River Deep Ryan High

River Ryan (3 IP, 0 ER, 3 Ks, six whiffs, three on the change, FB averaged 96.5 MPH) was called up. He’s the first pitcher to be considered a top prospect while having a grandchild. River Ryan is so old that in yesterday’s game he was played by Kevin Costner. River Ryan is so old he shook the resin bag and sighed, because it reminded him of his dusty nuts. I had to watch the River Ryan game because I’ve been anticipating it since 1976, when the Dodgers first drafted him. Only the Dodgers can be like, “This guy is a top prospect. Don’t believe us? Look at the minor leaguers he’s blowing away. What’s that? Why have we not called him up? Oh you know!” Then they hung up abruptly. Seriously (folx), I had to watch Ryan because I had to see why his stats look so good but he’s been floundering in the minors all year. He reached Triple-A. Dot dot dot. Wait for it! Oh, it’s a doozy! Hmm, where is it? I just had the year. Did I leave it in the car? (This is how you fill out a daily roundup with only three games on the slate.) River Ryan reached Triple-A in 2023! Usually it’s like, “Guy reaches Triple-A in 2023, then he gets to the majors in 2024.” Which is what happened for River Ryan! In the majors in 2024, he had 20 1/3 IP, and 1.33 ERA, then Tommy John surgery, which took him to now, at the age of 28. Wish someone could explain to me why he wasn’t called up previously this year; he’s been dominant all season in Triple-A. I can almost understand the Dodgers not calling him up, but the Tigers traded Tarik Skubal for him. What could be their excuse? They couldn’t find a babysitter for his grandkid? Any hoo! Streamonator for this week, but I hope River Ryan is in the rotation to start the 2027 season. The Tigers’ rotation, not the Triple-A team. By the way, before the game, the Tigers announced they were changing the stadium name next year from Comerica to Fifth Third Park. A name that is as easy to remember as pi to the 100th digit. That name is so easy to remember, I had to do a 5th-third check I had it correct. Fifth Third Park, or as I like to call it, “a Who’s on First-style sketch that hasn’t been written yet.” I’m told it’s a midwest bank chain that used to be Comerica. Sorry, not to be coastal elite here, but how do they go from Comerica — easy to remember — to Fifth Third which rolls off the tongue if you’re on your third fifth? Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Keider Montero – 4 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.48, as he came in after River. Wonder if he goes again this weekend and gets another 4 IP, 0 ER and wins me seventh place in the league where I have him! I need a seventh place, Keider! It’s up to you now!

Spencer Torkelson – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 25th homer, hitting .230. Fifth homer this month and is hitting over-.300 in that time. Ya know how you eat a hot schmotato? One bite at a time (with a Spork).

Ben Malgeri – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 4th homer, hitting .241. Hasn’t been doing much of anything for the last few weeks, but going against the Nats’ pitching can turn pumpkins into princesses.

Javier Baez – 1-for-2, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, hitting .240. Can’t believe the Cubs gave away this guy for Pete Crow-Armstrong. Nuts!

DJ Herz – 4 IP, 4 ER, as he was called up. I always find it interesting how teams deal with the “Every team has to have one Jesse Plemons” rule.

Starting today vs. the Tigers, the Nats’ Plemons

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— Razzball (@razzball.bsky.social) September 21, 2026 at 4:22 PM

Yohandy Morales – 1-for-1, 2 RBIs and his 3rd homer, a pinch-hit homer. Yohandy came in for what seemed like an injured Abimelec. When they call Yohandy into the game, is it, “Yo….Yohandy” or “Yohandy?”

Zebby Matthews – 5 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 4.90. Thinking Zebby might need a four-year stint in the KBO.

Brooks Lee – 1-for-4 and his 24th homer. He hasn’t done much recently power-wise, but he is the type to get scorching hot real fast, so Be Water in the stream. That is what we are! Sail away with me…to another world, and rely on each other. Ah-ah.

Emmanuel Rodriguez – 1-for-3 and his 2nd homer, hitting .194. Don’t need Skinemax to see Emmanuel being sexy.

Drew Gilbert – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 11th homer. Was about to say he’s one of the Giants’ bright spots with Jonah Cox, but then I saw Gilbert is hitting .237 with hilariously awful HardHit% and Cox has a near-40 K%, which Sux.

Trent Harris – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 2.14, as he got his 2nd save. Unlike the other 27 closers the Giants have had this year, Harris looks excellent (11.6 K/9, 3 BB/9), but will he get another save this year? There’s not a lot of time and the Giants still have to make twelve other guys the closer.

Shane Baz – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 2 Ks, ERA at 4.11. Wonder if anyone in the O’s organization is secretly like, “All of our coaching makes players actively worse,” or nah?

Rico Garcia – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.14, and his 10th save. Rico SuAveGNOF!

Pete Alonso – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 39th and 40th homer. Albombso…so! Currently writing up the positional recaps that start next week, and I’ve suddenly realized something I should’ve known years ago: Alonso is underrated.

Gunnar Henderson – 3-for-4 and his 24th homer, hitting .227. Nothing like a good old fashioned garbage time-of-the-year home run. Oh, sorry, excuse me, the Jays and O’s are only 19 and 20 games back of 1st place, but still not mathematically eliminated from the Wild Card.

Trey Yesavage – 2 IP, 1 ER, ERA at 3.67, as he was activated from the IL. Sweet, he should be stretched out in time for Winter Ball.

Dylan Cease – Described his shoulder as heavy and achy but they said his shoulder won’t need surgery. Oh…[swims from Los Angeles to Asia]…kay. I hope I’m priced out on Cease for 2027, because I don’t want to even think about having to draft him, but hearing “[pitcher name] won’t require shoulder surgery” the final week of the season is as bad as I can imagine the news. The crazy thing is we’re going to get to April and Cease is going to need surgery and people are going to be like, “Wow, that came out of nowhere,” and no one will remember this.

Alex Bregman – Suffered multiple facial fractures from a foul ball, is hoping to be ready for the offseason, and is droppable in redrafts. His face looks rough with bruises and swelling. It looks like he told a plastic surgeon make me look more like Devin Mesoraco.