If you look around Petco and see Padres fans on the edge of their seats, they’re A) Probably the visiting team’s fans. B) If they are Padres fans, they’re on the edge of their seats because they don’t want to wrinkle the back of their Izod shirt. C) There’s no C. They’re not anticipating Trevor Cahill, because they think Trevor Cahill is the ex-Navy guy who works in their office who they need to fire but are worried he’s going to beat the crap out of them. When they hear Trevor Cahill is a Padres pitcher, their response is, “Ah, Padres, I miss Tony Gwynn.” So, who is Trevor Cahill? He ain’t Luis Severino, I’ll tell you that. I don’t see the upside of Pineda, Paxton, McCullers, Urias or any other sexy AF young starter. As commenter, Bigly Leagues pointed out, Trevor Cahill is:
7th in FIP (2.64)
6th in xFIP (2.83)
8th in K/9 (11.1)
18th in WAR (0.8)
What he didn’t point out is how Cahill is doing it. That’s no critique of BL, it’s not his job to point it out, though I guess he could’ve and saved me the work. C’mon, BL! Cahill’s doing it with the league’s 2nd best curveball. He’s not doing it with his 90 MPH fastball, that’s for sure. He doesn’t even have the world’s best control (3.3 BB/9). The rest of his pitches are mostly basic, which brings me to my problem. If he doesn’t get the curve over, or it’s just not working for some reason, the house of cards is going to fall and Kevin Spacey is going to be talking into the camera about how terrible Cahill looks. I’d own Cahill everywhere to see if he can continue, but I have less confidence in him in away games. That giant safety net in Petco makes everyone a slightly better trapeze walker. Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
BUY
Austin Hedges – At WordPress University in Montpelier, as I studied for my BB (Bachelor of Blogging), they’d say, “This is the one Bachelor degree that will lead to you always being a bachelor,” but they also taught us about clickbait, linkbait and batebait, which is putting sexy girls on your site so guys stay longer to, uh, satisfy their urges. With that in mind, I would’ve failed out if I ever led off with two Padres in a fantasy baseball column.
Devin Mesoraco – The ugly truth is anything Mesoraco says honestly.
Caleb Joseph – Big week for catchers (not really). I love these guys (I don’t)! Gimme gimme gimme (no gimme no gimme no gimme)! Hey, Contrarian Parenthetical Voice, could you stop (no)?
Yulieski Gurriel – Am I the only one hoping Yulieski says there was a mistake with his passport when he emigrated and his real name is Yuli Gillooly?
Cody Bellinger – The Dodgers may send Bellinger down right after this posts, but if they do, I will cry, and my Cougar wife says when I cry, my prayers will be answered, which made it weird when they told me at Starbucks they were out of coconut milk. Grey wants his mocha-coco-latte, Creole Lady Marmalade!
Marwin Gonzalez – You know what they grow in Marwin’s Gardens? Hot schmotatoes.
Josh Harrison – I just gave you my Josh Harrison fantasy. It was written while spreading eagle on the hood of a car in a Whitesnake video.
T.J. Rivera – My love for Rivera is not completely rational, nor does it coalesce with reality. The preceding sounds like something Stephen Hawking would say through his Speak & Spell.
Hernan Perez – Some of the guys in this Buy being available makes sense to me. Perez being available makes my logic circuits crisscross like everyone wearing their pants backwards. Now I am a hip-hopping Hawking.
Joey Gallo – I gave you my Joey Gallo fantasy last week. I wrote it on Molly. Not the drug, this woman in an Uber-shared ride that was in the seat I wanted.
Didi Gregorius – Mashing up The Gregorius D.I.D. and Kendrick Lamar, because Didi missed April with a DL stint, he got boo-boo payments to make, ain’t that right, boo? True.
Freddy Galvis – It seems like every time I pick Galvis he homers, which means either I don’t pick him up that much or I should pick him up more.
Kevin Pillar – I made a tough choice to drop Pillar the other day because I was just carrying too many bats, and the siren call of Mark Reynolds going to Coors this weekend had me holding him, but I still like Pillar. Good foundation guy that adds a Grecian amphitheater feel.
David Peralta – He’s been sidelined by the flu the last few days, but you know what else has the flu? Balls in Coors where Peralta is this weekend. Bet the Hitter-Tron likes him just as it likes metal on metal love.
Delino DeShields – Whether you call him The Dentist or DeShizz or DeSeffinguyhasdisappointedmesomanytimes, the Rangers seemed to have finally seen the light and put DeShields in as their leadoff man.
Michael Taylor – It’s up to Michael Taylor to continue the legacy of the Bowden Fluffer since it doesn’t count that Lastings Milledge is in a community theater production of The Brown Bunny.
Bud Norris – Not even joking when I say The Sciosciapath is crazy enough to keep Norris as closer even after Cam Bedrosian returns. Though, he’s also crazy enough to let Norris close on, say, Friday, and start a game on Sunday, so who knows.
Nick Vincent – Bummer how bad Edwin Diaz looks, is what people who own Diaz might say, but I say Nick Vincent for SAGNOF!
Hector Neris – I see Neris is only owned in 38% of leagues, and I think about how it seemed more people were excited about Neris before he actually became the closer than when he was just a closer-in-waiting. ‘The Neris is Always Greener’ as Erma Bombeck named her fantasy team. *looks up* Balloons don’t drop signaling me winning something for working Erma Bombeck into a fantasy baseball post? C’mon!
Alex Cobb – This is a Stream-o-Nator call like the call it takes from telemarketers to just talk until they hang up.
JC Ramirez – This one isn’t about the Stream-o-Nator, because SON hates Ramirez’s next start like it hates formal functions when it’s invited with a plus one. JC just has me intrigued; here’s hoping he doesn’t knock some frankincense into us.
SELL
Ervin Santana – His ERA is 0.66 and his Ks are down, walks are up and BABIP is .141. Ervin’s Magic won’t last long.
Dylan Bundy – His velocity is down three miles per hour, that’s a difference of speeds between you sprinting to your man cave vs. taking out the garbage. His BABIP is .257, that’s not quite a line drive being knocked down by a flying squirrel, making a surefire hit into an out, but it’s close. His LOB% is 86.7%, that’s not quite putting four guys on per inning but having baserunners pass each other on the bases and getting an out instead of a run, but it’s not far off. His ground balls are up, his line drives are up, his homers allowed is ridiculously low; there’s pretty much not one area of Bundy’s the Regression Fairies are not tapping their well-manicured fingers on. Would I trade him for a Bed, Bath and Beyond 20% off coupon? Nope, but I would explore options.
