Mark Buehrle

Dan Pants

Braun to DL With Bruised Ego, Thumb

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 176 Comments

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It’s been a rough month for Ryan Braun, you guys. A top three pick in the preseason, he’s on pace for career lows in home runs and steals, he could be seriously implicated in this biogenesis business depending on what delivery service he decides to use this time (go with USPS, they guarantee to screw it up), and don’t even mention the Game of Thrones “Red Wedding” to Ryan, because he’s taking it all pretty hard. Braun hits the DL for the first time in his career for his thumb injury, but owners knew this was coming. The move is retroactive to Monday so he could return at the end of June. If he comes back with an comically over sized thumb and hits 20 homers and steals 20 bases going forward, we’ll know everything is back to normal. Logan Schafer went 3-for-5 last night and was one of several Logan’s in this weeks BUY/SELL. He’s available everywhere. As long as Braun’s out Schafer should see plenty of playing time. I will call him Weapon X. Berserker! He’s no Hebrew Hammer, but Schafer’s got some below average to decent power and speed and could be a useful fill in if you need an outfielder while Braun’s on the shelf.

Here’s what else happened in fantasy baseball last night:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
JB Gilpin

DraftKings – Cloudy With A Chance Of Money

| DraftKings | 14 Comments

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It’s here!  This Friday, our friends at DraftKings are throwing their huge $100,000 Punch Out with the top winner nabbing $20K.  If you haven’t been following our DraftKings posts and you’re new, DraftKings is an industry leading daily fantasy sports site, and they hold our very own RAZZBALL EXCLUSIVE CAN YOU BEAT RUDY GAMBLE contests where the top winner gets a ticket for that shot at 20K. You can only get in by clicking that link – it’s not open to the public!  Unlike Grey’s Mustache Rides (LLC).

This week is a special feature on THURSDAY instead of Friday to not conflict with the $100K Punch Out.  But even better, this time the top TWO spots get tickets into the Punch Out.  And it doesn’t stop there.  Spots 3-10 double up to $10.00 and 11-20 break even and get $5.00, almost DOUBLING the normal prize pool.  This is the week to play Razzball Nation!  The contest is capped at 50 entrants, and with the increase in payouts, I expect it to fill fast so sign up soon!  If you read only bold all caps words, that should be enough to spark your interest, or so our marketing crack team tells me…

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Evans

Two-Startapalooza — Week 9

| Fantasy Baseball Two Start Pitchers | 82 Comments

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Are you familiar with The Legend of Oso Blanco? It’s the very true story behind Evan Gattis, and it’s a must listen if you haven’t yet heard it. Even if you have, it’s still worth another run through. Atlanta sports radio 680 The Fan was on point with this bit, which should have some appeal among us here at Razzball. Thanks to Deadspin for bringing it to our attention. Anyway, two-starters… Week 9 features nearly a full-slate of action, so there are a shizzload of them to choose from. To help guide your two-start perusing, I’ve slapped together our usual tiered worksheet.

As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Evans

Two-Startapalooza — Week 6

| Fantasy Baseball Two Start Pitchers | 84 Comments

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Senior year of high school, I cheated on my final exam in religion class. Never got caught. Three others involved in the cheating scandal were each brought to justice — they failed the test, failed the class, and had to retake the course the following semester. Did I feel guilty about my actions? F*#k no I didn’t. I aced the test, and got a B+ in the class. It was the best grade I ever earned in religion. My parents were thrilled! Ever since then I’ve held a sort of admiration for those who cheat and get away with it, and even for some who didn’t get away with it. I respect he who is ballsy enough to cruise down life’s low road, while the rest of the chumps fight traffic on the high road. I’m halfway kidding, of course, but there are moments when the opportunity to cheat presents itself, and you’d be crazy to pass it up. Take, for instance, just a couple weeks ago, when Jeff Samardzija didn’t immediately cease pitching while his throwing hand bled onto the baseball, perhaps doctoring the ball. Well done, Jeff. And as for this Clay Buchholz situation, the evidence against him isn’t quite definitive, and it seems extremely doubtful that any real fallout is to come. More power to the guy if he was indeed doctoring the ball — the umps didn’t notice, and neither did the Blue Jays. He goes twice next week, by the way.

As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

B-I-N Gio

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 439 Comments

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Going into yesterday’s game, Gio Gonzalez had a 5.85 ERA and in three of four starts he only threw five innings. I saw the fear in your eyes. Nervousness was percolating just below the surface. You were like Mr. Coffee when he was about to lose his virginity. You were expecting some grinds and instead you were just overheating. Steaming so hard you needed a cup to catch the water beneath you. (How long you think I could keep the visual of Mr. Coffee about to lose his virginity going? Three more lines? Do I hear four?) Finally, the heat was too much, the water dripping too fast and everything began to steam. Quickly, you grabbed your little creamer. She usually likes to put the cream in herself, but you’re just gonna splash it all over the place to avoid a mess on your pants. And that’s how coffee became Mr. Coffee. So, today Gio threw an eight-inning, one-hitter with 7 Ks; his only blemish a Votto opposite-field blast. Things looked awry, making dyslexics wary. Luckily, it’s still freakin’ April and you shouldn’t worry so much. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Play That Funky Mujica, Wipe Boggs

| Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 340 Comments

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The Cardinals said Edward Mujica ‘could be tried as closer.’ That’s obviously after everyone else has been tried and found guilty of sucking. Matheny said, “I’d rather kill a possum in front of La Russa, than have a lead in the 9th inning with the crap we have.” Okay, that was me reading between the lines. He actually said, “See what happens next time we get there. Right now, Mujica’s making good pitches and getting the big outs when we need them.” He never referred to Mujica as the closer. Maybe because he was afraid of spooking him. How do you scare the beejesus out of a Cardinals reliever? Call them closer. *rim shot, triangle, kazoo* I don’t think Mujica is the de facto closer, but I don’t know what de facto means. Is that Spanish? Hernando De Facto was the first to cross the Mississippi, right? Yesterday, Boggs came into the 9th inning, but it was a 4-run lead and when he got into trouble the Cards started warming up Mujica. The writing is on the wall, and it says, “Mujica is next.” I’d grab Mujica and continue to hold Boggs (on my bench). It may just turn out that Edward is The Last of the Mujica’s in the Cards’ pen. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Scott Evans

Two-Startapalooza — Week 3

| Fantasy Baseball Two Start Pitchers | 95 Comments

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I begin with this:

Foul Ball Chug

The scene above is from Wednesday’s Mariners v. Astros game, and I realize that the clip has made the rounds by now. Still, I’m compelled to bring it up because it is truly wonderful. From the leaning grab, to the triumphant hoist and subsequent chug, this man wins the week. It always seems like the most brilliant moments happen at crappy games in empty stadiums, and this is no exception. What a hero.

Oh yeah, two-starters… Week three’s look-ahead is below. As always, probable pitchers are subject to change. For a look at all fantasy baseball streamers, click that link.

Please, blog, may I have some more?
Grey

Get Discounted Players With MIAMI*TRADE

| 2013 Fantasy Baseball, 2013 Fantasy Baseball Draft, Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes | 96 Comments

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I went into TurboTax and entered the Marlins $100 million payroll going into last season, subtracted Jose Reyes, Hanley, Josh Johnson, Buehrle, Bonifacio, Buck, Infante, Gaby, Anibal, Heath Bell and Ozzie Guillen’s salary, then I added in Gorkys, Ruggiano, Giancarlo, Wade LeBlanc, Eovaldi, Jacob Turner, Adeiny Hechavarria and Yunel’s salary and it says the Marlins can get an EBT card for their cash assistance benefits.

Please, blog, may I have some more?