This post will be an extended mea culpa. I didn’t believe Andrew Abbott (8 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, two walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.10) when he was called up. Didn’t believe him after his first eight starts! Didn’t believe him when he had solid prospect pedigree. Didn’t believe him when he came to my house and said, “Why don’t you believe me? You’re hurting my feelings!” I didn’t believe him when he showed up at my favorite boba place to tell me he had a 9.2 K/9, 2.9 BB/9. Didn’t believe him when he showed up at my health club in a towel and sat in the sauna with me and walked me through how he had a .212 xBAA, an xERA of 3.62 and a .103 BAA on his sweeper, which he throws 16.1% of the time. I didn’t believe him when he walked next to my car, while I was in traffic, and told me his fly balls were crazy high, but literally, so they won’t leave the park. I didn’t believe him when he shook me awake in the middle of the night and told me to not trust his 4.59 xFIP. I didn’t believe him through all that, and I regret it. Sadly, I still don’t believe him. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Luke Maile – 3-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer. Maile followed the game with dinner with his friend, Andre.

Wilmer Flores – 1-for-3 and his 12th homer, and 19th homer this week and 47th time I’m saying he’s a hot schmotato. He will be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because: Of course.

Alex Cobb – 4 1/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.15. Sigh Cobb.

Corbin Burnes – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.49. Yesterday, it was like the opposite of Tuesday when everyone got rocked. Pitchers actually pitched yesterday. A novel concept! Even the ones that were hit, were hit in a respectable way like Burnes’s opponent, Taijuan Walker (6 IP, 4 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.11). Well, everyone was respectable except for my guy, Cobb.

Christian Yelich – 3-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .287. Only thing left to find out in Yelich’s season is: Will he be drafted once again within twelve spots of Cody Bellinger? My guess is no. Yelich feels like he’s headed for a top 30 spot, and Bellinger seems headed for the 60-75 range.

Abner Uribe – 1 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks, ERA at 2.08. Fun fact! Abner Uribe invented baseball in the Dominican Republic.

Emmanuel Rivera – 2-for-3 and his 3rd homer, and 2nd homer in the last two games. He won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, but seems to have a hot schmotato thing going.

Dominic Canzone – 1-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 1st major league homer. Dominic Canzone is the gay confidant on, Max’s And Just Like That…”Carrie, that dress looks how Dan Vogelbach hits.” He’s also a recent DBack call-up, who I grabbed off waivers in NL-Only, and wouldn’t go near yet in mixed leagues. He has big power, and some speed, but might hit .190 and not have any consistent at-bats.

Corbin Carroll – 1-for-3, 2 runs and a slam (19) and legs (29), hitting .283. He’s in the video at the top of the page, and I’m still very worried about his shoulder, but I am not selling low. I’d want full price, except in keepers where I can’t imagine a price high enough to get him from me.

Zac Gallen – 7 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners (zero walks), 5 Ks, ERA at 3.18. Do you ever stand to propose a toast, then ask a piece of bread to marry you? No, hmm, guess we’re not the same. I also wanted to draft Gallen everywhere and got him nowhere, so prolly better we’re not the same.

Spencer Strider – 6 IP, 4 ER, 5 baserunners, 13 Ks, ERA at 3.78. He has 244 2/3 career IP, i.e., a half season from Nolan Ryan, and Strider’s career numbers are 23-8, 3.13 ERA with 378 strikeouts. My God. *bites wrist like Lenny & Squiggy*

Matt Olson – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 31st and 32nd homer, hitting .258. My preseason bet that he’d be NL MVP looks like it’s gonna miss save one guy, his teammate, Acuña.

Austin Riley – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 20th homer, and his 4th homer in three games. Okay, NL MVP’s top three gonna be all Braves or no?

Orlando Arcia – 1-for-3 and his 9th homer, hitting .291. What if Arcia was the Braves’ Create-A-Teheran we were looking for all along? Because you know next year Arcia’s going to have a 3-homer, .175 season that’ll be so awful.

J.P. France – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.13. Thinking about having a team with Abbott, Lorenzen and France, and cackling like a loon. This start was vs. the A’s, who received back in the Fujinami trade, announcers to be named later:

Starling Marte – Hit the IL with a headache. It first happened when he looked at his stats.

Mark Vientos – Recalled by the Mets. He’s hit .173 in 32 MLB games, but I hear he has monstrous power. Power that will lurk just below the surface, then jump onto your boat, grab your leg in its teeth and–Oh, I see, they’re using ‘monstrous’ to mean big.

Jose Quintana – 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, as he was activated from the IL. The great Mets’ offseason acquisition is back just in time for the pennant chase (for another team, after he’s traded). Kidding, maybe. Or Jo-Quin, as is the case here. I haven’t heard anything about Quintana being moved, though why not? Any hoo! He’s a Streamonator call in most mixed leagues, though I’d give him run in deeper 15-teamers.

Michael Kopech – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks, ERA at 4.29. Speaking of trade targets, were those all Mets fans in attendance at Citifield with clipboards? Really? Why were they wearing Dodgers’ caps?

Alejandro Kirk – 3-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .241. “I think I figured out why your gutter’s clogged. Someone left to rot a body in a Jays uni–Whoa! He’s moving! Kirk’s alive!”

Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – 1-for-2 and his 15th homer. Would be nice if Cake Batter confused the pitch clock with the Home Run Derby clock, huh?

Chris Bassitt – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.92. Bassitt now has two straight post-ASB Quality Starts, and, now’s when I get goofy. If you throw out three starts of his and just 10 1/3 IP, he has a 2.22 ERA in 117 1/3 IP.

Blake Snell – 5 IP, 1 ER, 12 baserunners (7 BBs), 4 Ks, ERA at 2.67. Yikes with a side of yikey yikes. Lots of yikes. Hopefully this was one start and it’s not the start of a sideways journey through “Snell Can’t Find The Plate.”

Kyle Gibson – 6 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.76. In one league where I’m doing well in pitching, I have Tyler Wells, Kyle Bradish and Kyle Gibson. I am chortling. For what it’s Cronenworth, I benched Gibson in Tampa, even if the Rays have been struggling. I don’t trust Gibson that much.

Tyler Glasnow – 7 IP, 2 ER, 6 hits, zero walks, 9 Ks, ERA at 3.62. Solid start, but later found out it wasn’t even Glasnow, it was product placement for Oppenheimer.

Marcus Stroman –  3 2/3 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.09. Someone is so anxious about getting off the Cubs, they’re prematurely busting.

Brendan Donovan – Went to have tests done on his arm and it’s pregnant! Congrats! Also, his arm has a persistent flexor strain and can’t be used to throw, so he needs to DH every game for a few weeks.

Steven Matz – 5 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 6 Ks, ERA at 4.67. That was Matz’s first good start in five years. Approximately.

Tyler O’Neill – 1-for-2, 1 run as he was activated from the IL. Oli Marmol happily wrote his name right back in the lineup. Batting 7th, and next to left field, he wrote in bold letters, Shithead. After O’Neill walked in his first at-bat back, Marmol screamed from the dugout, “Figures!”

Paul DeJong – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 13th homer, hitting .238, and 9th. Colonel Mustard in the condiment aisle with mustard! (Meta.)

Jordan Walker – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. Thank you, Daddy, may I have another?

Jason Foley – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.13. Has Lange already been traded? Oh, I see, Lange was used in previous games and rested. Well, his trade will be coming soon.

Michael Lorenzen – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.49. Can’t believe one of my biggest regrets is not trusting Lorenzen. He shouldn’t be good either! Between Abbott and Lorenzen, I’m gonna stop researching all pitchers and just grab guys willy and/or nilly. Also, and I say this at least once a year, and I believe VinWins also points out how I’m wrong every year, but it feels like getaway day (Thursday) is a good day to stream. Players are checked out, readying to move on to the next series. Finally, Streamonator on Lorenzen if you want, but he has to explode at some point. He has to!

George Kirby – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.23. It’s getaway day, guys and five lady readers, getaway day!

Teoscar Hernandez – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 16th homer, hitting .243. The Teoscar for…Super Kinda Meh goes to…Jose Abreu? Weird.

Mike Ford – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 10th homer, that’s in 104 ABs. Ya know, the ol’ 50-homer pace.

Jarred Kelenic – Hit the IL. He fractured his foot kicking a water cooler. Not surprised to see him kick something, because, also like in soccer, he is a flop.