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Greetings, deep-leaguers!  We’ve now officially hit mid-August, and if you’re fighting for a money spot in one of your fantasy baseball leagues, every decision you make and every day’s worth of stats probably seem magnified.  One or two bad starts (thanks, Trevor Bauer and Cole Hamels!) can cost you crucial ERA and WHIP points that you’ve been slowing but surely building up in a roto league, or sink your head-to-head week completely.  You may not be able to control how major league baseball players pitch, but it’s as important as ever to try to keep your team as strong as possible and to take advantage of trying to grab a few counting stats where you can.  On that note, let’s look at a few players that might be of interest in NL-only, AL-only, and other deep leagues.

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Yacht Rock has polluted my brain. I’m singing Bertie Higgins, dressed like Thurston Howell, III, and wearing deodorant that smells like Pina Colada. And the most frightening aspect of the previous sentence is only one of those statements is make-believe!  Cougs figured since I like blended, virgin pineapple drinks it would be a good idea to buy me Pina Colada-scented Suave deodorant. I walk around all day wanting to lick my armpits! I’m damaged! Even more upsetting, I don’t own Xander Bogaerts (3-for-4, 4 RBIs and his 26th and 27th homer, hitting .308) or Rafael Devers (2-for-4, 2 runs, 25th homer, hitting .327) in any meaningful way. (I own Bogaerts in one league, but it’s my worst league, so it doesn’t matter.)  I briefly mentioned this yesterday, but last year Betts and Martinez put fantasy owners on their backs (no easy feat for some of you), and this year it’s been all Bogaerts and Devers. On our Player Rater, both guys are top ten for the season (Acuña reached the mountaintop, by the by). Incredibly, neither guy has been lucky. Bogaerts upped his walks; has a BABIP in line with career norms; held all batted ball profile marks from previous years, except raised his launch angle and fly ball rate just a tad. Bingo-bango-Bogaerts! Devers’s numbers are new from him at the major league level, but nothing jumps out as a career year and he’s only 22 years old.  Both guys will and should be highly ranked next year. Now, excuse me, while I go lick my armpits. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Yuli Gurriel will forever be known for the less-than-woke gesture he made in the playoffs, unless he were to do something even worse — “Hold on, it appears Yuli has taken the field with…uh…Is that pine tar on his entire face?  Oh, man, that was misguided.”  “Wait, is Yuli patting a rosin bag on his face and performing Kabuki theater on the mound?  Oh, c’mon, Yuli.”  “What on earth is Yuli thinking, he’s dressed like Nanook of the North and building an igloo out of Igloo coolers.  This guy desperately needs to see Human Resources for some sensitivity training.”  Funny in retrospect he made the Asian slight when his nickname is a mashup of two Asian names, Yu + Li.  Any hoo!  Was shocked to see him owned in less than 50% of leagues.  Prior to his Spring Training injury, I had him ranked high, due to how much I wanted him.  Sure, there’s some concern his injury could linger, but he’s well worth the flyer for his potential 20-homer power, .280-ish average and solid counting stats.  Just hope he gets the sensitivity training he needs.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

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Not only is it bad for marriage, but it is  doomsday for fantasy baseball.  Rostering three relievers from one team, all who accrue saves is just a blight on society.  No one has the ability to carry three separate relievers from one team.  Unless… naw… it’s just stupid to even think about. Two, I can be on board with.  Definitely two.  So you and two guys from one bullpen can have a save-a-trois.  This is the good/bad problem right now with fantasy baseball.  When do we say when for owning relievers from one team.  We almost need a safe word, and even then we wanna over-rosterbate and leave lineup chafe marks.  The current situations in Houston and Milwaukee are both good and bad.  The good are Chris Devenski and Josh Hader.  The semi-good is Jacob Barnes and Brad Peacock.  The bad is bringing in and rostering Matt Albers and Ken Giles.  I say they are bad only because it brings back the too many hens in the savehouse-type scenario.  Plus, Ken Giles has basically been phased with high-end stuff lately and he of the high draft choice are just wasting away like Dick Gregory on the Bohemian diet.  It is an impossible pill to swallow, that he’s a drop just 15 games into the season, but at what point do you look at your losses and start accruing stats that matter from a coveted relief spot?  (Stats that actually matter.)  No, Greg Holland walks don’t count, ya donkey. So when rostering relievers, think two max.  The only other fourth guy that should be looking at the save circle jerk is if you are comfortable enough having a cameraman.  Stay tuned kiddies, more tidbits of closer-dom after the bump… plus the first in-season 12 Buck Salads, Donkeycorns, Employed, and Freezes!

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Just wanna put it out there that Al Gore did a better job of inventing the internet than he did at global warming.  All these postponements is a real shitshow…snow.  The way we’re going there’s going to be back-to-back tripleheaders in August for some teams with the ceremonial first pitch thrown out by Joel Youngblood.  Here was me trying to field a full fantasy team the last few days:  I’m going to hold onto Matt Davidson through his postponed games, at least I have Freddie Freeman, and now the Braves are rained out, well, I have Miguel Andujar in a doubleheader, and…that’s been canceled, guess I can grab whomever is starting for the Royals vs. Ohtani and that game has been called.  Hmm, down to one game on Sunday — Rays vs. Phils.  C’mon, Kiermaier–And he’s out after one inning.  FMFBBL.  Any hoo!  Yesterday, Starling Marte went 5-for-5, 4 runs and his 3rd homer, hitting .305.  If you’re facing him, urine trouble, if you’re a PEDs tester, that is.  By the way, I heard an interesting tidbit on a podcast the other day.  If you wipe a baby diaper filled with pee on your face, you will stay forever young.  Of course, the advice came from a prisoner serving 25 years to life in San Quentin, so there might be side effects.  Coming into this game, Marte was hitting .241, and he raised his average more than sixty points, which shows you how young the season is still.  Maybe the season wiped baby urine on itself.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

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The other day Cougs told me her eye drops went from $20 a bottle to $240.  Naturally, I didn’t even know she used eye drops, because I don’t pay attention to much aside from who’s the backup catcher on the Nationals.  So, I said to her, “$240?!  Wait, you’ve been spending $20 on eye drops up until now?!  Why?”  She replied, “I have dry eyes, you know this.”  “Dry eyes?  Get some Visine!”  “Visine doesn’t work.”  Thinking on my feet, I responded, “Fill a bucket with water and I’ll dunk your head.”  She didn’t go for that, so I continued, “Buy a $12 Super Soaker and I’ll spray your eyes whenever your eyes are feeling dry!”  She started to leave the room.  “Is this a hot flash thing?  Don’t buy $240 eye drops!  Please!”  And that was how that conversation ended.  Segue Alert!  Nick Senzel could be a bucket of water instead of $240 eye drops.  There were a lot of expensive eye drop, middle infielders at the draft, but if you grab Nick Senzel, he could be the same and free off of waivers.  In Prospector Ralph’s top 100 prospects for fantasy baseball, he compared Senzel to Alex Bregman.  Seems like a great comp to me.   Senzel should be a 20+ HRs, 15+ SBs, .270 hitter immediately.  The only thing stopping Senzel is ‘When will he be called up?’  Word on the street he could be up this weekend.  If that’s the case, you’re gonna wanna own him in every league.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:

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Franchy Cordero went 1-for-4 with his first homer as he was called up and hit leadoff.  Franchy!  Franchy!  Franchy!  Holy almond tart, no Franchy pan for me!  I won’t pan Franchy’s tools, I won’t suffer any fools, I want Franchy, man, pardon my drools.  Franchy is the kind of player you watch and you’re like, “Can I own him in every league on the basis of his sprint speed?”  By the way, Franchy has crazy sprint speed yet wasn’t able to make it out there for the brawl — hand on chin emoji.  Franchy seems like the kind of guy that will be better in fantasy than in real life.  Think about the outfield version of Tim Anderson.  I grabbed him in a few leagues to see what happens.  Remember, Franchy Cordero marries the best of French and Ranch dressing which is, um, I dunno, do I look like a senior citizen or a sorority girl?  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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The Razzball Podcast is back in this bee-yatch with an action packed program for the fiends. Yes, all of my intros are stolen from skits first heard on mid-90’s rap albums. Sorry, we keep feeding you, and feeding you… nuggets of knowledge to help you take down the fantasy crown. Speaking of fantasy crowns, I have the reigning Tout Wars NL-Only champion in tow, as Grey Albright blesses us with his magical pipes, hot boba takes, and fantasy baseball wisdom. We talk Shohei Ohtani, Rhys Hoskins joining elite company, wavier wire targets, and why Grey loves him some Gregory Polanco. We also sit down with former NFL player and commissioner of the Fan Controlled Football League, Ray Austin. How about that? Finally, please make sure to support our sponsor by heading over to RotoWear.com and entering promo code “SAGNOF” for 20% off the highest quality t-shirts in the fantasy sports game. It’s the latest edition of the Razzball Fantasy Baseball Podcast:

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Yesterday, it was a good day (freaking brothers every way like M.J.) to be an ace.  Corey Kluber went 8 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 1 walk, 13 Ks, ERA at 1.57, pitching against the Tigers. One of the best, if not the best, pitchers goes against one of the worst, if not the worst, hitting teams, and you have a masterpiece by the pitcher.  Just be clause.  Qualifying, that is.  To not be outdone, Max Scherzer went 9 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, 0 walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 0.90, and stole his first base.  Take that, Ohtani!  Scherzer has 80 grade speed if he’s in a DeLorean and wants to go back to 1955.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

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Over the passed six months I have been imprisoned, suspended in static animation in the maximum security Galactic Fantasy Federation facility, falsely accused of recommending buys I would never endorse and urging people to sell players that I actually hold very dear. A couple lucky shots from a make-shift ion blaster I was able to telepathically build in space incarceration using spare pieces from my Mark VII Quantum E-Meter and I have escaped at last. I am writing this through a secure, untraceable VPN so I can provide you loyal readers with the fantasy information you’ve come to expect from me, even if its information so sensitive and secret that the Galactic Fantasy Federation would do anything to stop me from sharing it. I have time for a quick Friday recap before the space dogs come sniffing around my hiding hole again. And I do mean quick–just eight games on a Friday!? Y tho? Regardless, one of the few games played featured the Pirates of Pittsburgh’s plundering of the poor Cincinnati Red Legs. Unlike Sea of Thieves, this Pirates game actually featured a lot of action. The Bucs scored 14 runs on 15 hits, lead by 25-year-old third baseman Colin Moran who collected four hits, scoring three runs and driving in three. I wrote about Moran last July but that may have been a bit premature. So many super prospects in Houston, it’s hard to stand out. In Pittsburgh, almost every prospect they’ve had over the past five years has been disappointing so the bar is much lower for Colin to excel. The youngster is slashing .318/.348/.545 through five games started with a homer and 8 RBI, but it’s that sexy .893 OPS that makes me raise my eyebrow, Dwayne Johnson! It’s still early, but Colin should have plenty of opportunity to show what he’s got in the surprisingly exciting Bucs line up. Buy Moran, don’t be moronic! I think he’s worth a flier in all leagues, but don’t tell the Galactic Federation I told you that! Moran is Colin you to pick him up!

Here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

We break from the usual 12 dollar salads, donkeys, and hypothermia to breakdown, in basic fashion, the relief rankings for the final 70-plus games.  Why is this helpful you may ask?  Because for trade target reasons or chasing saves for points, you may want guy A over guy B.  With the relief ranks it is as fluid as a clogged sewer drain, because on any given week, the middling type closer can hit bumps in the road and be removed from contention. So if you are using this as a trade commodity in your quest to add saves, my advice is this add the elite only.  Nothing lower than the top-12.  These guys are all nailed on and in an impressive state, barring an injury obviously. Now with that, we also have to realize that trades will happen… and take one reliever from a good situation to a better one, then on the reflexive of that, it can turn one with a job into a set-up situation.  Regardless, here is my stab at the top relief pitchers for the second half of the Fantasy Baseball season.  Cheers!

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It’s the last post before the all-star break and nothing seems more fitting than a Neal Diamond reference.  If you don’t like or appreciate Neal, then we have problems and I challenge you to a duel or whatever the young kids are doing now a days to show dominance.  (Because I know it’s not anything like what transpired in West Side Story.)  Moving on swiftly to the pressing closer news as I get lost in my ole timey spirit…  So the Cardinals have moved away from the Oh and more to the Rosenthal.  Trevor Rosenthal has sorta looked like he did three years ago, which seems like forever ago but really isn’t.  The bad thing is that he and the rest of the save chasers that are in the Cardinals bullpen are pitching blah-squared.  The best pitcher over the last 20 games is Matt Bowman… again.  I said that same statement about a month into the season when Oh originally looked about as shaky as an 11-year-old with his first attempt at using a blow torch.  Over the past 30 games the saves have gone Oh for 3, Rosenthal 1, Bowman 1 and Tyler Lyons with 1 (was a multiple innings save).  Over the past 30 games for a usual dominant bullpen fixture, in terms of fantasy, to post 5 saves (I am not counting Lyons effort) is more condemning than the way they are pitching.  If you are a Seung-Hwan Oh owner, you kinda have to hold the ship until it becomes more of an official thing.  If Rosey is on your wire (55% owned in ESPN leagues) then nab him up.  If you want to roster a RP with appeal, then Bowman is your guy (1.8% owned).  As I can see it, Oh is still the guy but with some daylight for others.  Just be leery that the past 30 days of track record for savedom have not been all that rosey for the Cards.  Don’t frown, we got more goodies and sunshine after the bump.  Cheers!

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