Brenton Doyle for Fantasy Baseball

Next week’s Buy/Sell will be going over guys to Buy or Sell that are over 50% rostered, because there’s no real games between now and then for players to get hot. With that said, today’s guy might be rostered in over 50% of leagues still, but, if he’s not, I don’t blame you. He’s been awful. Brenton Doyle had a 1st half to forget. Early next week will be the top 100 for the 2nd half, and as I was going over that, I became reacquainted with some 1st half busts and–Get out of here, Ozzie Albies, I never want to think about you again!–Sorry, he keeps appearing in my head, asking, “Hey, what was that Eminem song about remembering me? Was it called, Remember Me? Do you Remember Me? I’m here!” And Albies is waving like Forrest Gump for some reason. Leave my headspace alone, Ozzie Albies! Any hoo! Doyle seems to finally come out of season-long slump this past week, so naturally their manager, Warren Junipero Schaeffer, starts benching him, because the Rockies are an organization that is rotten to its core. I heard the Rockies might be shaking up their front office this offseason. Ha! Ya think? Who are they going to get to be their GM? “Please welcome your new Rockies’ GM, Dick Monfort Jr. Jr.” So, Rockies are bad, but summer in Colorado is an excellent place to hit and Doyle’s Statcast looks almost identical to last year, maybe a tad better. He’s been unlucky, and I’d be buying him. Unless the Rockies replace him in the outfield with a Monfort. “Is that Randy Quaid Monfort in center? I didn’t know he married into the family.” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

PSYCHE! This post was released a week early for Patreon members. It will be released all year early for Patreons, so if people are getting a jump on you, it’s because they paid the $10. Anyway, the Fantasy Baseball Buy/Sell:

BUY

Victor Caratini – This week Caratini was two shots of Ketel and one shot of off-brand V8, which is just schmotato juice to you and me.

Samuel Basallo – O’s have to promote–Okay, they don’t have to, obviously, but they should promote him.

Romy Gonzalez – As mentioned in the opening, it’s hard to know who’s going to be hot starting in the 2nd half. Guys can go into the break hot, then come out of cold, but Romy’s been hot for roughly six weeks now.

Max Muncy – This is Ma’s Muncy. On the 7-day Player Rater, 2nd base was laughably gross this week. Some guys who were hot? Sure! But those guys are like Brooks Baldwin and, well, you see this list.

Colt Keith – Heading out to Gramercy Park to hang with Cool Colt Keith and the Breakin’ Crew wearing my spraypainted hoodie and funky-fresh Adidas–ow, my back. I should’ve bent down with my knees when lifting this boombox. So, Cool Colt Keith has been hot, and as soon as I’m outta traction, I’m gonna get down there with my breakin’ crew!

Davis Schneider – There’s a small trend in this week’s Buy, there’s a lot of BJs! Sorry, that’s Blue Jays. That’s what BJs stands for, right? By the way, there’s a BJ’s store near us, maybe they’re nationwide. It’s like a Costco, but they also sell blow jobs, I think. Never been! I’m married!

Zach McKinstry – Out of all the names here, here’s one who actually could be worthwhile for longer than a few days-slash-a-week. Though, Addison Barger fits into that too, but he’s not listed because he was above 50% rostered and I have to draw the line somewhere. He’s also a BJ.

Mickey Moniak – All about terrible Rockies this week. Time to get your Rox off your waivers! Which is not something you should say in BJ’s. Unless you’re at Surhoff’s house and checking your fantasy team, then it’s likely okay. You have to ask BJ Surhoff if you can use his wifi. Think people say to him, “Yes, sir…hoff.”

Tyler Freeman – Ya think the Rockies’ braintrust aka The Monforts are ever like, “Surprised our team isn’t good, we have Tyler Freeman, Jordan Beck, Ryan Ritter, Mickey Moniak, Michael Toglia…I can go on and on! These guys are so great!”

Nick Loftin – If I were to go into a lab with Kenny Lofton’s DNA and a science degree from an online university, I’d definitely name my test tube outfielder, Nick Loftin.

Harrison Bader – He’s on pace for a 16/16/.250 season and when I started typing that up I thought it was going to make him sound enticing. It didn’t, did it?

Nathan Lukes – It’s all BJs all the time! Not me! Still married! Lukes makes excellent contact and isn’t even a Quad-A player. He’s too old for that. He’s a Five-A player. He’s Cinco de A. What does a horse eat if it’s 30 years old and still hasn’t caught on in the majors? AAAAA…

Brady Singer – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to Delta Airlines.

Emmet Sheehan – This is also a Streamonator call. “I don’t want to book a flight I just want to speak to the automated system that books your flights. I was having a lovely conversation with model number 71434RE61.”

Kevin Ginkel – Here’s what I said the other day, “DBags lost Puk and Justin Martinez already, and now turn their lonely eyes to. Dot dot dot. Kevin Einhorn Ginkel/Ginkel Einhorn? I guess so. Also, there is Kyle “Larger than the Cactus” Backhus? Or Trading Places’ Beeks? Or how about John Curtiss? He added the 2nd S on his last name to sound more like a Diamondback. True story, I picked up Ginkel, saw he had a 9 ERA and dropped him for Curtiss, who I might drop today since Ginkel got the save. Am I going back to Ginkel? No, not in a 12-teamer. It’s not worth the saves for me.” And that’s me quoting me!

Ronny Henriquez – If you name your kid, Ronny, you have to give them the middle name, “Bobby, Ricky And Mike.” There should be a law.

Dennis Santana – Has David Bednar been traded yet? How about now? Dot dot dot. Now? Well, it’ll happen.

Phil Maton – I don’t know what a Maton is, but I’m Phil’ing it up because Helsley is headed out of town to somewhere. I’m shaking my damn head without acronyms thinking about what a cluster it’s gonna be if Helsley ends up in the Dodgers’ pen.

SELL

Shota Imanaga – Don’t really go looking for a guy to sell, per se. If in my travels around the interwebs I happen to see a guy’s stats that jump out at me as being so awful that I need to dig in, then I dig in. Shota is the most recent example of that. He pitched the other day, and I was like, “Let me see what he’s up to,” and then I keeled over into a fetal position and started whispering for my mommy. His underlying numbers are hideous. Not sure what’s happened to him between last year and this year, but I can’t remember such a fall-off before. From 9 K/9 to 6.2, from 1.5 BB/9 to 2.2, from a 3.62 xFIP to 4.95. Maybe when Hamilton was singing about not wasting his Shota, he was talking about trading him. Maybe to King George? I wouldn’t trade Shota Imanaga for a dozen shrimp tails that fell out of a Benihana chef’s hat, but I would go to the Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer and explore options.