Avoiding the Blurbstomp – Standard Deviants
May 31, 2021 | Avoiding the Blurbstomp | 1 Commentby: C.A. James
Batting average is down this time of year, all the way down to a .236 league-wide average as of the Sunday morning I searched it. I know you all think I write these as you’re reading them, much like the Late Show airing at a later time than it is filmed. My world was forever changed when I realized that I had been duped by my parents, my friends, my teachers, but most cruelly, network television. Fake media indeed. It should be called “This Afternoon, But Later” with whichever comedian you used to respect hosting.
Anyways, batting averages are way down for most players, so you would think blurbs would have caught up to this fact. Well, good sir, let me tell you, this week…HEY I’M TRYING TO TELL YOU, YOU HAVE TO LET ME DO THE TELLING. As I was telling, this week I present a murderer’s row of batting average-based blurbs to remind you to not drink the Gallo-haters Kool Aid. There is no Mendoza line this year. It is the Year of Mendoza, so don’t let any blurb try to say, “His counting stats are there, but his bat leaves a lot to desire in the batting average department.” That is pure and utter laziness, a hack sentence meant to be a pithy put down but landing like a wet fish on a cement floor. Buddy, the entirety of baseball is leaves a lot to desire in the batting average department, not just you. Ready for some simple context?
Please, blog, may I have some more?
