Well, not much has changed for closers since last month when we did a run down of all of them.  Kimbrel got a save, Axford got a save, and everyone else sucks.  Holly Robinson Peete closers are a mess!  I don’t think there’s ever been so many Brain Freezes before.  I almost feel like adding an extra category below the Brain Freezes called, “The Legend of Gloom.”  Wha’ happened?  Did someone poison the bullpen water?  Has Mariano Rivera made it so when he retires there won’t be any more closers?  There will only be starters and “Those Other Guys.”  To recap this month in closing quickly:  Valverde has been less than stellar, Putz and Street just don’t close games, Motte hasn’t been good, Brian Wilson became Casilla who Bochy pulled after one batter during one game, Joel Hanrahananananan gave fantasy owners the question, “Who’s Juan Cruz?”, Sergio Santos may start throwing at some point in the next few weeks, the Red Sox gave the job to someone who has an over 10 ERA, Frank-Frank hasn’t had a blank-blank inning in forever, Kyle Farnsworth left stage right and Rodney, who couldn’t get saves last year, entered stage “I can’t believe Rodney’s closing games,” Guerra’s been about as bad as expected, Walden blew one save and lost the job, What the H. Santiago?, What the H. Bell?, Grant Balfour might get traded, Jim Johnson gave fantasy owners the question, “Juan Cruz or Pedro Strop?  Wait, who?”, the closers on terrible teams have looked good so they’ll probably be traded or just not save games, and Brad Lidge is afraid of heights and the mound is above the field so he went to the DL which is on sea level.  Got all of that?  Yeah, I’m not sure I did either.  Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2012 fantasy baseball:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel (Jonny Venters, Kris Medlen)
2. John Axford (Francisco Rodriguez)
3. Mariano Rivera (David Robertson, Rafael Soriano)
4. Jonathon Papelbon (Antonio Bastardo, Chad Qualls)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

5. Huston Street (+3) (Luke Gregerson, Andrew Cashner)
6. Jim Johnson (+15) (Pedro Strop, Matt Lindstrom)
7. Joel Hanrahan (+4) (Juan Cruz, Jason Grilli)
8. J.J. Putz (-2) (David Hernandez, Bryan Shaw)
9. Jason Motte (-1) (Fernando Salas, Mitchell Boggs)
10. Jose Valverde (-6) (Joaquin Benoit, Octavio Dotel)
11. Rafael Betancourt (+7) (Rex Brothers)
12. Brandon League (+6) (Tom Wilhelmsen)
13. Fernando Rodney (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee)
14. Grant Balfour (+6) (Brian Fuentes, Ryan Cook)
15.
Brett Myers (+8) (David Carpenter, Brandon Lyon)
16. Joe Nathan (+6) (Mike Adams, Alexi Ogando)
17. Kenley Jansen/Javy Guerra (+2) (Matt Guerrier)

Brain Freeze

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Matt Capps– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Valencia in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

18. Sean Marshall (+3) (Aroldis Chapman, Jose Arredondo)
19.
Santiago Casilla (-10) (Sergio Romo, Jeremy Affeldt)
20. Chris Perez
(+4) (Vinnie Pestano, Tony Sipp)
21.
Matt Capps (+6) (Glen Perkins, Jared Burton)
22.
Jonathan Broxton (+6) (Aaron Crow)
23. Henry Rodriguez (+6) (Tyler Clippard, Brad Lidge)
24. Frank Francisco (-8) (Jon Rauch, Bobby Parnell, Ramon Ramirez)
25. Alfredo Aceves (-13) (Franklin Morales, Daniel Bard)
26. Carlos Marmol (-11) (Rafael Dolis, Kerry Wood)
27. Heath Bell (-19) (Steve Cishek, Edward Mujica)
28. Scott Downs (-11) (Jordan Walden, LaTroy Hawkins)
29. Matt Thornton/Hector Santiago
(-1) (Addison Reed, Jesse Crain)
30. Francisco Cordero (-15) (Casey Janssen, Luis Perez, Sergio Santos, Lloyd Moseby)

 
  1. coco krispie says:
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    lose carl crawford right? utley?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      I’d lose Crawford…

      • chata says:
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        @Grey,

        haha .
        you cannot lose
        that which you cannot find .

  2. bean says:
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    No faith in Casilla? I am guessing it is because of Bochy and not his stuff. He has shut down teams when he has been given the 9th completely and isnt taken out.

    Much more of a Donkeycorn than a Brain Freeze to me.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @bean, Bochy could go another way, and has already for one save…

      • bean says:
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        @Grey, Bochy learned his lesson from that one as he overmanaged there. Casilla is better built for that role and noone out here trusts Romo to close………not even his parents.

        Romo’s slider is nice but he falls in love with it at times and it gets hammered (especially vs. the Dodgers).

        Not saying you are wrong…….just saying.

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          @bean, Guess we’ll see…

        • beardcrabs says:
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          @bean, Romo’s not 100% right now his elbow is wonky and won’t be able to assume the closer role…

    • Fuij (Fausto or Roberto? RCL) says:
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      @bean, Did someone just say Bochy learned his lesson?

      • bean says:
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        @Fuij (Fausto or Roberto? RCL), it was semi sarcastic but it is tough getting through that giant skull sometimes.

  3. Eddy says:
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    Grey,

    Do you think Casilla is #19 overall because of shaky job stability or his stuff? His recent saves seem to have locked the spot up for him, leading me to believe he should at least be a donkeycorn.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Eddy, Shaky Job security

  4. supra says:
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    How would you rank these guys in a keeper league (I’m looking to trade one away): J.Parker, Pomeranz, Duffy

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @supra, Parker, Duffy

  5. beardcrabs says:
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    Which side…

    Ian Kinsler, Tim Lincecum, Shawn Marcum…

    Andrew McCutchen, Howie Kendrick, Chris Sale, Jamie Garcia…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @beardcrabs, Kinsler

  6. LagunaBobbyI says:
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    @Grey……Need to pick up 2 of these guys to fill holes, which 2 or 3 do you like the most (5×5 league, but have no real need in any category)?? Boesch, Pagan, Nieuwenhuis, Jay, Fowler, Kubel, Parra

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @LagunaBobbyI, First three.

  7. ST. PETERSBURG — Contrary to some reports, Evan Longoria’s status remains unknown.

    The Rays third baseman left Monday night’s 3-2 win over the Mariners after the third inning with left knee soreness, an injury manager Joe Maddon described after the game as a “day-to-day gig right now.” Andrew Friedman echoed the same sentiment Tuesday morning.

    “We’re going to see how he’s doing today,” the Rays executive vice president of baseball operations said. “It’s one of those situations where if there’s improvement day after day, we probably will not DL him. If there’s not improvement and we feel confident that it will take 11 or 12 or more days then we probably will.

    • @Elijah, as of 10 mins ago latest news from MLB.com

      • Grey

        Grey says:
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        @Elijah, Thanks for the heads up!

    • A Hill O' Beans says:
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      @Elijah, For some reason I read that as “Contrary to some reports, Evan Longoria’s mental status remains unknown.”

      • Joan Chen says:
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        @A Hill O’ Beans @Grey And Ryan Zimmerman was once Day-to-Day…..

  8. Giant JJ says:
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    I read a blog that scared me regarding Bumgarner’s Ks in 2012. The Giants made him stop throwing across his body to protect him from future injury, but his new mechanics are giving the batter a better view of the ball out of his glove. I’m hurting in strikeouts so in a very deep league I’m thinking about trading Bumgarner and Todd Frazier for Anibel Sanchez and either Todd Helton or Chipper Jones. You ok with that or am I lowballing myself? Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Giant JJ, I’m not concerned, but it’s fair…

    • beardcrabs says:
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      @Giant JJ, he always showed the ball even before he changed his delivery… his command is unchanged… another reason they made him change his delivery is because throwing across his body made his breaking balls flat…

  9. A lot of these guys in the donkeycorn cat still feel really iffy. Its that kinda of season I guess.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Elijah, Yeah…

      • Hawk says:
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        @Grey,

        Every season is that kind of season because every manager treats their closer as if it’s Mariano Rivera out there when in reality, very few have the stuff, the control and are capable of handling the pressure day after day, year after year. Verducci broke it down really, really well in a recent article.

        I think the fantasy baseballer draft thought process on closers has to be one way or the other. Either you go with the sure things to ensure stability (and the ability to sleep soundly) or you go 100% SAGNOF and know you’ll be playing the wire all year.

        We should stay away from the mid-range guys – they are the ones who cost round 7-10 draft picks and are inevitably replaced.

        In other words: In or out. Black or white. No shades of…Grey…

        • Grey

          Grey says:
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          @Hawk, Ha… Nice…

        • chata says:
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          @Hawk,

          yep .
          you get what you pay for .

          but , on this site , many like to chase closers all summer long .

  10. BASH says:
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    Grey,

    12 team H2H keeper league offered Huston Street for Shelby Miller, my closers suck (marmol, chapman) and my SPs are Cueto Bumgarner Weaver Shields Garza, accept??

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @BASH, Sounds fine…

  11. Sambo Jenkins says:
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    League just got rocked again last night and you have him at 6?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Sambo Jenkins, Oops, wrote this yesterday afternoon and meant to change it after last night…

    • 2 Cups 1 Braun says:
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      @Sambo Jenkins, Gives up 2 ER in 2 innings and that’s labeled “rocked”? Hate to see what you call Bell or Marmol.

      League is that high because his job is pretty safe unless he gets traded.

  12. Horse says:
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    I have a hard time determining trade value for closers. 14 team 6×6. Any thoughts?

    Current RPs: Capps, Casilla, H. Rodriguez, Downs, Jansen

    Can start 4 at a time.

    Another owner has asked about Jansen. What is fair in return? A No. 2 SP?

    Some names on their roster:

    Garza, Weaver, Lynn, Worley

    Thanks.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Horse, I’d ask for Weaver or Garza, in that order…

  13. TimSTi says:
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    Grey, who in your rankings that isn’t listed in bold will finish with the most saves at the end of the year

    Basically looking for a top 3 list of potential closers…. Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @TimSTi, There’s no way of knowing who’s going to get injured… Adams, Cishek, Hernandez…

      • TimSTi says:
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        @Grey, I thought Miss Cleo was actually the man behind the moustache haha. I was mainly asking who you think is the most likely to lose their job and who the most loepy to take over are. Always be SAGNOFing!

  14. Mike says:
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    Need to pick up an outfielder…
    Schaefer,lahair,or parra
    Standard league
    Thanks!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Mike, LaHair

  15. A Hill O' Beans says:
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    The world has gone to hell in a handbasket when Jim Johnson is named the #6 closer in all of MLB here at razzball!

    Jim……………….Johnson………………..!?!?!

    Closers make me sad this year…

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @A Hill O’ Beans, Ha… I know.

    • Smokey

      Smokey says:
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      @A Hill O’ Beans, Johnson’s next 20 games are brutal, the counting stats are going to be few and far between. Closers make me sad always.

  16. Wilsonian says:
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    Reimold going back to Baltimore to get tests done on his tingling fingers that they think is related to his neck injury.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Wilsonian, Geez

  17. Jake says:
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    In a 5×5 league and have Longoria. Which, if any, would you recommend picking up while he’s out?

    Trumbo, Wiggington, Alvarez, Carpenter, Gamel…..Thanks.

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @Jake, Alvarez

  18. royce! says:
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    The first paragraph is a perfect distillation of this year’s closer shituation. Bravo, my friend. Freaking brilliant.

    • Chunk says:
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      @royce!, Agreed, some of your best stuff this year, Grey!

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @royce!, @Chunk, Thanks!

  19. JustMatt says:
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    Rasmus, Rios, Schafer & Presley – which 1 of those 4 do you sit?

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @JustMatt, Presley

  20. 2 Cups 1 Braun says:
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    Baltimore cutting costs these days or is it 1920?

    “Nolan Reimold took train back to Baltimore this morning to get checked by team doctors”

    • Grey

      Grey says:
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      @2 Cups 1 Braun, HA!