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Seeing Zac Gallen called up and I’m reminded of me doing karaoke.  Picture, if you will, the song Tequila playing and me just holding a mic, dancing.  Now imagine I’m surrounded by multiple Mickey Rourkes feeding strawberries to multiple Kim Basingers, because this scene is filled with eroticism like you’ve never witnessed before.  It’s taboo filled with self-sacrifice, transgression is in the air while being dominated by a song with only one word.  I’m alive for the first time!  Now, watch Gallen get trounced by the sissy AF Cardinals.  Okay, I’ve been telling you to pick up Gallen for about a month.  On our Prospectonator, he’s the 4th best rookie pitcher, which translates to him possibly being the rookie pitcher of the year.  Think Chris Paddack.  Fo’realsies.  Prospect Mike just gave you his Zac Gallen fantasy, and I’d just go there and read that to find out what kind of pitcher he is, because that’s what I did.  He had lefties hitting .127 off him?  I mean, are you kidding? Seriously, is this a joke?  Do you want me to faint while I am entertaining a room full of drunk people with Tequila?  Do you?!  I didn’t think so. Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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It had been so long since I drafted Zack Wheeler (7 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners (zero walks), 11 Ks, ERA at 4.85) in multiple leagues, and, after so many subpar efforts, I was beginning to forget why I drafted him as my number two.  Was a number two a harbinger of things to come, I asked myself while sitting on the toilet.  His control in previous starts left something to be desired, which is the understatement of the year after:  Christian Yelich’s poster is on just a few ceilings in Milwaukee of couples who are trying to have a baby.  And the guys are the ones looking up.  Yesterday, Wheeler pinged up on my iCal, reminding me why I wanted to own him.  If you weren’t able to see him or the highlights, he is the first pitcher to throw 100 MPH and pitchslap the opposing pitcher, Zach Eflin (4 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 4.15) with a 100+ MPH exit velocity.  “I’d like to report a Zack on Zach crime.”  911 Operator, “Is it a H or K on the first Zack?”  “Get down here!”  If Wheeler pitches like he did yesterday, he’s not a number two.  Dot dot dot.  He’s a number one!  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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This draft is a crock pot vs. a microwave.  A love sesh vs. a ‘hold the moan.’  A nature hike vs. “I’m gonna sit in the car as we drive past some mountains.”  Guys and five girl readers, it’s a slow draft.  This slow draft took about eighteen days, 3 hours, four minutes and–okay, only a lunatic counts seconds.  Not almost 18 days of straight drafting, mind you.  I don’t need to ice my clicky finger.  It’s five minutes of drafting, twelve hours of waiting.  It does allow you to second-guess your picks.  Actually, more like triple-guess.  (Who are we kidding, you quadruple-guess, fiveruple-guess, sextruple-guess, ochocinco-guess your picks.) For those not in the know, it’s a weekly, 15-team, two-catcher league that lasts for 50 rounds and there’s no waivers.  Anyway, here’s my NFBC draft recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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In my Blake Snell sleeper post, my prescience was like the exact opposite of science applied by flat earthers around the world.  Look out the plane window and it’s flat, but pull further back it’s round.  In reverse, if you pull out for enough, you see I wrote a sleeper post for Blake Snell — great! — but if you zoom in closer you see everything I said in that post was far from accurate.  Good from 30,000 feet, less from Altuve’s distance.  I talked up Chris Archer and Jake Faria.  Said Jose De Leon is ready!   Only one I didn’t like was Nathan Eovaldi, who actually was solid.  I went over how Snell could be great, but this good?  Puh-leaze.  Snell and his extended family didn’t think he’d be breathing down a sub-2 ERA in the middle of September.   Most accurate thing I said, “At 25 years of age and in his third major league season while primed for his first full year of innings, is about the best time to get in on him figuring it out.  After 2018, Snell is going to be a known top 20 starter and you’ll never get him cheap again.”  And that’s me quoting me!  Yesterday, Blake Snell went 7 IP, 1 ER, 3 baserunners (1 Hit), 9 Ks, ERA at 2.03.  In the AL East!  Actually, my ‘accurate’ quote might not be accurate enough, I should’ve said Blake Snell will be a top 5-10 starter in 2019 fantasy baseball.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ramon Laureano (FAAB: 3-5%) is making a name for himself with a couple of viral throws on his record in centerfield. The man possesses an absolute cannon and defensive prowess that will keep him in the lineup every day. However, the young Athletic is also a viable play for fantasy leagues. Rocking a 207 wRC+ over the past 14 days, Laureano is in a good lineup that is fighting for the division. Even though there is some strikeout potential, he can stuff the sheet with homers, steals, and counting stats. Gamble on this exciting outfielder who is riding a season-long hot streak into the fantasy playoffs.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

I’ve been on the wrong side of Jon Gray ($16,800) all season long it seems like.  I drafted him in season long leagues, only to suffer through his miserable first half and drop him once he was sent to the minors.  Next, he was picked up by another team only to see him go on a run that was ace-like. Besides his most recent hiccup in LAA, Gray has given up more than 3 ER just once since his return.  Tonight, he gets the hapless Padres in Petco, which is a dream matchup for any pitcher, nevermind one with the strikeout upside of Gray. To make things even more juicy, the Padres are second in the league in team strikeouts, just one strikeout behind the White Sox.  Gray should be a staple of GPP lineups tonight and I could even see using him in cash.

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Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Guess I pointed you to the wrong White Sox prospect in Friday’s Buy.  Hahaha, no.  I didn’t.  I pointed you to a top hitting prospect that can help you this year.  Michael Kopech is a rookie pitcher.  A boneheaded one.  He used to date the daughter of the crazy white lady from The Real Housewives of Atlanta, then he started that girl from Riverdale, and I guess when I say Kopech is boneheaded, I should explain I wouldn’t mind boneheading like him.  Yo dude is a baller!  He’s also legit dopey.  At one point, he broke his hand by punching his teammate.  This guy has years of ridiculousness headed our way, and we should be grateful for that.  As grateful because he’s the top pitching prospect on Prospect Ralph’s top 500 fantasy baseball prospects, and PR’s said, “Kopech is in my opinion the top ‘fantasy baseball’ pitching prospect in the game. What I mean by that is, on, say, a mainstream list (see: BA, BP, BABP, Fangraphs, etc.) they’ll focus more on the risk vs. upside balance.  Me, I’m going upside, as you always should with pitching prospects in fantasy.  Kopech has the potential to lead MLB in strikeouts one day, with his plus-plus triple digit fastball that runs in on righties, a plus slider that flashes plus-plus at times, and an improving changeup. Kopech has all-world stuff, unlike Grey who has all-stupid stuff.”  What the hell, brah?!  Real world comparison, Kopech is Syndergaard with command issues right now, but those could clear up quickly; he’s only 22.  He’s a grab in all leagues, but as I said in the opening, rookie pitchers provide headaches, so expectations in Czech.  (Damn, should’ve never bought that discounted Siri.)  Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:

Psyche!  Before we get into the roundup, just wanted to point out our fantasy football leagues are currently signing up, you have a one in three shot of winning $250 (odds may vary depending on if you’re calculating odds correctly.)  Anyway II, the roundup:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Yesterday, Daniel Poncedeleon was called up and threw no hitter (thru seven innings and then was pulled from game while striking out three hitters, but it’s more fun to say he threw a no-hitter, so ignore this).  Incredibly, Poncedeleon is 478 years old, and he could be the ROY.  *intern whispers in my ear*  That’s an F?  What the hell is, ‘He could be a FOY?’  The fountain of the year?  What are you talking about?  Rookie of the youth?  What are you talking about?  Sorry, having a miscommunication with my intern.  Any hoo!  In Triple-A, he had a 10.1 K/9 — up my giddy! — a 4.7 BB/9 — put my roll on slow! — a 2.15 ERA — getting the fever! — with a 4.99 xFIP — so I’m taking some ‘Tussin.  He might surprise some major league lineups, but he could easily go out and destroy you.  By the way, Bartolo Colon is so intent on 300 wins that he might follow Poncedeleon wherever he goes.  On the reals, Poncedeleon’s dad in the stands after his son threw seven no-hit innings gave me the feels, especially when you figure his dad has to be at least 498 years old.  Anyway, here’s what else I saw yesterday in fantasy baseball:

Please, blog, may I have some more?