ESPN’s 2020 Fantasy Rankings Are Major Dumb

February 12, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 207 Comments

Our 2020 Razzball leagues are in signup mode. Robot in Signup Mode, “I am entering contest to win Razzball t-shirt even though I’ve never seen a robot wear a shirt. Starting….” The Robot begins to peter out, “…New…Fad.” Oh no, the Razzball Robot has died! *screaming to heavens* What hath you forsaken me?! Heavens, “Focus on the ESPN rankings, you moron.” Wow, the heavens do not take well to histrionics. So, this year’s ESPN rankings are a tad goofier than I remember them, but maybe I just got smarter — Smarterened? Smartered? Became the smarts? Meh, I don’t know. What I do know is ESPN has Tim Anderson ranked 143rd overall and that made me cackle like a hyena for so long a group of white-jacketed asylum workers showed up at my house and tried to cart me away. Me singing to the tune of Pharcyde, “Can’t keep gettin’ carted awaaaaaaaaaay…Can’t keep gettin’ carted awaaaaaaaaaay…Can’t keep gettin’ carted awaaaaaaaaaay…” Any hoo! I’m clutchin’ my pearls like a Barbara Bush hologram and about to take out some ‘perts! *slowly, menacingly sharpens index finger for more incisive typing* I’m about to cut up somebody with words! Now let’s open a window and defenestrate ESPN’s 2020 fantasy baseball rankings. To the tune of Major Tom, I call this Major Dumb:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fantasy Baseball War Room, 2020 Edition

February 11, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 167 Comments

by: Grey

The Fantasy Baseball War Room is back! I’m not saying the Fantasy Baseball War Room is back, as in, is a butt. So, if Sir Mix-A-Lot is reading, I’m truly sorry for the confusion. Our Fantasy Baseball War Room is one part draft tool, one part fantasy team evaluator, one part fantasy junkie’s s’s and g’s tool, one part holy, two parts smokes, three parts… How many parts is that so far? Cause it’s only really seven parts total. I think there’s one part kill-your-day-with-this-war-room-thing-a-maboob-as-a-pinwheel-spins in there too. Essentially, this helps you practice building a fantasy baseball team. Rudy also has a War Room that comes with Razzball subscriptions. His War Room is better and offsite, i.e., he’ll give you a link to download everything. I repeat, his War Room is better, but is not free. Ask anyone in the comments if Rudy’s War Room is better, they will say 100% it is better. This one is free, and janky at times. You’ve been warned, so you cannot complain.

If you’re unfamiliar with our Fantasy Baseball War Room, it’s a draft tool to help you track where you are at any moment in a draft. It shows you if you have too many steals, homers… Or if your ERA or WHIP are too low. Or too high. Or if your lamb is still rare or should be turned (results vary on lamb). If you’ve already drafted a team, go into the War Room, enter your team and it shows you exactly how stacked/dreadful the team is. If you want to practice mocking for your Razzball Commenter League, do that too. (Fantrax waived $80 fees for us, so go join some Razzball Commenter Leagues!) If you’re in the middle of a draft, you can filter which guys are left that have the most home runs according to my projections. Or the most steals, or the most runs or the most whatever (only applicable if “Whatever” is a category in your league). If you’re in a bind, go into a Warm Room and take a shvitz. Ah…That’s better! There might be some bugs in our Fantasy Baseball War Room, just comment here and we’ll look into fixes. The default projections are mine from the 2020 fantasy baseball rankings. Also, Rudy’s projections are now up! They can be found at my ranking page that I just linked to or here: hitter projections and pitcher projections. There, you’ll see rankings for every conceivable league (OBP, OPS, Holds, etc). Anyway, here’s the step by step instructions on how to use the Fantasy Baseball War Room:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2020 Razzball Commenter Leagues

by: Grey

If you’re like me most days, you’re sitting in your car beneath an underpass and writing ALF fan fiction, but today we have a different type of fantasy for you to engage in. No, not your fantasy where it’s you and that girl from high school in a tub of Alphabet Soup and you write her a love letter on her back in noodles! This is a fantasy baseball fantasy! Because you know what would be really cool? If you could join a fantasy baseball league that was against, like, 1000 other fantasy baseball teams. But not a 1000-person league, where people are trying to figure out who the back-up third baseman is on the Single-A Astros affiliate, the Corpus Christi Amscrayers. No, this is a 12-person league designed so you compete against eleven other people in your league, then 75 other leagues of twelve. That would be cool. Oh, wait, we’ve done that. It’s called the Razzball Commenter Leagues, and they’re back, and you don’t even have to be a commenter to join it! For a limited time only, get your loved one a fantasy baseball league! That’s right, your hearts go pitter-patter or you’re dead on the inside (my condolences). Since back in June when you abandoned your fantasy baseball team because it was totally sucking and you returned to your cubbyhole of leftover Chinese food and Teddy Grahams, you’ve longed for this day. As Bob Marley sang, this is your redemption song, mon. Or womon, for our five girl readers. It’s time again to join some fantasy baseball leagues!

Please, blog, may I have some more?

2020 Fantasy Baseball Draft Prep, Pitchers’ Pairings

February 7, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Draft Strategy | 204 Comments

by: Grey

From this post, life emerges. *toadstool morphs into frog, frog morphs into person, person types up this post* See! Darwinism at its most basic, and ‘basic’ like your girl who just wants a pumpkin spice latte and to play Candy Crush. It’s how basic is defined, yo. For these pitcher pairings, I’m going to be using our (my) 2020 fantasy baseball rankings. Notably, the top 20 starters for 2020 fantasy baseball, top 40 starters for 2020, top 60 starters for 2020, the top 80 starters for 2020 and top 100 starters. You can also just get Rudy’s downloadable War Room by signing up for the Razzball Subscriptions. Okay, formalities out of the way. *rolls up sleeves, makes farting noise with hand under armpit, rolls down sleeve* Let’s get busy! Now, what is a pitcher pairing? It’s your plan for putting together a fantasy staff. A course of action, of course — of acoursion, naturally. If you have A pitcher, which B, C, D, E and F pitcher goes with him? Which is different than ‘F this pitcher,’ that’s what you say by end of April about at least one of your starters. You should have six starters. The sixth starter is Pablo Lopez or take whoever you want. I suggest an upside pick. Mitch Keller comes to mind. Or Dustin May. Kevin Gausman also comes to mind. Chris Bassitt anyone? I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5 and some variation of 9 pitcher leagues like the Razzball Commenter Leagues, which begin signups on Monday. Put on your pants and look presentable! (NOTE: What you are about to read is massively confusing. If it were found scribbled in a notebook, the FBI would be watching me. If Ed Kemper stood up and read this at the next prison Meet N’ Greet, no one would blink an eye.) Anyway, here’s pitcher pairings for pitching staffs for 2020 fantasy baseball drafts:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 500 for 2020 Fantasy Baseball

February 6, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 225 Comments

by: Grey

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Four score and seventeen-hundred rankings posts ago, my Fordfathers said, “Stop calling us Fordfathers, you idiot, it’s forefathers.” In order to form a more perfect fantasy baseball ranking system, we stopped ranking for fantasy baseball and simply said, “Eff it, let’s just let Grey rank 500 or so Mr. So-and-So’s.” Or, more succinctly, the top 500 for 2020 fantasy baseball. A few years ago, the top 500 was only a top 300 for fantasy baseball. Before that, it was 16 AD and I was drafting in one-person leagues because no one knew fantasy baseball or baseball. In a few years from now, this is going to be a top 10,000 and I’m going to be ranking Ronald Acuña Jr. Jr. Jr. Today, in this year, twenty after twenty, comes the top 500 for 2020 fantasy baseball. Or as I like to call it, “Did he really rank Mr. So-and-So before Mr. So-and-So Jr.?” If Mr. So-and-So Jr. would stop chasing pitches in the dirt, I might’ve ranked him in front of Mr. So-and-So. This post isn’t meant to send shockwaves through your system. The pipe cleaner that the doctor uses to get the clogged wax from your ears is meant for that. This is simply to give you an idea of where guys are ranked in relation to other positions, i.e., you know I like Ketel Marte better than Keston Hiura, according to the top 20 2nd basemen, but do I like Ketel Marte better than Starling Marte or anyone else in the Marte family? Okay, it’s not that simple. You should read the blurbs for all players, but this top 500 should give you an idea. You’ll notice after the top 200, positions start to get clumped together. I might be the only fantasy baseball ‘pert to tell you this, but it doesn’t matter where, say, Jurickson Profar is ranked vs. Sean Doolittle. If you need saves, Profar isn’t going to help you. He can be ranked 50 spots in front of Doolittle and it doesn’t matter. That’s why I have the 2020 fantasy baseball rankings broken down by positions. If you need a 1st baseman, where Evan White vs. Garrett Cooper matters, but where Evan White is ranked vs. Kevin Kiermaier really doesn’t matter. Also, there’s no comments about players, which you really should know prior to drafting. In other words, Alex Bregman might be in the 20’s overall, but am I drafting him? Well, you’d know if you read my top 20 for 2020 fantasy baseball. There’s also a top 100 for 2020 fantasy baseball to help you. Also, there’s Rudy’s War Room, which is downloadable, and it comes with Razzball Subscriptions. Anyway, here’s the top 500 for 2020 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 100 for 2020 Fantasy Baseball

February 5, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 222 Comments

by: Grey

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One word about this top 100 for 2020 fantasy baseball, before I give you another 5,000 words. I’m going to avoid repeating myself from the position rankings in the 2020 fantasy baseball rankings. If you want to know my in-depth feelings about a player, then you need to go to his positional page, i.e., the top 20 1st basemen for 2020 fantasy baseball, the top 20 outfielders for 2020 fantasy baseball, the top 20 Patterns In Queso That Look Like Messages From Another Planet for 2020– Okay, but I almost got you. This post is meant to give you an idea where guys from different positions are in relation to each other. Since this post is only the top 100, there’s more players where this came from. 467 more, to be very exact. Next up, there will be a top 500 that will go to 567. Then, after that, there will be a top 7,500 that will go to 8,602, then a top 25,000 that will go to 28,765, then a top 600,000 that will go to 892,121, until we end up with a top kajillion in April that will go to a kajillion and one. Or maybe I’ll stop at the top 500. Yeah, that makes sense. Not to get all biblical on you, but this is the gospel. Print it out and take it to Mt. Sinai and it will say, “Win your 2020 fantasy baseball league, young prematurely balding man.” Projections were done by me and a crack team of 100 monkeys fighting amongst themselves because there were only 99 typewriters. Somebody please buy Ling-Ling his own typewriter! Razzball Subscriptions are also now open. Early subscribers get Rudy’s War Room, and you can go ad-free for a $9.99. Anyway, here’s the top 100 for 2020 fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 100 Starters for 2020 Fantasy Baseball

February 4, 2020 | Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 174 Comments

by: Grey