Miguel Sano in the braino! When Sano, got no braino! Oh, sorry, I didn’t hear you come in. Have a seat. Why aren’t you wearing pants? Okay, enough small talk! All right, one more bit of small talk. You ever go to Whole Foods and get something from their salad bar? Their cardboard containers suck! Unless you rip the container apart and lick the bottom, there’s no way to get everything out. Fine, maybe those few grains of quinoa are nothing, but at Whole Foods they cost, like, forty-five cents! Make a container where I don’t lose half my lunch because it gets stuck to the bottom of your stupid containers! Next time, I’m asking for a refund for the piece of lettuce that I can’t get out. No, I’m not cheap at all. Any the hoo! Miguel Sano! Right? Or right-right? Or right-right-right? Here’s what Prospect Mike said, “Sano has elite power with the potential for 35-40 homers at the major league level. He’s right there with fellow third base prospects Kris Bryant and Joey Gallo in that department. Sano most likely won’t hit for a high average, but his fantasy owners won’t mind if he’s launching 30+ bombs. I’d expect him to start the year in the upper minors with a mid or late season call-up a possibility. I like him almost as much as I hate Grey.” What’s with the hostility? PM, of course, is right. Sano has huge power upside. He already has 13 homers in only 61 games in Double-A and Paul Molitor has said, “We’re calling him up soon, and how about that hitting streak of mine? Huh?!” Okay, not exact words, but close. Buxton was already called up, and Sano is next. Like my face after a sun shower, now is a beautiful time for a stash. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Chris Parmelee – I’m on the fence with Parmelee. I don’t mind him, but if you have good tomato sauce, you don’t need the cheese. Reminder to self: eat before writing posts. Parmelee’s okay, but he has three homers and they all came in his first two games, and we’re almost two weeks from then.
Hector Olivera – Last week I promised a lede on Olivera, but then he hurt himself in Triple-A and Justin Turner’s got more hits than brother, Ike. I do think Olivera will be up soon, but will likely need to wait another few weeks.
Adam LaRoche – I don’t love LaRoche, but he is owned in far too few leagues. Yeah, let’s own a guy you don’t like. Makes sense. Shut up, Random Italicized Voice. Shut don’t go up, and neither does LaRoche’s fantasy value apparently. I hate you.
Logan Morrison – Is it me or does Logan Morrison seem like if he wasn’t a baseball player, he’d be a rodeo clown? That actually goes for 95% of Caucasian baseball players. Billy Butler is obviously a no go, never fit in the barrel.
Kennys Vargas – I’m still trying to get over that batty call I had on Monday with Vargas. It was like a menage a Kennys in Vegas.
Luis Valbuena – Seems to me that ESPN ownership numbers have been wonky all year. Like they’re all about 10% lower than reality. Valbuena is at 40%, but he has 19 homers. I mean who would drop him? Well, besides J-FoH. I can’t stop reading that! It’s like a gift a wise man gave baby Jesus if one of the wise men gave the gift of schadenfreude.
Brett Lawrie – I can’t imagine there’s anything anyone could tell me to excite me about Lawrie, so I won’t try to do you any different.
Rougned Odor – Every time I write Odor, I subconsciously sniff. Funny how the brian works. Something looks wrong there. Meh, moving on!
Derek Dietrich – When he first started playing this year, it was like he was on trucker speed. Now his teeth are falling out, his tattoos are faded and has a bad tremor. Or he’s simply just not quite as good as he once was, but ownable in deep leagues.
Justin Turner – Another example of “How is he not owned in more than 50% of ESPN leagues?”
Randal Grichuk – I’ve mentioned before how he hit 25 homers in Triple-A, but I don’t remember if I’ve mentioned his batting average. It was .259 there, and he had a 22.9% strikeout percentage. In the majors this year, it’s up to 30.1%. In other words, Grichuk could hit 25 homers, but it’ll be with a .220 average. In other other words, I have a funny way of making these buys sound enticing. In other other other words, yay/boo.
Gerardo Parra – If anyone checks out my RCL team from time to time to see what I’m doing, you might notice I own a bunch of these guys. Well, these last two, at least. Honestly, if you don’t look at that link until Sunday, my team will likely change a lot and I might not own Parra or Grichuk anymore. The point of all of this? In shallow leagues, buys are great, but if there’s someone else to grab, I never hesitate to put a Parra back, rat-tat-tat-tat tat tat tat like that.
Marlon Byrd – Since Byrd was always Maya Angelou’s favorite ballplayer, I’d like to read a line from her final blog post, “Thanks to all the commenters, I’m only sorry I won’t get to see Jedd Gyorko fulfill his potential, Grey Albright says he’s going to be awesome.”
Carlos Beltran – Fun fact! When I type a Zombino’s name, I outstretch my arms and drool black blood.
Jesse Chavez – Wish I was in a league where a guy with a 2.90 ERA in 83 2/3 IP was unowned. Yes, I realize the irony of that since I dropped him in one league. It’s like 10,000 spoons and all you need is a knife. But you could just turn one spoon around and use the other end, can’t you?
Brad Ziegler – Owned in 42% of leagues? Huh? He’s the closer, that’s not a new development, guys and five girl readers.
Jason Motte – Or Rondon. Or Soriano. Or Strop. Or New Era, when Maddon accidentally pulls the tag out of the closer hat.
Roberto Osuna – Could’ve also listed Steve Delabar here, and I kinda just did. Until the Jays trade for someone, I’ll guess the saves break down 60/40 for Osuna and Delabar, so the Blue Jays closer is Robsteve Delabuna, who also sounds like a surfing champion. It’s The Big Delabuna!
Will Smith – “You know, before there was a ‘Jigga what, Jigga who,’ there was Gettin’ Jiggy Wit’ It.” That’s Will Smith boring his teammates in the pen. Smith has been ownable all year, and could be getting saves with K-Rod is traded soon. It does worry me slightly that Will Smith is a lefty, but isn’t everyone in Hollywood?
Jason Kipnis – Damn, first Cleveland’s northern shtel gets the insultingly named, Jamba Jews, and now Kipnis is a sell. What’s next? Stuffed derma inside pig’s intestine?! I get no joy from telling you Kipnis is a sell. When they insist on knowing my bliss, I don’t tell them this, your Kipnis is on my sell list. Your Kipnis, your Kipnis is on my sell list. Let’s look at what we know though (I’m a poet, snitches!), he has five homers, ten steals and a .354 average. Ton of value coming from his average, not much from his power, and a bit of a positive on speed. His average is way out of whack with his career and it’s being driven by a lucky BABIP. His power and speed are actually right in line with what to expect, but 5 HRs, 10 SBs and a .270 average in the 2nd half of the season is a lot less desirable, and pretty much waiver wire fodder in most mixed leagues. I’m not saying sell Kipnis for the opportunity to block the plate when Chris Christie is diving in, but I’d explore trades.