Scott Rolen is out for the season.  It’s time to go gorilla!  I don’t even know what that means.  Random Italicized Voice, no one knows what it means, but it’s provocative!  If you got some risk to burn in deeper leagues at corner infidel, get in on Juan Francisco.  I talked a bit yesterday about how I’m gonna go caca-cuckoo on Francisco next year if he has a starting job.  I’m gonna be like a cyclops wearing a monocle.  Why a cyclops wearing a monocle?  Good question.  A cyclops only has one eye so it’s particularly sharp.  Like how a blind person’s hearing is enhanced.  So you put a monocle on a cyclops and you have creature that sees everything.  That’ll be me.  BTW, Yonder and Francisco have complementary hat tilts.  Just something I thought you should know.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Logan Morrison – Could return on Thursday after being diagnosed with patella tendinitis.  Oh, wait, is Patella the doctor’s name?

Alexi OgandoRangers are considering moving Ogando to the bullpen.  Earth to the Rangers, come in Rangers.  Considering?  He should’ve been moved two months ago.  Check yo’ self, before you wreck yo’ self… Too many innings is bad for his health.

Nelson Cruz – Activated from the DL, but will be used as a pinch-hitter initially.  Belch.

David Murphy – Hit two homers as I benched him on my fantasy teams for Cruz because I thought that’s what Washington would do.  Belch, fart.

Jim Johnson – He’s now converted back-to-back-to-back saves with the Teflon Closer, Gregg, on the sidelines.  Meanwhile, Gregg blew his only save opp in the last week.  If you need saves, Johnson’s the way to go.  As for a strange but true fact, Jim Johnson is from Johnson City, NY.  Kevin Gregg isn’t from Crap City, NY.

Matt Wieters – 1-for-3 with his 2nd homer in as many games.  Now has 19 homers and 61 RBIs while batting .260.  If he takes a step forward next year, he could be a top three catcher.

Jeff Karstens – 4 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  Karstens obviously needs Jack Hannahan and his monkeys.

Derrek Lee – 2-for-4 with a homer.  I haven’t seen any consistent streaks from this schmohawk this year.  Hits a homer or two then goes into a two week “I’m old.  My back’s sore.  Somebody call a wambulance” free fall.

Zack Greinke – 5 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 9 Ks.  I think the Brewers win it all.  As I said back in March.

Justin Morneau – Still feeling concussion symptoms and doesn’t think he’ll return this year.  That’s his concussion concession speech.

Mike Minor – 5 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 8 baserunners (4 BBs), 5 Ks.  Ugh, so inefficient.  Pretty disappointing stuff from Minor this year.  I know, I know.  A 4.11 ERA and a K per inning isn’t terrible.  But I’m like Veruca Salt up in here and I want more!

Chipper Jones – 2-for-5 as he continues to swing a hot bat.  That’s what she said!  He’s hitting .375 over the last week with 2 homers.

Brian McCann – Hit his 24th homer as he hit out of the six hole yesterday.  He’s hitting under .200 in September, so I get it, but, wow, Fredi is reactionary.  Next thing you know Jose Constanza is gonna be catching.

Brandon Phillips – 1-for-2 with a homer.  I mentioned Phillips yesterday after he homered twice regarding his disappointing season, but, I guess, if you have to get hot at any time during the season, now’s a good time.  About time BP starting giving back.

Dillon Gee – 5 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 5 Ks.  I tried to steer people away from Gee for this start.  Looked favorable, but he was alternating good starts with bad and he was due for a bad one.  And that theory goes out the window with my socks.  I don’t wash them; I just throw them outside for the homeless.  I give back.  Did I ever mention I once answered phones for the Chabad Telethon?  True story.  And I’m not even officially Jewish.  Eat it, Itzhak Perlman!

Troy Tulowitzki – Left yesterday’s game with more hip issues.  He’s too hip to be sore!  I imagine he’s gonna sit out at least a few more days.

Bruce Chen – 8 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 8 Ks.  They call him Bruce (because that’s his name)!  Sure, it was against the Twins, but still he was coming off two straight games giving up 5 earned, so it took some cojones to start him here.

Mike Moustakas – 1-for-4 with his 2nd homer as he bats .231.  Hosmer is blowing him out of the water for fantasy value this year, but I have this gut feeling that it’s gonna be reversed next year.  I don’t have anything to back that up.  It’s my gut.  It might be the chicken shawarma I had for dinner.

Brandon Morrow – 5 1/3 IP, 5 ER.  Don’t worry, there’s always next year when I get unreasonably happy for Morrow and his 5+ ERA.

J.P. Arencibia – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs with his 23rd homer.  Someone asked yesterday where Arencibia was gonna be drafted next year.  Good question.  I think people will see the under .230 average and get scared off.  Not I, friend.  He’ll definitely be more than a blip on my radars.

Carlos Santana – Hit his 22nd homer yesterday.  You know what?  There’s actually gonna be decent depth next year for catchers.  The catcher position slept at a Holiday Inn last night.

Dustin Pedroia – 4-for-5, 2 homers, 4 runs, 5 RBIs.  Sparky Anklebiters are so cute when they get all rambunctious and yappy.

David Ortiz – Left the game with back spasms.  In elementary school, they used to say to me, “Back, spazz.”  That’s probably unrelated.

Cole Hamels – 5 IP, 4 ER, 10 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Astros.  This coming a day after the Astros beat up on Oswalt.  The Braves should’ve made a deadline deal for J.D. Martinez, Clint Barmes and J.B. Shuck.

Jason Bourgeois – 2-for-5 with a steal.  He’s not playing every day, but when he does play, he’s hitting and stealing (.467 with 3 steals in the last week).

Gavin Floyd – 5 1/3 IP, 4 ER.  I’m pretty sure Danks and Floyd pitch simply to upset fantasy owners.

David Price – 6 2/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 6 Ks vs. the Suckie-O’s.  I expected more from Price in this start.  Am I asking too much?  Maybe I’m just like my mother, she’s never satisfied.  Wait, that’s not Price, that’s Prince.

B.J. Upton – 1-for-3 with 2 steals.  *big voice*  He’s one steal away from a 20/30 year!  *small voice*  He’s batting .235.

Pablo Sandoval – Bochy said Pablo has regained the weight he lost last winter.  He’s now back to being Pablo Sandsphere.

  1. Chinaski says:

    Hey Grey,
    Billingsley vs. PIT or Humber vs. KC?


  2. MrHappyTime says:

    Most saves rest of the season. Jim Johnson, Joel Peralta, Joe Nathan, and Rafael Betancourt? Pick 2 please!!

  3. Dad says:

    @Grey: If i’m streaming SP’s in a 16-team H2H, who’s the better pickup, Z Stewart @ KC or Pomeranz at home vs. SF. Wins are my main concern.

  4. Mr2Bits says:

    Grey : Would you lose Farnsworth for Johson? Seems as though the Farns is not coming back soon and I need saves as it’s my playoff week to make it to the championship.

  5. Wilsonian says:

    Looking for the hot bats for my utility spots in an 8 Team H2H. Pick two of:

    Hosmer, Konerko, Krispie, AJax, Fowler, Rios.


  6. I had a good fantasy night last night (and this was before I saw the Scarlett Johansson nude photos). Ian Kinsler went 0-5 and still gave me a stolen base. That somehow makes me happier than a 3-4 night. Even with nothing, he still made something. Kinsler pulled a MacGyver.

  7. Randy BoBandy says:

    Why does Bruce Chen have 11 wins?

  8. OaktownSteve says:

    Question about Veruca Salt. Her big song in Wonka contains the lyric: “I want a feast/I want a bean feast.” Any thoughts on what a bean feast might be?

    The Brewers are not going to get past the Phillies.

  9. peter says:

    According to the Elias Sports Bureau, this may be the first rundown where Grey Albright used the phrase “up in here.” Or, as Jimmy from Accounts Receivable yelled from his cubicle this morning, “Grey got all ‘up in here’ up in here!”

  10. Cray says:

    Who should I start at 2B and UTIL today? Rickie Weeks, Kelly Johnson, or Fowler?


  11. Anthony says:

    Hey Grey – Why dont you respond to anyone on twitter ???

  12. Wilsonian says:

    So, I just wanted to bitch to someone, and this seems like a good sounding board. I got 1st place in my 8 Team H2H league, playoffs started this week. I dominated the regular season for the most part, but right now I’m getting killed by my Pops 8-5 (his offense has 21 RBIs in 2 days – I have 8). Anyway, I picked up Kendrick Monday night to play yesterday since Utley is a vagina, then I saw Walker had a good night Monday, and dropped Kendrick for him.

    Needless to say, Kendrick hits 2 HRs, has 4 RBIs, and Walker goes 1-5. Fucking awesome. And now Tulo is being a pussy. Not only am I a bad GM, my team is full of whiny bitches.

    Thanks for listening.

  13. Eddie says:

    CarGo reached the 20/20 plateau last night.

  14. OaktownSteve says:

    @Wilsonian: H2H playoffs just luck. Can’t do too much to control the results. But you knew that.

  15. Slam says:

    I all but wet myself after seeing Juan Francisco”s 502 ft porker the other night. Would it be ridiculous for me to drop Mark Reynolds for him? As much as I want J. Fran I am in my semi-final matchup of a 10 team h2h.

  16. Chinaski says:

    Grey would you start Niemann vs. BOS again? I feel like they will knock him around this time.

    I am also hesitant to throw out Felix vs. Texas. What do you think?


  17. Beaufort says:

    In a 12 team H2H Keeper, I can keep 3 of my boys with an original draft round penalty.

    Who you tinkin’?
    Pedroia (2); Crawford (2); Hosmer (23); Strasburg (23); Beachy (23); Shields (22); Hanson (7); Weaver (9);

    I’m confident in my drafting ability, but I could use wiser eyes in setting it all up. Thanks for the pickups this week!

  18. I-Man says:

    Grey – Drop C-Bills for Eveland’s start vs PIT tomorrow? Does B Phillips continue his hotness? who should i bench for him? Lawrie or a slumping Wright/Granderson (given the hope that Dread Pirate is heating up). Thanks.

  19. Hi Grey — How much weight do you give personal history between a hitter and pitcher when both are studs?

    Here are the specifics: I’ve got Justin Upton in my 20-team roto league, and his numbers against Kershaw are just awful, and it’s not a small sample size: in 16 ABs he has no hits, 7 Ks and just one walk. Plus, Upton’s 1-for-11 over the last three games. But he’s still Justin Upton. Do I start him?

    If I benched Upton for one game, the replacement would be Shelley Duncan, who is himself 0-for-5 against Holland and who is slightly weaker against LHP, though he’s never struck out against Holland. Or I could leave the spot open, since I’m one game over pace in the OF slot.

    What would be your call?

  20. Pooch says:

    Context: Roto. Only need ERA and WHIP.

    Start Oswalt vs. STL his next time out? Can’t afford a blowup considering a very close race for ERA and WHIP, which will decide the championship.

  21. Wilsonian says:

    So apparently no one on my team wants to play. I’ve got Tulo, Stanton and Quentin not playing on my 16 Team H2H. I gotta drop Quentin, right? Who do I pick up:

    Ludwick, Presley, Doumit, Chisenhall, Duncan, Raburn, LoMo, EYJ?

  22. OaktownSteve says:

    Dood…bean-feast is totally a thing! Thanks for turning me on to this “Google” too. Fascinating.

    Wiki says of bean-feast: “…By extension, colloquially, it describes any jollification.” I am going to use any and every excuse to use jollification everyday.

    I tell you what I worry about for the Brewers is Greike. I really like the guy but he’s pitched so much better at home than on the road, I wonder how much he’s got his emotions in control. I am actually already worried that I am going to have to feel sorry for him as I watch him unravel Ankiel style on the national stage. You know Halladay Lee and Hamels are going to be nails.

    @Wilsonian…I lost a 6-6 match in a Yahoo H2H league on a tiebreaker. Needed one save or one homer to win 6-5-1 and got a dogs**t performance on Sunday. No money on it. I pretty much dislike H2H and fantasy football for just that reason.

  23. VinWins

    VinWins says:

    Rafael Furcal was removed from Wednesday’s game against the Pirates due to a left knee injury.

  24. VinWins

    VinWins says:

    Lawrie just smoked Varitek, but he held on to the ball.

  25. VinWins

    VinWins says:

    Lawrie out of the game. Man, I hope he didn’t hurt himself.

  26. VinWins

    VinWins says:

    Knee contusion for Lawrie – DTD.

  27. Nick says:

    Actually according to beat writer Andrew Baggarly Pablo’s at most put on 5-10 pounds.

    ““He’s put on a few,” Bochy admitted. “But not like he did last year. Overall, it’s been good.””

  28. Steve says:

    Rewind 12 hours and sitting Romero was the right thing to do, wasn’t it?

    Please tell me it was.

  29. Benny says:

    Besides the Dodgers just being generally inept, is there any reason Kenley Jansen won’t be the closer next year? He’s stats are tremendous since coming off the DL.

  30. James says:

    Thoughts on whether I should stream Homer Baily or Wells tomorrow? All pitching categories are pretty close at this point.

  31. Eng says:

    Good god, the official scoring for “errors” is so maddening. Ball hit slow and right at the shortstop that goes through him isn’t an error when De Rosa hits hits it? Very silly and yes I’m an annoyed brat as I own Latos but it was clearly an error, even the Giants commentators reckon so.

  32. Eng says:

    Holland tonight vs Cle? Would you start him?

  33. Eng says:

    I’m rolling with him. Worrying but I’m guessing you’d have said yes. I gave you no time to get back to me Grey and your response-rate is phenomenal. Seriously, top site this one and while I won’t go as far as wishing away time I’m already looking fwd to your 2012 rankings, as sad as that sounds.

  34. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Grey:could you rank these SP’s as keepers for 2012?….10 team 8×8 K/9 league.

    Latos,Beachy,D. Hudson,Scherzer,Pineda

  35. YIKES SANDWICH says:

    Today is not good. In the championship this week. Need to replace Holliday…. (H2H points league, so i just need someone who is going to put points up) – david murphy, alex presley, peter bourjos, dayan viciedo, thames, jesus montero, or duda?

  36. Steve says:

    C’mon Davis – don’t throw it away…

  37. Jarred says:

    I see you like Arencibia. Is he worth using 1 of 3 rookie tags in a keeper league? 12 team h2h league and each team gets 4 keepers that each last 4 years. I can also tag Sands. Any thoughts?

  38. Steve says:

    And now Cueto’s out of the game? Oh FFS.

  39. Oilcan Giuseppe says:

    Napoli is so great….ww p/u of the yr.

  40. Steve says:

    I think Roto is trying to tell me something. And that something is ‘it’s over.’

  41. Wilsonian says:

    I’m apparently hoarding remotely decent at the moment 3rd basemen. Who would you rather have: Francisco, Morel, Chisenhall?

    Pick two if you could.

  42. Eng says:

    Uhoh, Wieters is losing “sleeper” (post hype? Eh?) status with every day that passes. I’m happy as I’m still in the chase for this season, but I really want the lanky bugger next year.

  43. Steve says:

    Kershaw ejected for hitting Parra.

    Uh, umpire – he was throwing a one-hitter.

    You really think he did it on purpose?

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