Closer Report, Week 9: You can Spell Melancon Without a K

For a few days it’s been all quiet on the closer front.  Usually in the lede, I talk about a change in regime and the pluses/minuses and my opinion on it.  There hasn’t been one for two whole weeks…  It’s crazy.  MLB is putting me outta business in the jibing about fantasy closers market.  Where does the unemployment line start?  I am only half kidding, and I’m also half crazy too. So that makes me half-something.  So believe it or not, the season is officially 3/8 of the way over.  That is just crazy in itself to even fathom.  I think I have rambled on about nothing long enough… let’s talk about someone, anyone, shall we?  I like the rebound to form that Mark Melancon has shown, due to a K/9 of 4.68.  I haven’t seen a true one-outcome reliever before, but if you own him, I would sell for a better product.  You can probably get by on two things in your favor.  One, his name uses letters that can be read in a left-to-right format, which, from what I am understanding, is standard for reading purposes.  Two, he has 6 saves in the last two weeks and when people look to see how he has been doing, they will see that he is tied for the lead during that time frame in saves.  Listen, if you need saves and you own Melancon, I am not saying go out and sell him cause I said so.  I am saying swap him and a extra player and see if you can get an improvement on the K category.  The other owner will be so smitten that he got a closer and another player for just a closer, he won’t realize that he was jobbed.  Side note, make sure he doesn’t read this blurb first or the jig is up.  Stick around more snippets of informative justice are on the way…

• I was going to lead with Fernando Rodney, but that would be over done and has been said by hundreds.  Lloyd needs get off grandpa’s wowy sauce for a minute and realize that there are other guys on the roster that can close or at least deserve a shot.  Keep an eye you deeper leaguers for the return of Farq, he is getting in quantities of innings in the minors in order to get what we saw in the second half of 2013.  He still somehow only has 3 blown saves on the year.  Numerous feelings hurt though.
• How valuable is a great reliever?  Well, unfortunately, I will tell ya.  Dellin Betances is the 22nd ranked pitcher based on WAR (1.5).  Not everyone is a believer in WAR, but just for giggles, this is who he is ahead:  Felix, Sale, MadBum, Lester.  Let’s put it this way, there are 28 spots between him and the next highest reliever in the pitching ranks.  He was good last year, and dare I say he is better this year.
• The Craig Kimbrel reign on dominance tour is in week two and counting.  I am sorry, but when you have the same amount of saves over the last two weeks of games as Austin Adams, Scott Oberg, and Joe Beimel, it’s time to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror and regret the early round pick you used.  Will he still get 30-plus saves? Most likely, but it’s no fun watching it when it isn’t natural anymore.
• For me it’s never too early to speculate on real life trades that will effect the closer tree.  My top three trade candidates as of right now are Chapman, K-Rod and Clippard.
• Middle reliever shout out of the week goes to Hunter Strickland.  For those of you using my pivot system.  Go all Metallica and Ride the Lightning.

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Andrew Miller – (Dellin Betances, Justin Wilson)

2. Trevor Rosenthal – (Kevin Siegrist, Seth Maness)

3. Kenley Jansen — (Chris Hatcher, Yimi Garcia)

4. Aroldis Chapman – (Tony Cingrani, Jumbo Diaz)

5. Drew Storen – (Casey Janssen, Aaron Barrett)

6. Craig Kimbrel – (Joaquin Benoit, Kevin Quackenbush)

7. Greg Holland– (Wade Davis, Kelvin Herrera)

8. Huston Street – (Joe Smith, Cesar Ramos)

9. Glen Perkins – (Aaron Thompson, Blaine Boyer)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

10. David Robertson – (Zach Duke, Dan Jennings)

11. Jonathan Papelbon – (Ken Giles, Jake Diekman)

12. Jeurys Familia – (Carlos Torres, Alex Torres, Bobby Parnell – DL)

13. Zach Britton – (Darren O’Day, Tommy Hunter)

14. Francisco Rodriguez, (Will Smith. Jeremy Jeffress)

15. Cody Allen – (Bryan Shaw, Zach McAllister)

16. Mark Melancon — (Tony Watson, Jared Hughes)

17. Koji Uehara – (Junichi Tazawa, Alexei Ogando)

18. Brad Boxberger – (Jake McGee, Kevin Jepsen)

19. Hector Rondon – (Pedro Strop, Justin Grimm)

20. Joakim Soria –  (Joba Chamberlain, Tom Gorzellany)

21. Santiago Casilla – (Sergio Romo, Jean Machi)

22. Jason Grilli – (Jim Johnson, Brandon Cundiff)

Employed

These guys are the men that make the save market go round. They punch in, punch out. Have the job, no real threat to speak of, and are basically just there to collect great benny’s so they can take care of their crippled brother. Who is only really crippled because he is scared of the sun.

23. Shawn Tolleson – (Keone Kela, Ross Ohlendorf)

24. Luke Gregerson – (Chad Qualls, Pat Neshek)

25. Brett Cecil — (Roberto Osuna, Aaron Loup )

26. Tyler Clippard – (Sean Doolittle – DL, Evan Scribner, Dan Otero)

27. John Axford – (Boone Logan, Rafael Betancourt)

Brain Freezes

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

28. Fernando Rodney – (Carson Smith, Tom Wilhelmson)

29. A.J. Ramos – (Carter Capps, Mike Dunn)

30. Brad Ziegler –  (Addison Reed, Dominic Leone)