Here’s a post that’s gonna make you wanna slap ya mama and tell her Don Magic Juan sends his best. The other day I told you how to draft your pitchers for 2022 fantasy baseball. I laid it out to you nice and simple (if you have a degree in “What The Hell Is Grey Talking About?” Not a PhD, mind you. Just a BS.) Today, we forget all that jabberwocky on the who-ha and get down to business old school-style (which means if you don’t comprehend, I will hit you over the head with a baseball bat signed by Joe Clark.) What I’m hoping to lay out to you is who do you draft 2nd, if you’ve drafted so and so first. I think it might be helpful to go through pairings for your 5 outfielders, all your middle and corner infielders too. I’m not sure I’ll have the time or patience to do them. We’ll see! Or not. Your choice. (Actually, my choice.) For easy reference, the royal we will be using the top 10 for 2022 fantasy baseball, top 20 for 2022 fantasy baseball, and the beginning of the top 100 for 2022 fantasy baseball. I’m going to assume you’re in a 12 team, 5×5, MI, CI, 5 OF, 1 Utility, 1 Catcher league, similar to our Razzball Commenter Leagues. (Sign up for multiple leagues, and beat the heck out of your frenemies or make new frenemies!) Anyway, here’s some pairings for the first two rounds of 2022 fantasy baseball drafts:
1. Fernando Tatis Jr. – Two years ago, ESPN had FTJ ranked 43rd overall, and I told you to draft Acuña and Tatis in every league, and, for that, I should’ve won a Pulitzer, even if I need spellcheck to spell Pulitzer. Last year, I told you to draft Tatis with Devers. Should I win a Nobel Peace Prize for that? I’m too humble to nominate myself, but, yes, I should. Funny that you still seem to be looking around for other fantasy baseball advice. Honestly, do you read other sites to see what not to do? Can you imagine drafting a starter here instead of one of these glorious sexpots? It’s pretty comical. As P.T. Barnum once said, “Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the people, and I told you to make up a sign to sell peanuts. P-E-A-N-U-T-S! Not penis! This is a children’s show!” P.T. needed better help!
So, you lucked out and got the 1st pick. FTJ it is, but who do you draft with him? I’m not going Machado, because, while I do like him, double Padres sounds great if you’re looking to start a Trappist beer company, but I’m not doing it in drafts, pun noted, and avoidable but I was too lazy to avoid it. Okay, enough on who I wouldn’t take. Tatis and Trevor Story? Well, we all know I wouldn’t want back-to-back shortstops, but Tatis has outfield eligibility! Tatis might be the first overall draft pick that literally pairs with anyone. Tatis and Wander? Of course, I like sexy! I will legit hug my computer screen! Tatis and Matt Olson? Do you want to see a grown man cry from happiness? Tatis and Eloy? Tatis and Yordan? Yes, please and thank you! I’d gladly draft Tatis and accept the Teoscar for best team ever. As you see, I’m leaning heavily on an outfielder with the 2nd pick, but the great thing about having Tatis and the 1st overall pick is he goes with everyone and you have your 3rd pick immediately, so think about this: Tatis, Eloy and Matt Olson. That is a first three picks I would leave my Cougar wife for. I’m sorry, baby, but you can’t go 40/40 nor pair well with Eloy or Olson. Judge and Tatis? Give me that yum! Tyler O’Neill and Tatis, then follow it with Pete Alonso? I just won my fantasy baseball league and I don’t even know when Opening Day will be.
2. Bo Bichette – So, Boba is similar to Fun The Jewels above, but has a shortstop exclusion. So, Story, Anderson and other SSs (SSs? Are we hissing like snakes?) are off the board. Wander Franco? No, but yes! No, but yes, if he has 3rd base eligibility in your league. If I’m being frank and not a furter, I’m not taking Teoscar because of them being on the same team, even though, honestly, that doesn’t matter. But I’m being real with you, and I could see skipping Teoscar for that reason, and just sending a Native American to accept my award. But what about OFs or cornermen? Meh, I guess if you wanna make me so happy that I’ll give you a free hug the next time I see you and not charge my customary $5.99. Think about Boba and Captain Woo Cubano? Can you express to me in 250 words or less why this wouldn’t be the most dope start to a team ever? Boba and Olson? Yes, that’s what I’m talking about! Boba and Machado? Yes, plus Boba/Machado sounds like a great salsa dancer. Boba and Tyler O’Neill? I need to sit down just thinking about that. Boba and Eloy? YES PLEASE! Boba and Judge? Assuming Aaron and not Joe Brown? Then yes!
3. Juan Soto – Sexy Dr. Pepper is different than the previous two. You Juan soda? You better Juan steals right after. Also, Sexy Dr. Pepper is just an outfielder, so there’s that chestnut too. Speaking of chestnuts, do they sell them at Dollywood? Any hoo! If we’re talking about my rankings, which we kinda are, then Soto and Ozzie Albies isn’t going to happen, but Albies’s ADP could make that dream become reality and that leads me to having a shizz-eating smile for the rest of my draft. Soto and Wander Franco? People used to be arrested for things I’d do to that pairing. Soto and Story? Look at it this way, if someone told you that was possible as recently as 10 months ago, you would’ve jumped through a wall like the Kool-Aid Man, screaming, “OH YEAH.” Soto and Machado? Hey, I wouldn’t kick it out of bed, but may I suggest you turn around and draft Mondesi or Tim Anderson with your third pick? Or anyone with some gee-dee steals. Would I do Soto and Olson? Ain’t gonna lie, I would, but, again, turn around and grab steals with your next pick. Push comes to shove, Sexy Dr. Pepper and another outfielder? Yes, I would. I have no problem with two OFs in the 1st two picks. However, I don’t love the outfielders with speed early, so Juan/Starling? Meh, I prefer Soto and, say, Eloy or Teoscar or Judge or O’Neill, and then shove a round peg into a SAGNOF hole with your next pick.
4. Trea Turner – For the first time this fantasy baseball draft season, I saw something very interesting — the sun. Kidding. I saw Treat Urner as the 1st pick off the board on average for more than a week of ADP data. In fact (Grey’s got more!), Treat Urner is the number one pick in NFBC drafts in 2022. If you mix in last year’s data, it still has Tatis at number one (I think, I did this last week). So, what does this mean? A few things, none of which I will go over in this post, because it’s already going on 3,000 words, but the one thing I will say today (maybe I’ll write a separate post about this in the future) is I likely won’t be able to get Treat Urner in drafts this year at four overall in NFBC leagues. As for a pairing, Treat brings speed first, average second and power third, all with middle infield eligibility, so gotta pair that with an outfielder or corner man. Treat and Eloy, Teoscar, Judge, O’Neill, Olson or Alonso? Yes6.
5. Jose Ramirez – Went back to look at who I told you to pair Jo-Jo Ram with last year and found this snippet, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you could go Jo-Ram/Bellinger/Eloy, if you wanted to, making Eloy your third pick.” Wait, it gets better. I continue, “I’m so confused how I’m able to get such a great first three rounds, but when schmohawks are drafting guys like Trevor Bauer in the top 12 overall, it’s very possible.” Mah gawd! That is such a crazy trip down memory lane that I need to go see a shrink and have that erased from my brain. So awful with Cody and Eloy, yet so right with avoiding Bauer. Man, that is crazy in retrospect. Okay, can’t go much more wrong than Cody and Eloy, so I’m saying this year to look at Jo-Jo and outfielders like Eloy (again — I mean, it was bad luck injury), Teoscar, Judge, or O’Neill or a middle infielder like Wander and Albies or 1st baseman like Olson. Ya know what’s kinda weird, Jo-Jo pairs better than just about anyone because he has that glorious 3rd base eligibility and power and speed, which also might be why he’s crept above Soto, and to 3rd overall, at NFBC ADP.
6. Vladimir Guerrero Jr. – Ideally, we’re pairing Cake Batter with player’s stats that are similar to Sexy Dr. Pepper, but position eligibility that’s closer to Jo-Jo Ram. Dreaming back to just last year when we could’ve had Boba and Cake Batter and getting that sweet tooth flared up even if they were on the same team. Trying to imagine how that might correlate to Teoscar, and, I have to admit, I’d avoid Teoscar. Judge or O’Neill? Yes, but same deal as Sexy Dr. Pepper. You need to turn around and look at Anderson, Mondesi, Lindor or anyone with speed. Cake Batter and Machado? Yes, but again speed is needed. Cake Batter and Wander? Laughing internally thinking about how you might have a .320 average after two picks. Though, one thing not mentioned above about Wander, his speed could be anywhere from five steals to 25. Don’t think anyone knows, even him. Cake and Albies? If you can. Cake and Yordan? Love, love, lurve, but, again, get some steals soon thereafter. Cake Batter and Story? Yes, and it ends happily ever after.
7. Shohei Ohtani – The good news is he pairs with literally anyone. The bad news is it’s because he has no eligibility. I haven’t yet bit the bullet train straight to Ohtani in any draft, but I kinda want to just to see how it works. Do you just kinda start your draft with your 2nd pick, because you don’t have a position filled yet? I imagine this is how 1st round pitcher or Sal Perez drafters must feel. They still have nothing, so their draft starts after those picks. What Ohtani doesn’t bring with position eligibility, he does bring with stats. He’s like Fun The Jewels with no position. What does 40/20 pair with? Um, everything. What does no position eligibility pair with? Everything. Ha, just literally draft anyone next. I will say this, Ohtani’s weakest stat is average, so I’d be careful about pairing him with anyone who might hit .270 or lower. So, Albies is an avoid; Eloy is likely okay, but on the riskier side. Freeman? Great, tell me more! Machado? Meh, I’d be careful on average. Devers? Can I sign up twice for that? Ohtani and Acuña? You might end up never leaving your mother’s basement all season after Acuña returns, because you’ll be staring at your fantasy team page all day.
8. Luis Robert – Interesting one here because to draft Lou Bob here, it throws everyone else’s draft into disarray because his ADP is after this. So, you take Lou Bob here, and suddenly, you can also draft any other player. Even guys already drafted. You’ve opened a special portal. Lou Bob is the Narnia of fantasy baseball. Walk into the dresser that holds your sweatpants. Incredible, right? So, if you take Lou Bob here, you can draft anything, because I’m fine with two outfielders, and L. Bob has speed, so even Bryce Harper is fine. Acuña and Louie Robbie? How sexy can two outfielders be? Please give them to me! Robert and Freeman? Yes, and now you can name your team Bob Roberts, and drape yourself in a flag. Robert and Albies? I don’t see why not. If you’re happy, I’m happy, and I’m happy, so you must be happy. L. Rob and W. Franco? How about TY.
9. Rafael Devers – Another guy where my ranking is slightly higher than ADP, so it’s conceivable you could draft, say Acuña first, then Devers as your 2nd pick. Or Tucker then Devers. Or Albies then Devers. Or Devers then Acuña. Or Devers then Tucker–Okay, you get the point. The one concern with Devers is he’s more Sexy Dr. Pepper than Tildaddy, so you might want to go with a guy with some speed, if, ya know, you can find that. There’s a case to be made you kick that SAGNOF can down the road and go Devers, and, say, Freeman, then look at Lindor, Anderson or Story with your 3rd or 4th pick. Devers and Yordan? Yes, let’s make whoopie then turn around and do a “hello, I love you” with Tim Anderson to fix my speed issues. Or, and here’s where it gets really wacky, you could conceivably get Devers, then Freeman then take Wander, and I have those three within 11 picks of each other. That’s why you’re gonna wanna use the Fantasy Baseball War Room too. Then, with that team, you’re gonna wanna draft Raimel Tapia in the 26th round. Obviously!
10. Ronald Acuña Jr. – Not sure you need a 2nd pick if you’re getting Tildaddy as late as 10th overall. You should have to forfeit your 2nd and 3rd pick, actually. It’s unfair. I wanna start draft after draft until I can get Tildaddy as late as 10th overall. I mention in the top 10 but I still might move up Acuña. Bit surprised to see his ADP has actually moved down, and he’s now around 12th. Joy coming out of my pores thinking about getting Tildaddy as late as 12th. You know he’s gonna be like, “I need a minor league rehab,” then go there for three games, and be back by April 12th, which might be Opening Day, and smashing. Any hoo! Him and anyone works. He’s same rhyme scheme, 2nd verse with Lou Robby.
11. Kyle Tucker – Ya know what’s nice about the way the end of the 1st round of 12 team leagues is going? All of these guys work with just about anyone. Tucker and Lou Robert or Tildaddy? Give me those two! Tucker and Freeman or Albies? What, good enough for the World Series, but not you? Get out of here! Tucker and Harper? Sounds like a female comedy team, and I’d hardy har har to the bank. Tucker and Devers? Yes, I already said that above. Tucker and anyone. Now!
12. Ozzie Albies – Ya know, as I dictate dis post to the 100 monkeys typing it up — *cracks whip* It’s THIS not DIS! — I’m starting to think I can actually draft one, if not two of my top 12 in a lot of leagues. It’s so sweet having goofs drafting Gerrit Cole or Corbin Burnes in the top 12. Can’t believe they’re gonna give me Albies and Tucker. I’d even take Albies and Acuña. Yes, I know what I said about two guys on the same team, but I can’t stop myself from taking Acuña in any league this late. It’ll be the last time you can get him this late for another five to seven years. We’re about to cash a lot of leagues this year. Albies works with any of the combos mentioned above (Albies, Devers, etc), obviously. Then there’s Albies and Yordan? Please give that to me. Albies and Bryce? That’s nyce!