‘Uh-oh’ doesn’t really do the sight of Stephen Strasburg throwing a pitch and shaking his elbow in pain. Word is now he might go see Dr. Freeze. Usually a visit to Dr. Freeze means the pitcher will be out for at least a year. I think a visit to Dr. Freeze in this case would just mean the Nats are being very cautious. It’s like when your Schnauzer has a bellyache and the vet tells you he’ll be fine, but you’re so worried about Arfer Woofruff that you disguise him as a little old man and seek a second opinion from a gastroenterologist. If you own Strasburg in keeper leagues, I’d cross your fingers, toes and the street to your religious house of worship and pray for good news. In redraft leagues, you can hold him for a day or two until it’s official, but I can’t imagine he’s pitching again this year. Riggleman said, “I don’t even know if he’s playing catch tomorrow. The doctor might say, ‘Don’t pick up a ball.’ The doctor might say, ‘This looks fine, this is normal pitching stuff, go get ‘em.’ But I doubt it.” All I’m saying is you don’t take Arfer to a gastroenterologist then immediately to the park to play catch with a frisbee. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Psyche! Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to give people a heads up that we have a big announcement coming this afternoon, please check back later. No, I’m not shaving my mustache. Anyway II, here’s the roundup:
Alex Rodriguez – Out for 15 days because the Yankees need A-Rod to be healthy for the playoffs and he has an appointment to get his tips frosted.
Austin Kearns – 1-for-4 with a homer yesterday. Now has a hit in his 11 games. Unfortunately, it’s not the Yankees last 11 games, which makes Kearns hard to play unless you can platoon him in and out of your lineup.
Robinson Cano – 2-for-5, 6 RBIs and his 25th homer to match his career high. A career year usually leads January Grey to evaluate a player to see if he’s going to be overrated. January Grey is in Nepal giving spiritual guidance to the Beastie Boys, so I’m not sure but I don’t think Cano will be labeled overrated next year. He’s a top 2nd baseman.
Kevin Slowey – To the DL with a strained right triceps. (Or is that tricep? Is it just a onecep?) Before he went to the DL, Slowey left you with a 3 IP, 4 ER game on Saturday to remember him by. If you’re wondering when he’s due to return, I suggest you take a step back and think about why you stay in abusive relationships.
Ricky Nolasco – Has a torn menicus, which is not the thing your great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather used to count. The Marlins are hoping he misses just one start. If he’s out for the season, which I think he will be, Nolasco’s done everyone a great favor. For someone who has a 4.38 career ERA and is routinely overrated, now his value should come back to earth.
Cody Ross – The 29-year-old was grabbed by the Giants as Sabean infuses his outfield with youth. The Giants now have more DHs then a majority of AL teams. Do the Giants play 4 outfielders? Are they planning on giving the middle finger to the NL and using a DH? All valid questions. I have to think this hurts ABs for Burrell (though it shouldn’t with the way he’s swinging the bat), Guillen and Ross. Hopefully Torres continues to see at least 5 games a week. Taking over for Ross in Florida…
Cameron Maybin – Perennial Razzball favorite-slash-bust returns to the Marlins outfield. Maybin still has plenty of time to reach his potential at the major league level, but I’d hold expectations in check for the last five weeks. He’s only a 10/20 player over the course of a season. Break that into one month and it’s just a’ight, which is shade under a’ight and much less than a’ight a’ight. In NL-Only leagues or keepers, you have to grab him for his upside.
Jason Heyward – 4-for-4, 4 RBIs, 4 Runs and 2 homers. Really hoping there’s not too many more of these games this year so Heyward comes into next year relatively affordable– Oh, who am I kidding, he’s going to be so hyped next year.
Mike Minor – 6 IP, 3 ER, 8 baserunners, 12 Ks. *Grey drools*
Omar Infante – 4-for-6, 2 homers, 4 Runs and 4 RBIs. Buh-but, Grey, can Infante keep this up? Who cares, random italicized voice? There’s just over a month left of the season. Play Infante while he’s hitting. Don’t get your mustache all in a bunch, was just asking.
Josh Thole – Will be the Mets’ everyday catcher. Having a hard time coming up with another positive so let’s leave it at that.
Juan Gutierrez – Got the save on Saturday and now it’s questionable who’s the closer in Arizona. I think it should be Demel, I thought the Diamondbacks would go with Heilman and now Gutierrez is getting saves. You figure that one out.
Dustin Pedroia – Sometimes Sparky Anklebiters can get so amped with leave-it-all-on-the-fieldness that they lose sight of the big picture and rush back too soon. That was the case here and now that case is closed for another two weeks.
Wilson Betemit – I picked up Betemit as a fluke about a week ago. He has four homers while batting over .300 in that time. Every bone in your body tells you you shouldn’t own Betemit, but why are you listening to bones? Is that some voodoo shizz?
Will Rhymes – 4-for-5 with 3 Runs, but still hasn’t stole a base. Someone needs to give Rhymes the 411 on where his fantasy value lies.
Michael Wuertz – At some point during the weekend, he lost the closer job and then Bailey returned anyway, making the whole closerousel moot.
Tommy Hunter – 8 IP, 3 ER, 5 baserunners, 0 Ks vs. O’s. Decent enough rebound for a guy who sounds like he has a Witness Protection name. His 42 Ks in 85 2/3 innings makes him pretty blahing to own.
Luke Scott – Two games, two homers. Luke, you are not waiver wire fodder.
Ty Wigginton – Has two homers in the last two games too, and deuces are wild.
Joel Hanrahan – Gets the save to remind people that he’s the closer that never gets any save chances.
Jaime Garcia – 9 IP, 0 ER, 3 baserunners, 6 Ks. Remarkably (to me, at least), his season ERA is still at 2.42. I can almost guarantee I won’t be owning Garcia next year.
Bobby Jenks – Threw three innings yesterday as Ozzie went with the ol’ “If you don’t like your closer, throw him until he’s injured” approach.
Ryan Braun – Hit his 18th homer yesterday. I.e., two homers less than Mike Napoli. Or one homer more than Bill Hall. Um, dubya-tee-eff, Braun?
Jhoulys Chacin – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 9 Ks. It’s pronounced Yo-lease. It’s Spanish for pick him up.
Daniel Hudson – 7 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 9 Ks. Hudson’s name sounds familiar. Oh, I know, he’s the guy I’ve mentioned you should pick up for the last three weeks. Yeah, that’s right.
Jeanmar Gomez – 3 IP, 7 ER. Hopefully not too many of you went with this Cleveland Streamer.
Jonathan Broxton – 2/3 IP, 2 ER. Please make sure you sign the ‘Die Jonathan Broxton’ petition.
Rod Barajas – Nothing says last-ditch effort to help your team like grabbing a .225 hitting catcher off waivers. Nothing says giving up like trying to trade away Manny Ramirez. Nothing says mixed signals like these moves in tandem.
Matt Kemp – Homers in back-to-back games as the Dodgers announced that Kemp would be put into purgatorre with Scott Podsednik and him sharing playing time. Torre said, Kemp would get more time than Podsednik, but Kemp doesn’t have Pods’ grit and wily veteranship. Is Torre trying to put the best team on the field or looking for a backup quarterback? I Googled ‘grit and wily veteran’ and I found John McCain. How about we put him in center?!