When it’s fourth and long and 20 years ago, I believe the old song from the sea goes…  You don’t look at the stats to date, especially when it’s with two weeks to play.  What is ahead of you is all that matters.  There is no loyalty, this isn’t the time to dance with the date you brought to the dance.  You are looking for stats in any shape or form, period.  So I give you the list, yes, the list is the bible of what guys are and what they have done for the year, but if you have an inkling that player A is going to save three games compared to player B getting one, then that answers your own question and you have deemed me useless.  It kinda hurts that you deem me useless, but I will move on.  I have been through a few relationships where it was a “it’s you not me” type scenario.  Regardless, I have taken pride in bringing you the best that I can give in terms of fantasy bullpen type goodies on a weekly basis.  After all, it is the readers of fantasy that make fantasy go round.  So I would like to say thank you, no there is at best two more post to end the year but I wanted to say thank you now since we still have some attention span left instead of steering it towards fantasy football, which is awesome and you should go check out what Jay and the boys (and girls) are dishing out top notch type stuff.  Before you click over to that, stay here for some fantasy bullpen chicanery and knowledge courtesy of your’s truly.


Closer d’Etat  (Top set-up guys next up for saves)

A new feature that I have been looking to add is the top set-up guys who are either pitching well or are right behind the closer.  Getting the off day save for a shaky closer or someone who can jump in for a downed king of saves.  Never hurts to bag an extra reliever for your bench at best they either don’t play, you bench them or the do well.  No one ever does bad for someone we all roster…


$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Aroldis Chapman – (Hector Rondon, C.J. Edwards, Joe Smith)

2. Zach Britton – (Mychal Givens, Brad Brach)

3. Kenley Jansen – (Pedro BaezJoe Blanton)

4. Dellin Betances – (Tyler Clippard, Adam Warren)

5. Craig Kimbrel – (Brad Ziegler, Koji Uehara)

6. Jeurys Familia – (Addison Reed, Fernando Salas)

7. Mark Melancon – (Shawn Kelley, Blake Treinen)



Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

8. Edwin Diaz – (Steve CishekTom Wilhelmsen, Nick Vincent)

9. Roberto Osuna – (Jason Grilli, Joaquin Benoit)

10. David Robertson(Nate Jones, Dan Jennings)

11. Cody Allen – (Andrew MillerBryan Shaw)

12. Francisco Rodriguez – (Justin Wilson, Bruce Rondon)

13. Seung-hwan Oh – (Kevin Siegrist, Matt Bowman)

14. Wade Davis – (Kelvin Herrera, Joakim Soria)

15. Ken Giles – (Luke GregersonWill HarrisPat Neshek)

16. Tony Watson – (Neftali Feliz, Felipe Rivero)

17. Ryan Madson – (John Axford, Ryan Dull)

18. Jeanmar Gomez – (Hector NerisCesar Ramos)

19. Sam Dyson– (Jake Diekman, Matt Bush)

20. Alex Colome – (Brad Boxberger, Xavier Cedeno)


These guys are the men that make the save market go round. They punch in, punch out. Have the job, no real threat to speak of, and are basically just there to collect great benny’s so they can take care of their crippled brother. Who is only really crippled because he is scared of the sun.

21. Jim Johnson –  (Mauricio Cabrera, Shea Simmons)

22. Fernando Rodney / A.J. Ramos– (Kyle Barraclough)

23. Adam Ottavino – (Carlos EstevezBoone Logan)

24. Tyler Thornburg – (Corey Knebel, Carlos Torres)

25. Brandon Kintzler – (Ryan Pressley, Taylor Rogers)

26. Brandon Maurer (Ryan Buchter, Brad Hand)


Brain Freezes

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pick-off throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

27. Tony Cingrani / Raisel Igelsias  – (Michael Lorenzen)

28. Hunter Strickland – (Santiago Casilla, Derek Law, Sergio Romo)

29. Daniel Hudson – (Randall Delgado, Jake Barrett)

30. Andrew Bailey – (JC Ramirez, Deolis Guerra)


  1. Squidblob says:

    Smoke, love the column- due to a career change I don’t have the time to read every Razzball article each day like I used to, but I still look forward to this feature each week, and I like the additions you’ve made.

    I started the year with just Fernando Rodney and Steve Cishek as my closers, and at this point in the season I have seven guys, pretty much all in the top half I think. One of the guys I traded for is David Robertson, and he’s the one that I consistently bench, while starting less established guys like Edwin Diaz, post-injury Wade Davis, Ken Giles, and even Tyler Thornburg. Just wanted to note it if it played into your last column or two- Robertson has kinda sucked it seems like.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:

      @Squidblob: yea he has, but still the guy there despite his suckiness. Thankls for the read apologies for delay in response…cheers

  2. Nick says:

    do you think Shae Simmons could get a few holds in Atlanta behind Jim Johnson vs Mets and Miami this week?
    i’d get him as a dynasty player for next season, but i need a few stats now !

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:

      @Nick: not an awful shot in the dark, but hasn’t got a leverage situation yet. Next year he is an under the radar guy for sho

      • Nick says:


        you’d rather go Law ? :)

        • Smokey

          Smokey says:

          @Nick: ooh tough one. both interesting guys. I would lean Shea for next year Law for now

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