I’m having this weird feeling. It’s not gas; I know what that feels like. It’s not anger that my neighbor planted a tree that smells like semen on my property line. It’s…I think…happiness? I love this team. I never love my AL-Only teams. Sometimes, I’m okay with them. Sometimes, I’m unhappy with them but pretend to be okay with them, like a sad clown with a painted-on smile. But love an AL-Only team? No one good is even in the AL. What’s going on with me? Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over, mmm mmm. Something’s comin’ over me. My baby’s got a secret — he loves his AL-Only team, which I sing while wearing a bridal gown as I roll around on an empty stage. I also cut out each player’s name I drafted and throw them at my face like wedding rice. Is this metaphor still going, you ask yourself. Yes, it is! Can’t I be happy? So, I drafted against Scott White at CBS, a bunch of Razzball guys and a few ‘perts from other sites. This league is deep so hold onto ye olde hat. (If you want a shallower league, play against me and hundreds of your closest buddies in the Razzball Commenter Leagues. Or closet buddies, if you’re reading fast and/or experimenting.) Anyway, here’s my 12-team AL-Only team and some thoughts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Mon 8/4
ARI | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CIN | CLE | COL | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | ATH | CHW | DET | OAK | SEA | WSH

Being a former junior-varsity back-up catcher with a pop time of about 5 and a caught stealing percentage of 0% — I have the perfect qualifications to write this column. 

Pop time for the un-initiated is another in a long line of new-age states that we nerds are using to quantify the game of baseball. The long and short of this stat is quite simple: it reflects how quickly a catcher can grab the ball from his glove and whip it to a certain base to catch the stealing runner. The lower the number, the better! However — that doesn’t tell the whole story of a catcher’s success rate at throwing out a runner. You can have a pop time of half a second and throw it over the second baseman’s head every single time and you quickly realize why you never made it to the varsity back-up catcher level.

For the purpose of this article I took a look at each team’s projected starting catcher (or catchers) and ranked them via their 2019 pop time (couldn’t find 2020’s data — sorry!) and paired this with their caught stealing percentage from 2019 and 2020 combined. There are some guys (like Ryan Jeffers) who didn’t record a pop time in 2019 so they’re only being judged on their caught-stealing rate. Unfair? Maybe. Happening anyway? Oh you betcha! 

Below I’ve grouped these guys together by the division they’ll be playing in so I can point out who benefits/suffers based on who they’re playing their most games against. I could’ve ranked and tiered them — but what fantasy info is there to glean from that if you’re not using defensive categories? At least this way, maybe you’ll see that a certain team/division has strong or weak catchers in it which helps certain runners or hurts certain pitchers.  

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2010. What do you think of? Superior vision? A sense of nostalgia? Let’s see, 11 years ago, there was Toy Story 3, the Burj Khalifa opened, Winter Olympics, Spain won the World Cup, the Blackhawks hoisted the Stanley Cup, the Saints celebrated the Super Bowl, the Lakers triumphed to raise the Larry O’Brien, a 7.0-magnitude earthquake in Haiti killed over 300,000 people, an 8.8-magnitude earthquake in Chile, the Deepwater Horizon oil drilling platform exploded, S&P downgraded Greece’s credit rating, the Flash Crash…..ABORT! ABORT!! I want 2021 back. NOOOOOO! Take me back to 2010. AHHHHH! Time is a flat circle. Woo sah. Wooooo saaaaah. What else does 2010 conjure up? 20 home runs and 10 steals. Ahhh, that’s sweet music to my ears. Steamer has 33 players projected for 20 and 10 this upcoming season. Only nine have an ADP past 100. Ramon Laureano is being selected on average with the 142nd pick in NFBC drafts from January 1 to February 16. Trash or treasure?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Did you ever think we’d get to the end of the 2021 fantasy baseball rankings? You did? Wow, you had more faith than me. Some time around the top 60 outfielders for 2021 fantasy baseball, I thought we were gonna have to pack it up and start ranking something else, like the top 20 reasons why we weren’t finishing the 2021 fantasy baseball rankings. Never the hoo! Here we are now! Entertain us! Wait, that’s my job. Now that I think about it, why is Nirvana saying “Entertain us?” They were the band supposed to entertain us. Wait, were their concerts just mass karaoke singalongs where the audience sang to them? Hmm, will research this and get back to you! So, from the 2021 fantasy baseball rankings, specifically the starter rankings, comes a need for this post:  The 2021 fantasy baseball pitchers’ pairing tool. This is where things get interesting! And by ‘interesting’ I mean massively confusing. If what you’re about to read were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If The Night Stalker stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye. Besides, of course, him being dead might raise some eyebrows.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Welcome back for another season of Coolwhip in the Outfield. This preview edition is meant to be a review of what has happened. There’s a lot of players, especially outfielders where their past track record has been forgotten in lieu of what happened in just the 60 games during a pandemic. Let’s not be too hasty here… A lot of things happened that spoiled the sample, and a lot of things didn’t happen that would have been beneficial. So as it tends to be my theme, let’s look at the context.

What we will look at today is the top 100 outfielders based on the last 162 games scheduled. There are zero projections in this post. Again, ZERO projections, no preseason rankings (yet), I want us to focus on the track record first and take note. Specifically, here we will look at the value provided based on the last “season” played. My rankings here are ultimately who gave the most value on a per-game basis from mid-2019 through the short season of 2020. To you early drafters, hopefully, this aids your choice of late-round picks mining for potential value (*cough* RazzSlam *cough*).

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Giancarlo covered in maple syrup while “Water” from Kehlani plays, Kehlani, double slam and legs, and three scoreless seven innings starts in a day plus a save from your pitching. This is the very short list of the few things sexier than the 2021 shortstop rankings for fantasy baseball. Boi they so sexy we already covered the top 5+ in the top 20 show. The best part… It doesn’t stop there bae-b. There’s plenty of fantasy viable sixs that play like hard 7s. Which I think means they’re leftfielders in biker gangs but I never really understood grading. Anyway it’s the latest episode in the cultural phenomenon known as The Razzball Podcast.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Over here in the deep-league cubicle of Razzball, we’ve looked at late-round starting pitchers and outfielders, and now it’s time to move on to a group of gentlemen I like to call first basemen.  We’ll look at guys who, according to current NFBC ADP, are ranked outside the top 15 first basemen drafted and outside the top 150 overall.  What I’m going to begin with, though, is a quick public service announcement to anyone in an AL-only league:  in case you hadn’t noticed (and I hadn’t, until I wrote this post), there is as ridiculously steep a drop off from the top few guys to the next group as I ever remember seeing.  Based on NFBC ADP, your top 5 AL first basemen are D.J. LeMahieu, Jose Abreu, Vlad Guerrero, Luke Voit and Matt Olson (whose current ADP is #90).  Looking at the 1B list after that, you get a slew of national leaguers, and do not hit another AL name other than the first two on this list (both of whom also qualify at OF, for what it’s worth) until Miguel Sano at #191.  Yes, I said Miguel Sano at #191.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

If you’re like me most days, you’re sitting in your car beneath an underpass and writing ALF fan fiction, but today we have a different type of fantasy for you to engage in. No, not your fantasy where it’s you and that girl from high school in a tub of Alphabet Soup and you write her a love letter on her back in noodles! This is a fantasy baseball fantasy! Because you know what would be really cool? If you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, 500 other fantasy baseball teams.  But not a 500-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers. No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 50 other leagues of twelve. That would be cool. Oh, wait, we’ve done that. It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it!  For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league! That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences). Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team and returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day. As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon. Or womon, for our five girl readers. It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back after an extended break and we’re ready to talk about some baseball. The biggest Razzball event of the year, the RazzSlam is just around the corner and we’ve brought in Darik Buchar, special guest from Sports Hub Technologies (parent company of the NFBC). We start by asking Darik to give us the rundown on the NFBC offerings for this season, and there’s a game for every price point and game style. We wrap up our NFBC discussion by asking Darik about some of his strategies for the cutline format and the RazzSlam specifically.

After we look at the RazzSlam, we move on to some of the MLB offseason moves. We recap and cover the fantasy impact of the Andrew Benintendi, Franchy Cordero, and Khalil Lee trade. We also discuss a couple of studs moving in Francisco Lindor and Nolan Arenado. Trevor Bauer finally decided on a team and it was the Dodgers. Darik discusses his feelings toward Eddie Rosario and he’s happy to see him moving on from his Twins. The Yankees are loading up on high risk arms with Jameson Taillon and Corey Kluber as the guys discuss which one they prefer to draft. We cover a few more of the lesser moves of the offseason before we let Darik go.

If you haven’t signed up for the RazzSlam yet, it’s not too late, sign up here. Don’t forget, if you subscribe to one of the premium subscriptions here at Razzball, you not only get Rudy’s projections and the draft war room, but you also get a much better shot at winning a spot in the RazzSlam.

 

Whether you are a seasoned NFBC veteran or looking to try it for the first time, Darik and the folks at the NFBC were kind enough to give us a couple of codes for our podcast listeners.

You can get $5 off the NFBC 50 contest using promo code: RAZZFIVE.

If that wasn’t enough, you can also get $15 off any of these events: Main Event, Draft Champions, Cutline, RotoWire OC, Online Auction Championship; using promo code: RAZZPOD15

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I woke up the other day in a sweat from a dream where I drafted Dinelson Lamet, Chris Paddack, and Corbin Burnes as my top starters in RazzSlam. I was confused: did I do well? Did I do poorly? Would the internet validate my team or would they mock me in private chats? Could I ever show my avatar online again? I started to second guess everything about my life. “French fries should be eaten with mayo!” a voice in my head shouted. “And Mariners pitchers are smart draft choices!” My moral compass was haywire. Had I crossed the threshold from “Bold” to “Brazen?” Should I not have made sriracha Oreos? Is Zombies and Bridgerton too much for my next spec script? No! Sexy Victorian zombies are avant garde! It is the world that doesn’t understand me. Brazen is only the beginning…

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Razzball Patreon members receive our weekly podcast where Grey cackles about the funniest news stories we’ve found over the past week, plus you get that warm fuzzy feeling of supporting your favorite fantasy sports site in all the land.

ANNOUNCEMENT!!

Ten (10) Razzball Patreon members will randomly be selected to compete against Grey, Rudy and a slew all the biggest names in the fantasy baseball industry in this years RazzSlam. Note your Patreon membership at the bottom of your RazzSlam Signup Form.

Now, without further ado, it’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we discuss the man who had his lost wallet return from the Antarctic 53 years later and the YouTuber who bought a 9.5 million dollar house with a Hawaiian Punch fountain installed. Then we dig in on wombat poop, frozen jean parking space reservations and $10,000 worth of Wall Street Journal internet speed complaint ads.

Tune in now for all the laughs and Albright cackles you can handle by signing up for the exclusive Razzball Patreon Club for only $5/month, or upgrade to receive the weekly podcast plus early access to all of Grey’s 2021 fantasy baseball buy/sell posts for just $13/month!

Find all of this week’s hilarious stories here:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

You click the button.

Bingo

You’ve made your pick. You feel energized, confident. You look over. Your queue is proud and strong.

I’ve got this.

Nothing can tear you down. You’ve done your research, crossed your Ts, and dotted your I’s.

Until… The next pick. One player taken from your queue is no big deal, right? You’ve still got… Ding. Ding. Ding. And just like that, your best-laid plans have vanished.

My good do these scrubs read Razzball, too?

You panic as you search the top available picks left. All your targeted prospects, all your value veterans, all hope… Gone in a flash. Even Hedbert!

Please, blog, may I have some more?