*insert musical note* Hello, darkness, my old friend. It’s something-something, me again. So, I don’t know the words. Are you here for musical theory or for a recap of the craziest season in recent memory? I thought so! Today’s jazz handsy recap is of the catchers. Please don’t ask if this is ranking for next year. It’s not a ranking for next year. It’s me recapping last season (last two months?). Please, for the love that all is holy, understand this. It’s all I ask of you. Well, that and shower me with praise. The latter isn’t hard, the former is. Also, remembering which is the ‘latter’ and which is the ‘former’ is hard too. Quibbles and semantics, my good man and five lady-mans. It wouldn’t be fair for me to preseason rank the players, then rank them again in the postseason based on my opinion, so these postseason top 20 lists are ranked according to our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater. It’s cold hard math, y’all! Anyway, here’s the top 20 catchers for 2020 fantasy baseball and how they compared to where I originally ranked them:

1. J.T. Realmuto – This is the first time I can remember, while only remembering back, like, two or three years, that a guy was ranked 1st and came in 1st for his position two years in a row. Jerry Tomato is the best catcher, and I’m not saying that because this post is sponsored by Scott Boras. Though the Mets should give Realmuto $400 million for 15 years. I also say that not because I’m sponsored, but because I like to laugh at the Mets. Also, something I didn’t realize going into this year, but catchers didn’t have a chance to get blown out of the water by other positions, due to games played. For unstints, each week, a catcher will miss a game, maybe two. Over 24 weeks, that adds up and catchers are nowhere near as valuable as hitters at other positions. In 60 games? Realmuto was about as valuable as LeMahieu, which is valuable. Solid takeaway for all future 60-game seasons, and now let’s hope we never see one again. *intern whispers* There’s a collective bargaining holdout scheduled for when? Oh man. Preseason Rank #1, 2020 Projections: 34/9/30/.278/1 in 195 ABs, Final Numbers: 33/11/32/.266/4 in 173 ABs

2. Salvador Perez – In retrospect, it’s obvious the extra time off provided Perez a chance to get healthy. Too bad he felt the need to take even more time off in the middle of the season or he might’ve been the #1 catcher this year, and yank that spot from Jerry Tomato. “Did someone say the Yanks offered me a contract?” No, Jerry Tomato. Preseason Rank #10, 2020 Projections: 20/8/27/.238 in 174 ABs, Final Numbers: 22/11/32/.333/1 in 150 ABs

3. Travis d’Arnaud – It’s true that he overperformed his batting average just a wee bit, or oui bit, since this is The French Terminator. “I told you I’d be back.” That’s a rather cuckoldish-sounding d’Arnaud. Anyway, I won’t point out The French Terminator has 20 homers his last two July thru Septembers while teaching you about apophasis and how a catcher can provide priapism. “Alex, Five-Dollar Words for $500.” Preseason Rank #18, 2020 Projections: 17/6/18/.246 in 140 ABs, Final Numbers: 19/9/34/.321/1 in 165 ABs

4. Willson Contreras – His stats are yawnstipating while being close to what I projected and still coming 4th for all catchers. Could write it off as a small sample, but solid BABIP, increased Ks and just not putting much of a charge into the ball. Maybe he just never had that one to-three week hot streak you can usually count on like one-two-three. Preseason Rank #4, 2020 Projections: 24/9/26/.258 in 157 ABs, Final Numbers: 37/7/26/.243/1 in 189 ABs

5. Christian Vazquez – If you’re like me and can remember back to the beginning of the season way back in July, you’ll recall that Vazquez provided nearly all his value in the first four days of the season. Preseason Rank #7, 2020 Projections: 21/7/25/.272/2 in 173 ABs, Final Numbers: 22/7/23/.283/4 in 173 ABs

6. Will Smith – At some point in the middle of The Pursuit of Happyness, maybe the 60-minute mark, Will “Jiggy” Smith’s career stopped being good. Crazy that was 14 years ago. Any hoo! There’s a similar break between Will Smith and everyone else in this ranking. Smith wasn’t great, but when you go below him, it was a potpourri of varying rancid smells. Preseason Rank #6, 2020 Projections: 23/9/27/.262/1 in 176 ABs, Final Numbers: 23/8/25/.289 in 114 ABs

7. Austin Nola – If you would’ve told me in March two Nolas would make the top 125 overall on the Player Rater, I would’ve said you spent too long at Mardi Gras. Preseason Rank #35, 2020 Projections: 13/3/15/.254/1 in 127 ABs, Final Numbers: 24/7/28/.273 in 161 ABs

8. Yasmani Grandal – Without a weird injury the last week, he would’ve nailed his projections. He was actually one catcher who I think was hurt by the 60 games. He would’ve provided value as a DH at times in a long season. There was no need in this hiccup of games. Preseason Rank #3, 2020 Projections: 27/9/29/.241/1 in 187 ABs, Final Numbers: 27/8/27/.230 in 161 ABs

9. James McCann – Kinda wish the White Sox would’ve committed to Grandal or McCann, because I think separately they can each be much more productive, but together they cut each other’s value. Like mustard and ketchup are both good, but you put them together and what is this crap? Mutchup? No one eats mutchup, man. Get your mutchup off my sandwich bread! Preseason Rank #36, 2020 Projections: 9/3/13/.242 in 90 ABs, Final Numbers: 20/7/15/.289/1 in 97 ABs

10. Isiah Kiner-Falefa – Israel Diner-Falafel was a PITA for all three pitchers he took deep this year. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 28/3/10/.280/8 in 211 ABs

11. Martin Maldonado – With his peripherals, he was saved by a 60-game season. In 162 games, Martin Maldonado (great name, by the way) would’ve hit .180. Preseason Rank #25, 2020 Projections: 15/5/18/.222 in 134 ABs, Final Numbers: 19/6/24/.215/1 in 135 ABs

12. Max Stassi – I ranked him the preseason, but the German military police forced me to remove him. Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 12/7/20/.278 in 90 ABs

13. Pedro Severino – He got mutchuped with Sisco, and it hurt both of them. Just reenforces that a Sisco pairing is impossible. Preseason Rank #32, 2020 Projections: 12/4/13/.242/1 in 103 ABs, Final Numbers: 17/5/21/.250/1 in 160 ABs

14. Sean Murphy – Bummed out like a young Evan Gattis to see Murphy have such a whatever year. His Launch Angle isn’t bad, per se, but his ground and fly balls don’t back that up. Maybe because he’s making such weak contact his fly balls are only making it to just in front of the 3rd baseman and being counted as a ground ball. Preseason Rank #15, 2020 Projections: 15/6/18/.251 in 143 ABs, Final Numbers: 21/7/14/.233 in 116 ABs

15. Yan Gomes – Mutchup’d with Suzuki. Hey, Gomes is a Suzuki sidekick! Rad jeep, brah. Preseason Rank #, 2020 Projections: , Final Numbers: 14/4/13/.284/1 in 109 ABs

16. Gary Sanchez – Can we just say once and for all that–“We’re The Three Musketeers?”–No, that’s all for one, one for all–Anyway! Gary Sanchez sucks. We must agree on this now, and for always. He can’t hit the broadside of a barn with a baseball bat. Preseason Rank #2, 2020 Projections: 25/13/30/.236 in 158 ABs, Final Numbers: 19/10/24/.147 in 156 ABs

17. Kurt Suzuki – Mutchup’d with Yan Gomes and just a big hangover for the entire Nats’ team, except for Treat Urner and Sexy Dr. Pepper. Preseason Rank #20, 2020 Projections: 16/6/20/.261 in 130 ABs, Final Numbers: 15/2/17/.270/1 in 111 ABs

18. Kevin Plawecki – Ya know what’s gonna be nuts? Looking back at this year’s stats in ten years and being like, “Wow, Plawecki made the top 20 catchers?” Oh, who am I kidding, no one will look back at this in ten years, there will be no need because Kevin Plawecki is so unforgettable. People will be quoting Kevin Plawecki’s season for years! Preseason Unranked, Final Numbers: 8/1/17/.341/1 in 82 ABs

19. Danny Jansen – He made the top 20, due to one huge game in the final week. I’m not joking. Preseason Rank #17, 2020 Projections: 17/5/19/.241/1 in 140 ABs, Final Numbers: 18/6/20/.183 in 120 ABs

20. Yadier Molina – Nearly nailed Molina’s preseason projections and ranking. That and two dollars ain’t buying me something that costs $2.o1 without guiltily taking a penny from the Take A Penny, Leave A Penny jar. Why do they even put that there? It makes me feel so terrible! Preseason Rank #19, 2020 Projections: 18/4/20/.264/2 in 156 ABs, Final Numbers: 12/4/16/.262 in 145 ABs