Second Base Rankings: Keystones? More Of High Life Guy, Myself

Howdy folks. I have emerged from my Balatro-fueled psychosis to provide a list of 25 dudes who happen to play second base.

My ranking process is organized around how much I expect them to produce over a full, healthy season, which is admittedly a fool’s errand. Like I’ve always done my private rankings, I wrote this list, then used the Player Rater projections to give myself a sanity check, then reordered as I saw fit.

March is the era for wishful thinking when it comes to baseball, but I’m going to be as realistic as I can when it comes to the brief notes I have on each player. The notes will devolve into an inevitable madness as the season trudges on.

Because my brain went from playing the keystone to reminiscing about drinking an expired Keystone Ice from my friend’s dad’s fridge in high school, all these tiers will be named after beers (or beer cocktails). Onward.

Tier 1 – The Spaghett – Mookie Betts

For those who haven’t enjoyed one of these delicious beverages, it’s a Miller High Life with a shot of Aperol. I am not being hyperbolic when I say that a sip from one of these has brought a tear to my eye after a 12-hour shift in a kitchen during a hot summer day.

To drink one is to be loved and cared for, and that’s what it feels like to roster Mookie with his three-position eligibility. You can finally feel at ease.

Tier 2 – A Cold Miller High Life – Ozzie Albies, Marcus Semien

If you can’t get a Spaghett, you’re still going to be happy to nab one. Albies could very well put up numbers just as gaudy as Mookie, and Semien is the most iron of men—but they’ll both be stuck in your second base slot all year. Versatility is king.

Tier 3 – The Prix Fix – Jose Altuve, Gleyber Torres, Matt McLain, Nico Hoerner, Ketel Marte

There’s a bar in Milwaukee where you used to be able to get a Pabst Blue Ribbon, a shot of Jameson, and a cigarette for $5. Much like the Prix Fix, this group will provide a solid bang for your buck (based on ADP).

Jose Altuve is wonderful, even if I’m waiting nervously for the aging curve to strike. Gleyber Torres will benefit from the presence of Juan Soto, which makes me think he’s heavily undervalued. McLain’s even more valuable now with the news of Noelvi Marte receiving a PED suspension. I will reserve my tween-adjacent squeals of excitement for Nico Hoerner and how he finally lived up to his base-stealing potential last year. Ketel Marte shouldn’t budge from that two spot in the Diamondbacks lineup.

Tier 4 – Pabst Blue Ribbon – Andres Gimenez, Thairo Estrada, Bryson Stott, Tommy Edman, Ha-Seong Kim

A reliable, hard hat, lunch pail kind of beer. You know exactly what you’re going to get.

That’s how I view these guys. Before looking at any projections I lumped all of these guys together, and lo and behold, it was eerie how close they all were. Lots of guys we can expect to finish with around 15HR/25SB, and a .260s average over a full season.

Can’t say I particularly understand the Ha-Seong Kim helium for this year; it reminded me of when PBR really had a moment, y’know? It’s still good! Positional versatility is awesome. Just not as good as people think, so I’m avoiding at his current ADP.

Tier 5 – Hamm’s Special Light – Zack Gelof, Nolan Gorman, Edouard Julien

Much like PBR had its moment in the cultural zeitgeist, I think Hamm’s will eventually have its own. It has similar vibes!

These are two names that had a decent amout of helium during draft season, but sit just outside the range of being starting fantasy second basemen in 12-team leagues.  I put Gelof a bit higher than Gorman simply because I think his plate appearances are more of a guarantee, but I think both can ascend to top 10 status this year. Edouard Julien did just get hit in the wrist by a pitch, so I’m holding him at the bottom of this tier until we hear more.

Tier 6 – A Room Temperature Bud Light – Luis Arraez, Brandon Drury, Jorge Polanco, Brandon Lowe, Luis Rengifo

Don’t let this tier name fool you. I would still drink a room temperature Bud Light. Happily! That said, there are better options available.

Luis Arraez is fine as a batting average stabilizer, but boy is he boring otherwise. Brandon Drury looks like he’s getting pushed to the back half of the Angels lineup, which makes him much less attractive.  I might really regret putting Jorge Polanco here, but I need to see him start healthy before I push him up. Same goes for Brandon Lowe. Rengifo is nice with his multiposition eligibility, but… yeah, I’m gonna go grab a Hamm’s.

Tier 7 – CERVEZA CRISTAL – Ryan McMahon, Brendan Donovan, Jonathan India, Vaughn Grissom

I have never tasted this beer, and I likely never will, but due to being terminally online, I am aware of its existence.

Unless I am playing in a much deeper league, I doubt I’ll be rostering any of these names. McMahon gets a small bump from having the additional third base eligibility. Grissom has a groin strain and is questionable for opening day. Donovan, despite being excellent at getting on base, struggles to inspire with his counting stats. Jonathan India was a last minute addition to this list after the news of Noelvi Marte’s PED suspension.

Full Rankings

1. Mookie Betts
2. Ozzie Albies
3. Marcus Semien
4. Jose Altuve
5. Gleyber Torres
6. Matt McLain
7. Nico Hoerner
8. Ketel Marte
9. Andres Gimenez
10. Thairo Estrada
11. Bryson Stott
12. Tommy Edman
13. Ha-Seong Kim
14. Zack Gelof
15. Nolan Gorman
16. Edouard Julien
17. Luis Arraez
18. Brandon Drury
19. Jorge Polanco
20. Brandon Lowe
21. Luis Rengifo
22. Ryan McMahon
23. Brendan Donovan
24. Jonathan India
25. Vaughn Grissom