Here’s Chris Davis‘s ceiling. And here’s where he’s playing right now: take your jigsaw, saw out a hole in your ceiling, put a ladder through the hole, climb to the roof, grab onto the tree branch to your right, monkey-climb up to the top and wait twenty seconds. Okay, now grab onto that passing stork and sit in his mouth for five minutes. Go ahead, you can check your phone while you’re in there, it won’t bother Storkie. Now if Storkie has closed his mouth, open it. Otherwise, just look up… See that basket with Bill James waving down? In that basket, just offscreen is Chris Davis. That’s how far he’s playing above his head. Right now, everything he’s hitting is falling in or going out of the park. A .330-average, 50+ homers is obviously not a sustainable pace, but to give you an idea of how bad it could get — he hit around .216 in 167 ABs in June and July of last year. If his strikeout rate goes up to his norm, that’s not far from where it could sit for a few months. Don’t sell him for a pot of pasta sauce from your neighbor, Buddy Biancalana, but I’d explore offers. For our four lady readers, Chris(ten) Davis is a Sell in the City. To reach a better advertising demo, UC Davis, U sell Davis. Anyway, here’s some more players to buy or sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Eduardo Nunez – His defense makes me think his name translates to Edward Scissorhands. Hopefully he wears mittens when he steals bases.
Ryan Raburn – He’s good for about a week or two each season. This seems like one of those weeks. If you’re finding this info in about a week, then Raburn after reading.
Cody Ransom – Another guy I’d own for a short period of time while he’s hot. Don’t let Cody hold your team for…Shoot, where did I put that pun? Was right here on the tip of my tongue… What is it doing in my pocket? Aw, geez, I’m getting forgetful. Anyway, don’t let Cody hold your team for Ransom! Booya!
Nolan Arenado – I have a cutoff of 50% owned for the Buys, but Arenado is owned in more leagues than that and he’s still listed. Do you see how much I like him? I’m forgoing my imaginary cutoff line. I already went over my Nolan Arenado fantasy. I wrote it while making clogs in woodshop class.
Luis Valbuena – I mention him not so much because I like him, but because I sorta-whatever him right about now.
Travis Wood – Just went over him this morning. Use your scrolly finger for something other than picking your nose.
Jason Hammel – He’s been getting lucky and his K-rate is way down. Um, Grey, this is a Buy column. Thanks, Random Italicized Voice, that was really considerate of you. Meh, you’re an extension of me so I don’t want you to look like a total idiot. Thanks. So, it’s still early to be very concerned with Hammel’s lack of Ks. I’d grab him, but he’s close to the first man off a lot of staffs.
Tommy Hanson – I don’t like him, you don’t like him, the Stream-o-Nator kinda likes him in his next start.
Kevin Gausman – Here’s what I said the other day about Gausman, “There’s some speculation that the 4th overall pick in the last draft might be in Baltimore soon. Soon is relative here to Uncle Not That Soon. I think late-June is probably the earliest with early-August more likely. Why do you care? Well, with Bundy on the couch, scratching himself and waiting for his elbow to heal, Gausman could be the next arm called up for the 5th spot in the O’s rotation and he’s been utterly dominant in Double-A. How’s 29 Ks and 1 walk in 28 2/3 IP sound? Yummo! He has number one starter upside and should be owned in AL-Only and keeper leagues already.” And that’s me quoting me!
Kevin Correia – Imagine Correia pitched for the Reds? There would be an all-out war against the Yankees. Not to mention the awkwardness in the locker room when Shin-Soo Choo entered the deodorized zone. I’d be careful with Correia in away games and with nukes.
Kyuji Fujikawa – I can’t imagine the reign of Kevin Gregg can last, so I’d own Fujikawa for the Cubs saves and just so I don’t have to consider owning Marmol.
Jose Veras – Gotta own a guy that gets saves, amirightrightright?
David Hernandez – The D-Bags’ Putz sucks, and their closer hasn’t been good either. Hey now! Huh? Hernandez hasn’t been terrific eye-ther, but something could give in the 9th inning for the Diamondbacks. Bell and Matt Reynolds are worth looking at too. Though just looking at in most mixed leagues.
Carlos Martinez – C-Mart, which isn’t with a K sound so he doesn’t have any great deals on sweat socks, was called up to be a middle relief guy for the Cards with Mitchell Boggs going to practice law in Memphis. Martinez was in the top 50 fantasy baseball prospects and is a sexy name in keeper leagues and NL-Only. In most mixed leagues, I’d let him go for now. BTW, ESPN is talking about Mujica’s ‘hold on things’ today. Are they two weeks behind everything? Maybe they can shut off Amanda Bynes’s cell service before it’s too late.
Delmon Young – Meh, fully encapsulates my thoughts on Delmon. He’s a’ight. But far from a’ight a’ight or even all right a’ight. If you drop anyone too worthwhile, you are falling for the oldest Delmon in the book, mon.
Rajai Davis – SAGNOF!
Michael Brantley – He has one homer and no steals so far. That and a dollar buys you thirty-five seconds at a peep show. So I’ve heard! But get this, y’all, in Triple-A one year he had 46 steals. I wonder if he’s slower now because he’s wearing ankle weights like my mom in her pool aerobics class. Never the hoo! He has speed somewhere in those gams and he’s hitting .300-plus.
Eric Young Jr. – I have made it my personal mission to fix the Rockies organization. I started with Eric Young Jr. about four years ago and then took a siesta for a few years and went to Nepal to build a grade school, and now I’m back. My hands are like stone, my skin is bronzed like George Hamilton and I have one mission in life: make them play Eric Young Jr.
Seth Smith – The Lisper’s Nightmare been batting third for the majority of the year. Whew, made it through that without one…Eff me.
Michael Saunders – For serious, if you can’t find a hot outfielder to pick up right now, pack it up, put a bow on it and put it under your fantasy tree until next March.
Jordany Valdespin – I’m gonna be Fake Terry Collins for a second, “Ike, move four fu**ing feet closer to the plate! Marlon Byrd, run into a concrete wall, you’re fired from life! Baxter, your name sounds like a labradoodle! Duda, stop taking doodies! It seriously smells in here. And Valdespin plays every day!” Unfortunately, Real Terry Collins sounds closer to, “Good game today, fellas. Let’s try to do better tomorrow.”
Luke Scott – Luke, you are my waiver wire fodder.
Marcell Ozuna – Here’s what I said the other day, “Ozuna has big time power, but will also whiff a ton. His minor league stats like a bit donkeyish. Here’s what Scott, our prospect writer, said, “Ozuna is regarded as one of the streakier hitters in Minor League Baseball, and I doubt that changes much as he moves through the upper levels. With an aggressive approach, plus raw power, and the ability to crush lefties, he has a skillset that’s conducive to streakiness. But that’s not necessarily a killer in the fantasy game — that might be something you’d want to avoid in H2H formats, but Ozuna is a guy who could hit 25+ homers in the bigs. The power will come with a .250ish average, but it’s certainly not worthless. Unlike Grey.” Hey, not cool! If I may, I’d say Scott meant that .250ish average after Ozuna develops a bit more. He’s now being rushed and I think he might not hit .220. There is some power, but he’s not a pick-up outside of NL-Only leagues yet.” And that’s me copying and pasting me!
Matt Joyce – He should be a solid option until he reaches about 50% owned at ESPN. So watch how many acclaims you give him.
Brian McCann – Well, it’s about that time. What time, you ask while batting your eyelashes. It’s time for “drop this catcher for McCann” questions.
James Loney – There’s only a fight in one fantasy league for James Loney. In The Black Keys’ league so someone gets the rights to call their team, Loney Boy. He should hit for no pop, has little in the way of speed, but he’s currently lashing out against all righties.
Mitch Moreland – His splits aren’t good, but there’s a remedy for that. When he’s going against lefties, you stop your Mitchin’.
Matt Harvey – Let’s be clear upfront, I’m not saying sell him for a Nerds-scented candle made of carnauba wax. I agree with JayWrong’s Matt Harvey fantasy — GIFs and all. I love Harvey as much as a man could love a 6-foot rabbit. Okay, bad example. You haven’t become a man until you’ve loved a giant rabbit. “That’s my rabbit and I rubbit.” That’s me at my bar mitzvah as I showed the girls how much I’d become a man. Harvey has absolutely given you the best case scenario through a month of pitching. Only thing more you could’ve asked for was he didn’t leave Ralph Kiner in the car when he went into the supermarket. “Mommy, Grandpa smells funny.” That’s Kiner’s grandkid. Oh, who am I kidding? His grandkids are 45 years old. Harvey has tamed the biggest problem for him to date: his control. Last year, he was pushing near a four BB/9. This year he removed a full walk so far and that changes a 3.75 ERA guy to a 3.20 ERA guy with his Ks. Ain’t that right, boo? True. But — and this but is the size of Donald Trump’s ego — he’s not a sub-2 ERA guy. He’s not even really a sub-3 ERA guy. And if he loses any of the gains on his walks or tires because of the major league grind or the league catches up to him, he will fall back to earth. Look at this way, his last full year in Triple-A, he had a 3.68 ERA. Right now, I’d place him just outside of the top twenty-five for pitchers, so if you can get a top fifty hitter for him, then grab that hitter before there’s any regression.