Achilles (Tennessee Mash – RCL 25) had another good week and increased their lead in the overall standings. Josh Hamilton, Joey Votto, Jay Bruce, Ted Lilly, and Brandon Morrow were the key performers for the top team. Their relievers were also strong, allowing just 4 runs in 18 innings of work. Trini’s team (also with Hamilton), Psychic Friends Network (RCL 22), took over 2nd spot while Navseal 7 (RCL 9) slipped to third. RCL 9 continued to hold the title of “Toughest League,” but perennial contenders ECFBL and Schmohawk in Training are right on their heels.
Washington’s Stache (Toads and Wet Rocks) gained 25 points and jumped from 464th to 136th place in the standings. Norce Force (Hotel, Dotel, Halladay Inge) also improved by 25 points, and moved into the top 20 from 257th.
Grey mentioned this week that RCL teams should be able to keep their ERA under 3.50. Right now, only 43% of teams are managing that. A couple wise commenters opined that all the relievers blowing up was making it difficult. It is tough to separate the RP stats to study, but they do seem to be frequently ruining ratios.
Expert League: RotoWire Del Don (Dalton Del Don) took over the lead after a week where he jumped from 70 to 90 points on the strength of solid pitching. He recorded 5 wins and 7 saves with ratios of 1.82 and 1.05, along with 80 strikeouts. Rudy and Grey each lost a few points this week, and sit in 5th and 6th respectively.
Trades: There were 19 trades this week, bringing the total for the year to 98. Albert Pujols was traded a twice – both times by Al Koholic. In the ECFBL, last-place Al gambled on Ryan Howard and Bryce Harper, trading Albert and Ernesto Frieri to first-place The Fredsies for the pair plus Rafael Dolis. In RCL Original Recipe, he sent Pujols and Grant Balfour to Popeye’s n Beer Recipe4disaster for Jay Bruce and David Freese. With Pujols continuing to struggle and Balfour losing the closer job, so far it looks like Al came out ahead in this one. Tim Lincecum and Nelson Cruz were also dealt twice, including in RCL 38 where they were traded for each other. In Cracking The WHIP, the Dukes of Flatbush traded Alex Rios and Matt Cain to eye-talian backstop for Cruz and Bryce Harper. Team Beardown sent Lincecum and Anibal Sanchez to Bushwood Varmint Cong for Brandon Morrow, Johnny Cueto, and Edward Mujica in Epic Beardmen Division. In a somewhat questionable deal in Cust Kayin’, Pimpin Nipples gave up Troy Tulowitzki and Jordan Walden to acquire Jason Kipnis and Rafael Betancourt. You can find all the trades in the fantasy baseball forums. Look for the RCL under “Everything Else.”
Weekly Leaders
Norce Force was the top hitting team this week. They hit .339 with 27 home runs and 70 RBI, 60 runs, and 10 steals.Not surprisingly, they own Josh Hamilton (.467/10 Runs/9 HR/18 RBI). Carlos Beltran (.360/6 HR/13 RBI), Joey Votto (.429/3 HR/8 RBI), and Andrew McCutchen (.524/3 HR/1 SB) also provided big numbers.
Washington’s Stache set the pace on the mound with an ERA of 2.35 and 1.20 WHIP with 83 Ks, 9 wins, and 3 saves. Their lineup featured Edinson Volquez (2 Wins/10 K), Derek Holland (Win/0.00/1.00), Jordan Zimmermann (Win/ 9 K) and Brandon Morrow (Win/10 K).
Ks: 86 (Kemp Keep Me Down – Yu Ain’t Goldschmidt) Wins: 9 (Washington’s Stache – Toads and Wet Rocks, All about The WHIP – RCL 43) Saves: 10 (Tennessee Jed – Robust Herd, Pliny the Elder – Myrtle’s Acres) ERA: 1.07 (Bang Biscuit – RCL 41) WHIP: 0.92 (Big Cuntry – Ones are GOOD right?, The AmishGangster – Epic Beardmen Division)
TEAM OF THE WEEK – May 7 – 13
Norce Force (Hotel, Dotel, Halladay Inge)
100/295 (.339)
60 R/27 HR/70 RBI/10 SB
72.2 IP
60K/3 W/2.48/1.03/3 S
As mentioned above, Norce Force led the RCL in hitting, and their pitching was solid, lacking only in wins. Brandon Morrow (10 K) and Derek Holland (0.00/1.00) did pick up wins, while A.J. Burnett had 14 strikeouts in 2 starts with an ERA of 2.25 and WHIP of 0.81.
Don Mattingly said that Kenley Jansen is now his closer. His exact words were, “There was a time and a place to put a closer in the setup role and an inferior pitcher in the closer role and that time has past. I will know try to figure out why I ever shaved my mustache. Things were much easier when Joe Torre was in the dugout managing the team and not on speed dial. ‘Ooh, I’m Joe Torre, I take twenty minutes to return a text.’ C’mon, man, I can only ask for a replay review so many times! I wonder if I can get Paul Sorvino to be my bench coach. Or Joe Mantegna, he also kinda looks like Torre.” Jansen will be a $12 Salad in all leagues by July, if not sooner. Yes, he should be owned in all leagues, if he isn’t already. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Jhoulys Chacin – Went to the Disgraceful List when he refused his assignment to Triple-A. If you are gonna suck in your first 5 MLB starts of the year, Jhoulys you can do is report to AAA.
Christian Friedrich – Once top prospect fell off of radars due to injuries and velocity issues. This year, he’s looked solid in Triple-A with 27 Ks and 4 walks. It’s like this Christian is born again! I wouldn’t go near him with a 120 inch pole yet in mixed leagues, but in NL-Only leagues I’d grab him for his start vs. the Padres. Yeah, those Padres. Wait, those were the same Padres that hit Pomenranz so hard PETA was called in.
Alex White – It’s all Rockies pitchers all the time. White is also making Triple-A hitters seem like a bunch of minors (21/8 K/BB). In mixed leagues, I wouldn’t carry White, said in a sultry voice. For now, he’s an NL-Only flyer. (He also gets the Padres. Yup, still those Padres.)
Jayson Werth – As originally announced here after I read it elsewhere, Werth will miss 12 weeks with wrist surgery after breaking it Sunday night. He must be pist. If I didn’t have the DL room, I’d drop Werth. Wrists are kinda important for hitters and there’s a chance, even if he returns this year, he might not be right until next year.
Tyler Moore – Was called up by the Nats and showed a ton of power in the minors, but for now he’s a bench bat on the Nats. So in deep NL-Only leagues, he’s just a temp fill-in, i.e., I wouldn’t marry Tyler Moore.
Kevin Youkilis – On his rehab, he started a walking program. I don’t get it; taking walks was about the only thing he could still do.
Will Middlebrooks – 3-for-5 with 2 homers as the Red Sox contemplate telling Youuuuk to take a long walk. Middlebrooks will cool down at some point, but who cares? Pick him up. Now.
Josh Willingham – Didn’t start yesterday due to a skin condition near his mouth. Sounds like The Other White Meat’s throbbing lardons are getting him in trouble.
Francisco Liriano – 5 IP, 4 ER. Incredible that Liriano is still starting for the Twins, then again there’s players in their starting lineup that probably aren’t on any other team’s roster: Jamey Carroll, Danny Valencia, Brian Dozier, Eric Komastu, Trevor Plouffe and Chris Parmelee. Just because they play in Target Field doesn’t mean they have to only shop in bargain bins.
Giancarlo Stanton – Hit his 6th homer in the last ten games. Rawr, rawr like a Stanton dragon!
Carlos Zambrano – 9 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks. As noted in the preseason, “Ozzie will either bond with Zambrano and have him produce his best year since the mid-naughts or their personalities together will become so combustible that Little Havana will break from the union and form the 51st state with Ozzie becoming Supreme Leader of Little Havana and having Zambrano executed.” And that’s me noting me! It looks like the former is coming true. I’d absolutely grab Big Z in the non-sexual way. Could be a solid 4th to 5th fantasy starter in mixed leagues. Crayola Canyon definitely won’t hurt.
Brandon Snyder – 3-for-5, 2 runs and 6 RBIs with his 2nd homer. Now has two homers in his last three starts. Only problem is it took nearly a week to get 3 starts.
Nelson Cruz – 3-for-4, 3 runs. Could the season long drought finally be coming to an end? C’mon, Cruz, make it rain, man.
Aubrey Huff – Returned from the DL for anxiety related reasons. Guess that means he’s back from lunch.
Cole Hamels – Guaranteed himself a suspension by admitting he threw at Bryce Harper. When asked by teammates and management why he couldn’t show more restraint on what he says to the press, Cole replied, “I did show restraint. I didn’t mention how my ‘old school pitching’ is modeled after the Romans and I threw at Harper because his eye black reminded me of that Christ-wannabe, Tim Tebow.”
Philip Humber – 2 1/3 IP, 8 ER. Reminds me of the time I went through a perfect fartless vacation weekend with a girlfriend and then woke up the next morning back at my apartment and nearly Dutch Oven’d myself to death.
Doug Fister – 7 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 3 Ks. Sure, it doesn’t hurt to return to a matchup against the M’s, but I’d still give Fister a fighting chance on a mixed league team.
Ernesto Frieri – Scioscia announced that Frieri or Walden will get saves while Downs is, uh, down. Welcome, Frieri, to saver town. Hopefully, Frieri will enter each game in a red 1967 convertible Chevy Camaro, and when he leans in to get the signal from the catcher, he does The Hunch.
Mike Trout – Sat out yesterday for Bourjos. They need Morales to hurt himself (while hurting Vernon Wells). The Sciosciapath doesn’t have cojones to start Pujols at 3rd base. Somewhere, La Russa’s reading that and his feathered hair is feeling a little bouncier.
Jordany Valdespin – Hit the game winning homer. He has great speed and some decent power (15 homers, 33 steals last year in Double-A), but I’m not sure the Mets will play him (they should, but not sure they will). Plus, his name sounds like it’s from a Harry Potter Character Name Generator.
Cody Ransom – 2-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 4th homer, as he bats .351. Yes, he should be playing every day. No, he’s not. Yes, he’s old so this sudden burst won’t continue. No, it doesn’t matter.
Guillermo Mota – 100 games for a second positive PED test. PEDS are just his M.O. (Mota Operandi).
Jered Weaver – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. Well, Johnny Vander Meer’s family can stop following him around now.
Lance Lynn – 5 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners (4 BBs), 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 1.40. Okay, but now I’m officially concerned about an upcoming correction. 4 walks in 5 innings is not good and 1.40 ERA won’t stay that low.
Allen Craig – 2-for-3, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 2nd homer. I told you to grab him yesterday. What’s changed? The day.
Jeff Samardzija – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 7 Ks. You know that guy that you invited last second to join your league who you really don’t like and is currently in first? He’s going to pick up Samardzija if you don’t.
Bryan LaHair – 1-for-3 as LaHair moussed his 8th homer.
Ian Stewart – 1-for-3 with his 3rd homer. Does he have a section of Wrigley that dresses up like Cubs with Stewart jerseys called Stewart’s Root Bears?
Adrian Cardenas – The Cubs called up the ex A’s prospect to be the UTIL after Blake DeWitt was DFA’d (unfortunately his mom Joyce never hooked up with Theo’s dad, Juan, at the 70′s Battle of the Network Stars). He’s played 2nd in the minors and delivers high average, average speed, and a below average glove. Given that the Cubs have a dinosaur playing second, he could see some ABs if he’s hitting. Stash for NL-only.
Wilson Betemit – 1-for-3 with his 4th homer (and third in the last ten games). He also has a hit in nine of his last ten games while batting .357. There, folks, is your hot schmotato.
J.J. Hardy – 3-for-4. Actually, more impressed with a three hit night from Hardy than I would be with a 1-for-4 with a homer night. As my ex-girlfriends will tell you, I’m a small ball kinda guy.
Edinson Volquez – 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners, 5 Ks. A hodgepadre that was pitchslapped by Pomeranz. (I can only imagine if this is someone’s first time reading the site. Did he say ‘A hodgepadre that was pitchslapped?’ Where am I and how do I get back to ESPN?)
Dale Thayer – Thayer throwing pills for the save yesterday — what a relief! Since Cashner threw 39 pitches the day before, he wasn’t available. I’d hold Cashner, but this also proves that Gregerson is nowhere near getting saves.
Zack Cozart – 1-for-5 with his 3rd homer, but only his 7th RBI. Could the pitcher’s spot get on base once in a while? Geez…
Alex Gonzalez – Tore his ACL, which comes just days after Gamel also tore his ACL. The last time a Milwaukee duo tore up joints like that, it was Laverne & Shirley after Lenny & Squiggy slipped some Spanish Fly in their Schlitzes.
Well, here we are in week 3 already, wonder if ML bee will have another opening game just to keep it fresh. The world of two-start pitchers is in full bloom, the rotations are coming together and being set in an orderly fashion. Thank goodness. I needed a abacus, 2 liters of cola and a Snoopy notebook just to get anything close to some sort of semblance for last week’s post. I will be honest with you, there aren’t many great options this week to take advantage of matchups. Every lower end option this week has either one or two really tough outing. My best advice to you, if you have ever read my posts before and are on the fence about a starter, refer to your most readily available betting line. I say it every year and some listen, but others forget to take their ADD medicine and wander off. So enjoy my tidbit of fantasy baseball knowledge as we get to the fellas that will go twice this week. Enjoy the week and good luck! (Please keep in mind that pitchers and matchups change.)
One Start Streamers:
4/18
Derek Lowe @ Sea – Vargas
Juan Nicasio vs SD – Richard
4/19
Randy Wolf @LAD – Harang
4/20
Lance Lynn @ Pit vs Morton
Edinson Volquez vs PHI – Hamels
Jeanmar Gomez @ Oak – Godfrey
4/21
Jake Westbrook @ Pit – Correia
Two Start Options:
Philip Humber (Bal vs Arrieta, Sea vs Beavan) Of all the guys listed, probably my favorite 2 start streamer of the week. That doesn’t mean you should stop reading here. BTW, where else can you get a Humber twice in a week and not have to pay for it?
Freddy Garcia (Min vs Pavano, @Bos vs Bard) We still like you cause of the hat you wear. So be grateful. I want the old Freddy, with the flowing locks of Jheri-curled sassiness, that’s when I used to use words like smitten and rad. Is a 6 IP, 3 ER pitcher but based on this week’s other choices it could be slim pickens, minus him riding the atomic bomb.
Joe Saunders (Pit vs Bedard, Atl vs Hanson) Love me some of the Colonel. I am a sucker for wily veterans, what can I say, that’s why I got rims on my motorized scooter. Hope for the best, pray for an offensive onslaught by the D-Backs. And by love in the first sentence I mean from a distance.
Jeremy Guthrie (SD vs Luebke, @Mil vs Gallardo) God, I wish he was better. I wanna root for him cause he generally seems like a nice guy and someone that I would probably stop stalking if he just acknowledged me. Jeremy, BTW, your new furniture looks great from the lawn.
Danny Duffy (@Det vs Verlander, Tor vs Romero) Hey, Danny, good job on that last start. Let’s move you up to the AP level of matchups now. As fast as he was added, he will be stamped with a triangle and then separated by color; green, brown, clear. See ya in 3 weeks, I’ll send you a tickler.
Randall Delgado (NYM vs Santana, @Ari vs Kennedy) Let’s temper expectations a little; it was against Houston. Julio Teheran was seen working on his core with Richard Simmons and an ice cream scoop. The scoop could not be reached for comment. Good test for the youngen, after these two you should know what you’re getting and could be a popular pick if you don’t get him now.
Kevin Millwood (Cle vs Masterson, CHW vs Danks) “You know Bartolo Colon with his sneaky 4-ish ERA in a pitchers’ park? That’s Millwood.” That’s me quoting Grey. If Millwood makes 30 starts I may start writing about fantasy synchronized swimming, because he will be a frequenter in this weekly post and I already hate it.
Drew Smyly (@KC vs Chen, Tex vs Lewis) Great lineup…check. At least one decent matchup…check. Named after an emoticon…check. Hey, if he totally sucks, it was fun writing his name like this for awhile, Drew : )
Joe Blanton (@SF vs Bumgarner, @SD vs Bass) For streaming starts this is like a threesome with the 80′s version of Carol Alt and Ma’am from Webster. Hey, no one really wants the details, it still counts. Philly’s O is more like a Y right now with aspirations of being a real vowel someday.
Dillon Gee (@Atl vs Hanson,SF vs Lincecum) A rough matchup week for a guy I tend to like to outperform this year. True story, his facial inventory is causing PS3 to freak out. Should market himself a little better and change his number to 6. Oh well, the bottles are on ice so we have time.
I don’t necessarily love Adam LaRoche. Or LaLove him, for that matter. Sure, I’d like him more if he slept with a groupie then screamed, “And that’s how you screw LaPooch!” But I have no way of knowing that, and thinking of LaRoche having groupies is like thinking people actually buy John Tesh CDs. Though I do enjoy La Bouche — want to be my lover, be my lover! LaRoche reminds me of the guy you have on your team that you’re looking to drop all season long for anyone that’s hot, but still gives you 25 homers and passable counting stats. Strike that, he doesn’t remind me of that guy. He is that guy. Are you gonna wake up one morning and say to yourself, “I may have been fired, can’t make my mortgage payment this month and have yellow pits on my favorite t-shirt, but I own LaRoche… Today’s gonna be a good day!” Nah, son, shizz ain’t gonna be that sunny, but he’s hitting and healthy and should be owned. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Hector Santiago – On the podcast the other day, I distinctly remember saying (in my high-pitched Jersey accent that actually makes dogs howl) that Addison Reed would end up with more saves than Santiago this year. Well, la dee whatever, right now you should own Santiago.
Fernando Rodney – A crap reliever, yes. But getting saves, yup. Somewhere, Bob Wickman and his fans that used to dress as candles are smiling.
Brad Lidge – Storen is out for a few months. Does he come back at all this year? I don’t know, but when that’s even a question you should be speculating on the doodes getting saves for the Nats. Right now, that’s Lidge and Henry Rodriguez — or Benry Ridge, which sounds like a green-conscious company. Here at Benry Ridge we know your stool isn’t just something short people stand on.
Santiago Casilla – I just went over him and Romo this morning. Try the scroll, player.
Chone Figgins – Batting leadoff and over .300 as of this writing. Do I love him? Figgy, please! But there’s some value here. On a side note: I had to draft a 12-team AL-Only team for Rudy the other day (and drafted Figgy for like $4). Anyway, due to ESPN’s terrible draft room and my friend’s dog that I was watching, I accidentally nominated Scott Baker (after it was announced he’d be out for the season) and ended up with him for $1. I only nominated him because he was on the top of the out-of-date list and my time ran out because I had my hands filled with a barking dog. Obviously, I’m not drafting him and an online draft should be the best approximation to an in-person one. You shouldn’t be penalized because of stupid draft software. Immediately, I asked the draft to be paused — as we had paused it numerous times already because people accidentally bid too much or something — only this time it turned out that the host of the draft wasn’t there anymore, so no one had the controls to pause the draft. Seriously, if you host a league, have the decency to be at the draft.
Kyle Seager – In that same AL-Only league that I drafted for Rudy, I grabbed Seager for cheap. The next day Rudy was like, “Good grab on Seager.” I thought he was being sarcastic. That shows you how much I think of Seager. He’s a guy with an outside chance for a 10/10 season. Honestly, he may not be that much worse than Ackley this year.
Zack Cozart – Think this makes 4 weeks in a row I’m recommending you pick him up. Next week, he’ll break the the all-time record currently held by Ty Wigginton.
A.J. Pierzynski – Okay, now I will walk into oncoming traffic for suggesting Pierzynski.
David Murphy – There’s a contingent of people that love David Murphy, and some that just don’t get it. Call it the Murph Wars. In the big picture, he’s really a 15/12 guy with a decent average that should only be started vs. righties. But he’s also a guy that seems to produce whenever you pick him up, though that might be confirmation bias or some other fancy Psych 101 term.
Kirk Nieuwenhuis – I like Nieuwenhuis even if his name is impossible to spell. His surname sounds like a starter home in Sweden. He has decent pop and the Mets just have to stop playing Bay. Like fo’ real, fo’ real.
Lance Lynn – I like Lance a lot. His walks and Moor time he sees in the rotation may be his undoing, but he brings a solid ground ball and K-rate to the round table. (<–Dorkiest puns ever!)
Jeff Samardzija – The buzz feels a little stronger on Samardzija than Lynn. I get it, he was throwing near-100 MPH at the end of his first start. That’s exciting, that gets the blood flowing to the nether regions without any blue pills. I think Samardzija does have a higher upside, but Lynn should be a tad safer. With upside comes downside, i.e., sex is nice, but now she’s emotionally attached and she just called you “Poopsie” around your friends.
Edinson Volquez – Kinda surprised I have to beg people to pick him up. Everyone open your prayer book to “Guys who can get 200 Ks that are on waivers.” Okay, now read from it. You, “Edinson Volquez. Um, that’s all it says.” Yup.
Joe Weiland – Hodgepadre!
Juan Nicasio – Has a 7+ K-rate and should have around a 3.75 ERA. There’s always the Coors Field factor, but that’s to scare girls (no offense, 4 girl readers, that’s a figure of speech).
Jon Niese – “Hey, Grey, let me ask you a pregunta that you can use your big brain for? Edinson, Nicasio, Samardbfslkbkfwsa, Lynn or Niese? Thank you and your mustache; it looks extra bushy today!” Niese is the safest without the upside.
J.D. Martinez – He’s hitting third for the Astros and… Gah! I tried so hard to get through that compliment. He’s a’ight. Will probably have solid counting stats and 20+ homers. He’s really not that different than LaRoche (obviously a different position). Rudy likes him a decent amount. Rudy knows his shizz. Some time ask Rudy about the time he vomited in the back of a taxi, then, once you got him talking, ask him about J.D.
Alejandro De Aza – You pick him up for the steals and you stay for the occasional homer and fun you can have singing his first name at a gay bar. In all seriousness, he could be a cheap Victorino.
Alex Presley – I was downright floored — floored, I tell ya! — when I saw he was only owned in 6.6% of ESPN leagues. Save that fear of success shizz for your real life, this is fantasy baseball!
Jordan Schafer – What’s this a 4,000 word post about speedy outfielders that have some minor pop? I will pop you, son!
Ryan Sweeney – I told you to pick him up last week and I’m not going to repeat myself. And that’s me quoting me, but, and this is a J. Lo-sized but, what a schmohawk! Are you being meta? Yes, Random Italicized Voice.
SELL
Mark Trumbo – I was surprised to get questions the last few days about dropping Trumbo. I didn’t think people drafted him. Stone Hands At 3rd + Pujols + Morales + Crowded Outfield = A near mint Dave Concepción rookie card. Hmm, that math looks wrong. I think I forgot to carry a one somewhere. Either way, you need to look elsewhere if you own Trumbo.
Chad Billingsley – Is there any pitcher that had cushier matchups his first two times out? Padres are like a throwback offense to the dead ball era and the Pirates haven’t had a winning season since Chuck Tanner. If you think you can flip Bills, I’d make sure I had some back support. If you think you can trade him for someone like, say, Luebke, I’d do it.
Brandon Belt – I still like him, but he’s the sun and Bochy’s head is the moon and there’s a total eclipse of the gooftard.
If I were the type to gloat, I’d say I told you to not draft David Wright. I’m not that type of fantasy baseball ‘pert though. Nah, I simply get satisfaction from not owning him anywhere and watching as teams that do own him scramble looking for replacements. ….Okay, it’s similar to gloating, but it’s not the same thing. With his sudden proneness for injuries, Mets fans may reflexively be chanting ‘Larry’ when he comes to bat now, which may not be for a while since he has a fractured pinkie. He’ll need to wear a splint and the Mets are saying he’s out indefinitely, but we’ll know more later today. In the meantime, the Mets pitching coach will be teaching Wright how to throw a splint finger. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Mike Morse – Shutdown after having renewed pain in his lat. There’s no timetable for his return. Real World Situation Alert: Your boss at Shakey’s says he appreciates the way you put the “Happy Birthday” messages on the giant billboard out front, but there’s no timetable for a promotion. How does that make you feel? Okay, now how do you feel about Morse?
Clayton Kershaw – 7 IP, 1 ER, 4 baserunners, 7 Ks. I miss owning him. That is all.
Andre Ethier – 2-for-4 with his 2nd homer in as many games. I’m not saying he’s not bouncing back and I’m not yelling fire in the theater of Razzball, but he did hit .385 last April. Things that make you go hmm…
Austin Jackson – 1-for-2 with a homer, now batting .563 with a downright weird BABIP over .750, which has Jackson’s owners saying keep Austin weird.
Neftali Feliz – 7 shutout innings (6 baserunners, 4 Ks) in his first start (albeit against the Mariners). The Rangers convert relievers better than missionaries convert natives.
Edwin Encarnacion – 2-for-3 with the home run and 2 steals, which I guess is a slam and legses. Legii?
Kyle Drabek – 5 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 4 Ks. With starts like this he should stay in the Blue Jays rotation, but remember he’s got potentially-yet-to-be-unrealized-potential-that-might-not-be-potential-anymore potential. The potential is there, though.
Matt Moore – 6 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 9 baserunners (5 walks), 4 Ks. You have a team that has a leadoff hitter hitting over .500, Miggy and Fielder hitting over .400 and you give 5 walks… Yeah, I’d be happy with only two earned runs too.
Dustin Moseley – His MRI revealed that his shoulder has extensive damage. And that’s how one goes from a Hodgepadre to an “Oh Fudge” Padre.
Carlos Beltran – Hit his 3rd HR of the year. Must be the combination of knowing he’s not a Met and won’t have to face Wainwright’s curve ball.
David Freese – 3 HRs and 10 RBIs now in 6 games. He’s going to be pissed with that hypnotist when there’s no champagne in the clubhouse after their next win.
Lance Berkman – Says he has a tender calf. Aw, ain’t that sweet? He should sing it lullabies. He also said he should be ready to go by Friday.
Sergio Santos – Cordero will get saves until Saturday because Santos has been excused to attend the birth of his first child. I hope his wife’s not counting on him to save any mementos from the hospital.
Daniel Bard – 5 IP, 5 ER, 9 baserunners, 6 Ks. Just when Sale and Feliz get you excited about converted relievers… On the plus side, he only walked one and struck out 6. If he keeps his walks down like that, he might actually pitch some quality starts. Of course, he won’t get any wins because the bullpen will blow them.
Kyle Lohse – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 2 Ks. Member what I said last week about him being a solid pitcher in April and May? Yup.
Jayson Werth – 4 for 5 against the Mets. 3 singles, 1 double. Must’ve been his brother Laynce in the stands that inspired him to such heights.
Ross Detwiler – 5 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks. He was recommended in our two start pitcher post on Saturday. The blurb about Detwiler made me laugh, too. My loud high-pitched annoying laugh that you’ll be hearing more of later today with our newest podcast.
Ian Desmond – 2-for-4 with a homer. His owners probably can’t wait until he cools off so they can drop him.
Chipper Jones – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs and a homer in his first game back. Otherwise known as the game before he’s injured again.
Tyler Pastornicky – 1-for-3 with his first home run. Aren’t you glad you punted shortstop and grabbed Pastronicky or Cozart late? Yeah, I know. Thank me later.
Lorenzo Cain – Left yesterday’s game with a groin strain. Usually when one of my guy’s gets injured I get sullen — despondent even! — but, uh, guess who gets more at-bats if Cain is injured? The ultimate in SAGNOF — Bourgeois!
Blake Beavan – 6 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. That’s nice; I wouldn’t go near him.
Jordan Schafer – 3-for-5, 2 runs and 3 SBs in 5 innings against Hanson-McCann. The last time someone stole that much from a Hanson was this chick who stole the Hanson drummer’s virginity during the MMMBop tour.
Chris Narveson – 5 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 4 Ks. Chris Narveson isn’t just The Noid’s Christian name, he’s also a pitcher who I like for certain matchups. Should be good for a 7+ K-rate and a just-under 4 ERA.
Edinson Volquez – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 8 Ks. I wouldn’t say I like Edinson for matchups. I’d say I like him for all leagues. He’s in a terrific pitching park where his walks won’t haunt him as bad, get on board!
Derek Jeter – 2-for-6 with a homer the day after going 4-for-4. Looks like someone’s hitting the Carrow’s for the Early Bird Special. Minka used to love his enlarged pro stats.
Danny Duffy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (1 hit), 8 Ks. Granted, it was against the A’s, who have hitters that their own mother wouldn’t draft, but Duffy looked solid but wild. That is his downfall as of right now, “solid but wild.”
Vladimir Guerrero – In police custody after a bar brawl in the Dominican Republic. Guerrero said he had nothing to do with the inciting argument and that he was just the designated hitter.
