In the vast world of fast food, food, and fine dinning, you’ll find your pick of the garnishes to the delight your tastebuds. Some will be salty and some will be sweet, but only a pickle can be some of each. No where on earth such a veggie exists, you’ll it eat on burgers, and sausage, and fish. I run to the store to share some with friends, that here is the place where this story book ends. Or maybe begins as I took out my sack and I shared with my kins, cause I’m the pickleman mack. I gave one to Grey, Smokey, and Jay, I gave one to Tehol but he put it away. No, no silly Beddict keep that out of your rectum, these pickles are delicious I demand you respect them. Dan Pants said here, here as he munched on a gherkin, but Tehol didn’t hear he was too busy twerkin. Magoo and J-Foh enjoyed their half sours, as Jack waxed poetic about hating Joe Mauers. All was well in Razzland oh sweet pickled cucumber, it’s Two start pitchers, week I forget the number.

So big changes this week to the two start post, and I think the you’ll agree it’s for the better. I ramble less and instead provide you with a wide range of stats to justify my rankings. That’s better right? Hopefully I don’t leave you with a burning feeling like that girl in your dorm that had Daddy issues. Oh yeah and pickles!

BTW when you’re done here go read soccer, it’s good I swear!

 

Half Sours (Aces) – Week 16 less filler more numbers! These are the best kind of pickles, there’s nothing like the olde classic deli half sour. The young guns are way up high this week and it’s the matchups that weigh heavy. High K% teams and sterling home numbers for J-Fer and Thor.

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
Jose Fernandez vs. WAS, vs. SD .313 (T-14th) .289 (29th) H – 1.76/1.61/2.08 21% (7th) 22% (5th)
Noah Syndergaard vs. SD, vs. WAS .289 (29th) .313 (T-14th) H 2.86/2.24/1.74 22% (5th) 21% (7th)
David Price @TB, @BAL .320 (5th) .304 (T-16th) A – 3.36/2.92/1.65 22.3% (10th) 21.8% (13th)
Sonny Gray @LAD, vs. CLE .333 (2nd) .305 (T-20th) H (3.84/3.68/2.84) A (2.98/2.33/1.84) 19.9% (15th) 18.4% (25th)
Masahiro Tanaka @TEX, @CWS .326 (T-7th) .297 (T-24th) A 2.63/2.94/2.78 19.6% (17th) 20.1% (14th)

 

 

Kosher Dill (Good Starts) – Kosher dills are the bomb on sandwiches, these guys are the bomb when they are started twice. Totally the same thing. Lance Lynn joins the dills due to the matchup with Colorado who just kill RHP. Otherwise two home starts for Lynn typically scream go Ace go! Or maybe that’s Gene Simmons in a Kiss backstage orgy. Shark has been coming on of late finally justifying the faith many of us had on draft day, Brady Quinn’s former safety valve has two tough matchups @Boston and home against the Jank-keys. The Muppet gets two home starts, expect him to go Animal. BTW is this his walkup music? I hope so. The Iwakuma revival is coming, tell yo kids, tell yo wife, we reviving errbody up in here. 5 year old internet jokes are my specialty.

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
Lance Lynn vs. CIN, vs. COL .312 (T-16th) .339 (1st) H 3.19/2.50/1.83 18.6% (24th) 19.8% (16th)
Jordan Zimmermann @MIA, @NYM .292 (26th) .290 (28th) A 3.85/3.29/4.67 20.2% (13th) 20.3% (12th)
Jeff Samardzija @BOS, vs. NYY .316 (12th) .330 (4th) H 3.39/2.96/2.86 A 4.24/4.03/4.84 16.5% (29th) 18.9% (23rd)
John Lackey vs. CIN, vs. COL .312 (T-16th) .339 (1st) H 3.58/2.70/1.97 18.6% (24th) 19.8% (16th)
Chris Heston vs. MIl, @TEX .313 (T-14th) .326 (T-7th) H 3.23/2.63/2.57 A 3.61/3.80/3.86 20.4% (11th) 19.6% (17th)
Hisashi Iwakuma vs. ARI, @MIN .315 (13th) .305 (T-20th) H 3.74/5.82/4.81 A 3.01/4.20/4.08 20.9% (8th) 20.6% (9th)
Kyle Hendricks vs. COL, @MIL .339 (1st) .313 (T-14th) H 2.83/3.50/2.81 A 3.67/3.03/4.31 19.8% (16th) 20.4% (11th)
Mike Leake @STL, vs. PIT .320 (11th) .306 (19th) H 3.80/4.37/4.93 A 3.39/3.49/2.57 19% (T-20th) 20.5% (10th)

 

Spicy Dills (Why Can’t I Sit You!) – Are these pickles good are they bad? I can’t tell you make my brain hurt. James Shields out of Petco is a scary proposition. Collin McHugh is an enigma wrapped in a riddle force fed to a Sphinx. What does that mean? As Funk Doctor would say “laugh now and figure it out when your ass get home.” Edinson Volquez has been very solid on the road but I don’t trust him. He’ll probably be okay in Cleveland, but is anyone really ever okay in the mistake by the lake?

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
James Shields @NYM, @MIA .290 (28th) .292 (26th) A 3.42/4.22/5.01 20.3% (12th) 20.2% (13th)
Edinson Volquez @CLE, @TOR .305 (20th) .329 (5th) A 18.4% (25th) 19% (21st)
Collin McHugh vs. LAA, vs. ARI .311 (18th) .315 (13th) H 3.67/3.57/4.88 19.4% (18th) 20.9% (8th)

 

Gherkins (One Good Start/One Bad Start) – So Gherkins are good pickles just really small. Small isn’t good for anyone but toddlers and girls who like cute stuff. Don’t be a Gherkin.

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
Anibal Sanchez @TB, @BAL .291 (27th) .322 (T-9th) A 3.46/4.11/4.17 22.1% (4th) 22.4% (3rd)
Julio Teheran @BAL, @PHI .322 (T-9th) .285 (30th) A 4.61/5.99/6.95 22.4% (3rd) 19% (T-20th)
Jorge De La Rosa @CHC, @STL .323 (5th) .293 (T-22nd) A 3.73/3.73/1.93 22.4% (9th) 23.7% (3rd)
Trevor Bauer vs. KC, @OAK .326 (T-7th) .312 (16th) H 4.05/4.64/6.16 A 3.94/3.85/2.47 15.9% (30th) 17.50%
Alex Wood @BAL, @PHI .304 (T-16th) .309 (14th) A 3.96/3.19/3.11 21.8% (T-13th) 20.9% (16th)
Ubaldo Jimenez vs. ATL, vs. DET .305 (T-20th) .332 (3rd) H 2.53/2.15/2.06 17.5% (T-27th) 19.3% (19th)
Michael Montgomery vs. ARI, @MIN .319 (6th) .298 (20th) H 4.08/3.59/3.15 A 4.40/4.49/3.38 20.5% (20th) 19.7% (24th)
Mike Fiers @SF, vs. CHC .327 (6th) .297 (T-24th) H 3.77/4.75/4.33 A 3.97/2.78/3.44 18.1% (26th) 24.5%(2nd)
Chris Young @CLE, @TOR .305 (20th) .329 (5th) A 4.99/4.64/2.49 18.4% (25th) 19% (21st)
Robbie Ray @SEA, @HOU .294 (T-21st) .316 (10th) A 4.28/2.91/1.35 20.8% (17th) 22.8% (7th)
Wade Miley vs. CWS, vs. TB .259 (30th) .320 (5th) H 3.63/2.98/4.68 22.2% (11th) 22.3% (10th)
Ivan Nova @TEX, @CWS .326 (T-7th) .297 (T-24th) H 5.75/4.59/2.55 A 3.71/4.21/4.50 19.6% (17th) 20.1% (14th)

 

Bread and Butter (Avoid These Starts) – You have to be an absolute savage to enjoy these. Sweet pickles? save it for the relish Zeke!

Player Opponents Opp 1 wOBA vs Handedness Opp 2 wOBA vs Handedness Home/Road xFIP/FIP/ERA Opp 1 K%vs LH/RH Opp 2 K% vs LH/RH
Matt Shoemaker @HOU, @LAD .323 (9th) .333 (2nd) A 4.03/4.25/5.06 25.1% (1st) 19.9% (15th)
Nate Karns vs. DET, @BOS .330 (3rd) .315 (12th) H 4.03/4.13/4.03 A 3.47/3.20/2.82 19.4% (19th) 16.5% (29th)
Cody Anderson vs. KC, @OAK .325 (8th) .311 (17th) H 4.45/3.90/.63 A 3.73/3.71/2.89 16% (30th) 17.5% (28th)
Charlie Morton @MIN, @ CIN .307 (T-19th) .313 (T-14th) A 4.63/5.75/7.82 20.5% (10th) 18.6% (24th)
Kevin Gausman vs. ATL, vs. DET .304 (22nd) .330 (3rd) H 4.06/2.42/1.93 17.6% (27th) 19.4% (19th)
John Danks @BOS, vs. NYY .293 (T-22nd) .319 (8th) H 4.57/4.11/3.90 A 4.39/4.55/5.68 19.6% (24th) 18.8% (25th)
Mike Pelfrey vs. PIT, vs. SEA .307 (19th) .301 (23rd) H 3.88/3.31/2.22 20.7% (9th) 21.7% (6th)
Kyle Lohse @SF, vs. CHC .328 (5th) .297 (T-24th) H 4.47/6.03/8.15 A 3.79/4.00/4.45 18.1% (26th) 24.4% (2nd)
Martin Perez vs. NYY, vs. SF .319 (8th) .307 (15th) N/A 18.8% (25th) 20% (21st)
Raisel Iglesias @STL, vs. PIT .320 (11th) .307 (19th) H 3.96/3.25/4.10 A 4.09/4.14/9.72 19% (T-21st) 20.7% (9th)
Felix Doubront vs. PHI, vs. KC .309 (T-13th) .312 (12th) N/A 20.9% (16th) 15% (30th)
Matt Harrison vs. NYY, vs. SF .319 (8th) .307 (15th) H 7.25/8.06/13.50 18.8% (25th) 20% (21st)
Joe Kelly vs. CWS, vs. TB .297 (T-24th) .290 (27th) H 3.57/3.91/5.54 20.1% (14th) 22% (4th)
Adam Morgan @TOR, vs. ATL .363 (1st) .282 (28th) H 4.83/3.49/3.31 A 5.47/7.79/5.73 17.2% (28th) 21.8% (14th)

 

 

As always these clowns are subject to change. As managers curse the existence of fantasy owners and take naps on the plastic leather couches in their office while wearing sleep apnea masks.

  1. Cool Hunk says:
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    12 team OBP league – drop Duda for Preston Tucker?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Cool Hunk: Yeah go for Tucker no time to wait!

  2. Bobby's World says:
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    Hey bud! In a h2h points league with a weekly roster lock which one of these are you adding to stream for this upcoming weeks matchup

    – Iwakuma (vs d backs & godley,, start 2 is @ Minnesota & Pelfrey.)

    – Kyle Hendricks (vs Rockies & Jorge de la rosa,, start 2 is @ Milwaukee & lohse.)

    Thanks man! & how close are these two pitchers, close or not that close?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Bobby’s World: Close but I prefer Iwakuma’s matchups. As illustrated above lower weighted on base averages and higher K%’s.

  3. Peter Nincompoop says:
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    I like the new format, but I also enjoyed your rambling. Thanks for the article.

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Peter Nincompoop: Thanks for the feedback. More rambling next week with just as much staty-ness!

  4. Clyde Prompto says:
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    Couldn’t agree more on the bread and butter pickles. Oh, and the baseball stuff was good, too!

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Clyde Prompto: Seriously if you enjoy bread and butter pickles I encourage my children to steer clear of you.

          • NickfromtheRoc says:
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            @Ralph Lifshitz: reasons for the bread and butter hatred? They’re delicious. I’d like to line up pros vs cons

            • Clyde Prompto says:
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              @NickfromtheRoc: They taste like spoiled fruit to me.

  5. the great knoche says:
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    Nice work. Being a pickle lover I am 100% in agreement on the rankings. Does anyone even buy bread and butter pickles?

    I saw headline ad thought this however.

    http://www.usapa.org/

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @the great knoche: I’m happy you picked up in that. Prior to my wife’s Grandparents moving onto one of those retirement communities in Florida I had never heard of Pickleball.

  6. Chucky says:
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    Need 3: H2H Two start Monty and Heston, Gio @ NYM, Erod v TB, Salazar @ Oak. Thanks

    • Chucky says:
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      Okay, I can use all the help I can stand. H2H as well. Which ONE sits? Two start Anibal, Carasco @Oak, Odorizzi v Det, [email protected] NYM
      Thanks again.

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Chucky: Odorizzi probably but only because Cashners matchup is good.

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Chucky: Sit E-Rod against Tampa.

      • chucky says:
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        Reread that again please, sit Erod and one other from that list. Thanks

        • Ralph Lifshitz

          Ralph Lifshitz says:
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          @chucky: Sorry it was early Montgomery.

  7. EC says:
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    Where would you slot in Jaime Garcia (STL) if he indeed returns Tuesday and becomes a 2-start (both in STL) pitcher this week? Thanks!

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @EC: He’s a dill in front of Leake. Lol

  8. Vogt or Die says:
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    You have to be evil to like sweet pickles over kosher dillz

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Vogt or Die: Yes this is 100% true

  9. Ante GALIC says:
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    Brother Ralph!

    Thanks for the great roundup, man! Gonna rock a few of your top 2-start guys. Let’s see what happens.

    Waiting for your two-start tiers based on Pink Floyd albums, or even best songs from their debut album!

    Cheers,
    Ante

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Ante GALIC: I’m going to have to get it in one of these weeks.

      Btw soccer sites RPL kicks off tomorrow. Make sure you get in that.

  10. Jonny Toocash says:
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    love love LOVE the new set up with the stats in a table, great work as always ralphie

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Jonny Toocash: Thanks for reading Jonny

  11. TheMuppetManiac says:
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    I have Graveman and after this week, I’m considering dropping him. Would you drop him for Robbie Ray, Ervin Santana or Patrick Corbin?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @TheMuppetManiac: Yes if it’s re-draft for sure. I’d go Ray this week with the two starts.

  12. Punk says:
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    Late to see this, but I really like the new format. Nice job.

    I have a question about one Mr. Trevor Bauer. He falls in the one good start (@ A’s) and one bad start (vs. KC) category – he’s a Gherkin indeed. Now, Streamonator seems to disagree – it has the KC start at $11.4 and the Oakland start at $-13.0 (driven by 1.3 more BB and 0.7 more ERA for that start than the KC start). This made me think – okay, maybe the A’s are much more patient, but their vs. R split is a 7.1% walk rate (19th) versus the Royals at a 6.0% walk rate (29th) – not that different. My inclination would be to agree with you – the Royals are much better and that is a “bad” start.

    So, my question – why should we trust our instincts over SON for Trevor Bauer this week (this is for a daily 5×5 league, so I don’t have to start him in both games)?

    • Ralph Lifshitz

      Ralph Lifshitz says:
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      @Punk: I would

      • Ralph Lifshitz

        Ralph Lifshitz says:
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        @Punk: I would @Ralph Lifshitz: oops I would ignore SoN and start him vs the A’s. At worst the K’s should be there. The Royals never strikeout, limits upside.

  13. I got $100 for groceries, $1400 for liquor, and $6,000 for you to bail a couple of shit puppets out of jail says:
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    the first few lines of this are very reminiscent of the poems that open Check it Out, the Tim/Eric/JC reilly Dr. Brule spinoff project. very funny stuff. check it out dingus.

Comments are closed.