Traditional Seattle Decides To Mariner Before They Naylor

You know when Josh Naylor rocks the baby rounding the bases? It wasn’t rocking the baby all that time. Nope. This is like an M. Night twist. This is Wee Bey in The Wire GIF in disbelief. This is Keyzer Söze losing the limp. The whole time Naylor was playing charades for you to say “Big Dumper.” He knew. Josh Naylor heads to Seattle to Dumper Country and LFG! We got our first big trade! (Apologies to Dane Dunning.) Dipoto locked in on Naylor likely to avoid the bidding war on Eugenio. It makes sense. Does it still likely kill Naylor’s value? Oh heck yeah! Their big-assed catcher (complimentary) seems to be the only one capable of hitting homers in Seattle. T-Mobile is last place for homers over the last three years. It’s a little better this year, but that’s because get you love drunk off the Dump. His hump, his hump, his lovely Big Dump. Josh Naylor just doesn’t have the same power. Currently, he’s sitting on a 11/11/.292 year. Thought Kevin Kiermaier retired, little did I know he reincarnated. Even worse, Naylor’s Launch Angle is same as previous years. He’s hitting the ball in the air, it’s just not going anywhere. This is not great for Seattle. DBags’ lineup wasn’t awful either, so it’s not like he went from a counting stats dearth to Mt. I’m Only Happy When It’s Rainier, the apex of runs and RBIs. Excited for the trade, because it’s fun! Just not sure it’s fun for the Naylor rosterers of us out there, of which I am one. Maybe Naylor can “rock the baby,” Raleigh can sit in his “cradle” and show him out to elevate. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Julio Rodriguez – 2-for-5 and a slam (15) and legs (20), hitting .254. Somebody’s acting like it’s the 2nd half of the season!

Jorge Polanco – 1-for-3and his 16th homer, hitting .255. The fact that Polanco has more homers than JRod (and hitting for a higher average) is more sad about JRod than yay about Polanco. I mean, it is great JRod has 20 steals. Though Raleigh’s got 12, so that puts that inn perspective too.

Randy Arozarena – 1-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, 2nd homer of the 2nd half, though that was about a week ago now. The Rice Bowl teaching us about time like he’s Stephen Hawking.

Logan Evans – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 3 Ks, ERA at 3.64. His peripherals make me want to say even if the Streamonator liked him for a start (it won’t), I’m not sure I’d be interested.

Yusei Kikuchi – 4 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 3.23. Member when good, veteran pitchers went more than five innings? I do, but just barely.

Eric Lauer – 8 IP, 1 ER, 5 hits, zero walks, 6 Ks, ERA at 2.61. Picked Lauer up in my RCL before his last start, and held him. Like a pimp might say, ho-hum, who cares? I’ll explain further: I hold onto no streamers in my RCL. I’m a one and done guy in a 12-team mixed league. Lauer looks excellent under the hood, and I see no reason why I need to drop him yet, and shutting down the 60-win Tigers for eight innings definitely is not changing my mind.

Jahmai Jones – 1-for-4 and his 4th homer, 2nd homer in three games. Jahmai only starts vs. lefties. Also, not to be confused with “Jah Mai,” who is a hula dancer in Oahu.

Reese Olson – 5 2/3 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 3.15. Meh, for sure. A big meh, even. But he wasn’t a 2.71 ERA pitcher as he was coming into the game. He’s a 3.75 ERA pitcher, so, ya know, temper expectations, I suppose.

Spencer Torkelson – 1-for-4 and his 22nd homer, hitting .239. Member when people were thinking he was a .285 hitter in April? Oops.

Nathan Lukes – 2-for-5, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 6th homer, as he hit leadoff, hitting .265. Though, next to nothing in the recent history to suggest he’s been hot. Still don’t love Boss Hogg giving the Lukes boy a hard time.

Ernie Clement – 2-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 5th homer, hitting .284, hitting 6th. Should actually be the leadoff man, but the Jays haven’t lost a game since the Cliff Johnson era, so who am I to say anything? (The first Cliff Johnson era.)

Joey Loperfido – 2-for-5, and his 2nd homer. Sarcastically, “Superfido.”

Jason Alexander – 6 IP, 5 ER, ERA at 8.14. His name is real and he’s spectacularly bad.

Luis Urias – 2-for-4 and his 8th homer. Hey, MLB, how about you don’t do these short schedule days anymore because I don’t really want to talk about Luis Urias? Thanks.

Luis Severino – 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 hits, zero walks, 8 Ks, ERA at 4.95. If you had the pants grapes to start him in Houston, good on you. He is always much better in road starts. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, kazoo: Paging playoff contender looking for starters.

Manny Machado – 3-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, hitting .289. Just had a Mandela Effect moment in real time. Thought of the movie where Vin Diesel is someone’s nanny and called it, The Manny. But that isn’t even close to what it’s called. Is this old age? The Manny Effect? I think I need a nap.

Fernando Tatis Jr. – 3-for-5, 2 runs and his 17th homer. FTJ! Fun The Jewels!

Yu Darvish – 3 1/3 IP, 8 ER, ERA at 9.18. This was what Yu signed up for, but not you. I’d move on in most leagues.

Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 6 ER, ERA at 4.33. I don’t know who’s worse, Gray or Yu. Yu/Gray? Gray/Yu? Finkel/Einhorn? Einhorn/Finkel? So, Gray is suddenly superb garbage. I’d look for better options in shallower leagues, but I am holding in 15-teamers. Maybe benching until we see something better, depending on the circumstances. I feel like we’ve seen this before, where he seems lost, then comes back with a month of great starts. Maybe that’s wishful thinking. His underlying numbers are excellent still (9.9 K/9, 1.5 BB/9), but sigh.

Willson Contreras – 2-for-3, 4 RBIs and his 14th homer, 2nd homer in four games. In retrospect, him playing 1st base did help him for runs and RBIs, but he’s gonna end up with nearly identical power numbers as last time he was a full-time catcher (20-22 HRs).

Brendan Donovan – 3-for-5, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 9th homer, hitting .294. Around top 10 on the Player Rater for 2nd basemen, which is around 120 overall. Respectable if not sexy. No offense, BDon!

Ivan Herrera – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 2 RBIs and his 9th homer. Real talk: If he/Herr were simple hitting .250 (he’s not, he’s hitting .315), he’d be worthwhile in all leagues as a catcher, because he’s DH’ing and playing every day.

Logan Allen – 6 1/3 IP, 4 ER, 7 hits, zero walks, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.16. His last name is appropriate because when I feel like streaming him it’s like I’m pushing my chips Allen. Usually while dropping deuces. Streamonator does love him for his next start, and might be the best stream of Allen all year. Here’s to the other guy having an ace-king.

Steven Kwan – 2-for-4 and his 7th and 8th homer. Ya know what disease Kwan’s suffering from? Nimmoitis. It affects fast outfielders who just don’t steal that many bags. You can’t tell me JoJoRam has 31 steals and Kwan has 11, and that makes sense. I do think it might have less to do with Kwan. I’m convinced JoJoRam has the always-blinking green light and everyone else has a yellow to red light.

Felix Bautista – Hit the IL with a shoulder ailment. I know, GM Elias should’ve acquired more pitching in the offseason. That’s clear, but if it wasn’t for bad luck, O’s would have none this year. They stepped on every sidewalk crack coming into this year. So, Felix Bautista’s injury means the O’s will likely turn to Silence of the Lambs’s Seranthony Dominguez. Excellent for the fava beans industry. Though, not excellent for fantasy, because his command is hideous and he’s had problems when made the closer in the past.

Gregory Soto – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.96. and his 1st save. “Hey, Previous Blurb Grey, you dumb-ass dummy! Gregory Soto got the save yesterday!” Yeah, I know, but he’s a lefty and Dominguez faced the harder part of the order. I doubt the O’s go to Soto for every save. Maybe he gets 20% of saves. It’s not ideal. If Soto gets the next save, I’ll adjust expectations.

Ramon Laureano – 1-for-5, 2 RBIs and his 14th homer, hitting .277. That was his third homer this week. Mean’s while, Grounder Henderson did a uppercut swing on the on-deck circle. Very cool. Laureano won’t be in this afternoon’s Buy column, because I think he’s rostered in more than 50% of leagues, but, if not, he’s here now and clearly hot.

Charlie Morton – 6 2/3 IP, 3 ER, 9 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 5.48. If I were a contender, I’d be acquiring about Charlie Morton. Not because he’s any good, he’s not (though he’s been better since April), but he can give you innings, and if I’m the Dodgers or Yankees, that’s all I’d care about right now. Get us to October, then you can be left off the playoff roster. We call that The Stroman.