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Ambulance Chasers: The Return Of Ozzie Ow-bies

by: keelinbillue

Welcome to this week’s edition of Razzball Ambulance Chasers, your fantasy baseball doom and gloom report. Sponsored by Monistat (surprise, Razzball staff!). Earlier in the week, I had the pleasure of joining Roto-Wan for Knight Of The RazzTable: Albies There For You, which you should read. Wan tasked two of us with sharing our thoughts […]

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Too Hot To Handlario

by: Grey

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Jeimer Candelario ?LeBron James

I confuse the two sometimes it’s so uncanny https://t.co/nJnQHFGFJg

— Razzball (@Razzball) July 26, 2022

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHA–”
“–Breathe, Grey! Come back to us! We’re losing him!”
“Someone put out a cape, I think I’m going to faint like a damsel.”

Granted, I don’t know much about basketball, but he compared himself to LeBron? Yo, has Jeimer Candelario had a break from reality? I guess tying Aaron Judge with the most homers in the 2nd half with four can play tricks on your ego. Yesterday, Jeimer Candelario (2-for-5, 3 RBIs) hit his 10th homer, and 4th in the last week. He was a sleeper of mine this past offseason — not great, Bob! — but he is hot now. By the way, his ten homers leads the Tigers in homers, and that is so freakin’ funny to me. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Kelly Dusts The Old Bay Area Giants With A Visit to Merrill-Land

July 26, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 210 Comments

by: Grey

Leagues are won and lost on the Merrill Kellys (Kellies? Kelli?). Nailing your top picks helps, but those are your top picks. Most times it’s just bad luck if they don’t work out. The later picks? Those separate from the men and five lady readers from the boys and girls. The picks that everyone rolls their eyes over and yawns. The picks that people are like, “Hey, I have to get home and leave this five-hour draft. Just give me whomever is leftover out of Merrill Kelly and Miles Mikolas.” Then your leaguemates goof around and finally are like, “Let’s give Chuck, Merrill Kelly, because Kelly and Chuck both suck.” Those two pitchers — Kelly and Mikolas — weren’t pulled from thin air. They were both drafted on average right next to each other at 483th overall. Sitting around them were Alex Reyes, Rich Hill and Michael Pineda. If you nailed the Kelly, and/or Mikolas in deep leagues? You were sitting pretty, just as Merrill Kelly (8 IP, 0 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.04) was yesterday, and all season. That’ll teach your leaguemates to try and sabotage you with Merrill Kelly. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Ashby No Questions And Tells Cubs No Lies

May 31, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 320 Comments

by: Grey

Hope everyone had a glorious Memorial Day, while placing some hot dogs in your gullet and swallowing them whole with some cheap beer. Like George Washington would’ve wanted it! George used to remove his wooden teeth and eat hot dogs whole. True story. So, I’ve become Mr. Pull My Pitcher With 90 Pitches. I hate pitches 90-100. They suck. In ten years, I will hate pitches 80-90. Then, ten years later, I will be Mr. I Like The Starter Who Comes In From The 4th Thru The 5th Inning. ACKSUALLY, that brings up a point, what happens when no starters go more than four innings? It’s coming at some point. Will we adjust our fantasy scoring categories? Something to think about, which is why I’m looking for an emoji with a hand on a chin that is using its other hand to slowly raise its middle finger towards Craig Counsell. Aaron Ashby (6 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.70) was fantastic. Dot dot dot. Through 6 innings! He never needed to go out there for the 7th, and it unraveled from pitches 90 thru 100. See? That’s why I am whoever I said I am five sentences ago, to paraphrase Eminem. Ashby’s 11.5 K/9, 5 BB/9, 3.08 xFIP is so itsy-bitsy close to an ace and unusable on the other side. Thankfully, his command is usually much better, i.e., AA – BB = CC, i.e., Aaron Ashby minus walks equals CC Sabathia. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Braves Take Michael Harris II Hold For Better Or Worse From This Day Forward

May 30, 2022 | Fantasy Baseball Daily Notes, Featured | 270 Comments

by: Grey

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We have every conceivable rookie’s projections who might be called up. Guys I’ve never heard of like Bobson Dugnutt, but even we don’t have Michael Harris II because he was so young and seemingly far away. Michael Harris II is so young Michael Harris I is still in theaters! Andruw Jones played just 50 games above Single A before he was called up by the Braves at age 19 in 1996. Michael Harris II, who is 21, played 43 games above Single A. How’d he go from A to the majors in roughly a month and a half? Hitting, baby! I give a lot of teams shizz for manipulating service time, but the Braves promote guys quickly. Maybe they feel bad after signing them for $500 and a bag of Takis when they’re 12. In 43 Double-A games, Michael Harris II went 5/11 .305/.372/.506 in 174 ABs. His skills are power and speed, which means he’s worth adding in all leagues. Speed doesn’t disappear for a young player after promotion. Power should remain too. The contact is going to make or break his game this year. If he can’t make contact, he might not hit and get demoted. If he can make contact, then he might be on the short list for biggest impact bats to get called up. Here’s what Prospect Itch said, “He’s a must-add where you can fit him. I’m about 60/40 that his swing-happy approach combined with the big-league heavy balls will prove too big a challenge for his first few hundred plate appearances, but stranger things have happened.” This guy sneaking in subconscious Netflix promos! Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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Top 10 Milwaukee Brewers Prospects for 2021 Fantasy Baseball

November 4, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 9 Comments

by: The Itch

Although the season itself was a step in the wrong direction for Milwaukee, several key things went right in 2020. Jacob the Sheriff of Nottingham showed himself to be a capable catcher with enough stick to provide a capable option at the position. Devon Williams established himself as perhaps the game’s most dominant reliever. And Corbin Burnes stepped up to pair with Brandon Woodruff and form a strong one-two punch atop the rotation. These developments combined with a series of promising amateur acquisitions give the Brewers big boozy dreams for 2021 and beyond.

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Dynasty: Starting Pitcher Finds for 2021 Fantasy Baseball

May 20, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects, Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 6 Comments

by: The Itch

On Sunday, I imagined a hypothetical post-rona bar scene being akin to the deep pitching pool in dynasty baseball.

Today I’ll let you know whose drinks I’m buying if I’ve got the budget (and the roster space).

I’m going to focus first and most on the 150-200 range because that’s the origin of this article–a comment and question by Harley Earl regarding which arms among the group I’m buying. To which my brain responded: Farts! I should’ve been doing that for every position!

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Top 50 First-Year Player Draft Rankings for 2020 Fantasy Baseball

February 9, 2020 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 15 Comments

by: The Itch

In dynasty baseball, the June draft is must-watch television and the July 2 international signing day is fodder for a million clicks.

Months later, typically in February or March, dynasty leaguers select their favorite college, high school and international players in annual first-year player drafts. I have attempted to consider and rank this year’s player pool for your reading pleasure.

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Top 2020 Prospects: Milwaukee Brewers

November 10, 2019 | 2020 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Prospects | 5 Comments

by: The Itch

“Let’s hope there’s beer.”

This quote can be attributed to multiple sources:

Humans traveling toward a gathering of humans
Especially me on the way to Thanksgiving
Farm-focused Brewers fans reading organizational rankings this winter

I’m sorry to say there’s not.

Beer here, I mean.

Well, there is, but it’s at my desk with me, and maybe there at your location with you, but it’s not in this next sentence.

Maybe someday we’ll have that? There could be an advertisement on this page, and you’d click it, and a six pack would be teleported to your desk.

Where’s Bill Gates on this one?

Frightfully counting his billions, I guess.

Back in beer country, Milwaukee’s system has been fermenting fruits for years. From Keston Hiura to Brandon Woodruff to the straw Rumplestiltskin spun into Christian Yelich two years ago, nobody’s complaining over their Miller at Miller Park, even if the barley farm currently looks a semi-successful house party at 3 a.m.?

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