by: keelinbillue
Welcome back to another season of Ambulance Chasers, Razzfolks! It seems like just yesterday it was the end of the season. Some of you struck gold. Some of you (okay, it was me) struck a more of petrified cow patty. I am not actually sure what we struck, but I sent a sample to the […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Well Razzfolks, I spoke too soon in last week’s edition of Razzball Ambulance Chasers. In this edition, we are chock full of injuries. So, Grey cannot lay me off yet, right? RIGHT? Last week, the Cincinnati Reds descent into madness continues as five Reds, including Joey Votto, hit the IL. Across the country, the Padres […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?
by: Grey
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Max Meyer has got *palms out, fanning them out in the shape of a rainbow* flash, kid! He’s got a 11+ K/9 in the minors and pinpoint control! Max Meyer has got *palms out, fanning them out in the shape of a rainbow* pizzazz, kid! He’s only six-feet-tall, but he’s got the heart of a gorilla that just took one in the keister for a little kid! Max Meyer *palms out, fanning them out in the shape of a rainbow* is the future, kid! He’s got only two pitches, but, boy, do they sing! Like Ethel Merman in a too-tight brassiere! Max Meyer is *palms out, fanning them out in the shape of a rainbow* stuck behind Elieser Hernandez? C’mon, anyone believe Max Meyer can’t get out from under that cloud of mediocre? He will be called up any day now and, when he is, he could be as good as the Marlins’ 2nd best pitcher, and, for those slow on the uptake, the Marlins have four great pitchers. If you missed out on George Kirby, then Max Meyer is your man. He’s got panache, and I’m not just saying that because I’m pretending to be his agent in 1950. Fix him up with a dame for photos! No one likes a bachelor, see! They wanna imagine themselves with him! In Prospect Itch’s top 25 starting pitcher prospects, Meyer’s been said to have a shot at being an ace-level asset. See, he’s got zing! Also, Prospect Hobbs just gave you his Max Meyer fantasy. We are full-court pressing Meyer, and that’s no bologna! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?So I’ve been trying to look for silver livings when it comes to the slow starts of the hitters I have rostered in my deepest leagues and I’ve come up with this: at least I have a sense of calm knowing there’s really nothing I can do about it. While I actually had to stop […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Welcome back to another edition of the wire, where we check in on guys swinging hot bats who should be free to pick up. Hopefully your team is off to a blazing start, crushing the competition and setting the weekly high score. But if it isn’t, fret not for there are some hot hitters out there turn the ship around. Plus even the best teams can always get better. It’s still too early in the season for ratios to stabilize but we can use these early season performances as a guide to try and gauge a hitter’s value and what they can do for your team. So sit back, relax and heed my wisdom. Then run to the wire and upgrade your team.
Please, blog, may I have some more?[brid autoplay=”true” video=”996109″ player=”13959″ title=”BSH%20Week4″ duration=”186″ description=”undefined” uploaddate=”2022-04-20″ thumbnailurl=”https://cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/snapshot/996109_th_1650426042.jpg” contentUrl=”//cdn.brid.tv/live/partners/9233/sd/996109.mp4″]
In November, White Sox front office contacts Eloy Jimenez to discuss his offseason conditioning, and he’s like, “Conditioning? Yeah, of course, I’m doing offseason conditioning,” then he looks in the mirror in his shower and smiles, hair filled with conditioner. Eloy Jimenez gets himself ready for each game with a very special pregame warm-up. He warms up and opens a button on his shirt. Warms up more, and opens another button. I was curious why Statcast said Eloy Jimenez’s exit velocity was “one to three weeks into each season,” but now I see what they meant. Seriously, though, what is going on?! Last year, he jumped for a home run ball that was 75 feet past his reach, and knocked himself out for months, and this weekend he strains his hamstring by running like an absolute madman through 1st base. Someone needs to pull him aside and be like, “Yo, my main man, you’re here to swing hard and hit homers. You can’t run fast, you don’t have Inspector Gadget arms to catch home runs. Just swing hard. That’s it.” I love this guy so much and he causes me so much pain. Almost as much pain as he causes himself. So, he will be out for six to eight weeks, and Tony La Russa will still find reasons to bench Andrew Vaughn! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
by: The Itch
Last year around this time, we were all bright-eyed and razzy-tailed youths looking forward to a fresh new season through the lens of a fresh new format: The RazzSlam, a collection of 12-team best ball leagues to determine who is the Razziest baller of them all.
I did what I could to find my way through the field and wrote about it here in Attack on RazzSlam: The Itch’s Final Draft Rundown.
Mistakes were made. I drafted 19 pitchers, which is fine, especially considering the pitchers I got: Logan Webb at pick 447, Alex Reyes at 399, Trevor Rogers at 346, Jake McGee at 327, Dylan Cease at 303 . . . Hey, how come I didn’t win this league?
Well, outfield weakness, for starters. Christian Yelich at 2.15 was not fun. Conforto at pck 63. Teoscar at 82 and Buxton at 134 were fine, but in general, I was short on corner bats (had Dom Smith, Andrew Vaughn, Eric Hosmer at 1B) and short on outfield bats. Was also weak at catcher: Vazquez, Tom Murphy and Torrens oh my.
In most roto leagues, I think you can cover a weak spot with a strong one. That doesn’t seem to be the case in the RazzSlam, so I guess that was our blueprint heading into the draft: have good players at every position. Seems simple enough.
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
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So, the preseason looks like this usually: Update a post from last year with a find and replace for “2022 fantasy baseball,” do a schluffen, and wake me up in time for Opening Day. This year: Is there going to be an Opening Day? Then, I lower my head and walk off, tears rolling down my cheek. Slowly at first, then the tears pick up steam, and now it’s Niagara out of my tear ducts. As I pass a group of snickering kids, I scream, “My contact lenses are bothering me! Respect your elders!” So, since we have a little bit more time — and hopefully only a little bit of time — let’s take a moment and look at each NL divisional team and whom they will likely trot out there as their DH. Trot Nixon? No, that horsey is on a farm upstate. Geez, that sounds like he did a well-choreographed handshake with his maker. He’s just retired. About fourteen years now. Why is this post about Trot Nixon? Hard to say! So, who are the best candidates for DH on the NL East teams, and what can we expect from them for 2022 fantasy baseball?
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
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We’ve done it! We’ve reached the end of the fantasy baseball hitter rankings for 2022 fantasy baseball rankings. Give yourself a big round of applause. I’d clap for you, but I have carpal tunnel from actually ranking all the hitters and writing all their blurbs and calculating all of their projections and– What exactly did you do? Oh, yeah, you read them. No wonder why your hands can still clap. Here’s Steamer’s 2022 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Hitters and 2022 Fantasy Baseball Projections for Pitchers. Subscriptions are up and running, and you can already get Rudy’s Draft War Room. Anyway, here’s the top 100 outfielders for 2022 fantasy baseball:
NOTE: All 2022 fantasy baseball projections are based on a 162-game season, and will be until we hear definitively there will be less games, due to the CBA. Also, I’m going on the assumption the NL is getting the DH.
NOTE II: All my rankings are currently available on Patreon for the price of a Starbucks coffee, if you get one of those extra grande frappuccino jobbers. Don’t wait for the rankings to come out over the next month, and get them all now.
NOTE III: Free agents are listed as just that and not yet projected. Once a guy signs, I will write out their blurb and add in projections, or remove them, if they sign in an unfavorable place. They are ranked currently where I think they might be if they sign on for a full-time job.
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Slowly, paper extrudes from a fax machine. A hand brings it to a face and we read, “Need Joe R…an down at the Pentagon. Damn, we need toner! Joe R…an? Who the hell is that?! Oh, I know…” A chair swivels around to the CIA Director, he screams, “Send Joe Ryan (5 IP, 2 ER, 4 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.45) to the Pentagon! I can only assume they need a guy with a 10.2 K/9, 1.2 BB/9 — yowzas! — A 2.48 FIP, which is incredible. I can see why they want him. Sure, it’s only through 22 IP, but he had pinpoint command in the minors too — 1.6 BB/9 in Triple-A with the Rays before the trade to the Twins. Maybe he’s got the Rays’ secret sauce recipe for pitchers? Hey, Joe, you have the Rays’ secret sauce recipe for pitchers?” The CIA Director laughs before Joe can say anything, and continues, “Joe Ryan for 2022 fantasy, I expect you to have less ups and downs than most guys without a long track record. These command guys, I like a lot, me, uh, the CIA Director, and I don’t see the AL Central Intelligence Agency — that’s what it’s short for — getting much better, but I guess we don’t know yet. I mean, I know, because I’m the CIA Director and pulling strings like where free agents go is my job. Anyway, Joe Ryan get down to the Pentagon, they need you to figure out…” Reading the rest of the fax, “…how to launch a podcast!” And that’s how the CIA Director sent Joe Ryan to the Pentagon when the fax was asking for Joe Rogan. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
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“Your mascara isn’t as thick as I’d expect from someone named Billie Eyelash.” At a podium, Billie Eilish laughs at Billy Crystal, and the banter fades away as they get serious to announce Best New Artist. Hoping to join previous winners like Evanescence, Bruce Hornsby and the Range and Paula Cole, Nicky Lopez sits in the audience with his fingers crossed. His head bowed in pray. This is his first day off in weeks from the basepaths, where he’s put out such hits as: “A 2-for-4 with three steals,” the top 40 hit “1-for-4 with two steals,” and “Can’t Keep My SAGNOF To Myself,” the Grammy nominated song in another category. A song Nicky co-wrote with the 71-year-old George Thorogood. Nicky Lopez is also the Least Likely Player To Get A Buy Lede. He’s got less power than Nick Madrigal, who has the power of a June bug in July when it’s just exhausted. By the by, they should have a Home Run Derby of guys like Lopez and Madrigal. Alonso can hit 30 homers in four minutes, whoop-dee-doo. Let’s see someone who can’t hit it out of the infield try to hit two homers in four minutes! Any hoo! Lopez might have no power like Madrigal, but he’s hitting like Nick Madrigal in every other way too. His contact rates are amongst the most improved, and he should hit ~.280. The real clincher here is obviously how he’s stealing multiple bags per game, and the Royals have no reason to stop him. I know in most of my leagues that ten random steals in September might be the difference in multiple standings points. Okay, back to the show…The envelope is ripped, as Billie and Billy lean in to announce together, “Best New Artist is…Nicky Lopez!” As Lopez heads up to the stage, past winners Hootie and the Blowfish cheer him on, and George Thorogood doffs his cowboy hat. In the audience, Lorde mutters, “Freakin’ Royals.” Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
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Okay, let me get this straight so I can fully understand. Robbie Ray puts on some gotchies that are three sizes too small so you can see homeboy’s birth marks on his asscheeks and then he becomes elite? Fine, then I’m gonna try and write wearing jeans shorts, jorts if you will, that are too small. Ready? Here we go! Robbie…The button is digging into my FUPA! The pockets are chafing my upper thighs! Ugh, I can’t get them off! Oh my God, I’m calling 911! I can’t feel my knees! Help me! “Hello, can you spare Chris Sale? I need him to cut something off me. Hello?! Help!” So, Robbie Ray went 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 14 Ks, ERA at 2.72. On the Player Rater, he’s around a top ten starter. Can Robbie Ray do that in 2022 fantasy? In short, yes. In long, yeeeeeeeeeeees. He has a 11.3 K/9 and 2.3 BB/9. That’s an ace. Can he repeat the command? That’s the real trick, but as soon as someone shows a skill, I’m not going to take it from them. It’s not like this is a 20 IP sample. He’s done this for 150+ IP. Yes, Robbie Ray appears to be legit. As long as he never lets out his inseam. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Please, blog, may I have some more?
