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My prior, uber, hard-line stance has been that you with that one hair wrapped around your head acting as a hairstyle don’t want to draft a sleeper 1st baseman.  By the by, I tried to replace Uber with Lyft in the previous sentence, but it didn’t make sense.  Previously, I’d tell you to go to my top 20 1st basemen for 2019 fantasy baseball (not clickbait at all) and draft some top guys and stop fooling around with sleepers at this position.  Of course, I’m malleable like Gumby and this year and there are no top 1st basemen *ducks head*  Whoa, someone threw a wrench into this!  As with other positions like the catchers to target (again, not clickbait), these are 1st basemen that are being drafted late.  For the 1st basemen, I’m going with an ADP of 150 or later, so you should have a 1st baseman already, and these are more corner infidels or utility guys, i.e., I love Rhys Hoskins, but he’s not going to appear here.  Dear, steer clear–*short circuiting internal rhyming dictionary*  Anyway, here’s some 1st basemen to target for 2019 fantasy baseball:

Travis Shaw (150 Yahoo ADP)  *looking at Yahoo’s ranking of Shaw, insert GIF of Ron Burgundy saying, “I don’t believe you.”*  I mean, I love Shaw, but, c’mon, he’s not going to be around for pick 150.  I suck my teeth and p-Shaw that.

Max Muncy (164 ESPN) All three of these first, um, 1st basemen are just poorly ranked by ESPN and Yahoo, and I’m not going to spend too much time pecking with my hand gams on them.  To read more:  my Max Muncy sleeper.

Jurickson Profar (172 Yahoo) It’s silly to think he’s around by pick 172.  Draft him.  Dot dot dot.  Way before that.

Luke Voit (182 NFBC, 224 ESPN, 191 Yahoo)  The other day Luke Voit homered in his first Spring Training at-bat.  Then Greg Bird homered.  Then Voit.  Then Bird.  Then 1,200+ other professional baseball players quit baseball to raise cattle and start a family, because Voit and Bird are just too darn good.  Spring Training is stupid.  Every year Greg Bird is Mr. Grapefruit with a huge spring, and has a career 31 homers across three seasons.  With that said (Grey’s going to reverse everything he just said!), there is a battle to be the starting 1st baseman for the Yanks, so it’s worth paying attention.  I like Voit to win the job, hearts, minds and confirm 1,200 baseball players weren’t wrong to quit the sport.  Also, I gave you a Luke Voit sleeper.

Jake Bauers (234 NFBC, 218 ESPN, 185 Yahoo) I look at Bauers’s projected stats (20/15/.250), then I look at Tommy Pham’s projected stats (20/15/.275), and it’s like I’m looking at Millie Bobby Brown and Natalie Portman.  “Okay, one of these would get me arrested for looking at and one of these I’ve replaced my wife’s name with on my iPhone so when she calls it says ‘Natalie Portman,’ but I’ll be damned if I can tell the difference between them real quick.”

Pete Alonso (262 NFBC, 287 ESPN, 278 Yahoo) This is not Peter Alonso!  Don’t you dare confuse the two!  Seriously, Peter Alonso announced in Spring Training that he would go by Pete instead of Peter.  That’s the white man’s version of Kendry going to Kendrys or Mike to Giancarlo.  One day, Peter woke, and said to himself, “I really enjoy Casual Fridays.  Ya know what?  I’m going to make every day Casual Fridays!  For Pete’s sake!”  Then his girlfriend rolled her eyes and thanked God that he was going to be away for the next eight months, playing baseball.  I still don’t know if the Mets are going to make the right choice and go with Alonso as their starting 1st baseman, but it’s feeling 60/40 right now vs. 40/60 when I did my rankings, so I’ve actually moved him up in my top 20 1st basemen rankings.  (By the by, I also changed my top 500, top 100, top 20 catchers and top 20 starters for, in no particular order:  Luis Severino, Miguel Sano, Salvador Perez, and Alonso.

Tyler White (263 NFBC, ESPN 265, 215 Yahoo)  He should change his name too like Alonso.  *taps on microphone*  “Thank you all for gathering today for this press conference.  It means a lot to me.  From this day forward, I will be known as Tyler Honkey.”  *news reporters get up to leave*  “I’m kidding!  Call me Tyler Eggshell White, though.  I’m serious about that.”  Right now, Eggshell has the inside track to 550 at-bats and having huge value.  However, in Houston, that can change abruptly to ‘platooning with three other guys,’ but it’s a solid gamble.  Also, Anime Grey goes over Tyler White in the video:

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Niko Goodrum (298 NFBC, 281 ESPN, unranked Yahoo)  This guy would never change his name, Goodrum is already top shelf!  All jokes aside (were they jokes?), I’m shockingly the only one interested in Goodrum this year.  You’d think at least some of you boozehounds would inadvertently get excited.  He has 20-homer power and 20-steal speed.  That help?  He should hit .255 or better?  Nothing still?  How about the fact that the Tigers are terrible and he should get 500+ at-bats?  Still nothing?  How about the fact that I just drafted him?  That makes you dislike him more?  Not cool, man.