Before I tell you what Prospect Scott said, I wanna just say a quick thing about rookies, pitchers specifically. They’re all over the map for value like George Clooney in Up In The Air (that’s a reference for our four girl readers; you think a man with a mustache forgets the ladies? Photocopy my face, take it to Kinko’s, have it made into a pillowcase, rest your head on it; that’s the most comfortable pillow you will ever have, and the sexiest. That pillow is like Clubber Lang yelling into your ear about a ‘real man.’). Taijuan Walker is the top pitching prospect in baseball, according to MLB. Can’t miss, K-Swiss! Doode’s got talent for days. He also is struggling to get out of the minors. Eddie Butler was dazzling in the minors; came up and got done. Andrew Heaney could come up and be Jose Fernandez circa 2013, or he could be Trevor Bauer circa every year. Eventually, Heaney will be great, like most heralded pitchers, but that doesn’t mean it will happen right away. I would, of course, own him because if he is good, he’s going to be better than any other waiver wire pitcher. Now, about Heaney specifically, here’s Prosp. Scott, “An excellent fastball-slider combo and plus command helped Heaney to an impressive 2013 line: 1.60/1.07/89 in 95 IP between High-A and Double-A. That performance has lifted him into the 2014 fantasy spotlight and earned him the #23 spot on my top 25 for 2014. I suspect he’ll get a shot in Miami before long. Speaking of guys, I’d like to shoot…Where’s that feathered hair freak, Albright?” Geez, the hostility! Heaney’s been terrific this year in the minors (2.74 ERA, 10+ K-rate, sub-1 walk rate!) and I imagine he’ll be up within the next two weeks. Now is the time to grab him. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Ronald Belisario – I always want to call him Ronaldo. I must have soccer fever! Only thing that can cure that is actually watching a soccer match. Snooze. *shoots up awake* What happened? Did they score? It’s 1-0?! Great, now I missed the only exciting thing that’s going to happen. I will now ‘flop’ on my bed for a nap.
Joel Peralta – In my calcium-enriched bones, I truly believe Grant Balfour is the guy to own here. Maddon isn’t loyal to any hitter in a lineup spot, has no problem using seven different outfielders in the course of two games, but he really loves to stay with his terrible closers. Another guy that could get a look if Maddon says, “Balfour, take your bench,” is Jake McGee.
Tanner Roark – He has a 1.55 ERA at home, 1.29 ERA in June (three starts), and he gets the Astros in his next start at home, and the Stream-o-Nator likes the start. If you see Roark on your waivers, make like Tattoo and yell, “Da stream, da stream!”
Henderson Alvarez – The Stream-o-Nator is less excited for his next start than I am, but he leads the league in complete games (with Cueto), has a 2.56 ERA and gets the blargh Pirates next at home where he has a 1.47 ERA.
Marcus Stroman – He goes back to the point I was making about Heaney. You can remember back that far, can’t you? You can’t? Oh, sad emoticon. Any the hoo! Stroman should be great, can be great, but whether he will be great this year is totally up in the air (I didn’t forget you ladies!).
Chase Anderson – This is a very tentative buy for right now, but if he pitches well tonight, I’ll be all in on him, so before someone else snipes him, I’d grab him.
Brad Snyder – Here’s what I said the other day about the new Rangers 1st baseman, “The Rangers now have four ex-Cub players on their team (Snyder, Murphy, Cotts, Baker). This sounds like the opposite of a good idea. I don’t imagine Joe Buck saying in October, “This team really rode all of these ex-Cubs to the World Series.” Snyder is intriguing in AL-Only leagues (where Rudy already added him for our team that is battling for first on the back of Mark Buehrle — yeah, you imagined I would’ve said that in March). Snyder had 18 homers in Triple-A in only 61 games — oh my God!!! — oh, he’s 32 years old. That’s like when the kid with a mustache shows a note from his mom that says he’s really eleven years old and gets to compete in the T-Ball Championship. Snyder’s a Quad-A player that can hit for power and strikeout a lot while holding a pack of cigarettes in his white t-shirt sleeve.” And that’s me quoting me!
Tommy La Stella – Doesn’t have much power or speed, but can hit for a nice average, which in theory, should provide counting stats. You know who he’s not? Tommy La Steal-a! RIGHT?! Oh, my goodness, the belly laughs I just had. Deep rich ones. Oh, that’s the green curry I just ate. Carry on.
Josh Rutledge – ESPN said this, “After Charlie Culberson failed to make the most of his opportunity to replace the injured Nolan Arenado at third base, the Rockies appear content to proceed with using Rutledge at the keystone and DJ LeMahieu at the hot corner on a regular basis.” I think that’s complete BS, and I don’t mean Black Sabbath. As anyone that has endured Walt Weiss, he’s never been content using any player that gives fantasy owners value. Defense is in his DNA. In fact, that’s what the D stands for with him. Defense Not Applicable (my ass), the (my ass) part is inferred and not part of the abbreviation. So, don’t drop anyone too worthwhile for Rutledge because he could get benched for multiple games in a row, but I would add him if you have room.
Gordon Beckham – You should bend your preconceived notions and like Beckham. Another soccer reference? World Cup, you have captured the world’s attention! By the by, if I were in Brazil now, I’d be more interested in eating some beef off a sword than watching a soccer match.
Brock Holt – I always think there’s a certain level of what a guy’s name is that plays subconsciously into how well they are known. No joke. A guy like Yangervis Solarte had an uphill battle compared to Brett Lawrie, for instance. With that said, Brock Holt hurts that theory. Brock Holt is a great name. Brock Holt sounds like he should have thunderbolts on his uniform legs. Who doesn’t want a thunderbolted leg guy on their team? He used to be an American Gladiator, probably! Also, there’s a big market team bias for guys usually, but that also goes out the window with him. Brock Holt is hitting .336 in the past month and can’t buy his way onto fantasy teams.
Nick Castellanos – He’s cooled off a bit since his last week of value. I’d give him a flyer still to see if he can turn it back on. Not sure why he can’t stay hot for an extended period of time. It’s all Greek to me, and Castellanos, apparently.
Eugenio Suarez – He’s only starting and interesting because it’s the Tigers and their minor league system isn’t great. I.e., Suarez is the cream of the crap. In deeper leagues, I’d take the flyer because he’s getting at-bats, but he’s probably yawnstipating at best.
Justin Turner – I’m embarrassed to admit (not embarrassed) to say I’ve owned Turner since he was playing in Coors last weekend in a fairly shallow league (the RCL). On my team, he’s currently batting .455.
Dexter Fowler – On our Player Rater, he’s ranked in the outfield above guys like Carlos Gonzalez, Leonys Martin, Shin-Soo Choo, Desmond Jennings, Matt Holliday and Allen Craig. Fowler should really just be owned in all leagues or are you chicken?
Denard Span – Only six weeks of me touting Denard Dawg and he’s almost finally over 50% owned. Of course, that means he’s going to now fall apart like Port-a-John toilet paper, but we’ll always have the memories.
Oswaldo Arcia – Always surprises me to see which players y’all pick up and which players y’all don’t. I get Oscar Taveras will be good, but for this year Arcia’s worse? Rhetorical!
Corey Dickerson – Does everyone know Quarterback Crunch ice cream? It’s this vanilla ice cream with a caramel ribbon and these little chocolate crunchy footballs that is delicious, but Baskin-Robbins only carries it in September. Why do they only carry it in September when it’s so good and the rest of their ice cream is lousy? Because they’re idiots. Corey Dickerson is Quarterback Crunch ice cream.
Masahiro Tanaka – I’m a heretic! I don’t believe in Tanaka?! What’s next, the Earth is round? Stanley Kubrick filmed the Apollo moon landing on a sound stage using a front projection screen? THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS SMURFS?! Calm your roll, young, prematurely balding man. I do believe in Tanaka, and do think he can be absolutely terrific. Here’s the thing, if you own Tanaka, you probably drafted him later than you drafted your ace. So, there’s a very likely scenario that you have too much pitching. I’ve seen it in just about every league I’m in, the team with Tanaka also has an ace — like say Strasburg or Cueto or Kershaw or someone, and Tanaka is superfluous like the treadmill you have in your basement. I would not sell Tanaka low, I’d sell him for a top 20 bat. I wouldn’t sell him for five minutes in the grabby closet with your cousin Charlene. Repeat, I don’t not like Tanaka — double negatives be damned! — but I love the idea of what kind of bat he can obtain.