Gerrit Cole, 2021 Fantasy Schmohawk

March 9, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Overrated | 191 Comments

That’s a text message from Gerrit Cole to Brian “Bubba” Hawkins trying to procure some spin-inducing substance. That text message is being used in a court filing against the MLB, as Bubba claims he’s being used as a scapegoat. There’s only so many institutions that could be under fire from someone named Bubba. In the last ten years, the name Bubba only shows up three times in the U.S. court system: Bubba vs. Lowe’s for faulty outdoor furniture; Bubba vs. Pfizer as a manufacturer and distributor of trucker speed; Bubba vs. Bubblicious gum for not being at all Bubba-approved. That last case got thrown out. Okay, I kid, about the latter of this nonsense, but that really is a text from Gerrit Cole and he’s named in Bubba Hawkins’s court filing. Max Scherzer, Justin Verlander, and just about every Angels’ pitcher of the last decade-plus are also named. It’s not just a Gerrit Cole issue. It’s a league issue.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

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Top 100 Starting Pitchers for 2021: Spring Training Edition

March 8, 2021 | Top 100 Starting Pitchers | 62 Comments

by: everywhereblair

What is up everybody? It’s March, which means March Grey has been burrowing out from his hibernation hole (which is what he calls his pantry) and starting to educate you all about your fantasy baseball teams. DRAFT THIS, NOT THAT! The beautiful spring chirp of the March Grey bird resounds through the forest of fantasy baseballers staring at their Fantrax apps. Just as you’re about to draft Dinelson Lamet in the first round, March Grey swoops in and caws, DRAFT CHRIS PADDACK IN THE TENTH! He then lands in the nearest tree and swigs from an abandoned boba container that may or may not have been sitting there all winter serving as a transient’s chaw spittoon. Now, while Grey’s spending the rest of the week sanitizing his mouth with detergent, I’m coming in hot to give you my takes on starting pitchers for your 2021 fantasy baseball season!

Let’s find that free use graphic I made of Zack Greinke in his Royal Blues!

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Patreon Podcast: Baby Gets First Beer Bong

March 8, 2021 | All Podcasts | 8 Comments

by: Donkey Teeth

Razzball Patreon members receive our weekly podcast where Grey cackles about the funniest news stories we’ve found over the past week, plus you get that warm fuzzy feeling of supporting your favorite fantasy sports site in all the land.

It’s your favorite hour of the week! I Can’t Believe It’s Not Not News is back again with all the Billy Hurley jokes and Grey Albright cackles you can handle. First we report on a space hotel set to open in 2021 and then Billy heads to Seattle to cover the story of a father feeding his child using a beer bong. Later we get the scoop on a surgeon who attended virtual traffic court from the operating room and newly discovered glow in the dark sharks. And Grey pitches his greatest Shark Tank idea yet!

Tune in now for all the laughs and Albright cackles you can handle by signing up for the exclusive Razzball Patreon Club for only $5/month, or upgrade to receive the weekly podcast plus early access to all of Grey’s 2021 fantasy baseball buy/sell posts for just $13/month!

Watch a baby with a beer bong teaser video here:

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Top 25 First Basemen for 2021 Fantasy Baseball

March 8, 2021 | Rest of Season Rankings, Top 25 First Basemen | 6 Comments

by: Richardo

We’re officially in the middle of one of my favorite seasons. Oh god no, not winter – “best shape of their career” season. Pretty soon we’ll be getting reports of Vlad Guerrero, Jr.’s monster physique (pics or it didn’t happen) and how Rowdy Tellez no longer looks like Samwell Tarly from GOT. Speaking of first basemen, hi my name is Richardo and I’ll be handling the rest of season rankings for first base this year. Every other week, we’ll drop a new top 25 for ROS and talk about the movers. But in order to talk about the movers, we have to first establish the top 25 to start the year. Let’s check out our initial list.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Fantasy Baseball Podcast: It’s RazzSlam Day!

March 8, 2021 | All Podcasts, RazzSlam |

by: B_Don

B_Don and Donkey Teeth are back at the start of the RazzSlam to kick off the contest. We give you a rundown of the league format and the points scoring. Then, we talk about our draft strategy and who we might be targeting in the first few rounds. Hopefully our league mates don’t listen to this, but such is the risk one takes in the world of fantasy baseball drafting.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

LABR 12-Team, NL-Only Draft Recap: I’m The My Plan Guy

March 8, 2021 | Our Leagues | 207 Comments

by: Grey

Never in the history of fantasy baseball posts has anyone successfully pulled off what I’m about to do. I’m going to write out my pre-draft plan here for everyone to see, and leave it unchanged even if the plan doesn’t come together. I’m the world where Mike Nesmith’s mother never invents Liquid Paper. Yo, keyboard, take away my delete and backspace buttons, don’t need ’em. Have you heard of the My Pillow guy? Well, I’m the My Plan guy. Okay, here goes, prepare your eyeballs. My Plan: Buy top hitters, and cheap pitchers. Use Rudy’s War Room (free with a Razzball Tools subscription). Change underwear in case something happens. Surprise! This is the same plan as I’ve used just about every year in NL and AL-Only leagues. I really need to start changing my underwear more than just prior to drafts. I go for balance in 12-team mixed leagues. (If you want one of those, play against me and hundreds others for prizes –> Razzball Commenter Leagues.) In these mono-leagues, I go for a few big bats, and usually around a 78/22-ish split. Doesn’t always work out; let’s be honest, sometimes I barely spend 18% on pitchers. If you’re wondering why I don’t spend on pitchers, welcome to the site, may I suggest starting at top 20 starters for 2021 fantasy baseball? Anyway, here’s my LABR 12-team, NL-Only draft recap:

Psyche! Before going into the LABR draft recap, Donkey asked that I notify people that RazzSlam qualifier leagues are now signing up. Didn’t get into the RazzSlam and wanna correct that for next year? Top 10 finishers will secure a spot for 2022. Slow drafts (4-hour pick clock) will begin 30-minutes after your league fills. It’s Best Ball, so after you draft, you don’t need to change your lineup. Just slowly rub your hands together and smile evilly. Here’s the RazzSlam rules if you’re a completist. Anyway II, the LABR recap:

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 25 Shortstop Rankings: Dynasty Edition

March 7, 2021 | Top 25 Shortstops | 10 Comments

by: Jakkers

March is here, and that means one thing: filling out a bracket or two for March Madness. Oh, wait, wrong sport.

In the world that really matters, it is fantasy baseball drafting season. For many, that means after hours and months of going over every player and compiling your own rankings and checking them twice, it is time to match wits against others and quickly learn that the perfect mock draft you created for yourself needs to be thrown out of the window after the second round.

When it comes to fantasy baseball, there are seeming a gazillion types of leagues you can join, from the stats that are going to be used, whether it a head-to-head or points league to the number of teams in the league. Also, is the league a redraft league or are you starting a new dynasty league. That is an important factor, because if it is a dynasty league, how you build your team is very different from a redraft league – or at least it should be.

We all want to win right away, but in dynasty leagues the goal is to win not just this season, but for multiple seasons. If you draft a team that is reliant on older players, you may do well this year, even next. But you don’t want to win just now. You want to win every year. So with the goal of building a team that wins today, tomorrow and three years from now, below is my list of Top 25 Shortstops for dynasty leagues.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Top 10 Relief Pitcher Prospects for 2021 Fantasy Baseball

March 7, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Prospects, Fantasy Baseball Rankings | 17 Comments

by: The Itch

For all my rankings this year, I have gone along with Major League Baseball’s numberwanging insofar as prospect eligibility is concerned. Within these specialized rules, we find a days-on-roster component and a magical August 14, 2020 demarcation line and I suppose the traditional 50-inning barrier matters as well, although a relief pitcher is much more likely to graduate on time served than innings pitched.

All that is to say: hard pass on MLB’s shizz for the purposes of this list.

The only way forward is to minimize fuzziness and speculation. Also I believe this list functions as a way for deep leaguers to find MiLB eligible relievers on the wire.

One caveat: anyone currently on a starting pitcher path is disqualified. Converted starters make up a big portion of the player pool, so we’ll blend them in here if/when that switch happens but not before.

I’ll also set aside a small group who could switch and quickly leap the ranks like Devin Williams and Jonathan Hernandez have here. I suppose JB Bukauskas qualifies for the switch-and-leap bucket, but he’s in the rankings already because Arizona has clarified they want him in the bullpen this spring. Likewise, Genesis Cabrera and Taylor Hearn are out for the moment because the Cardinals and Rangers have them starting this spring.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Hitter Profiles: Moving Out(field) West to Seattle

March 6, 2021 | Fantasy Baseball Hitters | 5 Comments

by: Jeremy Brewer

As we approach our first Top 100 hitters post of the season in the coming weeks, I was contemplating what types of hitter profiles would be be ideal during the run-up. Then it dawned on me, my years of dynasty love for a certain Florida man beckoned for analysis as his ADP climbed. His five tool potential and the disrespect of playing time in the Houston heat were about to be recognized. But alas, the Kyle Tucker profile was not meant to be. if you haven’t had a chance to read the work of art that is Grey’s Schmohawk, please stop now. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Go forth and read up on Mr. Tucker.

Now that I have been preempted with an article better than any mere mortal would have provided, it is only right that we slip back down the draft board in the AL west outfield (Yahoo positional eligibility) ranks to see what awaits us at a much more palatable draft price. We will review two Mariners including unanimous Rookie of the Year Kyle Lewis and upstart Dylan Moore for this rendition of the 2021 Fantasy Baseball Hitter Profiles.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Ambulance Chasers: Framber Valdonezo?

March 6, 2021 | 2021 Fantasy Baseball, Fantasy Baseball Injury Report | 5 Comments

by: JKJ

Howdy do, folks.

The Great Fantasy Baseball Invitational (TGFBI) is well underway, and all of us writer folk are eagerly drafting and impatiently waiting between picks. Spring Training games are in full force. The weather’s getting a little warmer (at least around here). It’s just a great time of year.

But with all that, there’s of course a flip side. The flip side being that human beings are fragile things, and when games start, you can just bet your little button nose that injuries will start a-pilin’ up.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Spread Your Wings and Fly Berti

March 5, 2021 | SAGNOF | 5 Comments

by: Jay

The loosely related quote from the title de jour involved a peacock and a lesser known Walberg (don’t ask me which one, I refuse to store that info) and Will Ferrell buddy-cop ~~film~~ ~~movie~~ flick, and that scene sprung to mind immediately when researching Jon Berti. Hey man, you don’t want my bird puns, don’t leave such low-hanging fruit, ya know? And while it doesn’t measure up to the violent crimes done by the many parents with the last name Ester, and then naming their daughters Polly (those heathens are out there), one could say that the pun isn’t just apt due to, you know, the whole bird thing, but go Matrix-level deep. Okay, maybe deeper, let’s say Inception deep? 4x the deep bro. (Never go full-Tenet folks.) It’s also apt because of the untapped potential that lies within this middle infielder. *Points at forehead.

Please, blog, may I have some more?

Mapping out the Main Event, Part 1

March 5, 2021 | NFBC | 10 Comments

by: Torres

For the first time in the history of Torres, yours truly will be participating in the NFBC Main Event. I didn’t do anything to earn that entry, I just decided that it was more worthwhile to invest a lot of money in a fantasy baseball tournament than it was to put food on the table or replace the holey underwear I have on right now. But what if I win? Well, I’ll still be wearing holey underwear but at least I’ll have an extra $150,000 to invest in fantasy baseball next year! While taking down the Main Event would be fantastic, I also recognize that it’s not the most likely outcome. See, the people I’m playing against are the best of the best, the “sharks” of the fantasy baseball world. A minnow like me is going to need to really prepare and come up with a solid game plan to stand a chance here. So why not kill two birds (or fish) with one stone by writing an article about it and including you in that process?

Please, blog, may I have some more?