What an absolute trip this offseason has been, huh?  Emphasis on ‘has been,’ and hyphenated.  And trip as in “catch one’s foot on something and stumble or fall or other Macy Gray lyrics.”  And ‘trip’ might actually be a misspelling of ‘drip.’  To recap, what an absolute drip this offseason has-been, huh?  Players have already reported and Manny Machado is only now signing and Bryce Harper still hasn’t, said the man who likes to point out the obvious.  Obvious Man continued, “I need oxygen to breathe.”  Shut up, Obvious Man!  Yesterday, the Padres signed Manny Machado to a 10-year, $300 million contract.  We should’ve seen this coming all along.  After all, San Diego is the world’s most languid city.  Also, remember all those people saying Machado would sign with the White Sox, due to Yonder Alonso signing there and being his brother-in-law?  I mean, a guy doesn’t want to be with his in-laws? No kidding!

Now Machado will be in the cozy position of hitting between Ian Kinsler and Eric Hosmer.  Does he just prefer to hit in garbage lineups?  Was Balty-more (how I say it) not bad enough for him?  What an absolute shizzshow this 1st round has become.  In the top 10 for 2019 fantasy baseball, I’ve moved Machado down to another tier as the 2nd tier in the top 10 becomes increasingly barren.  “Acuña or Trea Turner or die,” as my bumper sticker I’m manufacturing says.  Petco isn’t the ‘terrible’ park everyone has made it out to be in past years, i.e. Petco isn’t for the birds and is not a dog of a park or–Fill in your own damn animal pun!  It’s still makes me shudder hard at thinking of hitting in front of Hosmer, but, as previously mentioned on the aforementioned tip, hitting in the Orioles’ lineup wasn’t amazing either and Machado did fine for many years.  I did lower his projections in the top 10, and I’m now way more tentative on him.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw for fantasy baseball this offseason:

PSYCH!  Before getting into the post, we have an announcement:

Razzball Introduces An Ad-Free Option

I know, I know, I know, but you love seeing ads for “Kate Hudson Beauty Secrets” that then lead you to a free Amazon gift card which is actually an Eastern European man living in Nigeria who managed to clone your DNA from your IP address and just slept with your wife using the Amazon Gift Card Clone, who goes by the name, Tommy.  I love those ads too!  They are terrific!  However, and this is going to come as a shock to some of you, there’s people who don’t appreciate the IP clone illegal download software ads that sleep with your wife.  I know, shocker!  For those people, Razzball is introducing an ad-free option.  As Rudy tells me, direct people to the Tools Subscription page and they can figure it out from there.  I have my doubts, but what better way to prove me wrong?  The ad-free subscription runs for 250 days — a Jewish calendar year! — and is only for one sport.  There is now a Log In in the top menu for people too, so if you’re a subscriber, there’s no more need to email Rudy or I asking, “Hey, I bought the subscriptions and I can’t figure out where to log in?  Is it at the log in page?”  Wait until we introduce the “Grey comes to your house and just operates your computer for you” option.  Anyway, here’s the roundup: