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See all of today’s starting lineups

# MLB Starting Lineups For Mon 8/4
ARI | ATL | BAL | BOS | CHC | CIN | CLE | COL | HOU | KC | LAA | LAD | MIA | MIL | MIN | NYM | NYY | PHI | PIT | SD | SF | STL | TB | TEX | TOR | ATH | CHW | DET | OAK | SEA | WSH

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You ever go into Spencer’s Gifts and ask where the whoopie cushions are then, when shown, say, “No, the ones with the really wet farts?” Ah, I guess we’re built different. I did used to keep myself up at night wondering about the people in Taiwan who would work at the fake vomit factory all day, then go home and tell their loved ones, “No dinner tonight, I lost my appetite.” Just brutally sad. Where’s those peoples’ documentary on Netflix?! Huh?! Any hoo! Spencer Strider (6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 2.60) is fantastic, and I’m not just talking about his mustache. Well, I am, but it’s more than that. His last three starts: 18 IP, 8 hits, 1 run, 3 walks, 30 Ks and a beautiful mustache! How long do we have to wait until this guy turns into Touki Toussaint?! The truly remarkable thing, his peripherals are even purdier than his surface numbers — 14 K/9, 3.4 BB/9, 2.42 xFIP. He’s got a 2.60 ERA, and he’s being unlucky! Mah gawd, Mr. Man Stache! And they say you have to draft starters early. Sure thing, clean-shaven faces. Whatever you say. Anyway. here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I traded through the dot com and housing bubbles, so I know that things never go straight up and it’s never different this time. The ride up is usually a magnificent one, though, with rampant speculation and drool-inducing euphoria. But things always turn, as roller coasters do not click and clat upwards forever. There is a point where the upside-down U takes shape and the precipitous decline begins. This is when the buy-the-dip crowd latches onto hope and buys every freaking dip, but hope is not a strategy! The puzzles are always morphing when new information and variables are introduced. If stock “investors” would inject some fantasy baseball into them, then they’d be gazillionaires. DISCLAIMER: This is not investment advice. It is purely for informational purposes written by some guy in his mom’s basement. With that out of the way, fantasy baseballers have excellent risk management and stop losses. Granted, sometimes they overtrade but, more often than not, they are quick to cut a player if they don’t produce for a week or so. You know what the funny thing about stock trading is? Most look to sell when a position goes their way while many look to buy when a position goes against them. That’s the opposite of what should be done. Fantasy baseballers execute this well, for the most part. When a player is hot, they clutch onto them like a newborn baby. When a player cools off, they toss them to the trash. Now, there is always a time to sell high and a time to buy low, but only when certain reasons are presented to the matrix, and usually when there’s capitulation. Tarik Skubal has been trash lately, after starting the year Paris Hilton Hot. As a result, he’s been dropped in 6.8% of ESPN leagues. Is this capitulation and are there reasons to buy, or is this another example of hope being a strategy?

Please, blog, may I have some more?

What is up party people! How can you not be romantic about baseball? Especially fantasy baseball… Zeros become heroes and you become a champion. That’s the dream. Well that dream doesn’t happen if you’re not constantly analyzing your team and trimming the fat. We are rapidly approaching the All Star break which means we’re closing in on the halfway point in the season. I shouldn’t have to say this, and I have to remind myself of this from time to time, but all that matters now is what can these players do for your team going forward. I’m not saying to trade your entire team if you are dissatisfied with their performance but I’ve got some guys below who might just be better than the guys you’ve got.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Kyle Schwarber sees the Nats, whether he’s wearing the uni or facing them, and he turns into Schwammerin’ Kyle Schwarber, The Schwammer. Got a homer to hammer? Call the Schwammer! Need a nail put in the Ikea cabinet you just bought? Get the Schwammer! Wanna scare some kids off your porch? Schwammer time! Yesterday, The Schwammer went 3-for-4 with his 26th and 27th homer. In his last 162 games, The Schwammer has the eye-popping stats of 121/53/109/.256, and 17 homers in the last 34 games. U Can’t Touch This Schwammer. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Giants 2B David Villar (25, MLB) has started both games at the keystone since being promoted on July 4 and is looking at a stretch of open runway with Thairo Estrada and Brandon Crawford on the sideline. Could be brief, but the Giants are just one game over .500 as we near the mid-season point, and their offense needs a spark or two. Villar hit 21 home runs in 66 games at Triple-A this year, slashing .284/.409/.633 in the process. Easy pick-up anywhere you need infield help. He might be demoted in a week, but that’s life. Can’t let the unknowable future stop you from living in the present. 

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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There’s a few types of ledes in fantasy baseball: The major player injured lede; the huge game from a player lede; the call-up lede (very popular lede) and the least popular lede — the giving flowers to a player who has had an incredible season lede. That’s today’s lede. I must give Sandy Alcantara (8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 1.82) his flowers. What a fantastic season this guy is having. My God who art in heaven in Miami and speaks with a thick Cuban accent like Scarface, this was the starter year to have after Tony Gonsolin and Shane McClanahan, and, honestly, not that far behind. I, of course, missed Alcantara everywhere, because I was too caught up in his K:BB. 99.5% of the time K:BB is everything. Occasionally, you get an Alcantara. The scary thing is, if you just showed me his stats, I’d prolly still be a sell on him, but he’s proven to be a 200 IP, 3.00 ERA, 1.00 WHIP pitcher. That is crazy valuable. So, is Sandy Alcantara the best pitcher in baseball? I can’t make that case because of his strikeouts. A top three starter we all could’ve had around the 17th starter off the board? Al-can-lutely! Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?