by: Grey
Ben Rice… Uncle Ben’s Rice… Brace for Rice… Rice brace… Grimace! Oh my God! Oh my God! The Yankees are trying to steal the Mets’ glory! Is Ben Rice purple? Is he the shape of a teardrop? Is he purple and the shape of a teardrop?! Does he make love to women incessantly like a […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Yesterday, Francisco Lindor (4-for-4, 3 runs, 2 RBIs) and Brandon Nimmo (3-for-4, 2 runs, 4 RBIs) with his 8th homer showed one of the most important struggles in human history: Not being able to hit to save one’s life vs. being touched by Grimace. I think we know the truth now. Grimace’s magical touch was […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
For Mother’s Day, MLB uses pink bats. My suggestion for Father’s Day is bats with hairy bags hanging off the handle. This suggestion appears to fall on deaf ears, even though I go through the proper channels, filling out all the comment cards in the lobby at MLB headquarters. Even chitchatting with Jim, at security, for […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
This was me seeing if Shane Baz was ready to be stashed: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5…and so on as I counted the months since his surgery. Do you count September of 2022 because that was when he had the surgery or do you start counting with October? Do you count June of 2024 because […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
“There is ample evidence that the public is getting a wee bit tired of all these ‘pitchers duels’,” wrote The Washington Post’s Bob Addie in late-1968. So after the season, MLB officials lowered the mound to 10 inches and shrank the strike zone to its modern size. Cool, after this year, let’s lower the mound […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Yesterday, Michael King went 5 IP, 2 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.58. Oh my God, what an amazing impersonation of a 2012 starter. Let me guess…Gio Gonzalez! No? Okay, let me try again! Jeff Samardzija? I got it? Wow, that was good! So, King good? Which is different than Sofa King good, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Yesterday, Miles Mikolas faced off with Paul Skenes, but luckily they kept their faces on. This game was mano a mano. Mustachio a mustachio. A Mikolaskenes. A uniting of hair lips to create one great hair lip that Europeans want to vacation at in August. The fusion of musk. A man-made alloy, Mustachium. It was […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Is it me or do you hear a 3-something ERA and you’re like, “Damn, he’s struggling!” The way pitching is now, if you’re not rocking a 2.50 ERA or lower, I want to know why and which mafia gangster is paying you to throw games for DraftKings? Ya know, we’re less than a year away […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Yesterday, the Rockies called up their top prospect, Adael Amador (1-for-3, 1st steal). Listen, I’m not Mr. Prospect. This is well known around these parts. There’s enough players to worry about on MLB rosters, so I go to Itch with my prospect questions. I have a general sense of who is a top prospect. I […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
The potato crops will be up soon. Should be sustenance for the next six months. We have someone down by the landing port who rattles off potato dishes like he’s Bubba from Forrest Gump. Potato casserole, crispy potatoes, Hasselback potatoes, mashed potatoes, potato pierogis…And on and on. He started in June and has been going […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Ric Flair, the wheelin’ dealin’, limo-ridin’, high profilin’, rootin’ tootin’, Jerry Tarkanian’ eyebrow havin’, organic candles sellin’ at a farmer’s marketin’, IBS got me avoidin’ spicy foods-in-Indian restaurantsin’, bad-mambo-jambo, better move his Woo over because there’s a new Woo in town, that’s Bryan Woo (6 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Cade Povich was called up to the O’s taxi squad — Reiger that! — because they were unsure if Bradish could go, and it turned out he couldn’t, so enter: Cade Povich off the taxi squad like Tony Danza, sung like Elton John. Povich was in the Itch’s last top 50 prospects update, barely sneaking […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?