The other day Cougs told me her eye drops went from $20 a bottle to $240.  Naturally, I didn’t even know she used eye drops, because I don’t pay attention to much aside from who’s the backup catcher on the Nationals.  So, I said to her, “$240?!  Wait, you’ve been spending $20 on eye drops up until now?!  Why?”  She replied, “I have dry eyes, you know this.”  “Dry eyes?  Get some Visine!”  “Visine doesn’t work.”  Thinking on my feet, I responded, “Fill a bucket with water and I’ll dunk your head.”  She didn’t go for that, so I continued, “Buy a $12 Super Soaker and I’ll spray your eyes whenever your eyes are feeling dry!”  She started to leave the room.  “Is this a hot flash thing?  Don’t buy $240 eye drops!  Please!”  And that was how that conversation ended.  Segue Alert!  Nick Senzel could be a bucket of water instead of $240 eye drops.  There were a lot of expensive eye drop, middle infielders at the draft, but if you grab Nick Senzel, he could be the same and free off of waivers.  In Prospector Ralph’s top 100 prospects for fantasy baseball, he compared Senzel to Alex Bregman.  Seems like a great comp to me.   Senzel should be a 20+ HRs, 15+ SBs, .270 hitter immediately.  The only thing stopping Senzel is ‘When will he be called up?’  Word on the street he could be up this weekend.  If that’s the case, you’re gonna wanna own him in every league.  Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:


Pedro Severino – I’m pretty sure Pedro Severino can throw 96 MPH and get the Nats out of a two-men-on jam with no outs.  He’d also be my choice for the starting catcher in Washington and not Wieters.  Seems like Dave Martinez agrees.

Colin Moran – I Googled “Moran” + “Launch Angle” and I found all about Erin Moran’s historic, meteoric rise from small-town girl in Burbank, California to Joanie on the original TV classic, Joanie Loves Chachi.  I hear Alan Sepinwall is writing a book, “Joanie Loves Chachi to ALF:  The Original Golden Age of TV.”  As for Colin Moran, he’s off to a hot start, and there’s talk he’s got that new, sexy swing.

Jed Lowrie – No one ever wants to own Lowrie even though they should.  I’m guilty of this too, Lennie Briscoe.

Yolmer Sanchez – Another one of those sexy names you wanna take to the tool shed.  Speaking of tool sheds, if I had one and a son, I’d have a sign for my son above my toolbox that read, “Hammer, You Can’t Touch This.”

Ryan Flaherty – He’s already cooled off from his scorching start, and he kinda sucks.  Apparently, Flaherty won’t get you everywhere.  However, maybe he still has some petrol in the fuel tank.

Niko Goodrum – Speaking of petrol in the fuel tank, get me some of that Goodrum!  Arghh!  Yo, ho!  A pirate’s life for me!  And now I’m mentally transported to Disneyland and I want to yell at the person behind me to stop standing so close.  “Don’t stand so, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me!  No, just singing!  You’re good standing on my heels!”  As for Goodrum, he’s a BUY-cardi!  Sorry.  I need a nap.  *three minutes later, claps hands*  I’m back, snitches!  In Triple-A, Goodrum was  a 13/11/.265 guy, which puts him at about 9/15/.220 in the majors.

Maikel Franco – Bit surprised to see he’s not owned in more leagues (the cut-off for this post is 50% owned in ESPN — old habits yadda3).  Then I look at Franco’s stat-line and I’m impressed with how Maikel Maikel’s been.  Looks headed for yet another 23-26 homer, .250-ish season.

Dansby Swanson – Podcast Ralph and I talked about Dansby a bit on the last show.  Dansby could be breaking out, but I think that’s still a fairly yawnstipatng breakout.  He’s definitely not going to sustain his .400+ BABIP.  (This is one hell of a buy.  So enticing!)

Franklin Barreto – I’m sorry for the negativity on so many of these Buys.  I would buy all of them for the right price and in the right league.  I mean, Pedro Severino is better than some other catchers, for unstints.  With that said, what are the A’s doing calling Barreto up to sit on the bench?  I want my ticket money back for Moneyball.  Billy Beane’s strategic expertise is the Easter Bunny by way of Santa Claus’ workshop.

Aledmys Diaz – To paraphrase The Avett Brothers, “I am a breathing time machine, and my Delorean is gassed trying to remember when Aledmys was good.”  However, he was, and could be again.  So far, so good.  Or if a furniture salesman is reading, sofa, so good.

Teoscar HernandezJays Manager, John Gibbons, might finally be done scratching his butt with Steve Pearce, Grichuk, Pillar and the Gift that keeps Ngiving.  Gibbons was heard saying Teoscar’s coming up, and I grabbed him in one league.

Curtis Granderson – I’d say the Jays are stocking the Buy with a bunch of vets who have seen better days, but it’s kinda redundant.  Mention the Jays and you can only mean vets who have seen better days.

Brian GoodwinAdam Eaton is sidelined for 10 to 120 days, and filling in for him is Goodwin.  Dave Martinez also seems to subscribe to the school of Jim Leyland managing where when a player is injured you just put his replacement in the same lineup spot like you only have one lineup card and you don’t want to have to White-Out too many names.  Honestly, Goodwin is essentially Eaton with less batting average.  By the by, Essentially Eaton is also a great name for a vegan restaurant.  “Hey, this soy chicken is Essentially Eaton!”

Franchy Cordero – I just gave you my Franchy Cordero fantasy.  It was written while selling my car to pay for Cougs’ eye drops.

Mallex Smith – Yeah, all about that SAGNOF, but this is also a Hitter-Tron pick.  Like when it picks a car with a custom car bra to rub its metal finger along.

Keynan Middleton – I see in a lot of places either Blake Parker still listed as the closer or as the Angels having a committee.  Hey, I’m the first one to say The Sciosciapath needs meds to keep him from batting Trout ninth to turn over the lineup, but Middleton looks like the closer.

Adam Ottavino – His season so far, put in terms you’ll understand:  if Ottavino started a game and went eight innings, he struck out 16 guys.

Matt Albers – Hey, hey, hey, it’s Fatt Albers!  If I had to put the Brewers’ closer job at percentages, I’d say Albers is likely 80% the closer, Jacob Barnes is 12% and the field is 8%.  I’m not saying the field is not technically better.  In related news, Albers is at 80% full after two porterhouses and a milkshake.

Nate Jones – Soria or Jones is a matter of good vs. experience.  Good usually wins out, except in every facet of life that annoys you.

Nick Pivetta – Usually I stick to SON calls for my starter pickups in the weekly Buy, but Pivetta has me old school shook.  Before shook meant scared and when it still meant ‘all shook up.’  I want to stand outside a CVS and sell people on why they should grab Pivetta.  I’m a Girl Scout Shookie!  I’m like Fred Durst circa 1999 and doing it all for the Shookie!  Pivetta has a 10.3 K/9, 1.1 BB/9, 2.35 xFIP with a 94 MPH fastball, a top ten slider, and looks as good as anyone early on.  Grab him!

Ivan Nova – This is a Stream-o-Nator call, like the call it makes to 911 to chat.

Joey Lucchesi – In most leagues, I’d own Lucchesi of the “New York pizza is better than Chicago pizza, fuggedaboutit” Lucchesis, but this is also a Stream-o-Nator call for this weekend.  “No, ma’am, no emergency, unless you consider not having friends an emergency.”


Eric Thames – As George Bush once said, “Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice and I’m going to drive you off my Texas ranch with a 4×4.  Not a 4×4 car, though, but a Hacksaw Jim Duggan wood block I’ve glued wheels onto.  Wait, is that a 2×4?”  I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Last year, Eric Thames looked like a 50-homer hitter in April.  This year, more of the same.  On our Fantasy Baseball Player Rater, Thames is ranked in the top 25 for right now.  On our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer, it’s a solid buy to get Ian Happ with Thames.  Would I do that?  Yup.  Would I trade Thames for a New Jersey-scented air freshener?  No, find the right deal for yourself.