts picking up 4 Ws, 38 Ks to go along with a 2.47 ERA over 36.1 innings.  With the Padres offense trailing just Milwaukee for total Ks on the year I’m counting on Lester to hit double digit Ks and he could top 40 points if all goes well tonight.

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Carlos Carrasco, SP $11,500 – He hasn’t been dominant by any means since his return from the DL, but his Ks have been consistent and over his last 3 starts he’s racked up 28 Ks in just 20.1 innings.  He’s in a pitchers park and Oakland is the team that can definitely help him get back to the Ace we saw before the injury.

Chad Bettis, SP $5,300 – Remember two paragraphs ago when I told you that Milwaukee leads the league in strikeouts?  Yeah at this price point I’ll take a flyer on Bettis to get at least 6-7 Ks even if he’s in Miller Park.

Sandy Leon, C $3,300 – I usually punt the catcher, especially with the challenge of trying to fit in both Lester and Carrasco, but the Leon King has been mashing.  He’s facing the LHP rookie Blake Snell and I just left my drink unattended, so you know what that means.  Just for shizz and giggz, Leon is slashing a healthy line of .444/.800/1.336 with 4 HRs vs LHP.

Adam Lind, 1B $3,100 – I told you we were on a budget tonight.  Lind has been heating up as of late and he’s 5/14 with 2 HRs vs Michael Pineda.  Seattle hitters could a monster night if the human pinata shows up or will the pine tar lathered K machine show up?  Your guess is as good as mine.

Anthony Rizzo, 1B $5,300 – He’s returning to the team that traded him for Andrew Cashner.  Yeah I think we know who won that trade!  He’s facing Edwin Jackson and I heard the Regression Fairies were arriving in Petco around the 3rd or 4th batter (give or a take an inning or two, after all they’re fairies)

Starlin Castro, 2B $3,700 – He’s facing Cody Martin, but with Martin not being stretched out he’ll get to see most of Seattle’s bullpen.  Castro may not be as hot as his battery mate Didi Gregorius, but he does have 3 HRs over his last 9 games.

Nolan Arenado, 3B $4,600 – Batten down the kegs because there’s a Torenado coming through Miller Park tonight.  He’s coming off a 2 HR, 6 RBI game and I’m counting on him to keep it going against Jimmy Nelson tonight.

Manny Machado, 3B/SS $4,500 – He’s facing Stephen Strasburg, so we’re getting a nice little discount.  Manny has been heating up with 2 HRs over his last four games and Strasburg hasn’t looked right over his last three starts giving up 19 ER in just 11.2 innings.

Orlando Arcia, SS $3,300 – Kind of a punt play, as the SS position are some of the pricier plays on the board.  Sean Rodriguez is at $3,800, what??  I’ll take my chances with Arcia and hope he swipes a bag or two.

David Dahl, OF $4,800 – The left handed jet stream in Miller Park could feed some of the Colorado bats tonight.  He’s a little pricey, but if you didn’t go for two top arms you’re good to go.

Andrew McCutchen, OF $4,300 – The un-dreaded pirate has been terrible all year, but he’s slowly starting to heat up. He’s collected 5 multi-hit games over his last eight games and he’s facing a struggling Doug Fister who’s given up 9 ER over his last two starts.

Gerardo Parra, OF $3,000 – The discounted Rockies outfielder.  Parra has been struggling a bit since coming back from the knee injury, but the price is right and the matchup is primed.

Steven Souza Jr, OF $2,900 – I can’t have Lester and Carrasco without having to sacrifice some offense output.  Souza is facing David Price and he’s got 2 HRs over his last 3 games.

I’m Only Happy When It Rains

Make not of August 22nd because it’s clear skies across the board, Woo Hoo!

Doing Lines In Vegas

Lester -205 and the Cubs lead the charge tonight while the ARI v ATL game has the highest run total of 9 1/2 O/U on the night.