The Carroll Buyin’ It Show

(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH.)

I’ve given up on most prospects being called up this year that will make a huge difference. It’s time we started waiting for some unknown vet to get suddenly hot after being garbage for four+ years. Jose Iglesias — your time is now! That’s how I feel, in general. But there is one prospect left, who we might see, who could be a difference maker. As Prospect Itch called him, “The chosen one.” So, he’s Jewish–*intern whispers in ear*–So, he might not be Jewish. He’s the top prospect on Itch’s top 25 prospects for 2022 fantasy baseball. His name: Corbin Carroll. I wouldn’t be shocked if he’s still available for me to go over for my 2023 rookie series, which means he might not get 130 ABs losing rookie eligibility. As I was saying to BDon the other day on the podcast — now available on our Youtube channel for you to watch us, please subscribe — I wonder if this new CBA caveat…

…could adversely affect prospects. Will a team hold down a prospect out of fear he could lose rookie eligibility and not qualify for Rookie of the Year? I don’t know, tee be aitch, but Carroll has to be on the short list of 2023 ROY candidates if he stays down. Yeah, yeah, keyword: Short. Hardy har har! You tall guys think you’re so cool! “Hey, look at me, I can get cereal down without standing on a chair!” Aren’t you fantastic?! Sounding like an alien who is just discovering old HBO shows, Corbin Carroll is under six feet. Much like Mookie Betts with both power, speed and average. He is the total package like Paul Orndorff. Will he promoted soon? He should. I’ll say that. If you have room in any leagues, this is your last chance for a difference maker out of the prospects. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

BUY

Victor Caratini – “Is it possible to put in a request for Caratini to do PEDs so I can call him The Juice Bar…Hello? Are you still there?” That’s me calling into the Brewers’ front office.

Mitch Garver – “Mitch betta have my money!” What one says after loaning a Mitch money.

Eric Haase – Lots of catchers who are hot this week, and I didn’t even mention MJ Melendez. Wait a second, I just did.

Darick Hall – You already got a Darick Hall fantasy. It was written while singing Private Eyes.

Vinnie Pasquantino – Given you so many Vinnie Pasquantino fantasies, I’ve even given you a quick hitter on the Youtube. Subscribe!

Juan Yepez – “Yup, Yeppers, Yepez…” That’s me teaching someone how to conjugate yes.

Harold Ramirez – Here’s your, “This guy is hot according to the 7-day Player Rater, but are you really picking him up?” of the week.

Alex Kirilloff – This guy is instructive of why certain call-ups are just slightly less exciting. Kirilloff could be great, absolutely valuable, but zero speed and meh average, so what are you waiting on? The occasional homer? You could get that from any random schmohawk on waivers.

Isaac Paredes – Speaking of which regarding Kirilloff’s blurb, Paredes is the case against the Kirilloff types. No speed from Paredes, but want the occasional homer? How about two handfuls of homers and a foothold?

Nico Hoerner – Been sorta remiss in not mentioning Hoerner. He’s just so *long, rueful sigh when you don’t have anyone better*. Little Nico Hoerner sits in the middle hitting singles and nothing else.

Jonathan Villar – The new Angels’ leadoff hitter and everyday 3rd baseman, Jonathan Villar, could have sneaky value the rest of the way. Think Nimmo, but less fish puns.

Jon Berti – Billy Hamilton lays down with his feet on one side of a moat, and his hands on the other side. Berti walks over Hamilton’s back, looking up at Castle SAGNOF.

Christopher Morel – Don’t think people fully appreciate how valuable five-category guys are vs. the Kirilloffs of the world. Christopher Morel aka Captain Mushroom over here has been more valuable than Andrew Vaughn in roughly 25 less games, and Vaughn isn’t doing bad for what he’s doing (power and average).

Santiago Espinal – This guy’s on the list for guys who I’ve picked up and dropped about two dozen times. I want to drop him as soon as I pick him up, and, as soon as I drop him, I want to pick him up.

Elvis Andrus – He’s been good just as the release of the Elvis movie was happening. I guess that’s just a total coincidence and not the worse tie-in with MLB since the Spider-Man bases.

Jose Iglesias – “Here’s the church, here’s the steeple, and here’s the people helping my fantasy team.” Does sign of the cross, and takes communion.

Yandy Diaz – His Launch Angle, while still low, is actually higher than Cake Batter. That was pain to see. Also, Yandy’s Statcast page? Well, I’ve seen worse. He’s kind of a .300 hitter with neutral luck.

Miguel Vargas – With Chris Taylor out with a fractured foot, the Dodgers could call up Vargas. More than likely they’ll make due with Lux, Alberto, Jay Clam and Rios when he returns, then trade Vargas for someone awful like Joey Gallo.

Ryan McKenna – It’s beyond time we talked about Ryan McKenna! The Big Mc! The Yes I Kenna! The–Okay, there’s nothing to talk about with him, except he has great speed.

David Peralta – Not just recently, but you don’t want to know how high Peralta is on the season-long Player Rater. Honestly, if you knew, you’d wanna punch something.

Jake Meyers – You ever abbreviate his name to Ja-Me and sing it like Bob Marley’s Jamming? By the way, is there any chance if Bob was around now and did that song he wouldn’t drop the G for an apostrophe? These kind of things keep me up at night. Any hoo! Meyers is a meh-power, meh-speed, meh-average guy. Jake Mehyers is getting playing time for deeper leagues.

Jarren Duran – This guy is one of those where I would highlight him more if I had even the slightly notion that he was really unowned in 85% of leagues as ESPN is claiming. He’s at 100% rostered in RCL leagues, and I can’t imagine he’s close to available in anywhere close to a 12-team mixed league at a 85% type level. This is something I battle with every week, because we have rostered percentages for our leagues, and I could use them for this Buy column, but I worry our numbers are too high and people in shallower leagues will be left out. On a third hand — were we counting hands? — ESPN’s ownership numbers are way too low, so I end up seeing guys like Duran, who I know are not available. This was a 500-word essay to say, “Duran’s good to pick up, but prolly not available.”

Bryan De La Cruz – There was a small moment early on in the preseason when I saw this guy and thought Bryan DLC could be solid, but now I just see a hot schmotato. That’s why DLC stands for the Da Learning Channel.

Nick Senzel – He was last week’s Buy lede, and that went over like a lead balloon. A Lead Balloon Doesn’t Help Anyone Fly was also a B-side for the Goo Goo Dolls.

Johnny Cueto – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to Randy Newman’s agent.

Madison Bumgarner – This is also a Streamonator call. “Can you connect me with Randy? He said, ‘You’ve got a friend in me,’ and I’d like one of those.”

Will Smith – Heard they’re doing a Hancock sequel with Will Smith playing a guy who keeps his pimp hand strong by taking Viagra. Maybe I dreamt that. Braves’ Will Smith should be in lead for saves while Jansen is sidelined, but Minter is good too.

Tanner Scott – Or Tanner Houck. Anyone but Tanner Rainey, please. By the way, there were a lot of women 25 years ago who were in the maternity ward, checking their arms vs. the nurses’, saying, “Who’s Tanner?…Hey, that’s a nice name.”

Brooks Raley – Rays’ “closer” Colin Poche has pitched once in almost two weeks. Kevin Cash just absolutely forgot he existed. Just *poof, a cloud of smoke, and all knowledge of who Poche is went up in smoke*

Evan Phillips – Brusdar appears to be hurt, and Kimbrel sucks so hard he could suck the brains out of Myles Straw’s head. Kimbrel could suck a golf ball through a garden hose made of Robbie Ray’s pants. Kimbrel could suck an armadillo out of a snake. Yo, he really sucks. Roberts has said he wants Kimbrel to close, but that doesn’t mean they can’t use a phantom IL stint to get Kimbrel out of there for a while. For further reading: Aroldis Chapman.

Michael King – Clay Holmes is starring in Bossman: The Return of the Bossman, II. The Story of a Bossman becoming a Bossman who is just an absolute Bossman. A subplot is about Michael King became Smithers to Holmes’s Bossman. King’s middle relief numbers have him above all but the top echelon closers. He’s the new Devin Williams. Call him Devin Will.I.Ams.Now.

SELL

Oneil Cruz – Noooooooooooooooooo…*takes a breath, snacks on a little popcorn, remembers popcorn makes my tummy feel gassy, sticks head out window and vomits*…ooooooooooooooooooo! I love Oneil Cruz. Like Big Love. Like if there were three Oneil Cruzzes, I’d marry all three. He’s a beautiful specimen of baseball rawr. He can hit the ball 500 feet with a little toss of his wrists. But, yoo-hoo, back to reality. For this year? He’s striking out a ton and struggled in Triple-A with a .232 average. He could have a 15/10 half, and be primed for a huge 2023. Quick, calendar check! Is it 2023? I’m concerned Cruz might hit .220 or lower this year, and I could see moving him if you’re trying to win this year vs. set yourself up for next. I wouldn’t trade Cruz for a CD of the top 100 Wal-Mart greeters’ greetings, but I would go to our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.