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For those looking for pictures of ballplayers taking off their ballcap and recapping themselves, you’re in the wrong place!  Something I’ve noticed from recapping each position is not every hitting position was deep.  Outfielders?  Crazy deep.  1st basemen?  Surprising awful.  2nd basemen?  Solid.  Shortstops?  Sneaky sexy — snexy?  3rd basemen?  Stacked until the end, then there’s a huge dropoff.  Eduardo Escobar is 12th for shortstops (17th here), but Camargo is 19th here and 20th at shortstops, i.e., there’s a drought at the tail end of this like a reverse Wet Tail.  Also, there’s about three guys who don’t have other eligibility.  Managers are using 3rd basemen like utility men.  This recap ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments. The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked players in the preseason. Now, let’s get this, young money.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 3rd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Here’s what I said two years ago, “We’re gonna find out if the top 20 shortstops are as Ken Bonerific as the top 20 2nd basemen.  Hint:  they are.  Damn, I gotta work on building suspense.  That hint pretty much gives the whole kit away and tacks the kaboodle onto its back as it’s walking out the door.  Goodbye, kit and kaboodle, I just gave you away for nothing.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Then last year, the shortstops collapsed like every piece of furniture you’ve ever put together from Ikea.  This year?  Rebound, baby!  Without further Machado, to recap, this final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments.  The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 shortstops for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compare to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We already went over the top 20 catchers and the top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball.  Today, we dip our big toe into the top 20 2nd basemen pool.  2nd basemen had some huge disappointments, while also being deeper than 1st basemen.  A few disappointments, to varying degrees:  Yoan Moncada, Jonathan Schoop, Dee Gordon, Paul DeJong, Robinson Cano, Ian Happ, Daniel Murphy, Tim Beckham and some in this post, big and small and one that is small that was a big disappointment.  To recap this crap (rhyme points!), this final ranking for last year is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments.  Actually, that’s the ESPN Player Rater, I’m using the Yahoo Player Rater (due to position eligibility).  Tomato-tomato with different emphasis.  The Player Rater allows me to be impartial while looking at how I ranked them in the preseason.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 2nd basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

After drudging through an Andy Dufresne-type tunnel for the top 20 catchers for 2018 fantasy baseball, I find myself with a group that actually really hurt or helped your team depending on how you drafted.  If you went wrong with your 1st baseman, it could kill your season.  Hey, Wil Myers, no hard feelings from me, because I didn’t own you.  You prolly got some splainin’ to do to your owners though.  If you went right, you might’ve won your league.  However (uh-oh), 1st base, well, I guess that’s why we’re here.  To recap, this final ranking is from our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater with my comments.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 1st basemen for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

It feels like just the other day the baseball regular season started. You wrote “I heart baseball” in permanent marker on your arm, then you met a girl who wrote “I heart guys who heart baseball” on her arm, then, during sex in July, you screamed out, “Give it to me, Giancarlo!” and now you don’t have baseball or a girlfriend. C’mon, calendar, make like a soldier and turn to March. The only cure for the post-baseball season blues — recapping the preseason top twenty lists and being hand-fed Doritos. First up, Cool Ranch and our preseason Top 20 Catchers for 2018. It’s important to look back before we look ahead to 2018. To paraphrase the one and only B-Real, “How do you know where you’re at, if you don’t know where you’ve been? Understand where I’m coming from?”  It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players, then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. It’s cold hard math, y’all! Please, for the love that all is holy, don’t ask me if this is for next year.  Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2018 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back for another star-studded event!  Assuming you hack into your favorite online dictionary and replace the definition of ‘star’ with “guy who lives in his mom’s basement and screams when someone finishes his Doritos,” and next to the definition of ‘stud’ you put a picture of yourself.  The Razzballies are the only award show where it’s totally fine to show up in sweatpants, and for your fingers to be orange from Cheetos.  We don’t judge.  We will occasionally mock.  Mock-judge, tomato-tomahto.  Get over it!  But don’t mock Judge, that’s not all right.  I hope you enjoyed the clip show where I inserted myself into various baseball clips from this year.  How about the clip where I was Kris Bryant learning about launch angles from David Eckstein?  Hee-lar-e-us!  So, before I’m talking to no one but a room full of seat-fillers, here’s the year-end awards for the best and worst of fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Emerging from your parents’ basement, blocking the sun with your hand, “Mother, did you see wash my underwear?  Mother?”  You shake her shoulder and her head falls off and the skull rolls into the kitchen.  You casually pick up the head, “Mother, did you do my laundry I asked for back in March?”  You move your mother’s jaw bones, “Yes, sonny boy.  How did you do in your fantasy league?”  “Thank you for asking, mother.  I achieved great success.  Let’s tell father.”  You turn to a sack of potatoes wearing an “I’m with stupid” t-shirt and glued-on corn cob pipe.  “Father, we have won our fantasy league.  It was great fun.  Now it’s back to spending time with the family.”  And that’s how you incorporated yourself back into family life.  Well, we can’t all be winners like that gent, but it is time to lick thy wounds if you lost and razz thy neighbors if you won.  So, hopefully, let’s razz on, Razzers.  Unless your league counts game 163, then it’s still on like Steve Wiebe playing Donkey Kong!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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You know how they say think about baseball to make sex last longer?  Okay, so I was thinking, to make the baseball season last longer do we think about baseball?  Maybe we think about sex.  This is a riddle for the Sphinx!  “Hello, Sphinx, I have a question.  Yes, I have $20.  Why do you ask?  Because you’re a sex worker wearing gold paint and not an ancient Egyptian statue?  Ah, that’s my bad.”  You ever read that book, The Mouse That Roared?  I think it was assigned for me to read back in school, and I watched the movie instead.  Solid flick!  So, if a mouse roared, he’d be a hoarse mouse while still roaring.  That’s how I’m screaming David Dahl‘s name right now.  Like a roaring hoarse mouse.  An RHM, as they say.  Who’s they?  Hoarse mouses, of course.  The bitter enemy of the church mouse.  Are you following?  Cause I’m leading you down some place of interest.  I am a hoarse mouse roaring David Dahl because I love him.  Yesterday, he went 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, and 4th straight game with a homer.  He might be my favorite player for 2019.  You take your Adalbertos, but David Dahl has 35/15/.290 ability in Coors and, with how he’s playing these final weeks, he might actually have the lead for the three hole in the Rockies’ lineup going into 2019.  This is the best spot in the major leagues to hit.  As a roaring hoarse mouse on a horse might say, giddy up!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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I have an unpopular opinion, that I know will never fly.  Pants with magnet buttons.  Okay, I have another one:  knock people over the head and when they wake, tell them they’re on Mars and film it.  Like Survivor but more panicked.  My final unpopular opinion, allow teams to forfeit.  I know in today’s charged political climate it’s not cool to say anything bad about herbathrowdites, but hitters pitching is stupid.  It’s okay for a quick laugh, but a team has obviously forfeited if they’re pitching Jace Peterson.  Just let them throw a white flag, and call the game.  Of course, this would be wildly unpopular with fans who paid a lot of money to see nine innings, but are people sticking around in a 19-3 game.  I don’t know, maybe they are.  So, yesterday, Xander Bogaerts (2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) collected his 100th RBI and 22nd homer.  Just Dong Martinez (3-for-6, 3 runs, 3 RBIs) hit his 42nd, a number I thought was retired.  Mookie Betts joined the 30/30 club (more on him after the jump).  Blake Swihart went 3-for-8, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and a slam (3) and legs (6), inching closer to Buster Posey’s year-long homer total.  Rafael Devers (5-for-8, 3 runs, 6 RBIs) stole the show, hitting his 20th and 21st homer.  I’ve collected 1,000 praying mantises and joined them in a prayer circle that feels insectually correct, hoping Devers doesn’t push up his 2019 fantasy value in this final week.  I talked a bit about this on the last podcast, but Devers is only 21 years old, and could easily be a middle of the order bat for the Red Sox next year.  That’s very good, assuming every team they’re facing doesn’t forfeit.  Or assuming every team does.  I don’t know, let’s figure this out together!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Yesterday, Gary Sanchez went 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 17th homer, hitting .184.  As I’ve mentioned, I’m busy on the backend of the site doing year-end recaps for every position, and, yes, even the catchers, which will be released after the season ends.  With that said, did good ol’ Gary have the worst season ever for a consensus number one at a position?  Was it consensual?  “Why ya gotta put the word sensual in consensual?” every man in 2018.  By the by, was there a grabby hands discount coupon at GropeOn that I missed?  Sanchez’s year makes Cervelli look like a first ballot Hall of Famer.  And, if there’s ever a wing for concussions, I hope Cervelli’s CTE is one day in there.  Sanchez might be the first person to ever achieve exactly half of his preseason projections.  Even his batting average is about half of what was expected.  For 2019, I could see him recovering, but I won’t be the one to draft him to find out.  In other words, I’ll be bringing out major hedges with Sanchez, while drafting Austin Hedges.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Corey Kluber (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.83, and his 1st 20-win season) just passed Trevor Bauer with 216 Ks, giving the Indians four guys with 200 Ks.  They may not even win as many games as the Rays, but you’re really coming for the Indians in the playoffs?  I predict a red-blooded, all-American Indians-Braves World Series.  “Hello, my name is Woke Wally.  Yes, I’m wearing a badge that reads, ‘Woke.’  I received this honorary badge as a participation trophy from my wife, Margaret.  Do you know what I was participating in?  Citizenry!  I’m here at your sheriff’s office to file a formal complaint on behalf of the millions affected by a casually racist World Series.”  The Stream-o-Nator lines Kluber up vs. the Royals for his final game, but I can’t imagine he throws more than three innings in that start, and is likely just skipped.  For 2019, Kluber is once again going to be way out of reach for me, like an imaginary tassle on the end of a Braves fan imaginary tomahawk.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Sample sizes are everything, or so I’ve heard.  From other people.  Not about me.  I’m personally told sample sizes mean nothing.  Gently reminded, as I’m also reminded, it happens to everyone.  What is ‘it?’  Damn, that’s deep, which is not what I hear often when discussing sample sizes, but Tim Beckham (2-for-4, 3 RBIs) went deep twice yesterday (11th and 12th homer).  I’m talking about sample sizes more than a bachelorette party because Beckham had done nothing up until yesterday’s game.  At this point in the season, it’s not what has a guy done this month or past week, but what did he do yesterday and what can he do today?  Two homers tell me a guy is locked in.  *Beckham mimes being in a box* Perfect!  I’d grab him, sample size be damned.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?