Andy Pettitte managed to shut out the Rays yesterday for 7 1/3 IP with only 4 baserunners and 10 Ks. No wonder why he returned. He was probably sick of beating his kids at MLB 2K12. “Dad, we don’t mind you playing our video games while we’re at school, but could you stop spitting tobacco onto our all-terrain robot?” That’s Andy’s kids after a powwow about how to address the problem. I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t see this coming. He wasn’t even that good before he retired. I guess he just needed 26 months between starts. If he retired again tomorrow, he’d throw a no-hitter in 2016. Or he’d win that perfect game contest that MLB is doing with their video game. Enough with the commercials already. I liked baseball better when they were a conservative game without the cheap gimmicks. Bring back the Spiderman web-covered bases! So, can Pettitte keep this up? Seems doubtful. He’s about a 3.75 ERA guy that pitches his home games in not one of the more forgiving parks in a tough division. But, you know what, he looks no worse than what I’d expect of Oswalt and you’re stashing him, so he’s definitely worth owning. Anyway, here’s what else we saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into today’s roundup, wanted to draw attention to the contest we’re holding. We’re giving away a fifty-five inch LG 3D TV. The TV comes with a remote control that has a mustache glued on top of it. I’m kidding. The mustache is glued on top of the TV. Go ahead and enter. It’s free and there’s a chance your significant other might be less inclined to get annoyed with you when you check your teams on a romantic date if you just won a TV. Anyway II, here’s the roundup:
Colby Rasmus – Watch out Mr. Lewis – you aren’t assured to be the #1 Colby on the year-end Player Rater. Rasmus went 5-for-5 with a Double, HR, 4 RBIs, and 3 runs. All he was missing was a triple and a SB for the vaunted slam and legs w/ a side of cycle. For those of you who stuck by him in his mediocre .232/9/3/11/1 were rewarded with a .237/11/3/10/2 in May. Hmm, that doesn’t sound right. Well, they’ve been rewarded prior to this game with a 1-for-10. Damn, guess the reality is just that Rasmus is talented, has been mediocre, and that this big game is a fluke or a harbinger of big things to come. Only one thing to do – take a flyer for a week and don’t make him into a hitting streamboat if he struggles.
Edwin Encarnacion – Took a day off as he recovers from the bruised hand from the Sunday HBP. The difference between that and his usual DH duties is that he can grip his bat without having to get off the bench.
Mark Trumbo – 4-for-4 with 2 HR and 4 RBIs. I got a Trumboner! Glad that he wasn’t blacklisted by The Sciosciapath like Napoli for being an all bat, no field player. “Now if you keep hitting, we’re gonna play Maicer Izturis at 2nd base and left field simultaneously. He could pull off that Maicer, he’s an all-fielder!” That’s Scioscia yelling outside of Trumbo’s bedroom window. Scioscia doesn’t believe in man-to-man convos or man-to-phone. I don’t know why, ask him.
Garrett Richards – A very good first start of the year for the Angel rookie – 7 IP, 1 ER, 8 K. Some prospects put up great minor league stats and some arrive based on scouting hype. Richards is the latter as he hasn’t managed 8+ K/9 above single-A and has shown a lack of control as well. But he throws 95+ MPH so if he can figure things out, he could be very good. I like him only because his name reminds me of two of the hottest characters in 70/80’s TV – Mary Richards and Ms. Garrett. Maybe he can make it after all and be a (house) keeper.
Hank Conger – Being called up by the Angels to replace Bobby Wilson, who was hit by a foul tip to the mask. You know who took too many off the mask? Rocky Dennis. Conger’s an offensive minded catcher so there’s no chance The Sciosciapath plays him. I’m joking. Or am I? I think I am. Conger has 10-ish homer power and some very slight speed (3-ish). Outside of AL-Only leagues, look away, baby, look away, Chicago.
Tim Hudson – Shutout the Marlins, giving up 8 baserunners and 3 Ks. This is on the heels of a great Zito start. To top it off, Mark Mulder struck out his 12-year old neighbor with a nasty Wiffle Ball ‘riser’ that he learned from Chad Bradford. Guess some guys are mad that they’re not mentioned in Moneyball.
Russell Martin – 3-for-4, 4 RBIs with his 5th homer. He’s been pretty horrific so far this year, but he has raised his average thirty points in the last ten games. As the terrier says to the shoe while standing on Go, it’s a start.
Daniel Bard – Red Sox sent Bard down to Triple-A. To really mess with him, they should have him work outta the bullpen in the minors.
Jacoby Ellsbury – Made throws from 90 feet. Great, let him play center field from 2nd base. He’s got the wheels!
Dustin Pedroia – Sparky Anklebiter made it back into the lineup today going 0-for-3 with an RBI in the loss to the Orioles. He wasn’t supposed to play but he ran on the field and the Red Sox coaching staff couldn’t catch him. Bobby Valentine was then guilted to let Pedroia start when the crowd started chanting ‘Let him play.’
James Shields – 5 IP, 7 ER. Sometimes Shields is a raging river, sometimes he’s just a brook.
Javy Guerra – Will miss the next 6 weeks with knee surgery. Mickey Mantle never needed knee surgery. Just drink a stronger whiskey!
Felix Hernandez – Due to his back, he will miss his next start, but the DL isn’t being considered yet. If it is, you will hear about it first here after I read about it elsewhere. Noesi will go on short rest. He’s not related to Jon Niese.
Michael Saunders – 3-for-4 with a homer. All he does is hit homers! If you thought the preceding was a false statement, you’re right. You’re like Brooks Robinson of the obvious. Nothing gets by you. Saunders does have two homers in the last four games and he’s hitting near .450 over the last week. It’s called a hot schmotato.
Huston Street – Activated from the DL and got the win. Dale Thayer, see ya layer!
Carlos Quentin – 3-for-4 with two solo homers. You know how people would get real excited on daytime talk shows in the 90’s and throw chairs and say, “Oh, no, he di’int.” Quentin’s got me “Oh, no, he di’int” excited. It’s like the first nice thing I’ve had all year in the way of offense in the RCL. Don’t tell me where he plays his home games. I don’t care. But if you want to hear me talk about where he plays his home games and why we should keep expectations in check, listen to this afternoon’s podcast.
Andrew Cashner – Could be moving into the rotation at some point in the season, says the Padres GM. To speed up the switch, he blew yesterday’s game. This only really matters to NL-Only’ers at this point. Hey, NL-Only’ers, say hello to your mother for me.
Anibal Sanchez – 8 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks was not his line, but it’s what I wrote on a piece of paper and stuck under my pillow. Stupid, Fantasy Baseball Fairy. His line was 6 2/3 IP, 7 ER. Ugh. He exited and watched runs scored on his line because the Marlin relievers don’t like me.
Dan Uggla – 4-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and 2 homers yesterday as he visited his old stomping grounds. Strike that. He never played for the Marlins in this stadium. Okay, as Uggla returned to The Stadium They Built Around Unicorn Vomit. “Mr. Loria, where do you want the new stadium?” “There will be a sign from above where it should– Did that unicorn just vomit? We’ve got our sign!”
Yovani Gallardo – 6 IP, 5 ER, 7 baserunners, 10 Ks. Only one walk in this start, but gave up two homers and some untimely hits. YoGa, you’re supposed to relieve stress.
Tim Lincecum – 6 IP, 8 K, 6 baserunners….and 4 ER because he had another bad inning. If you look up bad inning in the dictionary, you won’t find anything because it’s an infrequently used phrase. Except if it’s the Tim Lincecum Dictionary – Second Edition where it’s right before the phrase ‘bad pick in LABR by Grey and Rudy.’
Ryan Theriot – 2-for-5 with a steal on Monday — old news! 3-for-3, 3 RBIs and another steal yesterday — new news (almost stutterer!). In the grand scheme of things, it’s not exciting, but neither are most MI options.
Angel Pagan – 2-for-4 with his 11th steal while batting .321. Haven’t talked much about him, but that’s just wrong, you hear me? Wrong! He’s kinda having an unheralded, not showy Victorino type year. I will call him Plain Victorino.
Francisco Liriano – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 8 Ks. I can’t do it. He could throw a no-hitter against the 1927 Yankees on Old Timer’s Day at the Stadium and I won’t do it. Maybe I’ll reevaluate in the offseason if he strings together three months of quality starts.
Yoenis Cespedes – 2-for-4 with a homer. Guess how many homers he has? Go ahead, I’ll wait. *taps finger, picks nose, looks for place to wipe finger, chooses underside of desk* Only 6 homers. I bet you guessed higher.
Dayan Viciedo – Member how four days ago people were like, “Grey, your mustache is a gift of the Gods, but Viciedo will never get cold ever. He’s a new hitter!” He’s now 1 for his last 16 with 6 Ks. He’s streaky, y’all.
John Lannan – Nats are talking to the Dodgers and Rockies about Lannan. Oh my God, someone just take him already! Can he write? We have an opening for our Friday at 10 AM slot. We’ll take him.
Jaime Garcia – 2 IP, 6 ER and he admitted his elbow was still hurting. That would’ve been something to mention before the start. Cust kayin’.
Matt Adams – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs with his 2nd homer, or in Fatt Adams’s case a *pinkie to mouth* roundtripper. I was all set to drop him because of Craig stealing his PT. Now, I’m scared they’re both gonna hit and cause a frustrating platoon. I’m so conflicted. Wasn’t that an Avril Lavigne song? If it was, I apologize.
Homer Bailey – 3 IP, 6 ER. Talk about pulling the ol’ rope-a-dope with fantasy baseballers everywhere. He pitches solid for a month, then, just as his fantasy ownership numbers peak higher than they’ve probably been in three years, he faces the Pirates, in what seems like a perfect matchup. And this. It’s sadistic. Did he only pitch well the last month because it was all a part of the lure? He’s a predator and I wouldn’t let him within 500 feet of my fantasy team.
Alex Presley – Triumphantly returned to the Pirates major league lineup with a HR and a triple. Then again, I’m not sure he ever left because the MLB Transaction page had said they sent Aalex Presley to the minors. I think he was just hanging out in Kalamazoo to clear his thoughts. Anyway, he won’t provide a ton of HRs or SBs so, um, he’s not a great option, except in deeper leagues.
Stephen Drew – Diamondbacks owner said Drew should be back from his ankle injury already, calling into his question his integrity and desire to play. J.D. Drew was never accused of such things. He was much better about faking his injuries. I imagine before their kids could take care of them, Momma and Papa Drew had a lot of worker comp cases. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree and when it hits the ground it twists its ankle and misses 90 days of work.
Ian Kennedy – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks. Kennedy must’ve got all hyped up hearing about the return of Oswalt. Still think Kennedy was overrated coming into the year due to Wins and is around a 3.50 ERA pitcher. He’s at 3.93 now with solid Ks, so there’s room there to be better than he’s been. Though, he’s not yesterday good.
Aaron Hill – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer. It came out of the eight hole (which is Thai massage code for your left ear lobe). I’d say this big game might move him up the order, but Parra led off with a 4-for-5 night and his 2nd homer in the last three games. Member how hot Parra got for about two weeks about two months ago? Worth picking Parra up to see if this is the start of another one of those streaks. And tell your waiver wire Grey sent you!
Jason Kubel – 3-for-5, 3 runs, 5 RBIs and his 5th homer as the Diamondbacks scored 10 runs and Justin Upton sat. Holy sit!
Chad Billingsley – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 3 Ks. Oh, no, him and Bailey are working in cahoots! They’re co-conspirators! One does poorly so you want to drop him and then the other one does well. No way, I’m not gonna fall for the ol’ banana-in-the-tailpipe trick.
Cliff Lee – 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners, 12 Ks as he took the loss. Baseball Writers of America Association issued a statement saying, Lee just doesn’t have the stuff to win games.
Roy Halladay – Received a 2nd opinion that said the same as the first opinion — out 6 to 8 weeks. This got me thinking. If a doctor had an office in a cave, his patient would get a 2nd opinion seconds later. Deep Thoughts with Grey Albright.
