It didn’t take long for Josh Beckett to cause people to question the heart of the Dodgers staff. And they didn’t even have to send them a Valentine. Look, we wouldn’t wish a heart issue on anyone but of all the Dodger closers over the years, why Kenley Jansen? Why not Steve Howe? He was a coke fiend. Or Eric Gagne? He was a steroid/HGH fiend. Or Jonathon Broxton. He looks like he was on the Josh Beckett diet every day of the week. This is the same condition that sent Kenley to the DL last year and I wouldn’t be surprised to see the same this year. It’s not really something to mess with (or joke about, except in certain instances, apparently. Don’t worry, I won’t joke about anything else ever again that should be taken seriously. Instead, I will be a model citizen and make suggestions to help make the world a better place — Hey, for Kenley, maybe Magic could reach out to the doctor who helped him beat AIDS.) Yesterday, Ronald Belisario got the save and he’s been terrific this year, but I can’t help to think Mattingly will go to Brandon League for saves because of that unquantifiable, ever-elusive-until-someone-trusts-you-to-get-saves closer experience. Then again, this is also the guy who willingly shaved his mustache. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to quickly mention that yesterday’s fantasy football podcast had Sean Salisbury and our very own, Rudy Gamble. Glory be the hole that wonders spew from! I just made up that saying. Pretty good, huh? Anyway II, the roundup:
Matt Kemp – Missed yesterday’s game, but his CAT scan and MRI came back clean, and that was after a full day at the clinic carousing with an X-ray machine. Kemp should be back in the lineup in the next day or two. I’m putting my hands together in the “Here’s the church, here’s the steeple, here’s the people” formation and writing Kemp’s name on my palms.
Joe Blanton – 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, 11 baserunners, 5 Ks in Coors. If you started Blanton in this game, you have balls of steel, which brings me to my question: How is it going through airport security?
A.J. Ellis – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs and his 11th homer. He’s hitting near .400 over the last week and hit his first homer since August 3rd. He’s also hitting .283 for the year. According to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, Ellis has been the 17th best catcher or about as valuable as John Jaso Jingleheimer Schmidt. In other words, Ellis seems like he’s having a better year than he is. In other other words, if you’re Doc’ing Ellis for no steals or counting stats, you’re not on LSD.
Hanley Ramirez – 1-for-5 with his 2nd homer in as many games. He’s now hitting .256 on the year. His ground balls are down (not literally), his line drive rate is up and so is his K-rate. He looks like he’s been unlucky, but not enough to shoot his average up to a .300+ that he was doing prior to his career coming off the rails last year. His position eligibility and speed/power combo will keep his value afloat, but he’s looking a lot more like a .270-.280 hitter than a .300-.340 one.
Chris Nelson – 3-for-5 with a run and RBI for his 2nd three hit day in his last three games. Also, hitting around .350 over the last week. A source says Chris Nelson could get you a 10/5 season with good counting stats. The source is me. For now, he’s just a hot bat in a nice ballpark through Sunday. Act like you know, MC Lyte!
Logan Morrison – Ozzie said regarding Logan in Spring Training, “I don’t plan to play LoMo in B games, in minor league games to see how it works. …He’s got to work hard (to play in A games) because if he’s not he’s not going to have a job here.” About time someone got annoyed that Logan waited until this September to have knee surgery on a knee he hurt last September. I have a strong suspicion that Logan’s going to be playing somewhere else next year, maybe the Astros. He can protect Altuve in the lineup and from bullies.
Emilio Bonifacio – Sounds like he’ll be shut down for the year. Ozzie said, “”If you need to go in, clean it up, do it right now, and I’ll see you in spring training.” Yesterday, Ozzie was cleaning house, giving Harriet a break.
Asdrubal Cabrera – Was ejected from the 1st inning yesterday for arguing balls and strikes. Mics close to the action overheard the argument. Asdrubal, “That ball was a strike?” Ump, “Is that rhetorical?” Asdrubal, “¿Que?” Ump, “Yeah, you K’d!” Asdrubal, “¿Porque?” Ump, “Who are you calling Porky?! You’re outta here!”
Josh Donaldson – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and a homer. Also in this game, Jason Donald homered for Cleveland. Elias Sports Bureau said this was the first time a Donald and son homered in the same game since the Trump Invitational softball game, but before each Donald hit in that game all the fielders were fired.
Ryan Cook – Got the save yesterday because the the game was close when he entered in the 8th inning and then the A’s blew it open. Balfour is still the closer. On a related note, the save stat is totally screwy. If a pitcher comes into a close game in the 8th, protects the lead and then his team blows it open, that should be a Hold, not a Save. Not that the Hold stat makes more sense.
Mat Latos – 7 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 7 Ks, lowering his ERA to 3.79. Told you in the preseason he’d have no problem pitching outside of Petco. Too bad he did everything in his power to dissuade me of those feelings for the first three effin’ months of the season. I hate you, Mat Latos. My apologies to his wife who defends him on Twitter; she’s got her hands filled with cellphone self pics.
Billy Hamilton – Reds are reporting that Hamilton won’t be called up this September. On the bright side, SAGNOF TV would like to invite one lucky lady (out of our four lady readers) to Win a Date With Billy Hamilton.
Chris Heisey – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and 2 homers. I get it, whoever Dusty puts in left field hits. It’s the Ghost of George Foster. The Ghost of George Foster also haunts anyone who ever saw him showering in the locker room in the 1970’s. Dave Concepcion, “He’s so ugly, I haven’t been able to get an erection in 27 years.”
Eric Stults – 6 IP, 0 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. The Stream-o-Nator and Stults should get a room.
Andrew Cashner – Set to return to the Padres rotation sometime early next week. Cashner rules everything around me, Stream-o-Nator get the money! Yes, grab Cashner. Yes, now.
Huston Street – Will be activated from the DL on Sunday and he’ll return to getting saves from Thayer Gregerson Layne whoever is getting saves for the Padres. Yeah, I did the douchey cross-out writing thing that bloggers find hilarious. You’re welcome.
Tommy Hanson – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER in Petco. I said to Mmmdrop him after his last start. Things aren’t getting better here.
Hunter Pence – 1-for-3, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 19th homer. Playing in Houston must’ve reminded Pence he can hit (2 HRs / .216 AVG from July 1st to yesterday). He’s playing like he’s worth his last name – am I right, British readers?
Matt Harvey – 6 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 8 baserunners, 6 Ks. Will be shut down after about 25 more innings. He’s going to live with Johan Santana in the offseason and have him be his right-hand man while he is Johan’s left-hand man.
Lucas Duda – 2-for-4, 2 RBIs with a slam & legs. Hasn’t done much since the Mets decided to throw it to Lucas, but this could be the start of something. Oh, Duda day.
Frank Francisco – Has now closed out the third straight Mets save. Terry Collins (who?) would probably be the first to tell you he doesn’t really have any other options. That’s if you called him up and asked nicely.
Michael Fiers – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 6 Ks. You couldn’t get Michael Fiers if you were f*cking Michael Fiers! He’s now exactly 29 innings over his innings from last year. Don’t make Verducci take out the ruler!
Bryce Harper – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and two homers. You know who I really feel sorry for? All the clowns in the Washington, D.C. area, I’m including politicians.
Trayvon Robinson – 1-for-4 with a steal and his third steal in two days. I grabbed him in a 12 team mixed league before I even saw this game because I need steals. Here’s hoping he’s got some more SAGNOF in his gams going forward.
Yunel Escobar – 4-for-5, 2 runs, 5 RBIs and his 8th homer. That’s for every childhood acquaintance who ever called him You-Smell.
Trevor Plouffe – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 20th homer. Plouffe goes the dynamite!
Josh Willingham – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 32nd homer. He’s now tied with Miggy for 6th in the majors in homers to go along with 94 RBIs, which is third in the majors. Oh. Wait, what? The Other White Meat is a top ten outfielder?! Holy Cheez-Its.
Pedro Alvarez – 2-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs with his 26th homer. Finally, he’s making good on his positively-charged chemical symbol, PAl, which stands for Prosperous Aluminum bat-like numbers or just “Hey, PAl, where were these numbers last year?”
Wandy Rodriguez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks. Wandy’s always been about average, but he’s actually been less than even that this year. All too often this year my birthday mate has been finding his earth sign to be SOS. With a K-rate under 6 and his highest xFIP in five years, this could be the last year where he’s rosterable in shallower mixed leagues.
Dylan Axelrod – 7 1/3 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 5 Ks. Solid enough start, but I wouldn’t go anywhere near him, though I can understand how you could get seduced by his conglomeration of cool names.
Evan Longoria – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and two homers. If you give us 10 homers in September, I swear to never make another Eva Longoria crack.
B.J. Upton – 2-for-5, 3 RBIs and a slam (16) and legs (25). Welcome Googlers of “Eva Longoria crack” + “B.J.” We won’t judge you here.
Javier Lopez – Got the save as no San Francisco pitcher in yesterday’s game threw more than two and two-thirds innings. Wow, Bochy’s taking the whole closer by committee thing to a new level.
Bud Norris – Exited his last start with a finger blister, but he’ll make his next start, so it’s not dire straits.
Jeff Samardzija – 7 IP, 2 ER, 7 baserunners (0 BBs), 10 Ks. Someone is going to be a fantasy baseballer’s (<–my mom’s term!) “I’m a smart drafter” pick du jour next year that will either make them look smart or leave them cursing the schmohawk in their league who drafts next year’s Lohse.
Anibal Sanchez – 7 IP, 1 ER, 7 baserunners, 1 K. There’s a small bit of satisfaction seeing a guy you dropped have a good game, but still not get the Win or any Ks. A mild form of schadenfreude… Just a schmeer-of-freude, if you will.
Mitch Moreland – Since the Rangers are off tomorrow and then on the road for three series, I dropped Moreland, but for his last day on my team, he homered. Bomb voyage!
Vance Worley – Shutdown for the year. Having elbow surgery. His Mom, Jo Anne Worley, will be playing Madame Morrible in Wicked at Secaucus, New Jersey’s Theater in the Park, rain or shine. And that’s this week in the Worleys.
Cole Hamels – Due to a gastrointestinal illness, Hamels boweled out of yesterday’s start.
