What does Michael Jackson and O.J. Simpson have in common? If you’re thinking “guilty”, well I don’t know about that. I know what I think, but I’ll keep my thoughts to myself. Don’t want to ruffle any feathers. The answer I was looking for was that they both got off and there was a glove involved. Get it? Don’t like it? Well you can beat it. That’s right, just beat it. Even Mike Tyson said he wouldn’t let his eight year old son hang out with Jackson. Reggie maybe, but definitely not Michael. R Kelly outta get himself a right fielder’s glove!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Knock knock. Who’s there? It’s your 2019 fantasy baseball points league draft. What are you waiting for? Open the damn door! With draft season just around the corner, I decided it was time to put together my points league spreadsheet. That and the avalanche of emails I got asking when it would be ready. Ok, perhaps avalanche was a bit of an exaggeration, but there was a small storm. Today’s post is the only post I author each year that most of you care about. Once I’ve put it out there I feel a little bit like a chick after a one night stand. However, by now I’ve come to terms with the fact that my popularity will peak early and taper off as the season progresses.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Raise your hand if you have ever made a fart noise with your armpit. Now raise your other hand if you’ve ever laughed at someone else making fart noises with their armpit(s). Notice I made the word armpit potentially plural since there are many that can do this with both armpits. Not at the same time of course. These people are referred to as being “armpitfartidextrous”. If you currently do not have any hands raised, please close your browser because you are either not being honest or are not going to enjoy my flavor of humor. If you have never heard of an armpit fart, then technically you should have closed your browser and should not be reading this, but if you’ve ignored my instructions and are still here, then watch this dude.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Every once in a while Grey and Rudy will head down to the local Jewish bakery and buy bagels for everyone at Razzball Headquarters. Special occasions, birthdays, Earth Day, or just to let us all know we’re loved. (Note from Grey: it’s not a bakery, it’s a dumpster, and it’s not ‘buy,’ per se.) Of course there’s always that one bagel, whole wheat or multigrain (Note from Grey: those aren’t multigrains) or something equally boring, which sits untouched until all the other bagels are demolished.

I do have to admit, once you toast that circle of whole wheat dullness and lather it with excessive amounts of cream cheese (NfG: it’s not cream cheese either), it’s still pretty damn tasty. While it’s not an onion or sesame or, the Holy Grail, asiago cheese bagel, it’s still a bagel which someone will end up devouring.

For me, head to head points leagues are the whole wheat bagels of fantasy baseball. While it’s not a roto league or even a head to head categories league, it’s still a form of fantasy baseball, which can satisfy my incurable fantasy baseball addiction until the next dose arrives. So when Scott White of CBS Fantasy Sports became desperate enough to invite someone with the name “Donkey Teeth” into his industry points league mock draft, I pounced on that drug-filled wheat bagel like the starving fiend I am.  (NfG: I could’ve sworn I removed all syringes from the bagels prior to bringing them back)

Here’s the points scoring system and roster positions used for this particular mock draft:

Please, blog, may I have some more?