by: Grey
The Heriberto Hernandez buys started on July 10th, when I said, “If you prorate–[Mr. Prorater skydives through my ceiling, legs crashing through, but getting stuck] Damn it, Mr. Prorater! “Sorry, I misjudged the angle. Prorated it at 45 degrees. Anyway! Heriberto is a 30/15 hitter in a full season of at-bats. Wow! Now, can you […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Max Clark was called up by the Tigers and the chain discourse is about to get crazier than what was Nancy Reagan doing on Mr. T’s lap. You look at Max Clark’s sprint speed and I look at Max Clark’s sprint speed with and without chains. We. Are. Not. The. Same. You look at Max […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?The title of this post is basically snapping the Twins in half. They are like, “Please, can I hide my face, I’ve been snapped in half.” Which face though, because if you get snapped in half you automatically get two faces. One top face, we’ll call it Face A. Then your 2nd half face, which […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
I wanna talk about Troy Melton but first we have to acknowledge the Tigers scored 14 with the hitting stars being: Gleyber Torres (2-for-5, 5 RBIs and his 5th homer). I’m convinced Hinch saw that Gleyber used to bat at the top of the Yanks’ lineup — three years ago — and was like, “Welp, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?You know the concept of Yin/Yang? Definition online (which might be 65% accurate because it’s online): An ancient Chinese philosophy that describes how two opposite, complementary forces interact to form a balanced and connected whole. Let’s use that to explain the two big stars for the Mets. Imagine you have a Yin, let’s call them, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Late Saturday night, the Red Sox traded Connelly Early to the Nats for Curtis Mead. Check out Curtis Mead’s trade tree: Curtis Mead was traded from the Phils to the Rays for Cristopher Sanchez. Oofa! Who says the Rays always get the best side of a trade? Next up, Mead went to the White Sox […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
[sitting down to pitch Netflix execs] “So, you open with a host saying, ‘Welcome back to our favorite program, ‘Post-Post-Post-Post…’ and the host says ‘post’ for thirty minutes, looks at his watch, then says, ‘Welp, that’s all the time we have,’ and that’s the entire show about Christian Encarnacion-Strand, never getting to say ‘Post-hype prospect.’ […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Try not to do ledes about the same player, especially not in quick succession, but Gavin Williams is working with fire right now and there were five games yesterday. MLB doing their schedule: Rob Manfred, “Let’s put a game here, and here…” “Hey, Rob, like, I dig how you’re doing the schedule, ya know. Like […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Yesterday, Jackson Merrill went 2-for-4 with his 14th homer, 2nd homer in two games, four homers in four games. Okay, but what you really want to talk about is how Luis Rengifo homered — a tomato is thrown, and it connects — Bull’s eye to side of my head. Ow! What? Rengifo could do something–A […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Click-clacking on a calculator that converts a Mets’ starter ERA into an ERA for a starter on another team, and this calculator is built like an old typewriter for some convoluted reason. Licking finger to smudge out a typo and getting my finger on the ribbon spool and ink all over hands. Manually, sliding the […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
“I love the smell of napalm in the morning” is a famous quote by Robert Duvall in Apocalypse Now after he started Joe Ryan (4 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 3.38) in his fantasy league. Yeah, Robert Duvall was just sitting there on the river, scrolling on his iPhone and checking his fantasy team. Is […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Comatose Braves fan, who’s been out since March, “Why does the nurse keep pinching shut my IV and saying pausa de hidratación? Well, nevertheless, I see Austin Riley went 3-for-4 with 4 RBIs and his 11th and 12th homer, and three homers in three games. [humming Joe Walsh] Life is good so far…Austin Riley is […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?