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Author: Grey

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Hosmer Joins The Pads Cast, Serially

February 19, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 143 Comments

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It’s the Winter Meetings, Part 2:  This Time Free Agents Are Really Signing.  Starring as Eric Hosmer is Turtle!

Starring as Wil Myers is your goofy friend from high school who now works for Enterprise Rent-A-Car:

Trailer Voice, “What if all of MLB’s owners weren’t in collusion….But just the rich teams!”  In the last few days, the Padres, Twins and Rays got some deals done, which is kinda like shuffling the deck chairs on the Titanic.  Some ‘perts will likely move Hosmer down in their rankings, but I always assumed Hosmer would be a Padre, and ranked and projected him as one in my top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball.  There, I said, “Here’s what I will say when Hosmer signs, “I made the case last year that Hosmer was Joey Votto Jr.  I called him Kangaroo Embryo.  I just thought of a kangaroo wearing a Kangol, but I’ve never thought about an alligator wearing an Izod shirt, I’ll have to discuss this with my shrink.  At one point, Wil Myers said he’d move to the outfield for Eric Hosmer to come to the Padres, and I thought to myself, “If I were Hosmer, I’d tell Myers to please not do me any favors.”  San Diego is like the Trojan Horse of cities (for baseball and just visiting).  It’s like this, “Oh, man, San Diego is gorgeous.  What’s this, 77 degrees every day?  I can get used to this!”  Five minutes later, “I am bored out of mind.”  Five minutes after, “Damn, can we get out of here?”  Ten minutes after that, “If I see one more white person in flip-flops I’m going to readily embrace going to Tijuana.”  Any hoo!  Hosmer isn’t exactly a home run hitter.  His fly balls were goofy low last year for a guy with 25 homers.  He was the third lowest for fly balls (22.2%), fourth highest ground balls and the 29th lowest for Hard Contact.  He does hit a decent amount of line drives, and feels like a 23-26 homer guy with a few more fly balls.  He might be Kangaroo Embryo this year, but to emulate Joey Votto Jr. he’s going to need to elevate the ball more.”  And that’s me quoting future me!”  And that’s me quoting me quoting future me!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw in spring training for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Fantasy Baseball War Room, 2018 Edition

February 16, 2018 | 2018 Fantasy Baseball Draft | 253 Comments

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The Fantasy Baseball War Room is back!  I’m not saying the Fantasy Baseball War Room is back, as in, is a butt.  So, if Sir Mix-A-Lot is reading, I’m truly sorry for the confusion.  Our Fantasy Baseball War Room is one part draft tool, one part fantasy team evaluator, one part fantasy junkie’s s’s and g’s tool, one part holy, two parts smokes, three parts… How many parts is that so far?  Cause it’s only really seven parts total.  I think there’s one part kill-your-day-with-this-war-room-thing-a-maboob-as-a-pinwheel-spins in there too.  Essentially, this helps you practice building a fantasy baseball team.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Hey Yu Cubs!

February 15, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 234 Comments

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As the big market maxim goes, if you can’t draft ’em, sign ’em.  The Cubs have struggled to produce major league-ready pitching, and rather than rely on a solid, if unspectacular pitching staff, they signed Yu Darvish for a shizzton of money, though likely his going rate.  Speaking of which, have you heard all the whispers of collusion?  This one doesn’t involve Russians, unless Scott Boras has Russian ancestry.  Have to check 23 and Me for that.  This offseason seems to be dropping breadcrumbs towards a work stoppage in 2021.  Hopefully, I’m wrong.  However, when teams are making hundreds of millions of dollars, then refusing to pay free agents things start to look suspicious.  Not to mention, Derek Jeter seems to have shorted Marlins stock.  When you sell off the whole team to make $60 million in revenue sharing, eyebrows are raised.  Unfortunately, for Jeter, it wasn’t his eyebrows, because his forehead seems to be losing hair by the day, and he could use some raised eyebrows to cover that shiny dome.  Any hoo!  As I said in the top 20 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball, “Yu signed with the Cubs for $126 million.  If you just had Siri read that off to you, stop celebrating, and get off the phone with the Lambo dealer.  It’s not you you, it’s Yu Darvish.  Not saying this is everything, but I just looked at the park factors for Wrigley vs. Dodger Stadium.  I mean, I knew they were grossly in favor of Dodger Stadium for pitchers, but I just wanted to confirm.  And, what do you know, I confirmed it.  Darvish had a 3.44 ERA in Los Angeles in 49 2/3 IP, and, while Wrigley won’t be as gentle, it won’t be any worse than Arlington, where he played previously with success.  He feels like a richer Archer.  Call him, Robin Hood: Prince of Ks.”  And that’s me quoting me!  I also updated Darvish in the top 100 for 2018 fantasy baseball, the top 500 for 2018 fantasy baseball and the pitchers’ pairings.  Finally, Rudy updated his fantasy baseball rankings and Darvish moved up about 30 spots.  That reminds me of the DJ Khaled song produced for the Huffington Post called, Clickbait Drop.  I upped Darvish’s projections, and moved him into a more favorable tier, realizing I had been too harsh on him previously.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this offseason for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Yahoo’s 2018 Fantasy Baseball Rankings Ranklings

February 14, 2018 | 2018 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 220 Comments

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My esteemed colleagues at Yahoo have put out their 2018 fantasy baseball rankings.  I think I’m using the word colleague incorrectly.  Does colleague mean someone you’re in a league with?  Yes?  No?  Okay, let’s move on.  I might be using esteemed wrong too.  Know what?  We’re moving on!  The Yahoo 2018 fantasy baseball rankings are out; I’m sure about that after consulting with my hair stylist, Jeffrey, at SuperCuts.  I said to Jeffrey (don’t shorten it), “Do I have dandruff, Jeffrey?”  Jeffrey, digging through my full, lustrous mane, “Why do you think this horrible thing, Mr. Grey?”  I replied, “I saw how low Yahoo ranked Cody Bellinger and I began to demonically scratch my head.”  After a three-hour explanation of who Cody Bellinger was, what fantasy baseball is and the ins and outs of Yahoo fantasy baseball, Jeffrey responded, “That is not dandruff, Mr. Grey.  I shaved my hair and donated it to a sculpture at Miami’s Art Basel, and that Cody Bellinger ranking makes me scratch my head too.”  Thrilled I didn’t have a disease of the dry scalp, I was still left puzzled by some of Yahoo’s rankings.  So, I figured be a Pisces and jam.  For this post, I will be looking at the consensus Yahoo 2018 fantasy baseball rankings vs. my own 2018 fantasy baseball rankings.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

ESPN’s 2018 Fantasy Baseball Rankings, White Snake And Underwear Sauce

February 13, 2018 | 2018 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 304 Comments

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Our 2018 Razzball Commenters Leagues are in full signup mode.  I even heard there were a few people from Anonymous that signed up!  They said, “To the world, I’m Anonymous, just another white man who sits in parking lots with binoculars watching women.”  Man, that Anonymous guy is depressing!  As we always do about this time, I eviscerate the haters and complicators!  I eviscerate the not-knowers and the over-knowers!  I eviscerate the ESPN goers and the garden hoers!  I overuse a word like eviscerate that I just learned!  I am the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it) and I’ve come for your children!  See, because blog writing doesn’t pay so well, I’ve taken a second job as a bus driver, so I’m literally here for your kids.  Like a baller!  A shot caller!  An “I’m outside of Hot Topic at the maller!”  My eviscerating (I’m conjugating my new word!) today comes at the expense of ESPN and their 2018 fantasy baseball rankings.  To the tune of Baby Blue (Feat. Chance the Rapper) by Action Bronson:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2018 Razzball Commenter Leagues

February 12, 2018 | Our Leagues | 312 Comments

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If you’re like me most days, you’re sitting in your car beneath an underpass and writing ALF fan fiction, but today we have a different type of fantasy for you to engage in.  No, not your fantasy where it’s you and that girl from high school in a tub of Alphabet Soup and you write her a love letter on her back in noodles!  This is a fantasy baseball fantasy!  Because you know what would be really cool?  If you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, 1000 other fantasy baseball teams.  But not a 1000-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers.  No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 90 other leagues of twelve.  That would be cool.  Oh, wait, we’ve done that.  It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it!  For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league!  That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences).  Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day.  As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon.  Or womon, for our five girl readers.  It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues!

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

2018 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pitchers’ Pairings

February 9, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy, Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 188 Comments

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For these pitcher pairings, I’m going to be using our (my) 2018 fantasy baseball rankings.  Notably, the top 20 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2018, top 60 starters for 2018, the top 80 starters for 2018 and top 100 starters.  You can also just go to our Fantasy Baseball War Room.  Okay, formalities out of the way.  *rolls up sleeves, makes farting noise with hand under armpit, rolls down sleeve*   Let’s get busy!  Now, what is a pitcher pairing?  It’s your plan for putting together a fantasy staff.  A course of action.  If you have A pitcher, which B, C, D, E and F pitcher goes with him?  Which is different than ‘F this pitcher,’ that’s what you say in May.  You should have six starters.  The sixth starter is Josh Hader or take whoever you want.  I suggest an upside pick.  Hader comes to mind.  Or Mike Montgomery.  Sean Newcomb also comes to mind.  Luiz Gohara anyone?  I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 pitcher leagues like the Razzball Commenter Leagues.  Speaking of which, the RCL league signups will begin on Monday. (NOTE: What you are about to read is massively confusing.  If it were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me.  If Ed Kemper stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye.)  Anyway, here’s pitcher pairings for pitching staffs for 2018 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 500 for 2018 Fantasy Baseball

February 8, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 233 Comments

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Today, is the day in history known as, “Aw, sookie sookie, don’t need the nookie, Grey’s giving me a fantasy baseball cookie.”  Or, more succinctly, the top 500 for 2018 fantasy baseball.  A few years ago, the top 500 was only a top 300 for fantasy baseball.  Before that, it was 16 AD and I was rolling with Jesus to this deli that had great matzoh ball soup.  In a few years from now, this is going to be a top 10,000 and I’m going to be ranking Mike Trout Jr. Jr. Jr. the 15th.  Today, in this year, eighteen after twenty, comes the top 500 for 2018 fantasy baseball.  Or as I like to call it, from Mike Trout A to chimpanzee.  Actually, I don’t call it that.  So, this post isn’t meant to send shockwaves through your system.  The pipe cleaner that the doctor uses to get the clogged wax from your ears is meant for that.  This is simply to give you an idea of where guys are ranked in relation to other positions.  I.e., you know I like Jose Peraza better than Orlando Arcia, according to the top 20 shortstops, but do I like Peraza better than Matt Olson?  Okay, it’s not that simply.  You’ll notice after the top 200, positions start to get clumped together.  I might be the only fantasy baseball ‘pert to tell you this, but it doesn’t matter where, say, Eric Thames is ranked vs. Jeurys Familia.  If you need a closer, Thames isn’t going to help you.  He can be ranked 75 spots in front of Familia and it doesn’t matter.  That’s why I have the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings broken down by positions.  If you need a 1st baseman, where Justin Bour vs. Greg Bird matters, but where Bour vs. Realmuto really doesn’t matter.  Also, there’s no comments about players, which you really should know prior to drafting.  In other words, Tommy Pham might be in the 80’s overall, but am I drafting him?  Well, you’d know if you read the top 40 outfielders.  There’s also a top 100 for 2018 fantasy baseball to help you.  Also, the Fantasy Baseball War Room and tomorrow will be a pitchers pairing tool, then on Monday will be our Razzball league signups.  Anyway, here’s the top 500 for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 100 for 2018 Fantasy Baseball

February 7, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 241 Comments

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One word about this top 100 for 2018 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words.  I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings.  If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball, the top 20 outfielders for 2018 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Gucci handbags for 2018– Ah, I almost got you.  This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other.  Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from.  428 more, to be very exact.  Next up, there will be a top 500 that will go to 530.  Then, after that, there will be a top 7,500, then a top 25,000, then a top 600,000, until we end up with a top kajillion in April.  Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500.  Yeah, that makes sense.  Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel.  Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2018 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.”  Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters.  Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter!  Also, the online Fantasy Baseball War Room is, uh, online.  Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 100 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball

February 6, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 157 Comments

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With these top 100 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball, I’ve finished our (my) 2018 fantasy baseball rankings for positions.  Still coming will be a top 100 overall and top 500 to see how all the positions mesh together like your mesh Redskins jersey that meshes with your burgundy sweatpants.  Trust me, when you see how long this post is, you’ll be glad I kept this intro short.  As always, my projections are included, and where I see tiers starting and stopping.  If you want an explanation of tiers, go back to the top 10 overall and start this shizz all over again.  Anyway, here’s the top 100 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 80 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball

February 5, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 175 Comments

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With the top 80 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball, we are so close to the end of the rankings I can almost taste it!  Wait, that’s not rankings I taste, I bit my lip and it’s blood.  I wonder if when Dracula bites his lip it’s like when Cougs goes out with her friends and I’m left at home while Emmanuelle is on Cinemax.  I’ll go over exactly how to draft starters in a few days, but there are so many ways to skin a cat we should have PETA breathing down our necks.  Also, I’m hoping to do the RCL signups next Monday.  Stay tuned!  Or not, your call.  All the 2018 fantasy baseball rankings are there.  My tiers and projections are noted.  Anyway, here’s the top 80 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Top 60 Starters for 2018 Fantasy Baseball

February 2, 2018 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 270 Comments

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To paraphrase Tupac from Brenda’s Got a Baby, “I hear Grey’s got 2018 fantasy baseball rankings, but Grey’s barely got a brain.  A damn shame.  That guy can hardly spell his name.  GREY’S….GOT EM….RANKINGS!  Don’t you know he’s got ’em.  He wrote them solo, and he wrote them on his bathroom floor and didn’t know what to throw away and what to keep.  He crumbled these rankings up and threw them in a trash heap.   GREY’S….GOT EM….RANKINGS!  Don’t you know he’s got ’em.”  Don’t say I don’t keep my shizz socially conscious.  Or is it socially conscience?  Meh, doesn’t matter, I do it either way.  So, this top 60 starters has eleven pitchers I’m not crazy about, which is more than half the post, so, uh, yeah, I’ve seen a better group of pitchers.  Guess it’s to be expected after last year when the average ERA for a starter was, like, 6.45. As with previous rankings posts, my projections are included and where I see tiers starting and stopping.  Anyway, here’s the top 60 starters for 2018 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
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