Daulton Varsho, 2023 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 22, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated, Featured | 93 Comments

This one feels too easy. Usually I don’t tell you a catcher is overrated because, well, they’re catchers. It kinda goes with the territory. I’m giving myself a pass this year to call Daulton Varsho overrated because he has outfield eligibility. That outfield eligibility is actually what’s going to make it super easy to prove how overrated he is. We’re gonna compare him to other outfielders! Taking me out of the equation at first because you know I bring fire, but others have smoke. On our 12-team Player Rater, Daulton Varsho is currently ranked 120th overall, right next to Steven Kwan, who might be as valuable, but is a tough comp, because they’re not at all similar. Another outfielder near Daulton Varsho is Nick Castellanos, and further down the road is Ramon Laureano, who might be the best comp, so let’s try him on for size. Daulton Varsho is a 27/16/.235 hitter. You can debate the projections, but that’s what he just did. Ramons Laureano went 24/13/.288. Wait, that’s much better…Hold on! Sorry, that’s what Laureano did earlier in his career. Yeah, no way he does that again (there is a way, but let’s continue). Ramon Laureano’s projections are 21/20/.233. So, push on average; four more steals and six less homers. Hmm, well, they must be going close to each other in drafts, right? Hold on! They’re not? Geez, these surprises are a lot for my heart. Daulton Varsho is going around 39th overall and Laureano is going around 208th? Oh, wow. Hmm, that seems like a big difference. “Okay, but Daulton Varsho has catcher eligibility!” You scream at yourself in the mirror, as tears roll down your cheeks. Right, gotcha, there, there, buddy. He sure does. Let’s see that Player Rater again. Oh, boy, Varsho is ranked ahead of Will Smith and Alejandro Kirk! Damn, point made. They are respectively ranked 125th and 128th. Wow, big difference there. Kirk aka Bart Harley Jarvis is worth $11.60 and Varsho is worth $12.3. A full seventy cents of difference. They must be really close in ADP, huh? Kirk is sixty spots after Varsho? Hmm, that doesn’t seem very close. So, I guess besides all of that, why is Daulton Varsho overrated for 2023 fantasy baseball?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Michael Harris II, 2023 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 21, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated, Featured | 96 Comments

by: Grey

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This sucks. I suck for sucking this sucks so bad. I didn’t want to write about how Michael Harris II is overrated. He’s fun. Capital F. Going to the Capital Grill and ordering “Fun,” that’s Michael Harris II! Instead, I’m taking that F and teaming it with me for the ol’ patented “F me,” and that’s not me abbreviating Fame. RIP Irene Cara. Talk about real life events ruining a song. “Ooh, pump up the volume!” Singing along, “Fame! I want to live forever…Crap.” I now change “want to” to “ain’t gonna” when that song comes on the radio. From a rousing anthem for me to do calisthenics into a sob-fest. Any hoo! It wasn’t just I didn’t want to be a spoil-sport with Michael Harris II. It’s not just because I hadn’t seen the first Michael Harris, so I can’t appreciate this one. It’s all those pesky underlying numbers that scream at me every time I look at him. If he were going around Jake McCarthy’s spot in drafts, I likely would’ve wrote a sleeper post for Michael Harris II. Since he’s going as high as 12th overall in some leagues, I’m writing that he’s overrated. It sucks, and I be sucking. So, what can we expect from Michael Harris II and what makes him overrated?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Bobby Witt Jr., 2023 Fantasy Schmohawk

February 20, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated, Featured | 79 Comments

by: Grey

This year I’m taking no prisoners with my fantasy baseball overrated posts! No prisoners, baby! I’m a work release program, baby! Wait, that doesn’t sound as intimidating. I’m parole, baby! Meh, that’s not great either. I’m something that takes no prisoners. Sorry, I can’t think of any examples because I was born and bred in […]

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AL-Only, 12 Team Draft Recap: How Does He Do It? (I’m He)

February 17, 2023 | Featured, Our Leagues | 47 Comments

by: Grey

I’m having this weird feeling. It’s not gas; I know what that feels like. It’s not anger that my neighbor planted a tree that smells like semen on my property line. It’s…I think…extreme sadness? I hate this team. I never love my AL-Only teams. Sometimes, I’m okay with them. Sometimes, I’m unhappy with them but pretend to be okay with them, like a sad clown with a painted-on smile. But hate an AL-Only team? No one good is even in the AL, so, yeah, I guess it happens. I drafted so many guys I don’t love, because Rudy’s values kept whispering in my ear, “Take this guy, Grey, he’ll be good for you. Like brushing your teeth and Brussels sprouts.” Brussels sprouts are little cabbages that I don’t like, and the draft was 4 1/2 hours long — no one should brush their teeth that long! Not even Julia Roberts! Drafting guys I hate? What’s going on with me? Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over me. My baby’s got a secret — he hates his AL-Only team, which I sing while wearing a bridal gown as I roll around on an empty stage. I also cut out each player’s name I drafted and throw them at my face like wedding rice. Is this metaphor still going, you ask yourself. Yes, it is! So, I drafted against Scott White at CBS, a bunch of Razzball guys and a lady (hey, Laura!), and a few ‘perts from other sites. This league is deep so hold onto ye olde hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues. Or closet buddies, if you’re reading fast and/or experimenting.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team AL-Only team and some thoughts:

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Best 2023 Fantasy Baseball Team

February 16, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy, Featured | 66 Comments

by: Grey

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The best 2023 fantasy baseball team is a misnomer. Thankfully, none of us know what misnomer means. Sounds to me like someone tentatively wants to date the Travelocity Gnome’s daughter, “Miss Gnome, er, you wanna grab some boba and chill?” Miss Gnome brushes back her hair and bats her eyelashes that are almost as long as her two-and-half foot body, “I’d love to,” but her voice is high-pitched, which is a turnoff, so you cancel plans with her repeatedly until she gets the hint. Sorry, Miss Gnome, gotta ghost ya because I like my women’s voices low like their stature. Any hoo! So the title is hyperbole. What was I gonna say, “The Mostly Kinda Good Fantasy Baseball Team?” You’ll get over your scoffing; I have faith in you. This is the best 2023 fantasy baseball team that I can put together when drafting from my top 100 for 2023 fantasy baseball and top 500 for 2023 fantasy baseball. Honestly, I could draft another 25 teams from those lists, and they’d all be different, but equally terrific…Well, one of the twenty-five would only be sorta terrific, but it would be really hard to tell which one that is. If I took Matt Olson in the 3rd round, everything after would change. If I took Trea Turner in the 1st round, everything after would change. I’ve previously gone over my 2023 fantasy baseball draft prep for the first few rounds and pitchers pairings. For this exercise, I’m taking Yordan Alvarez in the first, because, well, people complained previously I always did this post by taking the first pick, so I’m switching it up, like when you combover your hair right instead of left. My “Best Fantasy Baseball Team” from last year is hilariously awful, and I’ll show you that team later in this post. Oh, it’s so so so so so so bad. I mean, it puts everything in question. Like, was I dropped on my head last preseason?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2023 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pairings

February 15, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy, Featured | 98 Comments

by: Grey

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Here’s a post that’s gonna make you wanna slap ya mama and tell her Don Magic Juan sends his best. By the by, true story: I was once hired to write award show jokes for Don Magic Juan and he was so stoned I did nothing and he just laughed for two hours. Any hoo! The other day I told you how to draft your pitchers for 2023 fantasy baseball. I laid it out to you nice and simple (if you have a degree in “What The Hell Is Grey Talking About?” Not a PhD, mind you. Just a BS.) Today, we forget all that jabberwocky on the who-ha and get down to business old school-style (which means if you don’t comprehend, I will hit you over the head with a baseball bat signed by Joe Clark.) What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd, if you’ve drafted so and so first. For easy reference, the royal we will be using the top 10 for 2023 fantasy baseball, top 20 for 2023 fantasy baseball, and the beginning of the top 100 for 2023 fantasy baseball. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league, similar to our Razzball Commenter Leagues. (Sign up for multiple leagues, and beat the heck out of your frenemies or make new frenemies!) Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2023 fantasy baseball drafts:

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2023 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pitchers’ Pairings

February 14, 2023 | fantasy baseball strategy, Featured | 76 Comments

by: Grey

Here’s everyone’s favorite post delivered to you on Valentine’s Day so you can make love to it. I pardon your grotesque actions, and will allow a one-time hump-a-roo fest on your computer while this post is open on it. Go ahead. Hump-a-roo. Okay, done? Good, sicko! What, I never said I would have no judgments. Okay, did you ever think we’d get to the end of the 2023 fantasy baseball rankings? You did? Wow, you had more faith than me. Some time around the top 60 outfielders for 2023 fantasy baseball, I thought we were gonna have to pack it up and start ranking something else, like the top 20 Reasons Why We Weren’t Finishing The 2023 Fantasy Baseball Rankings. 1. Lazy. Then a new tier for 2. Winning the lottery. Never the hoo! Here we are now! So, from the 2023 fantasy baseball rankings, specifically the starter rankings, comes a need for this post: The 2023 fantasy baseball pitchers’ pairing tool. This is where things get interesting! And by ‘interesting’ I mean massively confusing. If what you’re about to read were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If The Green River Killer stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye. Because, well, his company would prolly be all murderers too. Moving on!

For these pitcher pairings, I’m going to be using our (my) 2023 fantasy baseball rankings. Notably, the top 20 for 2023 fantasy baseball, the top 20 starters for 2023 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2023, top 60 starters for 2023, the top 80 starters for 2023 and top 100 starters. You can also just get Rudy’s downloadable War Room by signing up for the Subscriptions. Okay, formalities out of the way. *rolls up sleeves, makes farting noise with hand under armpit, rolls down sleeve* Let’s get busy! Now, what is a pitcher pairing? It’s your plan for putting together a fantasy pitching staff. A course of action, of course — of acoursion, naturally. If you have A pitcher, which B, C, D, E and F pitcher goes with him? Which is different than ‘F this pitcher,’ that’s what you say by end of April after one of your starters gives up five earned in two-thirds of an inning. You should have six starters. The sixth starter is, well, Bailey Ober comes to mind. Or Hunter Brown. Justin Steele also comes to mind. Edward Cabrera anyone? By the by, I use this opening every year, except change the names, and last year the names I told you to grab with your 6th starter were Cristian Javier, Triston McKenzie, Tony Gonsolin and Bailey Ober. Not a bad track record and here’s Ober going around that track one more time! I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 pitcher leagues like the Razzball Commenter Leagues, which are now in the process of filling up. Put on your pants and look presentable! Anyway, here’s pitcher pairings for pitching staffs for 2023 fantasy baseball drafts:

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2023 Razzball Commenter Leagues

February 13, 2023 | Featured, Our Leagues | 78 Comments

by: Grey

It’s year 13 of the RCLs! That’s right, if the RCLs are in the bathroom, don’t knock, just give them like five minutes because they’re checking the price guide for their Semien condition, so to speak. RCLs are singing The Freshmen by the Verve Pipe. They grow up so fast, right? Soon, the RCLs are going to be dating, then fall for their high school sweetheart, then get married at 19, then quit school to support their young family. Then, an affair will start with their co-worker, and the RCLs will secretly despise their family when they turn 30 for depriving the RCLs of their lifelong dream of going to umpire school. Man, some serious RCLs’ bitterness incoming! Maybe you should just hit the lottery, RCLs, then you can spend all your money on a McMansion and a tiger tied to a tree. Unfortunately, the tree isn’t sturdy enough and bends all the way over allowing the tiger to break loose and stalk the RCLs into their bathroom where the RCLs wail, “I didn’t know how good I had it when I had no money and just the fun of playing in a free fantasy baseball league against 11 of my closet frenemies.” So, don’t make the same mistake as the RCLs, and live your best life by joining some free fantasy baseball leagues!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Pablo Twincasso

February 10, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 54 Comments

by: Grey

Due to being in the middle of the 2023 fantasy baseball rankings, I got super backlogged on player updates, so this is going to be a huge How’s Your Father. First up, and perhaps the biggest news I missed, Pablo Lopez was shipped to the Twins. Or I should say given away. What’s his downside? Well, he kinda sucked last year. That’s a big one. Here’s the thing: That was last year, not this year. Crazy, right? If you followed my lead, you were out on Pab-Lo last year. And now we’re going back in. Last year, he threw 180 IP, 8.7 K/9, 2.7 BB/9, 3.56 xFIP. Was a bit unlucky on men left on base and his command was a little wonky, but he upped his SwStr% and lowered his inside and outside zone contact. His 2nd half really hurt him (4.97 ERA) but that was based on a very high BABIP and he actually had better command. He had the 15th lowest Hard Contact% for the season, and 16th lowest in the 2nd half. That is disconnected from his 2nd half ERA. In fact (Grey’s got more!), he had the 8th highest difference in his 2nd half ERA and FIP. He was one of the unluckiest pitchers last year, and, if he hadn’t been, he would’ve ended the year with something like a 3.10 ERA instead of a 3.75 ERA and would be ranked at least ten starters higher, and drafted about 30 to 50 spots higher in ADP. He’s ranked and projected in the top 60 starters. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason in 2023 fantasy baseball:

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Top 500 for 2023 Fantasy Baseball

February 9, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings, Featured | 97 Comments

by: Grey

Four score and seventeen-hundred rankings posts ago, my Fordfathers said, “Stop calling us Fordfathers, you idiot, it’s forefathers.” In order to form a more perfect fantasy baseball ranking system, we stopped ranking for fantasy baseball and simply said, “Eff it, let’s just let Grey rank 500 or so Mr. So-and-So’s.” Or, more succinctly, the top 500 for 2023 fantasy baseball. A few years ago, the top 500 was only a top 300 for fantasy baseball. Before that, it was 16 AD and I was drafting in one-person leagues because no one knew fantasy baseball or baseball. In a few years from now, this is going to be a top 10,000 and I’m going to be ranking Ronald Acuña Jr. Jr. Jr. Today, in this year, Twenty-Three after Twenty, comes the top 500 for 2023 fantasy baseball. Or as I like to call it, “Did he really rank Mr. So-and-So before Mr. So-and-So Jr.?” If Mr. So-and-So Jr. would stop chasing pitches in the dirt, I might’ve ranked him in front of Mr. So-and-So. This post isn’t meant to send shockwaves through your system. The pipe cleaner that the doctor uses to get the clogged wax from your ears is meant for that. This is simply to give you an idea of where guys are ranked in relation to other positions, i.e., you know I like Vaughn Grissom better than Brandon Lowe, according to the top 20 2nd basemen, but do I like Grissom better than Josh Jung? Okay, it’s not that simple. You should read the blurbs for all players, but this top 500 should give you an idea. You’ll notice after the top 200, positions start to get clumped together. I might be the only fantasy baseball ‘pert to tell you this, but it doesn’t matter where, say, Justin Turner is ranked vs. Alexis Diaz. If you need saves, Turner isn’t going to help you. He can be ranked 50 spots in front of Diaz and it doesn’t matter. That’s why I have the 2023 fantasy baseball rankings broken down by positions. If you need a 1st baseman, then Jose Miranda vs. Ty France matters, but where Miranda is ranked vs. Kodai Senga really doesn’t matter. Also, there’s no comments about players in this top 500, which you really should know prior to drafting. In other words, Shane Bieber might be in the 60s overall, but am I drafting him? Well, you’d know if you read my top 20 starters for 2023 fantasy baseball. There’s also a top 100 for 2023 fantasy baseball to help you. Also, there’s our online War Room, which is downloadable, and it comes free with Razzball Subscriptions.

Also, where I had omitted the free agent projections previously, here I filled them in because, well, it was getting confusing for me with open spaces. All free agents’ projections are based on neutral parks or best guesstimates where they will end up. Anyway, here’s the top 500 for 2023 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 100 for 2023 Fantasy Baseball

February 8, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings, Featured | 127 Comments

by: Grey

Hello, all you brave, courageous, adventure-seekers, you’ve found the wrong website. This is fantasy baseball, not fantasy role playing, unless it’s fantasy roll-playing and this is Stratomatic, but that’s still not right. Still, fantasy baseball. Good, now that we got rid of all those people wearing fedoras and shopping from the Indiana Jones collection at Eddie Bauer, we can get down to the bidness. The Auction value bidness? Not quite, but you can find all auction values in Rudy’s rankings — one example, 12-team mixed league auction values. This is a top 100 for 2023 fantasy baseball. Let’s do this!

One word about this top 100 for 2023 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words. I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2023 fantasy baseball rankings. If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2023 fantasy baseball, the top 20 outfielders for 2023 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Patterns In Queso That Look Like Messages From Another Planet for 2023– Okay, but I almost got you. This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other. Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from. 448 more, to be very exact. Next up, there will be a top 500 that will go past 500, then, after that, there will be a top 7,500 that will go to 8,602, then a top 25,000 that will go to 28,765, then a top 600,000 that will go to 892,121, until we end up with a top kajillion in April that will go to a kajillion and one. Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500. Yeah, that makes sense. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2023 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter!

Razzball Subscriptions are also now open, which include the Fantasy Baseball War Room. I don’t draft without it, neither should you. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2023 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 100 Starters for 2023 Fantasy Baseball

February 7, 2023 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings, Featured | 75 Comments

by: Grey

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This is the top 100 starters for 2023 fantasy baseball? This is the top 100 starters for 2023 fantasy baseball! Which means. Dot dot dot. This is the end of the 2023 fantasy baseball rankings. I can reclaim my fingers! Wait, I still have to do the top 100 overall and top 500 overall. Hmm, that was short-lived. Subscriptions are up and running, and they come with our Fantasy Baseball Draft War Room, now for auction leagues, snake leagues, Best Ball leagues and AL-Only and NL-Only leagues. Here’s Steamer’s 2023 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2023 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. As always, my projections are included, and where I see tiers starting and stopping. If you want an explanation of tiers, go back to the top 10 for 2023 fantasy baseball and start this shizz all over again. Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2023 fantasy baseball:

NOTE I: All my rankings are currently available on Patreon for the price of a Starbucks coffee, if you get one of those extra grande frappuccino jobbers. Don’t wait for the rankings to come out over the next month, and get them all now.

NOTE II: Free agents are listed as just that and not yet projected. Once a guy signs, I will write out their blurb and add in projections, or remove them, if they sign in an unfavorable place. They are ranked currently where I think they might be if they sign on for a full-time job.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Author: Grey

Read some of Grey's 4942 posts

Daulton Varsho, 2023 Fantasy Schmohawk

Michael Harris II, 2023 Fantasy Schmohawk

Bobby Witt Jr., 2023 Fantasy Schmohawk

AL-Only, 12 Team Draft Recap: How Does He Do It? (I’m He)

Best 2023 Fantasy Baseball Team

2023 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pairings

2023 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pitchers’ Pairings

2023 Razzball Commenter Leagues

Pablo Twincasso

Top 500 for 2023 Fantasy Baseball

Top 100 for 2023 Fantasy Baseball

Top 100 Starters for 2023 Fantasy Baseball