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Unlike other 2013 fantasy baseball rankings posts, I’m just gonna rank all of the closers in the format of every Closer Look I’ve done in the past.  Unlike other Closer Looks, I put projections in.  The setup men are in order in parentheses, and the relevant ones have projections, as well.  Once Brian Wilson and Jose Valverde sign, I’ll add them; neither are much more than end of the staff flyers.  You should draft saves first and foremost in all but Holds leagues.  Ratios for relievers are very fickle.  Ratios for middle men are all over the map.  Every year middle men come out of nowhere.  Just because Venters is with a top reliever does not make him the number one middle man.  David Robertson would be that.  When I rank my top 400 on Friday, I’ll have everyone in there.  Closers as of right now are listed first even if I think someone else will get more saves; as with the Tigers shituation.  The other day Smokey did a top middle relievers for the NL post (AL will be up shortly); Rudy also has all of the Holds projected in the 2013 fantasy baseball projections.  My biggest problem with ranking Holds is there’s no rhyme or reason from season to season with closers, then take that fickle fluidity (fickidity?) and multiple it by five when you start to go further into bullpens.  Last year, the Holds leaders were Joel Peralta, Pestano, Mitchell Boggs and Dor-K (for our dyslexic readers).  The year before, only Pestano made it in the top 20 and he ranked 16th overall.  Tyler Clippard was the best in 2011, where was he in 2012?  66th overall after he took May thru August off to captain a ship in America’s Cup.  If getting saves is about opportunity, getting Holds is about opportunity plus a coin toss.  Anyway, here’s all the closers for 2013 fantasy baseball:

$12 Salads

You know that restaurant your girlfriend/wife/what-have-you likes to go to that charges, like, $12 for a salad? Every time you go there, you have a thoroughly solid meal. No complaints, except you just paid $12 for a salad when you could’ve went to McDonald’s and stuffed you and your woman for ten schmools and had $2 in quarters left over to make the hotel bed vibrate. These closers are $12 salads.

1. Craig Kimbrel – 5-2/2.07/0.92/107, 46 saves (Jonny Venters 6-2/3.66/1.29/65; Jordan Walden, Eric O’Flaherty)
2. Jonathan Papelbon – 4-2/2.55/1.02/85, 43 saves (Antonio Bastardo, Mike Adams)
3. Jason Motte – 5-3/2.62/1.00/82, 41 saves (Mitchell Boggs, Trevor Rosenthal)
4. Mariano Rivera – 3-1/3.08/1.12/50, 35 saves (David Robertson 4-5/2.23/1.13/100, 7 saves; Boone Logan, Joba Chamberlain)
5. Joe Nathan – 4-4/2.98/1.05/74, 42 saves (Jason Frasor, Tanner Scheppers)

Donkeycorns

Imagine you’re following a donkey, who’s wearing a wool cap, through a desert for 1700 miles. Why are you following a donkey? Because he promises you something wonderful and you just need to trust him. Does the donkey talk? Yes. Yes, he does talk. So when you and the donkey in the wool cap arrive at his destination, he removes his the wool cap to reveal a horn. The donkey is a unicorn and his gift to you for your trust is saves. These closers are Donkeycorns.

6. Sergio Romo – 3-1/2.44/1.01/69, 35 saves (Santiago Casilla, Javier Lopez)
7. Rafael Soriano – 6-3/2.89/1.09/81, 39 saves (Drew Storen, Tyler Clippard)
8. Tom Wilhelmsen – 3-6/2.76/1.13/82, 33 saves (Carter Capps, Stephen Pryor, Josh Kinney)
9. Greg Holland – 5-5/3.24/1.23/94, 34 saves (Aaron Crow, Kelvin Herrera, Tim Collins)
10. Huston Street – 2-4/2.37/1.01/50, 25 saves (Luke Gregerson, Dale Thayer)
11. Glen Perkins – 2-5/2.91/1.09/74, 29 saves (Jared Burton, Alex Burnett)
12. Casey Janssen – 3-2/2.78/1.07/67, 37 saves (Sergio Santos, Darren Oliver)
13. John Axford – 3-3/3.10/1.18/90, 34 saves (Jim Henderson, Mike Gonzalez)
14. Fernando Rodney – 4-5/3.64/1.31/50, 32 saves (Joel Peralta, Jake McGee, Kyle Farnsworth)
15. Steve Cishek – 2-5/2.89/1.19/62, 22 saves (Mike Dunn, Ryan Webb)
16. Jim Johnson – 4-5/3.39/1.22/44, 38 saves (Pedro Strop, Darren O’Day)
17. J.J. Putz – 3-2/3.12/1.07/54, 30 saves (David Hernandez, Heath Bell)
18. Jonathan Broxton – 5-1/3.78/1.30/55, 32 saves (Sean Marshall 6-2/2.78/1.15/70, 9 saves; Jose Arrendondo)
19. Joel Hanrahan – 3-4/3.89/1.33/62, 33 saves (Andrew Bailey 5-4/4.22/1.25/40, 5 saves; Koji Uehara)
20. Grant Balfour – 4-1/3.54/1.07/69, 29 saves (Ryan Cook 7-3/3.05/1.09/94, 8 saves; Sean Doolittle)
21. Chris Perez – 2-4/3.19/1.16/57, 37 saves (Vinnie Pestano, Joe Smith)
22. Rafael Betancourt – 3-4/3.27/1.10/59, 32 saves (Matt Belisle, Wilton Lopez)
23. Jason Grilli – 2-4/2.34/1.12/82, 29 saves (Mark Melancon, Tony Watson)

Brain Freezes

I’m going on a picnic and I’m bringing apples, bananas and Carlos Marmol– Wait, he just gave up 12 earned runs and hit Castro in the head with a pickoff throw. Brain freeze! Make it stop! Use the following closers at your own risk.

24. Ryan Madson – 2-1/3.90/1.24/54, 30 saves (Ernesto Frieri 6-4/3.19/1.26/88, 7 saves; Sean Burnett, Scott Downs)
25. Addison Reed – 4-3/3.90/1.28/52, 27 saves (Matt Thornton, Jesse Crain)
26. Brandon League – 1-4/3.89/1.28/49, 17 saves (Kenley Jansen 5-1/2.25/1.02/90, 22 saves; Ronald Belisario)
27. Carlos Marmol – 2-4/3.98/1.43/84, 17 saves (Kyuji Fujikawa 4-2/3.34/1.21/62, 12 saves; Shawn Camp)
28. Bruce Rondon – 2-2/4.17/1.37/32, 7 saves (Joaquin Benoit 4-2/3.22/1.10/82, 22 saves; Phil Coke)
29. Frank Francisco – 2-5/4.59/1.33/40, 15 saves (Bobby Parnell 5-3/2.98/1.31/65, 14 saves; Josh Edgin)
30. Jose Veras – 1-5/4.37/1.47/82, 19 saves (Wesley Wright, Hector Ambriz, Scrappy Doo)