While sweet sixteens are traditionally celebrated by girls, it’s 2019 and so many lines have been blurred that we are living in a very “anything goes” society. Setting a new personal high, Walker Buehler struck out 16 Colorado Rockies while throwing a three-hit complete game gem. What I like most: Well I guess what I like most is the sixteen punch outs, but what I really like is the zero walks. Sixteen strikeouts and no walks is so sexy. How sexy? 2007 Grady Sizemore sexy. Walker did give up two solo home runs, but those were to two of the best hitters in baseball. Charlie Blackmon has been unbelievable lately and Nolan Arenado is Nolan Arenado. He did strike both of them out (Arenado twice) over the course of the game, but when you strikeout 16, that’s bound to happen. To put Buehler’s performance in terms my usual nine readers might better understand, he scored just under 50 fantasy points depending on if you league gives points for complete games. That’s the kind of points jolt that feels like a gut punch to your opponent when he checks his/her matchup and sees he’s playing Buehler.

Cheslor Cuthbert – Is it just me or is this guy’s name hard to say? Try saying it ten times really fast. If I’m judging a book by its name, I’d say this guy came from a very wealthy southern family. I’m shocked he’s not Cheslor Cuthbert the third. Cuthbert fell a triple shy of a cycle, going 3-for-4 with two runs scored. In points leagues, he was good for thirteen points.

Kevin Pillar – Like Cuthbert III, Pillar managed 13 points. For those of you that are wondering why I keep making points league references, it’s because that’s what you get when you ask the points league guy to do the Saturday roundup. Pillar hit a homer and knocked in four runs. The only reason I know this is because I actually own him in a league where we start six outfielders.

Alex Dickerson – This dude has a zero percent ownership in CBS and ESPN leagues and is holding still at one percent in Fantrax. I guess that’s because he’s been in the minors, just being recalled yesterday to replace Stephen Duggar, who dug himself onto the IL. A-D*ck as some call him put up a six spot in the RBI column to go along with a home run and two singles. His 13 points were completely wasted considering his ownership. In a post game interview his teammates said it was such a-d*ck move to drive in six.

Marcel Ozuna – Ozuna or later Paul Goldschmidt is going to figure out that Marcel Ozuna executed some sort of body switching voodoo type of shit. That’s the only explanation. Ozuna hit his 19th long ball and stole his 8th base of the season last night while Pauly Goldnutz struck out twice and was involved in two double plays. He did have a very strong second half last year, so I’m definitely not giving up on him. Turn it around buddy!

Paul Goldschmidt – See Marcel Ozuna.

Christian Yelich – Just another day at the park for this guy who hit is league leading 29th home run and his 15th double (not league leading). I hope he’s not on the Ryan Braun 2011 Milwaukee training program. You know, when in Milwaukee. How dare I? Ok fine, I’m just jealous that the only league I own him in is the Great Fantasy Baseball Invitational. Everywhere else I own Jewish Yelich. Sucks because he doesn’t play on Friday nights or Saturday afternoons. Tough to own in a weekly league.

Mallex Smith – He stole two bases. Thief! He also scored four times. Scorer!

Jose Iglesias – Following in the footsteps of Julio and Enrique, Jose belted out four top ten singles last night going 4 for 5 with four singles, two runs scored and two driven in. When asked about Jose’s performance, Enrique said he was a real “hero”.

Joe Musgrove – Just your run of the mill seven inning, eight strikeout, no earned run game. ERA is at 4.57 and too inconsistent for my liking. It’s a no joe for me.

German Marquez – He pitched well, but he ran into a Walker. Does that mean Buehler walked into a German? Either way, eight innings, eight strikeouts and one earned run is a very nice night at the office.

Aaron Nola – Finally Aaron Nola pitches like the Aaron Nola everyone drafted and his team forgets to give him any run support. Ten strikeouts over eight innings and two runs (one earned) and he walks away with a loss. Nola owners everywhere have to be happy with his performance, but peeved they didn’t get a win.

Brad Peacock – Peacock was strutting his strikeout stuff in the Bronx last night. Unfortunately for him he was up against the second best team in baseball. Thanks to two two-run shots from both Gleyber Torres and Gary Sanchez, the Yankees overcame Peacock’s 11 strikeouts to win their seventh in a row. I’m a big fan of Brad this season. He pitches for the Astros, he has strong strikeout potential and he has RP eligibility. That’s like a trifecta or something.

Stephen Strasburg – By far not the greatest line (6IP, 5K, 3BB and 3ER), but he did get the win. That’s two crappy outings in a row and three out of four. Come on Stephen, bear down.

Dallas Keuchel – I almost titled this post Dallas in Washington pitching for Atlanta. Sounds like a lot of connecting flights to me. Making his 2019 debut, Keuchel went just five innings. He stuck out three, gave up 8 hits, 3 earned runs and took the loss to fall to 0-1 on the season. He is currently on pace for an 0-16 record. I bet you’re glad you hung onto him all this time.

Austin Riley – Dude launched his 12th homer of the season. If it weren’t for Pete Alonso he might have a shot at the NL Rookie of the Year. Alonso struck out three times last night.

Jeff McNeil – He hit is fifth home run. I didn’t realize this, but he’s hitting .341 this season and has been a steady contributor in points leagues with multi-position eligibility (2B, 3B, OF).

Frankie Montas – See Ryan Braun.



  1. Malicious Phenoms says:

    Long time commentator, first time reader, not sure if that changes your total readers or not. Anyway, Bueler is a beast and his best years are still yet to come. Thanks for writing Mal!

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:

      I’ll take it…

  2. Cable says:

    12 team h/h points redraft no minus for K’s…..need 4 ROS
    Ohtani …Olson…Puig..Meadows..Alvarez..Riley..Robles..Do Santana

    • malamoney

      malamoney says:

      Meadows, Alvarez, Riley and Ohtani…

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