Staaaaaart spreadin’ the news, he’s starting today.  He wants to be a part of it, the Yankee Rotation.  James Paxton ($10,400) gets his close up in pinstripes and he’s got a soft landing.  The Baltimore Orioles and their latest edition of a terrible team face off against Paxton, who comes out of Spring Training with a nifty stat line of a 2.08 ERA/.981 WHIP/9.9 K9.  Let’s face it, the Orioles are worse than some of the lineups he faced in Spring Training.  Now let’s take a look at the rest of the slate today.

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

The intro for Yahoo’s 2019 fantasy baseball rankings reminds of a Dear John letter written by your ex-wife.  Only your name is Kevin and she accidentally writes “John,” and doesn’t have a chance to proofread it because she’s bedding down your best friend.  Read for yourself:

Sure, guys and five girl readers, “You’ll find your familiar Trouts’, the Betts’, the Martinez’, but questions remain.”

Huh?

Yeah, I have questions that, uh, remain.  How many Trouts have they ranked?  The Betts’?  Did they rank his entire family?  The Martinez’?  Is that like World War Z, but instead it’s, “An Apostrophe Z?”

“When should the first pitcher go off the board, and should there be more than one?”

Said like Ron Burgundy, “That’s not English.”  Should there be more than one?  Are Yahoo leagues this year one-pitcher leagues?  I’m so confused.  Did 100 monkeys with 100 typewriters, who only read Bleacher Report, write up this intro?

“Enough talk though.  Let’s jump into the rankings!”

Ha!  Was there enough talk?  I’ve written more in this intro than they wrote.  With that level of effort, they don’t even deserve this evisceration, but… *sharpens nails that look like the 108-year-old Asian man in the Guinness Book of World Records* …here goes nothing.  For this post, I will be looking at the consensus Yahoo 2019 fantasy baseball rankings vs. my own 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Our 2019 Razzball leagues are in full signup mode. Today, I’m in dress-down mode.  Casually coming for you in the middle of the night, wearing nothing but slippers and a multicolored housecoat that’s half open so you can see the family jewels while I apply my Ambi.  Here’s what Grey thinks about you (repeat 17x).  I’m about to blow my top as I let my aggravation Michael Bublé over.  If you’re clutching pearls like Barbara Bush’s hologram, you’re better off looking at cute pet pics on Instagram, because I’m sharpening my pointer fingers, i.e., the fingers that I use to type!  I am the Fantasy Master Lothario (don’t abbreviate it) and I’ve come for your children!  See, because blog writing doesn’t pay so well, I’ve taken a second job as a bus driver, so I’m literally here for your kids.  Like a baller!  A shot caller!  An “I’m outside of Hot Topic at the maller!”  Now let’s open a window and defenestrate ESPN’s 2019 fantasy baseball rankings.  To the tune of Ice Cube’s No Vaseline:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

With the season coming to an end, and with the Fantasy Master Lothario conceding titles in both the Perts and NL Only Tout this year. Our hero deals the only way he knows how, by training for next season. Looking to come back bigger, faster, and stronger, Grey hits the off-season with a singular focus: Smite Thy Enemies. Sorry for the dramatic language, Grey gets intense when he loses. All joking, and phony dramatics aside, Grey and yours truly dive into some of the top targets for each of us in the upcoming year. We start with some tasty rookie-nookie, debating Vladimir Guerrero Jr. and Eloy Jimenez’s ETAs in 2019, as well as touching on Fernando Tatis Jr’s 2019 outlook, and whether or not Daniel Palka should be a target. We then do the trendy thing, and discuss Adalberto Mondesi’s ADP for 2019. Seriously, how many times have you heard that conversation now? Anywho, it’s the latest episode of the Razzball Podcast. As always, go and checkout our sponsor Rotowear.com and use our promo-code SAGNOF to get 20% off all of your purchases.

Please, blog, may I have some more?