by: Grey
“B. Rey and Jack Suuuuuwin, and we’re here to…Hey, can you give us a little more bass? That’s better! Hey, we’re J. Suuuuuwin and B. Rey, and we’re here to say…Hey, this is going to be hit, right? Boom! Bit! Because all we do is get hits. Olestra gives us the shits! Us and Rowdy […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
You will struggle to find decent hitting offenses to avoid. I’m saying if you stop streaming against ‘good hitting teams,’ you will struggle to find them. Where are they, you might ask. They’re not in or around the lineup that is managed by Bud Black. His best hitter — easily! — Brenton Doyle is hitting […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Tarik Skubal (7 IP, 1 ER, 3 hits, zero walks, 13 Ks, ERA at 2.37) pitched like the ace he is. This is not shortchanging that (which is what I say when I’m about to shortchange someone), but the Reds’ lineup is hilariously awful. They have a .150 hitter hitting 5th, .183 hitter in the […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Shane Baz two weeks ago, Robbie Ray last week, Jeffrey Springs this week. I know what you’re thinking, Kershaw next week, or Senga or Eduardo Rodriguez or some injured pitcher. No, this is it. I don’t have fantasy baseball Florence Nightingale syndrome. The dog days are not over! Wait, that’s Florence & the Machine. Well, […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Hope everyone had a great 4th! And, if not, because of a fireworks mishap, I hope you had an appropriately-sized piece of a hot dog nearby to act as a tourniquet. For the 4th of July, I put on water wings, floated in my kiddie pool, got 3rd degree sunburns and drank Rolling Rocks while […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Royce Lewis hit the IL with a strained abductor saying, “Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-but! I want to play! My abductor is fine! I’m not a mollusk! I don’t have an abductor! Do I look like a mollusk?” Then Rocco Baldelli squeezed lemon on his head, sprinkled some Maldon salt and slurped him down. Bye, Royce Lewis, he returned […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?The Mets are ladened in Grimace. Oozing from their pores is that giant purple nutsack’s charisma. They have imbibed the Grimace Shake and are juiced to the gills. With that said, I was really impressed by DJ Herz. He dazzled up my goggles like a sweaty Kurt Rambis in a sauna. There’s only two starters […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
“I grabbed Wood two weeks ago and finally it’s paying off with some pleasure!” [Cancel Police break down my door and throw me to the ground] Don’t you need a search warrant before entering my house about a cancellation? Ow, you are digging your steel-toed boots into my back! Lift them off me, or lower […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
One of the most common bumper stickers on trucks in India is, “Taj Mahaulin’ Ass,” which is a bit of a country motto, that they don’t look kindly on altering. Raj Gopalaswami-Ramanathan, a South Indian truck driver, famously altered his bumper sticker to Raj Maulin’ Ass, and, one night, he was wrapped in 5-foot wide […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
“Hey, I was just walking through this factory outlet mall when I came upon your store. I heard of Big ‘n Tall shops before but this is my first time ever in a Tight ‘n Rumpy. It seems like all you sell is…pants? Is that right? What’s that? Oh, excuse me, all you sell is […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?Chris Sale (7 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 11 Ks, ERA at 2.79) is a Hall of Famer. Yes or no? Don’t think about it. No googling. Say your peace out loud so only you can hear it. What did you say? Yes? Then you’re right. If you said no, you’re wrong. His career stats […]
Please, blog, may I have some more? by: Grey
Maybe I’m jhuvenile but Jhonkensy Noel has me jhonking my nose in laughter. Jhonkensy? I ain’t Jhonkensy ’round these parts since the tennis courts closed in 2018. Excuse me, sir, my Jhonda’s jhorn stopped Jhonkensy’ing, and I am a very aggressive driver so I really need my jhorn to Jhonkensy. So, the Guards called up […]
Please, blog, may I have some more?